Being OK with not being extraordinary (2021)

https://www.tiffanymatthe.com/not-extraordinary

by xrayarx • 4 years ago

317 234 4 years ago

rcarr• 4 years ago

Anyone who this article resonates with might want to check out the videos of Mark Lewis on YouTube. He was formally fat and depressed in his 30s and got himself into great shape (sub 20 minute 5ks, cat B on Zwift, winning age group at hyrox, completing ultra marathons). He speaks about his philosophy on life and training which is to be above average in whatever he wants to pursue which he describes as being somewhere to the right of the bell curve peak but not too far down. He says this is the sweet spot where you get the most fun and enjoyment; to the left of the peak and you feel bad that you’re not as good as everyone else, but trying to get too much better than average at something means you start having to sacrifice too much in order to achieve it which starts sucking away all the fun. Above average keeps you motivated to better yourself, is far more achievable and doesn’t require you to become crazy like a lot of high achievers. I think it’s a pretty good philosophy.

https://youtu.be/kViCSPXyU8U

j7ake• 4 years ago

Perhaps I would add also these distributions are high dimensional. Although being slightly above average is not difficult (unlikely to get paid doing it), if you can find a handful of non correlated features at which you are above average, you can be easily be the top few percent in your sub field (ie likely to be paid handsomely for your expertise)

ido• 4 years ago

I’m pretty sure you can be paid handsomely for being an above average accountant or plumber in a decent location (and mid sized or bigger city in the developed world for example)! Being above average at playing the guitar, not so much.

marginalien• 4 years ago

„being somewhere to the right of the bell curve peak but not too far down. He says this is the sweet spot where you get the most fun and enjoyment“

So true. So, so true.

basicallybones• 4 years ago

I have adopted this approach (somewhat out of failure!), and what I have found is this: being significantly above average in a lot of unrelated domains is both far easier than being world-class in a single domain and often can make you even more effective than someone who is a savant in a single domain.

chrisdbanks• 4 years ago

Skills don't follow a bell curve or normal distribution. They follow a power law distribution with most people being terrible and a very small number of people being exceptional.

lioeters• 4 years ago

Today I learned:

A few notable examples of power laws are Pareto's law of income distribution, structural self-similarity of fractals, and scaling laws in biological systems.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Power_law#Power-law_functions

An opinionated comparison of the bell-curve and Pareto distribution:

(1) The power law is often an empirical fact (the way things are) but not necessarily the platonic idea (the way things ought to be); and
(2) We can tame or mitigate at least some of the negative aspects of the power law by encouraging eclectic and diverse strategies.

Tyranny of the Power Law - http://econophysics.blogspot.com/2006/07/tyranny-of-power-la...

ulnarkressty2• 4 years ago

Is it really a power law or just that the right half of the bell curve could pass the interview?

alawrence• 4 years ago

Reminds me of this article from Derek Sivers: https://sive.rs/bronze

quacked4• 4 years ago

But I don't feel inspired when I see extraordinary. I feel disappointed, jealous.

These are the words of a young person who was trained to see everyone else's success as an implicit criticism of their own ability and effort. It is not the author's fault. A mentally healthy person, when shown a display of excellence, is impressed, energized, and motivated.

I have never thought that "participation trophies" do any damage to young people. Young people are smart and know that participation trophies are bullshit. What actually hurt young people was the constant reinforcement that "anyone can do anything/anyone can be the best". The corollary of "anyone can be the best" is "if you are not the best, then something is wrong with you/you're not trying hard enough". Not everyone can be the best; many people have genetic and network-based advantages that will guarantee them better results at a skill than 99% of their competitors.

Young people have very little free time. The time they spend actually focused on their responsibilities is constantly overshadowed by fear and anxiety about The Future (grades, college, etc.) The remaining time they have is spent on their phones and computers, which is the only reliable way to make the fear and anxiety turn off for a few minutes. When they do have free time for extracurriculars, they're in sports playing against future D1 athletes and having metrics and social status tracked against them, or in theater getting cast as extras while the good roles go to the handsome kids, or in music listening to the musicians' kids and the international students play like professionals.

If you want to be okay with not being extraordinary, you need a lot of free time to get properly bored, and a social network with which to practice your hobby completely free from the judgement of The System. Practicing to try to beat a rival school headed by a college-bound athlete is stressful, but practicing to try and impress your friends at pickup soccer purely for fun is not.

ip262• 4 years ago

Perhaps it should be; everyone can be the best at something. You have to find your something.

On the whole though, the entire concept of “best” is a mess in a world of eight billion. At this point it’s more up to the whims of the contest, and doesn’t seem very correlated with life outcomes. Better by far to be one of the best, working shoulder to shoulder with the others, and forget entirely about who holds the podium.

afarrell4• 4 years ago

Or “do not compare yourself with others, for there will always be greater and lesser persons than yourself.”

omginternets• 4 years ago

Perhaps it should be; everyone can be the best at something. You have to find your something.

What happens if you don't? What do you tell someone who managed to find something at which they are respectably competent, but not the best? Is that not sufficient?

snapcaster3• 4 years ago

But this isn't true. Who is it benefitting to lie to people like this?

Permit• 4 years ago

Perhaps it should be; everyone can be the best at something. You have to find your something.

This implies there are at least 8 billion “things to be good at” which I don’t think is necessarily true. I suspect most people are not the best at anything.

AnimalMuppet• 4 years ago

Not best, no. I can be top 10% at a few things, though. Not many, but more than one.

Top 10% doesn't necessarily make me "extraordinary", depending on how you define it. It's enough for it to be part of my something, though.

1auralynn• 4 years ago

There was a part in Isaac Asimov's autobiography that stuck with me, where in high school he wasn't the best student in any subject. However, he was the SECOND best at EVERY subject, whereas the "best" students were only the best at one subject. So I think for some people, there is value in not being the "best" at anything but being good a lots of things regardless of overall ranking.

etblg• 4 years ago

As people growing up in Canada were reminded of repeatedly, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OX6qUFm1HsI

awillen2• 4 years ago

I think the other part of it is that even if you can be the best at something, there's an enormous opportunity cost to that. We look up to Olympians, but it's tough to fully grasp the amount of sacrifice it takes to win an Olympic gold. You're not going to have a normal social life or other hobbies - you're just doing your sport (or related practice) for as many hours a day as you can without sustaining injuries that would impact your ability to train more.

Same thing with the best musicians, lawyers, researchers and a whole lot of other professions, particularly those that we hold in high esteem - there are a lot of people who want to be at the top, and you can't stop to take a break because plenty of those people will be working more while you rest.

I'd rather be good at a bunch of different things and have enough free time to read a book or play videogames on the weekends than be extraordinary at one thing.

oneoff786• 4 years ago

I think this is wrong. The olympians aren’t clearly working harder than other people who are trying hard but not naturally talented or well endowed.

They are working hard, but many people are for far less impressive feats.

mirror_maze2• 4 years ago

A mentally healthy person, when shown a display of excellence, is impressed, energized, and motivated.

The way I’ve expressed this sentiment before in the context of music was to find hope when I hear outstanding musicians, as my thought was usually, “we now know there is at least one human capable of such expression, so it’s possible for us to reach this level,” or simply to say “such an individual does exist.”

I think the author has deeper seated issues to deal with, especially if they spend time languishing over this, and then writing these posts to justify/circumvent their negative emotional reactions by reframing and then echoing their internal troubles to the rest of us like we need to be enlightened.

quacked4• 4 years ago

I agree. I used to feel very jealous whenever hearing superior musicians, but after a while it just becomes exciting, especially when you're often playing with people within the same sphere of talent as you rather than binging YouTube videos of the best of the best.

The author does have deep-seated issues to deal with, but I really don't think the author is uniquely broken. I would bet that at least half of the modern western population struggles with similar feelings.

sbf5012• 4 years ago

I think the author has deeper seated issues to deal with, especially if they spend time languishing over this, and then writing these posts to justify/circumvent their negative emotional reactions by reframing and then echoing their internal troubles to the rest of us like we need to be enlightened.

Seriously. It is loud and clear. The justification of their own pathological behavior is wildly unhealthy. Too bad they don't see a therapist.

verst• 4 years ago

These are the words of a young person who was trained to see everyone else's success as an implicit criticism of their own ability and effort. It is not the author's fault. A mentally healthy person, when shown a display of excellence, is impressed, energized, and motivated.

I don't think that's universally accurate. While this is something I have observed living in the US, growing up in Germany was a completely different story: The people in small town Northern Germany went so far as to criticize and attack you for your achievements that far surpassed what they have accomplished. It appears to make them feel jealous and threatened, which in their view is best dealt with by making you less threatening instead of feeling inspired themselves.

random314• 4 years ago

Wow. In what way did they attack? Were they neighbors or colleagues?

_jal• 4 years ago

The people [...] went so far as to criticize and attack you for your achievements

I've seen this personally, including from family. Actually managed to get to a point with one family member where we could honestly talk about it, and it was a complicated sort of jealousy.

In their case, they correctly noted that I'm not so much smarter or otherwise distinguished as to "deserve" what I've accomplished so much more than them, and they felt cheated. When asked why they didn't do something like what I did, it came down to personal conservatism and fear. I was willing to risk moving to the "big city" without support (my family is poor). They were afraid to try.

You become evidence of their missed opportunities, and that makes them angry at you. So much worse if you are childless and have the temerity to be happy about it - that really pisses off some of them, too.

BirdieNZ3• 4 years ago

We call this "Tall Poppy Syndrome" in New Zealand. If you're a tall poppy you get cut down to size. The only successful New Zealanders that are approved of are those that elevate NZ as a whole on the international stage and attribute it to the country rather than their own individual talent and ability.

ozzythecat• 4 years ago

The people in small town Northern Germany went so far as to criticize and attack you for your achievements that far surpassed what they have accomplished.

Isn’t this a salient feature in US culture? We attack the wealthy, celebrities, politicians. I’m not saying these people are saints by any means or it’s completely unwarranted, but the US seems to have an increasing victimhood culture. It manifests in different shapes and forms, but the outcome is more or less an attack on some person or group of people who we consider to be relatively more “privileged”, and we use that to dismiss their actual accomplishments or whatever good they may have also done. The root of the issue is always about comparing yourself to someone or some group and their accomplishments and justifying one’s or short comings.

Many of the diversity, equity, inclusion initiatives, regardless of good intentions, are spin offs from this.

To be clear, I’m not taking a swing at the social justice movements. But what I am saying is that in US culture, there’s definitely massive resentment of those who are successful.

multjoy• 4 years ago

A mentally healthy person, when shown a display of excellence, is impressed, energized, and motivated.

What's your definition of mentally healthy, then?

bjornsing2• 4 years ago

Mental health is always assessed through the lens of cultural norms. Where I am (in Sweden) feeling jealous and acting on it is the cultural norm [1]. (Personally I agree with the GP though and see my own culture as sick.)

1. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_Jante

quacked4• 4 years ago

A mentally healthy person is content to live their own life, is honest, and doesn't hurt people around them.

Negative emotions aren't necessarily an indicator of mental unhealthiness; resentment, disgust, rage, anger, etc. are all healthy responses to the right set of circumstances. However, when these feelings are experienced when there's no danger, deceit, harm, or violation of a bargain or relationship, it implies an inability of the person experiencing the feelings to be content with their own life, and a desire for goodness to go out of the world (I'd rather you not be excellent at all then have to sit here and compare myself to your excellence).

pclmulqdq• 4 years ago

I guarantee that the person who wrote this article doesn't get jealous of Olympic Snowboarders (to use a contrived example). The jealousy comes from thinking that you are competing with other people for a limited pool of money/ideas/success.

When people start to realize that the pool isn't limited, and that you aren't actually competing with anyone else (except in certain circumstances), it's a lot more freeing. You can differentiate yourself, your product, or your startup along any lines, and you will be unique and extraordinary. The only thing that's left is finding other people who think that.

It's human to struggle with jealousy like this, but the competition isn't reality. It's all a social construct.

ozim2• 4 years ago

Participation trophies are not bullshit.

I think most damage to kids is done by people who claim participation trophies are bullshit.

These trophies are for encouraging people to try and do something and not thinking: "I am not going to win anyway so why bother trying at all".

Kids are smart and they also know that running that 5km run and finishing first is hard work. They might not be happy about participation trophy but still they should be praised for the effort of putting on shoes and trying.

There is a lot of psychology about effects of encouraging positive behaviors that is misunderstood. Even if you have employees it is much more effective to praise them on positive behaviors than scolding them for mistakes. Because scolding for mistakes will push them into direction "I am not going to do this task at all because if I make mistake I will get scolded, so why bother doing this task at all".

UncleEntity2• 4 years ago

Participation trophies are 100% bullshit.

The reward you get is learning that hard work is its own reward.

jahewson• 4 years ago

Actually the research suggests that participation trophies are counter-productive, because it teaches kids that they don’t need to try, they are simply entitled to rewards: https://lancasteronline.com/opinion/columnists/undeserved-pr...

The whole concept of participation trophies came out of the “self-esteem” movement, which has mostly panned out to be BS.

automatic6131• 4 years ago

Participation trophies are not bullshit.

I have two participation medals from international sporting competitions. I throw them in the trash after I get them.

I've kept the two bronze medals.

blooalien2• 4 years ago

"A mentally healthy person, when shown a display of excellence, is impressed, energized, and motivated."

I would add "inspired" to your list … I frequently visit digital art sites well known for the excellence of the work of their many artists, and scroll through the "showcase" areas especially, seeking out that specific thing. That which impresses me also often inspires me. Helps get the "creative juices" flowing before working with any of my favorite art creation tools (Blender 3D, Inkscape, Krita, Godot game engine, etc…).

jawzz• 4 years ago

What digital art sites are these? Been looking for some good ones.

mitchdoogle• 4 years ago

I don't think these feelings are restricted to young people.

quacked4• 4 years ago

They certainly are not, but most people learn them when they're young. I've found that motivated healthy, competent young people rarely turn into bitter adults without a major tragedy.

apocadam• 4 years ago

What actually hurt young people was the constant reinforcement that "anyone can do anything/anyone can be the best"

I think Ratatouille corrects this idea well - Not everyone can become a great artist, but a great artist can come from anywhere.

theCrowing• 4 years ago

80% are enough for almost everything the last 20% just hurt way too much.

MarkusWandel• 4 years ago

"This disappointment would incite me to take action, but after a few days of hard work, I would just quit."

Extraordinary people usually aren't like that. They have this strange ability to be "always on". So why can't the rest of us be like that?

Some people can just focus. Eight hours in the office, tune out all other distractions, head down, work effectively and well. But that's merely very good, not extraordinary.

So how can you be "always on"? By having an overriding passion that makes you want to be. For some people this is just material success. Laser focused on the most profitable career. Is that what you want? Badly enough? Others really want to do, say, theoretical physics. Either it's inherently satisfying, or they want to pursue a particular research goal. Whatever the overriding goal, it's the first thing you think about when you wake up and the last thing you think about before you fall asleep.

But is that what you want? In your 40s or 50s, ignored life's other pleasures, maybe never had a family, or haven't spent enough time with them, can't remember the last time you really relaxed, but boy, you've accomplished extraordinary things?

Anyway early middle age will probably take care of it. Where you take stock of who you actually are, rather than who you thought you should be. And then make the best of that.

laidoffamazon2• 4 years ago

The fact that my hard work has never yielded anything of value except disdain from elites that consider me an “NPC” is why I wish Harrison Bergeron was real.

For the record, most people of high ability aren’t on 24/7 like that.

srcreigh• 4 years ago

The best programmer I know would leave the office at nearly exactly 5pm every day.

kevmo314• 4 years ago

But is that what you want? In your 40s or 50s, ignored life's other pleasures, maybe never had a family, or haven't spent enough time with them, can't remember the last time you really relaxed, but boy, you've accomplished extraordinary things?

What's wrong with that? The first half of your comment is insightful, but is it really that hard to believe that maybe some people do derive satisfaction from accomplishment?

avg_dev• 4 years ago

i enjoyed the article. i believe the gist of it is true in my life.

ive been partial to this poem since i discovered it: https://twitter.com/nktgill/status/1550429172786515968

i will reproduce it here.

Do Not Ask Your Children to Strive

Do not ask your children

to strive for extraordinary lives.

Such striving may seem admirable,

but it is the way of foolishness.

Help them instead to find the wonder

and the marvel of an ordinary life.

Show them the joy of tasting

tomatoes, apples and pears.

Show them how to cry

when pets and people die.

Show them the infinite pleasure

in the touch of a hand.

And make the ordinary come alive for them.

The extraordinary will take care of itself.

- William Martin

HideousKojima• 4 years ago

I think Lynyrd Skynyrd put it best in Simple Man:

Mama told me when I was young Come sit beside me my only son And listen closely to what I say And if you do this it'll help you Some sunny day oh yeah

Oh take your time don't live too fast Troubles will come and they will pass Go find a woman yeah and you'll find love And don't forget son there is someone up above

And be a simple kind of man Oh be something you love and understand Baby be a simple kind of man Oh won't you do this for me son if you can

Forget your lust for the rich man's gold All that you need is in your soul And you can do this oh babe if you try All that I want for you my son is to be satisfied

somethoughts• 4 years ago

Reminds me of the School of Life - Why an Ordinary Life Can Be a Good Life by Alan De Botton

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHVZVCbicTg

ulnarkressty2• 4 years ago

I don't know about you guys but the last week's Ask HN thread about their most impactful achievements really messed up my weekend.

I don't understand how some people can set their mind up and just _do_ stuff. I struggle with not doing stuff but when I try to my brain is violently asking why.

ravishi• 4 years ago

I feel like I can get a glimpse of how these people can pull it out. I have done stuff. Cool stuff, even. My brain has had moments where it didn't shout why all the time. What really wonder me is how they can be _consistent_ at it. How can they pull it off everyday for a long time? I'm crashing every week. Sometimes I can hold this glimpse for a couple of months, but if there is something certain in my life is that it'll crash at some point. And it will be painful.

AnIdiotOnTheNet• 4 years ago

Have you considered that maybe your brain is right? I've accomplished a lot of things I've set out to do in my life and not a one of them made me a happier person.

Is the goal to accomplish or do you want to accomplish because you think it'll make you happier?

scubakid• 4 years ago

I think if you're using a feeling of guilt about not doing stuff as the principal motivation for doing stuff, that's a recipe for... precisely the results you describe.

I'd recommend taking a step back and thinking about what's truly important to you, and see if you can identify an activity or a goal where the journey itself makes you feel inspired and energized. In my experience, if you can find something with a positive feedback loop like that, one day you'll wake up and realize you've made it a lot further down that path than you initially thought possible.

BirdieNZ3• 4 years ago

Have you considered if you might have ADHD? If you feel like you have great potential but can never apply it to anything productive, or only for short periods of time, then it might be worth first doing an adult ADHD self-assessment checklist (easily available online from official medical sources) and then if you score highly on it, book yourself in for a psychiatric appointment.

You may not have it but if you do then it can be a life changing diagnosis and subsequent medication and learned coping mechanisms/coaching.

dlivingston• 4 years ago

Do you have any good ADHD coping mechanisms or other tricks and tips?

cweill• 4 years ago

So many accomplishments are the result of someone just putting one foot in front of the other with a vague idea of where they're going. Hopefully, their north star is something others find respectable once achieved. They're then labeled "geniuses" if it works out and "fools" if it doesn't. Accomplishments are only impressive with hindsight.

nicbou• 4 years ago

Some people have unusually strong passions for very specific topics. Some of those happen to lead to high impact projects.

I have one such passion that played out well. The consistent work felt natural, while it rarely does otherwise. I can't stick to a gym or guitar practice schedule, but I can spend a few months building a slightly better tax calculator. Go figure.

away27072022• 4 years ago

This is exactly me! For some reason my passion lies in learning a particular foreign language (Mandarin Chinese). That's the only thing that I kept on doing for the last 10 years. Nothing else sticks, not even other foreign languages like Japanese or Korean.

When people compliment me on my Mandarin I say "thank you" but I really want to say that it's not really "talent" or "hard work", unless finishing Game of Thrones or reaching high level in World of Warcraft also counts as hard work.

I wish my passion was in something more useful and impressive (in my opinion) though, like having a side project that I don't lose interest in after a week, which could become my own start-up eventually, but alas.

mannyv• 4 years ago

90% of life is showing up. Just grind it out. It’s work, and it might not pay off. But doing nothing definitely doesn’t pay off.

ge96• 4 years ago

In work I don't aim to be one of the top eg. leader. I don't think I'm cut out for it. I also don't want the responsibility/making choices for others/the pressure.

Personally too what I make outside of work is probably crude/crap but I enjoy the process of it. Even as a mediocre developer/software person I'm still able to have a good life.

I also acknowledge my mental shortcomings I can see someone else read an algorithm problem and know the question/spit something out much faster than me. Same for math. I just aim for personal freedom/happiness at this point, not to be the best/stick out.

It would be nice to contribute/have a legacy of some sort not just be forgotten once I'm gone but that's ego I suppose. There is also the desire to stay under the radar.

It does sound like coping eg. you could try harder eg. did I fail because I'm not FAANG level.

sys_64738• 4 years ago

What is this obsession with always comparing yourself to other people? Don't feel intimidated by other people's successes as a reflection on you. That will only lead to depression. Do what you do for you and you alone (and family). If you stop worrying about others and focus on your own life then you realize how irrelevant others are to you.

UniverseHacker• 4 years ago

You should absolutely be extraordinary, but only if you've defined that for yourself, and know why you want it, beyond "positive attention from strangers." Figure out what you think is important to do with your life, do your best at it, and forget about if others think it's extraordinary or not.

Striving to be extraordinary implies that you are motivated by others opinions and feedback, and putting that above your own judgement, e.g. the number of followers on a youtube channel. Being actually extraordinary requires vision and leadership, which is basically the opposite of "doing whatever I can to make people think I'm extraordinary."

Most people I admire that did things I consider extraordinary were motivated by an internal passion or vision about how they wanted something to be, and didn't waste any energy on the opinions of strangers. Mostly, they didn't expect anyone to care about it, but focused hard because they wanted to for some internal reason, e.g. they enjoy it. In many cases they initially never even planned to ever share the work with others, they did it for themselves.

I think the author here is close with the final point of "extraordinary should not be the end goal" but is missing the importance of having a personal creative vision, and a goal that is resistant to others opinions.

overgard• 4 years ago

There's this phrase I heard recently: "Losers focus on winners, winners focus on winning"

Now, I don't _love_ this phrase because it implies life is a zero sum game, and that if you haven't achieved success you're a loser -- neither of which I think is true. But I do think it gets to something important, which is that the best way to find success is to focus on how it relates to you, not to someone else. I'd love to be running my own successful company, but if I look at my own script, what do I need to do to be the kind of person that could pull that off? What are the intermediate steps? I think when you compare yourself to others, you're essentially trying to live by someone else's script, but why should their script ever work for you? They have entirely different advantages and disadvantages. I think you're almost always going to fail trying to do that.

MarkPNeyer• 4 years ago

I recently read and have very much enjoyed a book called “stop fixing yourself.” It pointed out that the best way to improve yourself is to learn to understand yourself better. When I stop judging myself, it’s easier to understand the cause and effect nature of my behavior, which then automatically leads to improvements.

egman_ekki2• 4 years ago

This topic strongly resonates with me. I remember Dan Luu’s controversial take on how being better than 95% of people isn’t that hard: https://danluu.com/p95-skill/

I find it fascinating that some people are able to achieve so much in the same time I have on this planet. I believe it’s those super-talented and hard working individuals that actually push our species forward. Newton, von Neumann, von Braun, etc etc.

How can one not feel sad when they think about similar people.

sy7ar• 4 years ago

I don't see why we should feel sad about that since not everyone's blessed with the same genes or family background or connections. But I guess one can feel sad about not being as lucky as others.

egman_ekki2• 4 years ago

It's not the luck that makes me sad. I think those people had extraordinary insight into how world works. Things that I consider difficult or problems that would take me months to solve (or I wouldn't be able to do that at all) would take them minutes on the back of a napkin.

cbtacy• 4 years ago

1 - if you think you're extraordinary or want to be extraordinary you're almost certainly ordinary (and there is nothing wrong with that).

2 - the saddest thing about this very sad piece is the idea that "extraordinariness" is about accomplishments and success.

3 - I think it is fair to say that many actually "extraordinary" people would say that it is at best a mixed bag and not automatically something to feel jealous about. We live in a society where being "not ordinary" aka abnormal is not accommodated and often not accepted or tolerated - and where being right in the center of the bell curve of human experiences and realities means that the world is optimized for you.

vouaobrasil• 4 years ago

Actually, being extraordinary is something most people can do. Now, by definition that seems illogical. However, here me out. Most people tend to view extraordinary along a single dimension: really good at math, or really good at running. In this one-dimensional view, most people can't be extraordinary.

However, you can be extraordinary in your own unique way. For example, running. You may not be the best runner, but you could have a lot of insight into running and a good writer at the same time, and thus be extraordinary at writing about running.

If you take the entire sum of your own unique talents, and find a way to combine them properly, you can become extraordinary simply by finding a new way of looking at the world, even if the individual talents you have are not outstanding compared to others.

Take programming as another example. You may be just a "good" programmer, a "good" teacher, but not necessarily outstanding at either. But maybe you have a third skill that will make you stand out when you are teaching programming. Maybe it's your sense of humour, or your ability to put people at ease, or even a talent for drawing that comes out when you draw diagrams.

Being outstanding or extraordinary in my mind means combining everything you have to be inspiring, because the proximal/end result of extraordinary really is just that: having the ability to inspire. Sometimes one-dimensional measurements like amount of money or raw strength measure that, but sometimes they don't.

pm902• 4 years ago

Agreed. This is the same principle that is often given out as advice: excel at the intersection of fields rather than particular ones. The combinatorics generate a pretty ginormous space of possibilities to excel at even for 8 billion humans.

sakras• 4 years ago

Wow this is superb life advice, thank you! You’ve given me a lot of food for thought.

huzaif• 4 years ago

If you would like to put that advice to practice, this book will help.

(The Art of impossible) https://www.amazon.com/Art-Impossible-Peak-Performance-Prime...

It guides you through discovering your mix of passions and strengths to land on what you might make you uniquely extraordinary.

J-_-_b• 4 years ago

That's such an insightful post! That's also why I find it so interesting when people career swap into engineering. They have a whole lot of domain knowledge and alternative perspective that can be incredible valuable.

ZephyrBlu• 4 years ago

This is true, but it creates a new problem: you have to find your multi-dimensional thing, which is tends to be quite difficult.

swaggyBoatswain• 4 years ago

but thats the fun part

ironSkillet• 4 years ago

Well said. People and problems have a multidimensional nature. For me, one major key to finding happiness in work is finding an environment where the skills needed to solve problems is in high alignment with the two of three skills that you believe you're "good enough" in.

JadeNB• 4 years ago

Actually, being extraordinary is something most people can do.

I think that this isn't so different from the article's point, just phrased differently. But I also think it's worthwhile to remember that, while you can be extraordinary, you don't have to be. Giving someone permission just to enjoy something, without having to worry about whether they are extraordinary at it, is as important as reassuring them that they can be extraordinary.

amelius2• 4 years ago

Conversely, by choosing the axes differently, Olympic gold medal winners become ordinary people.

Also, being extraordinary in one thing (e.g. running) doesn't mean what people think it means because how many people actually try to become a professional runner? If everybody tried, Usain Bolt would be ranked #1000 or perhaps even lower.

danenania4• 4 years ago

“If everybody tried, Usain Bolt would be ranked #1000 or perhaps even lower.”

I’m skeptical. The people who do become professionals are heavily weighted towards the fastest runners. People naturally gravitate towards what they’re best at.

gattilorenz• 4 years ago

Your comment reminds me of a comedian who used to remark that for a person like Bolt it is not really extraordinary to do what he does: it’s his ordinary job. Extraordinary would be, say, a plumber dropping by the stadium on his way to work, outrunning Bolt, then quietly going back to his clogged drains.

tomxor• 4 years ago

Just to balance this out a bit... the alternate reality of "everyone tried" is kind of fictional, because a huge factor in high performers of their chosen sport/field/art is determination, resilience, imagination, visualisation, their psychology and finally personal desires - which are a product of their life experience combined with physiological predispositions.

In other words, what made Usain Bolt a gold medal winner wasn't merely physical potential and chance, but the mental ability to push his body to extremes and work at it every single day because he desired it that much and had the mental stamina to do so. In the "what if" reality, you would have to change everyone's mind to have the same psychology. You can have all the physical attributes and potential of a runner, but if you hate running and generally don't have much "grit", you aren't going to get far.

peoplefromibiza2• 4 years ago

If everybody tried, Usain Bolt would be ranked #1000 or perhaps even lower.

Usain Bolt redefined the limits of the human body.

He's literally a rocket man.

There aren't enough extraordinary runners to make him rank #1000 or even lower.

matwood• 4 years ago

Conversely, by choosing the axes differently, Olympic gold medal winners become ordinary people.

See Michael Jordan trying baseball or every programmer who thinks they know everything about everything else because they know programming. One of my favorites is when an athletic guy comes into Jiu-Jitsu the first time and gets submitted over and over by one of the kids or women.

yeahsure• 4 years ago

This comment reminded me of a video Tim Ferriss posted recently on Youtube which basically said something very similar: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/kgO_Og-__HU

Very insightful!

polishdude20• 4 years ago

I recently thought about this when I was thinking about my programing skills in my current job.

I'm not the best programmer there by a long shot. I didn't grow up programming at the age of 10. I don't have a CS degree.

But then I thought how nobody has the same experience as I do. I have a mixture of things I'm good at that make me unique and valuable.

ilyt4• 4 years ago

Even with the single "job" like developer, putting out okay code that's well documented and tested is probably more valuable than just putting out very good code with barely any docs and tests.

Especially if you add some social skill to figure out what exactly needs to be built instead of taking ticket comment at face value then figuring out author of request had something else in mind once it lands in test environment.

paulpauper2• 4 years ago

The problem is even small niches can have ton of competition, and second, market share is too small.

lambdatronics• 4 years ago

With enough dimensions, everything is on the Pareto frontier: https://erikbern.com/2016/10/25/pareto-efficiency.htm

mtsolitary• 4 years ago

The curse of dimensionality.

FollowingTheDao• 4 years ago

However, you can be extraordinary in your own unique way. For example, running. You may not be the best runner, but you could have a lot of insight into running and a good writer at the same time, and thus be extraordinary at writing about running.

Oh, my Lord, you type a people are just incredible. If everyone is extraordinary, no one is extraordinary. You’re only afraid to say this because saying it means that plenty of people will not be extraordinary and that kills not only their dreams but your dreams.

Just because you want to put all that stress in your life, does not mean you have to put the stress on everybody else’s life. My shoes are

RajT882• 4 years ago

May I recommend the coffee table-ish book, "Be Amazing"

_nivlac_• 4 years ago

Who is the author? A Google search for this title didn't narrow it down clearly for me. Cheers!

wanderingmind• 4 years ago

The sad reality is nobody gives an F, if you are competent across multiple dimensions. You can be a competent software engineer with a very good business sense. However, a better programmer than you is going to get the software engineer role and a better salesperson is going to get that sales role. You will be left to grinding in a org that treats you as a cost centre.

wrigby• 4 years ago

It's worth pointing out that a competent engineer with a good business sense is the exact formula for an exceptional sales engineer.

baxtr2• 4 years ago

If your theory was correct we would live in a world run by specialists. But it’s actually generalists that thrive, start, scale and run successful companies. Specialist work for generalists.

serial_dev• 4 years ago

Those are very good skills to have if you want to found a startup, or if you are less ambitious, you can build a side hustle that can turn into something that eventually covers all your costs. With good programming and business skills, you'll also stand out as a freelancer / consultant.

jventura2• 4 years ago

I match the parent's example almost perfectly. I'm a "good" programmer, "good" teacher and I have a "good" humor. My students (university level) really laugh sometimes at the stupid analogies that I make in class. For instance, this year I teach operating systems concepts, namely processes, synchronization, scheduling, etc., with examples from construction workers and things like that (I've self built a terrace this past summer, that is why I use construction analogies - cement, paint, etc.). Some kids even say that they won't probably forget some aspects of the class because how funny (and stupid) some of the examples are.

But getting tenured? Here, where I live (Western Europe), only the number of papers and european projects you've been into matters, even if the outcome of the "research" of those papers or projects is nothing to be seen (who really controls that?).

mejutoco3• 4 years ago

On the bright side, outside of a professional context people might care about the multiple interests and dimensions, and might find it fascinating enough to share experiences together.

ilyt4• 4 years ago

That sounds absolutely perfect skillset for manager, that would be paid more than that software engineer

thefaux3• 4 years ago

Being extraordinary is easier than just picking some random categorizations that you identify with and combining them. Just be yourself. There is no one else in the world like you. The odds of being you are less than one in eight billion. How's that for extraordinary?

Of course, like most simple things, this is far easier said than done.

WitCanStain• 4 years ago

Being unique is not what people mean when they talk about being extraordinary, though. With that term comes the connotation of not just being different from others, but being _better_ than others.

layer8• 4 years ago

If everyone is extraordinary in that way, like unique snowflakes, then the only really extraordinary thing would be to not be extraordinary in that way. Any property that is true for all stops being a meaningful differentiator.

safety1st• 4 years ago

Frankly, being extraordinary -- in the dictionary sense of being exceptionally special and remarkable, let's say being in the top 1% -- is something of a young person's conceit.

We all dream of making it to the top at one point or another. Nearly everyone fails to get there.

Early in life other people will indulge your fixation on this because you're young, but most of them aren't extraordinary either, so as you age, their patience with it grows thin. If you cling to a fixation on being extraordinary it will ultimately isolate you and tear you apart psychologically.

Fortunately there is an alternative which some discover as time passes. It is infinitely more powerful and useful than worrying about whether you're extraordinary or not, and will propel you to heights you never realized you could achieve.

The alternative is to compare yourself today only to who you were yesterday, and focus on always pursuing new personal bests.

By putting in the time and staying focused you can become uncannily good at almost anything this way. Far better than most people, and grinding out one little win at a time is surprisingly satisfying.

Will it make you the best? I don't know. This tactic is surely some part of how the best got to where they are. I doubt I am the best at anything but I have not bothered to check. In the end it doesn't really matter, you are able to become great and be happy, and that is more than enough.

d1sxeyes2• 4 years ago

I think this is kind of the point OP was making. You mention being in the top 1%—so now we have a definition of 'extraordinary'.

Now look at your life through every facet. Are you really not in the top 1% of anything? 1% is not even that high a bar. You don't even have to be the best on your block to be in the top 1%. Or even tenth best on your block.[0]

It could be anything that you're extraordinary at remember. Even if you want to limit it to creative pursuits, there are so many different musical instruments, art forms, styles of writing, types of dance, that with a bit of effort and specialisation, becoming 'extraordinary' is not that difficult, even before you start 'multiplying' skills (the best writer on running, the best ballroom dancing photographer, etc).

[0] https://vlesdesigns.com/blogs/facts/how-many-people-live-on-...

ProZsolt• 4 years ago

A lot of people missing the scope.

Getting to the top 1% isn't really hard. There are 8 billion people on the Earth getting to the top one percent means being in the top 80 million. I can think several things that I'm in the top 1% because most of the people newer do it.

The problem with the internet your reach is higher and you can see people who are one in the million or billion in one aspect of their life, but don't see anything else.

nrao123• 4 years ago

This is similar to the Scott Adam's advise- which was great: https://dilbertblog.typepad.com/the_dilbert_blog/2007/07/car...

If you want an average successful life, it doesn’t take much planning. Just stay out of trouble, go to school, and apply for jobs you might like. But if you want something extraordinary, you have two paths:

1. Become the best at one specific thing. 2. Become very good (top 25%) at two or more things.

The first strategy is difficult to the point of near impossibility. Few people will ever play in the NBA or make a platinum album. I don’t recommend anyone even try.

The second strategy is fairly easy. Everyone has at least a few areas in which they could be in the top 25% with some effort. In my case, I can draw better than most people, but I’m hardly an artist. And I’m not any funnier than the average standup comedian who never makes it big, but I’m funnier than most people. The magic is that few people can draw well and write jokes. It’s the combination of the two that makes what I do so rare. And when you add in my business background, suddenly I had a topic that few cartoonists could hope to understand without living it.

I always advise young people to become good public speakers (top 25%). Anyone can do it with practice. If you add that talent to any other, suddenly you’re the boss of the people who have only one skill. Or get a degree in business on top of your engineering degree, law degree, medical degree, science degree, or whatever. Suddenly you’re in charge, or maybe you’re starting your own company using your combined knowledge.

Capitalism rewards things that are both rare and valuable. You make yourself rare by combining two or more “pretty goods” until no one else has your mix. I didn’t spend much time with the script supervisor, but it was obvious that her verbal/writing skills were in the top tier as well as her people skills. I’m guessing she also has a high attention to detail, and perhaps a few other skills in the mix. Probably none of those skills are best in the world, but together they make a strong package. Apparently she’s been in high demand for decades.

mettamage• 4 years ago

Favorited, if I become famous for my amazing talent by combining 10 different things, it's your fault.

I guess that's what you're extraordinary at, making super stars with just one comment ;-)

foldingmoney• 4 years ago

If you take the entire sum of your own unique talents, and find a way to combine them properly, you can become extraordinary simply by finding a new way of looking at the world, even if the individual talents you have are not outstanding compared to others.

maybe i'm too pessimistic in the opposite direction but this kind of argument always sounds like appealing nonsense to me. appealing because we'd like it to be true, and because the number of possible combinations is great enough that it's not immediately obvious that it isn't true. but in reality, skills don't generally exist in isolation, and as long as we're still attaching some kind of objective qualitative value to being 'extraordinary' beyond just being unique, most people who are mediocre at two things are not going to significantly exceed being mediocre at their combination, whereas people who are extraordinary at one thing are (in my experience) quite often at least near-extraordinary at a few others.

ilyt4• 4 years ago

Only reason to be sad about not being "extraordinary" (not "just" good but better than most) is if that is stroking your ego.

And this is just a mental trick to stroke ego more.

ilyt4• 4 years ago

It's still just finding an unique way to stroke your ego in the end. I think learning to be happy without having to tell yourself "I'm better at this than other" all the time is overall healthier outlook. I get better coz if I'm doing something I might as well do it well, and for hobbies learning and getting better is just plain fun for me.

All I get from looking at people better than me at thing is desire to plunder their knowledge and experience to be a bit better at it myself. And working with people better than me is just easier, as I have to worry only about my own fuckups, not someone's elses. Well, except people that can eat what they want and not get fat, that I do envy, but then that's not a skill to learn.

scrozier• 4 years ago

Thanks. I've been needing this perspective lately.

jll29• 4 years ago

One thing that the media are biased towards are the top-athletes, top-scientists, genius programmers etc.

They do that because we all enjoy reading about them, and there's nothing wrong with that as such.

But just don't expect to be in any of these groups automatically, certainly don't feel pressurized that you ought to. But by any means if you're passionate about something, try hard to master it as best you can, with your focus on the passion for the activity and not the "must-be-#1-at-all-cost". Chances are you might become the #1 by focusing on the activity, not comparing yourself with others all the time.

Alan Rusbridger, the former Guardian editor-in-chief, wrote a lovely little book about his aspiration to be an amateur pianist. He was passionate about the piano, but realistic about his limitations of it being a hobby (subordinate to his true vocation of being a journalist) and not properly trained since age five like the piano geniuses. But he set himself the goal to learn to play one classical piece by practising regularly, as well or as badly as he could master, and he eventually performed it in front of friends. A real pro would probably still cringe listening to him, but I admire that he took up a self-set challenge that commensurate with his circumstances (prior piano skills, available time), and went all in to reach his goal. That's the spirit...

horns4lyfe• 4 years ago

I did the same thing with the guitar, exception being I placed it in front of a large group, probably 100 people. Easily one of the most rewarding and terrifying things I’ve done; the confidence bump is invaluable.

_def• 4 years ago

I came to love being boring :)

munificent• 4 years ago

I think everyone needs to feel seen—to feel that they have some unique value that they provide to their community or tribe.

If you have a rich local network of in person friends and family, I think that mostly resolve the unhealthy need to be extraordinary. Because I think that need often comes from feeling socially isolated and relying on online social interaction for validation.

When the public commons where you are seen is run by social media aggregators that only highlight the world's best of everything, it's very easy to fall into a trap where you feel like unless you are front page material, you're nothing.

But the real answer is to get a handful of friends who think you're front page material in their actual lives.

zmmmmm• 4 years ago

Something else to contemplate: it's striking how often, usually after they have died or written their autobiography etc, you find out that "extraordinary" people were deeply unhappy in their lives. So many of them struggle with depression, self doubt, etc. even while appearing externally happy and successful.

So if you have this type of envy, you have to question why you want to be extraordinary. If it is because you think it will make you happy ... pause for thought and think again. It is far from a given that would happen. And then if you decide it's not to make yourself happy? Perhaps you should evaluate whether actually pursuing happiness is a more worthwhile purpose in your life.

Bubble_Pop_222• 4 years ago

"The internet always highlights the first place winners, the billionaires, the award-winning artists, the best-selling authors, the largest philanthropists, the extraordinary. Their stories are ones of success, of inspiration"

The intro outlines the fact that the author is not familiar with the promotional industry.

Allowing for some rare exceptions all the people whose name you know are the people who want to be known and go out of their way to self-promote.

It's not about the quality of the work per se but the noise being generated around it. All those stories of mega-success are generated by PR and marketing firms and the person who is the protagonist most likely went for a stroll in Central Park after the meeting, and be sure that nobody genuflected or got on their knees to kiss the ring. Michael Bloomberg took the subaway every day.

CM30• 4 years ago

This is a good point. The key to being 'successful' (in a fame and financial sense) isn't about being the best in a field. It's about convincing other people you're the best/one in the best in the field.

Which could in theory be an equaliser in itself. Not the best programmer or writer or musician in the world? Well, you can still be 'extraordinary' by convincing other people you're extraordiary and outmarketing those who are better than you. The person who gets the job isn't necessarily the best candidate on a technical level, but the one who can talk a better game in the interview.

Bubble_Pop_222• 4 years ago

The problem is that the ability to self-promote is inversely proportional to the promotee mental health.

You could in theory put a white blanket on your head and pretend to be a Saudi Sheikh to pickup chicks at nightclubs but come showtime you’d not be able to get hard due to lack of self-confidence which brought you to lie in the first place, so what’s the point?

The best is to be able to put together a certain initial capital and just outsource self promotion.

Every person who handles their own self-promotion are people who have mental issues, especially in the tech world. Compare it with how chill are those who outsource such as musicians. Rappers nowadays or rockstars in the 80s. Their managers have to drag them kicking and screaming away from drugs and parties to do media and promotion

freedude• 4 years ago

"I feel disappointed, jealous." Perhaps this is why you don't understand what being extraordinary is all about. I didn't get where I was by feeling sorry for myself. I spent the time and energy learning where I failed and remediating that failure. That is really what has become the definition of extraordinary. Continuing on when the average person quits.

The author touches on this when she says, "Extraordinary should not be the end goal." This is very true. The goal is the satisfaction of a job well done.

By adding up enough repeats of the satisfactions of a job well done you will find yourself extraordinary at something. If you complete a task and you don't get that satisfaction of a job well done then re-evaluate the process and fix it for the future.

I only have 25 years of experience at enjoying the satisfaction of a job well done. Look for extraordinary people in your life and ask them how they started and what made them better at what makes them extraordinary.

Remember: Keep up the good work.

pmoriarty• 4 years ago

This reminds me of this scene from Harold and Maude that I think about a lot:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0FX_ROcNV4

throwaway71271• 4 years ago

made me think of The Genius of the Crowd by Charles Bukowski https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0doGM_6izYg

Prcmaker• 4 years ago

I've been really enjoying sucking at stuff recently. I like to think I'm pretty good at my job, and some of my hobbies. A few of my new pass times however, I am woeful at. It has been genuinely refreshing and enjoyable to sit back and watch myself suck at something, laugh, and keep trying.

giantg2• 4 years ago

I gave up on extraordinary long ago. Even average seems out of my reach now.

user8501• 4 years ago

or how I learned that everybody is extraordinary

paulpauper2• 4 years ago

The nice thing about investing and the stock market is you do not have to be extraordinary or that talented to be successful. Index funds, maybe some leverage, and you can beat most active managers and funds.

r00tanon• 4 years ago

The fact that we exist and live is baseline extraordinary.

What we do after that is so-called gravy.

But seriously. Measuring ourselves against the Einsteins is a path leading nowhere.

What you do adds to the universe.

kajaktum• 4 years ago

What exactly is wrong with being mediocre?

jppope• 4 years ago

Good article. Great writing. Solid premise. Whatever nuanced likes or dislikes I may take with the article I'm happy to ignore them because theres some wisdom in this piece.

unrealp• 4 years ago

Why should one want to be extraordinary? to feel validated? isnt that wrong solution to a right problem?

DubiousPusher• 4 years ago

I have come to believe that the cultural obsession with extraordinary individuals is a big part of the breakdown of solidarity between Americans in the late 20th and early 21st centuries.

Because when your individual success becomes your entire sense of self worth you cease to see the power of collective action whether it is to accomplish some goal or to raise your standard of living.

In fact, this obsession creates a contempt for "average people" because they are the signifier and the constant reminder of one's own failure to self actualize. So not only does the culture of extraordinaryness create the grounds for alienation but even worse it reinforces that alienation by creating a class of untouchable peers due to their contemptible ordinariness.

Reconnecting with the human social organism and consciously developing a love for commonness is the only antidote as far as I know.

https://youtu.be/IiZbjYR0YFQ

quickthrower22• 4 years ago

The problem with being extraordinarily is you need a measure. And as we all know measures can be misleading. The big billionaires businesses are powered by many extraordinary efforts by extraordinary people, but when measured in $, fame, titles, accolades they seem ordinary. Those same people may provide an awesome environment for their kids to grow up or be cherished friends or help their neighbours.

lo_zamoyski• 4 years ago

'But as it is, there are many parts, yet one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, “I do not need you,” nor again the head to the feet, “I do not need you.” Indeed, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are all the more necessary, and those parts of the body that we consider less honorable we surround with greater honor, and our less presentable parts are treated with greater propriety, whereas our more presentable parts do not need this. But God has so constructed the body as to give greater honor to a part that is without it, so that there may be no division in the body, but that the parts may have the same concern for one another. If [one] part suffers, all the parts suffer with it; if one part is honored, all the parts share its joy.' 1 Corinthians 12

nickd2001• 4 years ago

Are you going to provide, for those who don't make the link, an explanation for what St Paul is saying here? :) What I've heard is basically, we're all meant to look after each other, and use the talents we have, to the best of our ability for the common good, including helping others do their best (For themselves and for everyone). Which is the reverse of the individualism all over this thread. Many people here seem to be thinking "How can I do the best for me" instead of for all of us. and the irony is when one tries to do the best for others, that's when one often develops skills and becomes the best one can be for oneself, too. Personally I believe Jesus knew exactly what's good for us and makes us happy, (helping others being a big one) but most of us spend our lives ignoring his advice because its counter-intuitive and often hard to do. (or we think its all made up and he didn't exist anyway ;) ) I guess he's up there with God sighing "well I tried to tell those guys, I really did". Meanwhile down here are lots of people saying "I wish I had more money/ could run faster/ could play my instrument better" than loads of others otherwise I feel inadequate. Resulting in this destructive competitive attitude instead of helping each other be happy. Its never too late to change tack though. ;)

ahf8Aithaex7Nai• 4 years ago

Is she confusing 'extraordinary' with 'famous'?

I am extraordinary! Some people see it. Most don't. I'm fine with both.

badrabbit• 4 years ago

One thing I've noticed is the older you get, the less extraordinary you can be despite what you have accomplished because there is less time for you to more stuff, you have less potential , at least in society's eyes. My take is to look at it as an opportunity to liberate yourself from needing external validation and celebrate your acheivements and enjoy life while you can.

pelasaco• 4 years ago

I used to be competitive athlete in sports. Judo and Wrestling. Until my 28s, I tried to be extraordinary in the sports. Then I did the transition to full time software developer and I didn't bring this competitive spirit with me. I found my peace, I work in the stuff that are interesting to me and bring the money that I think i deserve. But maybe to be able to perform well, make my money, provide to my family and enjoy the time together with them, and without them, makes me extraordinary too, since not everyone can do it and many envy my life style. It is very unusual or remarkable, which are one of the definitions of extraordinary.

personjerry2• 4 years ago

My interpretation is that the author wants to emphasize the process of getting there, rather than the end state of "being extraordinary".

I think it's a good point, but some may also interpret these words differently - I would be careful not to take these words as permission to be mediocre.

I think mediocrity is extraordinarily boring.

b3kart• 4 years ago

What is boring about pushing yourself to get better at something?

If an activity is boring to you unless you’re better at it than other people, maybe it’s just…boring to you, and you simply crave validation?

personjerry2• 4 years ago

I think you're strawmanning me here, I didn't say it's boring to push yourself to get better at something. I said to "not take these words as permission to be mediocre", as in, don't settle for mediocrity, i.e. DO push yourself to get better

Ah I understand that my pivot in the second sentence has thrown you off, I will edit my original comment so it flows better.

junkerm• 4 years ago

I definitely can relate to the author as well. I think we are all putting a lot of effort in standing out in some way because that is how (western?) society distributes rewards. We favor the things that are special or unique in some way. We celebrate all the possibilities that allow us be special and unique but sometimes overlook that this also generates a lot of pressure and when you fail to stand out its easy to feal inadequate. I liked the book by Michael Sandel "The Tyranny of Merit" which goes somewhat in this direction.

agumonkey• 4 years ago

Being OK with a context is often the best way to deal with or benefit from it. There's a strange balance into accepting your in one spot on the map, getting rid of the pressure, yet keeping the ability to get moving to other / better places at later point in time. It's a wild organic where you try to coast and when an opportunity shows up you accelerate.

avbanks• 4 years ago

"What looks like skill is often just consistency"

You can absolutely become extraordinary, just not overnight.

Being OK with not being extraordinary (2021)

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