Fighting Loneliness with Public Living Rooms

http://www.citylab.com/navigator/2016/11/fighting-loneliness-with-public-living-rooms/506360/

by misnamed • 10 years ago

189 133 10 years ago

bemmu• 10 years ago

Pubs and temples can be a bit similar spaces, but this seems great in that it is not connected to a religion or alcohol consumption.

I guess this is what cafes are could be like, but somehow they have turned out to be places where you are expected to keep to yourself.

CalChris• 10 years ago

That wasn't always the case. Before WIFI and laptops, cafes could be pretty crowded and social.

icantdrive55• 10 years ago

I am getting flashbacks of those days. It was so nice to walk into a Starbucks, and not see the chorus of people staring into their devices.

The smart phone is looking like The Adult Pacifier. I'm getting old, but I remember social anxiety. I might have been that person who pulled out the phone?

swang• 10 years ago

yes coffeehouses/cafes use to be where all the intellectuals gathered to discuss news and gossip

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/English_coffeehouses_in_the_17...

heleph• 10 years ago

I met many of my local friends in a cafe here. We all have small kids, which give you a very easy opportunity to talk to people you don't know and make it difficult to spend time with a phone or laptop.

After four years of living in our town with kids, I almost always bump into people I know when we are out and about. I've never been so connected to the local community where I live before and I really love it. :)

pmlnr• 10 years ago

Especially in the Austro-Hungarian Empire where even one of the public uprisings is originated from coffee houses.

farnsworth8• 10 years ago

I was raised going to church but stopped in college, and I really miss the community. There's absolutely nothing like it that I've found in the secular world. It almost makes me want to 'fake it' and join a church again, just to be around such kind and welcoming people so often.

And it's not just the social part of the community, or the moral lessons, although I liked both of those things - a church gives you an entire framework for your life. What's a secular wedding? A secular funeral? How do your kids get involved in the community outside of the public school system (Boy Scouts is hardly secular) and how do you celebrate their coming of age? What are your standing plans for Wednesday night and Sunday morning? We have to reinvent all these things from scratch when we're not involved with a church, and people do that, but I've never seen such an in-depth and positive out-of-the-box experience as what a church provides. They've been optimizing this stuff for literally millennia.

And I think that society is ripe for a group that will provide all of this, while not also trying to tell us about spirits doing magic tricks. And if you think about it that way, then the "this is where the world comes from" part of religion is almost a sideshow to the "here's a community and framework for your life" part, and yet it's what people focus on and what turns people away.

ivv• 10 years ago

This is what gyms have become for many. I remember seeing a graph showing the decline in church attendance coinciding with the rise in gym memberships.

gaius• 10 years ago

There was an atheist church in London but it fell apart over internal "more-atheist-than-thou" squabbles in a matter of weeks.

Meanwhile there are ordinary churches in London that are centuries old...

vertex-four5• 10 years ago

Interestingly, and rather off-topic, many LGBTQ+ people, polyamorous people, and people who generally don't fit into what society prescribes, have to deal with all of these questions right now anyway - along with even more questions like "what is a relationship?" or "how do I present myself at work?". I don't think there's a one-size-fits-all answer to many of these questions, I don't think there can be.

zmb_• 10 years ago

It's not like the various Christian churches invented those frameworks from scratch either. They are assimilated and developed from existing practices. The church has no monopoly over these practices. The secular community can take -- and has taken -- these practices and develop them into a secular framework.

For example, my wedding, and those of most of my friends, were secular. They were very much similar to the religious weddings in my culture, but the official part was done in front of a judge instead of a priest.

icebraining2• 10 years ago

Boy Scouts is hardly secular

In my (European) country, we have two groups of Scouts, one aligned with the Catholic Church, and one secular. It seems some people are trying to do the same in the US: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Navigators_USA

jacalata• 10 years ago

Unitarian Univeraalists are exactly this, as far as I understand it: http://www.uua.org/beliefs/what-we-believe/principles

Taek2• 10 years ago

Definitely agree on this one, to such an extent that I don't expect someone who's never been a part of a church community to understand that they are missing. Sort of affirmed by the guy who thinks a public gym is an approximate replacement.

Church is a place where they help you figure out how to live your life. You learn about family. You learn about money. You learn about grief and loss. You share your own insecurities and learn about the insecurities of the others in your community.

We would sit down once a week for about 90 minutes in a group of ~7 and try to apply lessons (moral, financial, social, etc.) to our lives.

I'd love to see an analog spring up in the tech community.

bluedino• 10 years ago

> What are your standing plans for Wednesday night and Sunday morning?

Whatever the hell I feel like doing. It's nice not having to attend service two days a week (and twice on one of those days)

Churches can be full of the most hypocritical, judgemental, and gossipy people.

MichaelGG• 10 years ago

I'm quite against religion but agree somewhat. But secular weddings? I've not been to a whole lot of weddings, but the secular ones have been qualitatively better. The ceremony seems planned around the actual people wanting to express their love and commitment, not the (generally boring) rites of people going before a god. A sermon or mass seems just so out of place. Or maybe it's just Christian-type ones that get it wrong.

The secular weddings had a feeling that every minute was purposeful, that there wasn't any going through ceremony to "get to the good stuff".

GunboatDiplomat• 10 years ago

Boy Scouts is hardly secular

Scouts is pretty secular around here. At least my troop was. Never a mention of religion, really.

majewsky2• 10 years ago

What's a secular wedding? A secular funeral? How do your kids get involved in the community outside of the public school system (Boy Scouts is hardly secular) and how do you celebrate their coming of age? What are your standing plans for Wednesday night and Sunday morning?

This sounds like you live in a region where the majority of people are religious. I live in East Germany, where the majority of people don't belong to any church. Consequently, all of the things that you mentioned exist here:

* A secular wedding consists of a ceremony wherein a state-appointed official solemnizes the marriage (basically like the wedding service without the prayers and the singing), followed by the usual reception.

* A secular funeral is basically the same, a funeral service without the religious parts. The last time I attended a funeral, I was 4 years old, so I cannot comment on this, but I imagine that a secular funeral would focus more on the history of the person to remember, rather than on the religious interpretation of the event.

* There is a secular coming-of-age ceremony called Jugendweihe [1].

* There are clubs etc. that organize activities for children, they're just secular.

* "Standing plans for Wednesday ngiht and Sunday morning" are not a problem either because no-one goes to the church.

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jugendweihe

apatters• 10 years ago

I think to socialize with random other individuals most people need alcohol or a pretense - pubs provide the former, temples provide the latter.

There are societies where this concept is pretty foreign. I live in Thailand and when I tell Thai friends that foreigners often sit down at a pub and talk to complete strangers, many are quite surprised.

cableshaft• 10 years ago

For me, it really helps if I have a pretense like you say, but for me that pretense is playing games. Pool, darts, trivia, role playing games, board games (the biggest one for me right now), scavenger hunts, murder mysteries, even karaoke I can treat kind of like a game. Playing or following sports (games) can serve as that pretense also, although I don't follow them very closely personally (although it's impossible to avoid Cubs mania in Chicago right now :)

Games have helped me be around strangers and give me a reason to talk to people I would be too shy to talk to normally. Now a lot of those strangers are no longer strangers, but friends, and that's because we played a lot of games together.

I also believe that you can learn more in much less time about the character and personality of a person by how they act in a game (especially games about devising your own strategies and negotiating with people) than you can with most traditional social outings.

Surprisingly video games don't really do this for me anymore. I do still play a lot of them, but I mostly play single player games. If I play multiplayer, it's got to be something in the same room now, which is why I have a Wii U.

icebraining2• 10 years ago

In my Southern European country, cafes are still places for discussion among friends; Starbucks is very much an exception. On the other hand, I don't think people expect you to talk to complete strangers; generally you need to be friends with someone in the group.

If you want to meet completely new people, I think you're better off joining some activity.

return04• 10 years ago

they have turned out to be places where you are expected to keep to yourself.

It's funny how different this is. In my country i would barely ever go to a cafe alone, as it's supposed to be a social activity.

return04• 10 years ago

In countries that have mandatory military service, many men create lifelong friendships in there. A great thing about it is that you meet people from literally all walks of life, the lowlives, the poor, the politically connected etc, all in a neutral environment.

sotojuan• 10 years ago

That's what cafés where like! Go to a café in the 1700s or 1800s and you'd find yourself in the middle of hopeful intellectuals, writers, and poets.

The café was a club that anyone could join.

snvzz• 10 years ago

Your average hacklab will do the job just fine.

rosser• 10 years ago

Because, as long as the problem is solved for nerds, who cares if anyone else suffers from it.

toomuchtodo• 10 years ago

It works if the makerspace is within a library, which are slowly turning into community centers.

We've met all of our basic needs except connectedness and community.

mzw_mzw3• 10 years ago

Because, as long as the problem isn't solved for everyone, we shouldn't try to solve it for anyone.

oftenwrong• 10 years ago

"A street is the living room of the community."

http://www.andrewalexanderprice.com/blog20161027.php

taurath2• 10 years ago

Nowhere is this more apparent than Amsterdam. Too much of America is built solely for cars. Thankfully millenials want walkable areas and streets first and foremost.

mzw_mzw3• 10 years ago

Really, the nerve of us crazy Americans, wanting to be able to live and work in different places depending on what we felt was best for our families. What were we thinking?

BorisMelnik• 10 years ago

Easy patch: keep a security guard watching over physical machines, which should be the case anyway.

The same can be done with paper ballots. The trick with this article is that the perpetrator has full and unrestricted access to the building. If that were the case it wouldn't matter what the medium was, any of it can be hacked. They could throw cameras up in the booths, keyloggers, virii, etc.

enraged_camel• 10 years ago

I think you commented on the wrong submission..

Lxr2• 10 years ago

Then again, election day can be a great social experience in my country where voting is mandatory. Always meet random old friends in the queue etc.

jtcond13• 10 years ago

Hmm... almost like a "public house"... maybe they should serve beer?

empath75• 10 years ago

The best part of traveling along was talking to people in the common areas of hostels. I wish there were more social spaces like that where you can just randomly talk to strangers without seeming weird.

meric• 10 years ago

It's only weird if people think it's weird. If it's not weird to you then it's not weird. Who cares what the strangers think? You won't see them again anyway and if it happens enough then they'll stop thinking it's weird too. The best way to counter this "talking to strangers is weird" phenomenon is completely ignore the possibility the other person might think it's weird, and go talk to them. If you get good practice at it, they might think it's weird for half a second and then become completely comfortable talking to you.

Guest98123• 10 years ago

It works in hostels because like you said, most people are traveling. This means they're only in the city for a night or two, so they want to socialize, meet local people or other travelers as part of their adventure, go out together, etc.

This doesn't work the same in other 'social' places. If you visit a coffee shop, 90% of people are meeting friends, doing work, or want to drink alone and browse the internet. I don't know how you'd start a place that only encourages visitors that want to meet new friends. What about a coffee shop that only has big round tables with 10 seats, so you need to share tables with a handful of strangers and face each other?

You could try local CouchSurfing meetups. I've been to some alone, and depending on the city they might have 5 or 100 people. They're typically at pubs, and some are better than others, but they're usually a mix of locals and travelers from around the world. Quite a few others go alone, so it's relatively easy to make some friends.

saryant• 10 years ago

Plus, in a hostel, you're never going to see those people again.

I've stayed in tons of hostels and for me, that relieves a lot of social pressures that I otherwise find overwhelming at home.

dazc• 10 years ago

"If you visit a coffee shop, 90% of people are meeting friends, doing work, or want to drink alone and browse the internet."

This is true but if you frequent the same place each day at around the same time people will start acknowledging you and making conversation. It takes time but it's a fairly reliable way of meeting people, especially if making the first move is something you struggle with.

WalterBright• 10 years ago

One of the best things about living in a dorm in college was they had common areas, including a dining room. Most of the other students in the dorm became your friends that way.

farnsworth8• 10 years ago

After I left, they converted the dorm common areas into dorm rooms by pulling out the furniture and installing cheap wall dividers. I'm sad that students won't get that experience until they catch up on construction, but that's what happens when your university basically doubles in size in 8 years.

mattjaynes• 10 years ago

"What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured." - Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

While I sometimes understand the bemoaning of top engineers spending time on trivial apps, sometimes those apps aren't as trivial as you would think when you consider how they positively impact loneliness. Of course, there's plenty of garbage out there, but I do love to see efforts to connect people in ways that can be serendipitous and have the possibility of leading to more meaningful connection.

I can think of multiple long-time valuable real-life relationships I've had where our first connections were on some trivial platform. Sometimes it's hard to see past the glaring negatives that come with some of those platforms, but I'm hopeful that better options will evolve over time.

unixhero2• 10 years ago

This is what universities, clubs and festivals are for.

vog• 10 years ago

Moreover, there are many usergroups and meetups - at least for people who are open-minded and not totally technology-avoiding.

For example, here in Berlin you can get out almost every evening in the week, and you'll find one public meetup with similar-interested people. Well, usually not just one, but multiple events happening at the same time, so you have to decide where to go.

There are political groups such as FSFE (Free Software Foundation Europe), DigitalCourage, DigiGes. There are general-topic technology groups such as CCCB (Chaos Computer Club Berlin) and the various LUGs (Linux User Groups). And there are lots of specialized groups for various programming languages, frameworks, technologies or editors: Haskell, C++, PHP, JavaScript, Bitcoin, Freifunk, Android, Drupal, Vim, Emacs, and so on.

Even for children, there is a growing community that oranized various CoderDojo events.

Alternatively, you could blindly visit one of the many hacker spaces (IN-Berlin, c-base, Fablab, E-LOK, AFRA, Raumzeitlabor, ...) and just step into whatever event is happening there this evening.

praptak• 10 years ago

These don't work for shy people and are ineffective for forming connections that are based on unpopular interests.

return04• 10 years ago

Arent those typical middle class venues?

spraak3• 10 years ago

The Living Rooms, at least from the article's perspective, seem to focus on homeless, recovering from addiction, or those suffering depression, so your suggestion is more for 'regular' people who are just bored.

cbhl• 10 years ago

If you're in one of the cities that holds them, you should consider going to a Tea with Strangers event: http://www.teawithstrangers.com/

rublev• 10 years ago

While I sometimes understand the bemoaning of top engineers spending time on trivial apps, sometimes those apps aren't as trivial as you would think when you consider how they positively impact loneliness.

Absolutely not. Abstracting a layer of communication, shedding it of any humanity, and lazily pasting over emotion with emoji, is hardly a 'cure' for loneliness. If anything it makes you feel more lonely.

Some Silicon Valley dipshit with a Macbook isn't going to solve loneliness with an app. Sometimes I wish Zuck just had a girlfriend who would have told him FB was a stupid idea and we would have never found ourselves 'here'.

I draw the line in 'social tech bullshit' at the phone call, at least I can hear the vocal inflections. Anything below phone call like texting is used strictly to meet up.

CJKinni• 10 years ago

I strongly disagree. Personally, I found text based communications really beneficial while getting through difficult bouts of loneliness in my life. Moments where loniness and anxiety fought over which could make me more miserable.

Would hanging out with someone in person have been a better cure for that loneliness? Sure, but I didn't have anyone and was too stressed out to make finding a group setting worthwhile.

I certainly have moments when I unrealistically dream that I'd never had the issues that I do. I say to myself 'you know all that bullshit stress you had? Instead of trying to cure it through technology you should have just gone out and done it that way.' In those moments I try to remember what it was really like, getting through hard times. I always accept that I wasn't in a position to do that yet.

There isn't one app that ever 'solved' loneliness, and some of those that tried didn't work for me. Facebook still makes me feel anxious and judged by others, for example. But I speak with friends for whom Facebook is a pleasure to use.

I'm glad there are a ton of engineers focusing their time on the trivial task of helping solve loneliness. They certainly made apps and programs and protocols that have helped me. And the more I talk to other people about it, the more people I find have been helped through technology.

Certain apps and strategies for fighting loneliness won't work for everyone, and acknowledging what doesn't work for you is great. But I'd never wish for a time when there weren't people out there trying.

toasterlovin• 10 years ago

I just moved into a suburban neighborhood. On the surface, in real life, this place seems utterly sterile and devoid of life. But, of course, it is actually filled with life. The design of suburban American neighborhoods make it incredibly difficult to connect people who live just down the street from you.

But I signed up for Nextdoor and there is tons of connection happening between neighbors. There are the obligatory complaints about homeless, but people are also swapping goods, hiring each other, warning about burglars, etc. I have a hard time imagining how all of this happens in a place like this without a social network.

bogomipz• 10 years ago

"While I sometimes understand the bemoaning of top engineers spending time on trivial apps, sometimes those apps aren't as trivial as you would think when you consider how they positively impact loneliness."

How does interacting with an app and text on my phone instead of interacting with actual speech and people who are present in my surrounding impact loneliness?

mightymustard• 10 years ago

Slightly off-topic, but that is a very nice quote by Vonnegut. I have been on a Vonnegut mood lately, and noticed that he was pretty keen on community and its role in a person's life.

I especially like this one as well:

"Humanist try to behave decently and honorably without any expectation of rewards or punishments in afterlife. Andsince the creator of the universe is unknowable to us so far, we serve as best as we can the highest abstraction ofwhich we have some understanding, which is our community."

His views on community have been slowly changing the way I interact with people.

jasonjei• 10 years ago

New condo developments in SF are trying this idea out.

Gentrification, etc, yadda aside, there are now big HOA club houses, sky decks, and other common areas designed to encourage mingling among neighbors. Now there will be undoubtedly those who will shut themselves in (just like in college), but I think it's bringing back a collegial atmosphere.

Our HOA is organizing a bring your own bottle and cheese event once a month on our sky deck.

dcposch• 10 years ago

I just moved into a sort of a co-op. It's run by residents and owned and maintained by a startup that's trying to create a lot of these kinda of spaces.

Beyond "bringing back a collegial atmosphere", it looks and feels like a straight up dorm.

My rent is $1700/mo. My room is tiny. The common areas are fun. Location is v central, 1040 Folsom St.

With the caveat that I've been here less than a week: so far it's great.

douche2• 10 years ago

Whew, $1700/month to live in a dorm room?

My mortgage is $1800/month, for a 2400 sqft duplex and a two-car garage. I can rent out the downstairs unit for $1350/month. Location, location, location...

golergka• 10 years ago

It's obviously have been noted elsewhere in the comments, but aren't those essentially cafes? Of course, in some countries, it became normal not to talk to strangers in cafes — but wouldn't the same in the end happen in the same public living rooms? After all, many cafes and restaurants now are using giant tables to bring people together, and we're still reluctant to talk to one another. May be the problem isn't with spaces, it's with us?

return04• 10 years ago

If the social media of the past decades teaches us something, is that when given the chance, people tend to form cliques and tend to stay in their bubble when they find one. This persists in large cities where people have adequate and constant exposure to alternate cultures. Maybe people have gotten tired of trying to be tolerant to everyone, maybe they don't see enough value in having to resort to lowest-common-denominator communication and cultural memes. Maybe in the future the physical layout of cities will come to represent its ideological /cultural layout. As loneliness is a physical thing, maybe bringing compatible people closer together enhances communication.

jaspervdmeer• 10 years ago

if you do this in The Netherlands we all just sit there with our phones out doing our utmost best not to talk to others.

Dowwie• 10 years ago

A recent post on the /r/campingandhiking subreddit [1] featured a photo of five young men, dressed in suits purchased at a thrift shop, at the northern terminus of the Pacific Crest Trail. The OP revealed that none of the men knew each other prior to the trip. Each just happened to start the trip at the same time, meeting the others during the first day on the trail. Together, they backpacked for 5 months over 2,650 miles.

[1] https://www.reddit.com/r/CampingandHiking/comments/5aydxu/i_...

riprowan• 10 years ago

This is an interesting concept because it's actually quite old. While traveling through the north of Holland playing shows we happened to play in a centuries-old historic public living room in a tiny township in the middle of nowhere. The place had been a home, but the occupants of the home historically (whomever they were) would open their living room most every day to travelers and neighbors, and serve small-fare food and drinks. The modern owners continue the tradition, and host house concerts occasionally.

It makes sense: it's a sparsely populated location. You could have called it a "cafe" and converted it, and maybe made a little extra money, but so much of the social aspect would be gone. The place actually adds more value to the community as a community living room than it would as a diner.

Edit: the place was also interesting in that it had the original "bedsteads" or box beds (example: [1]). These open (and latched!) from the outside: parents would basically lock their kids in these boxes overnight.

[1] https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/39/70/04/3970041ae...

smacktoward• 10 years ago

Yup. The English word "pub" has its origins in similar establishments; it's short for "public house." (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pub#Origins)

jsemrau• 10 years ago

Isn't that why entrepreneurs have co-working spaces? Getting beaten down day after day surely drives you to loneliness.

gina650• 10 years ago

I just met a YC founder and I do think her startup fosters this type of community and builds deeper relationships beyond the typical "transactional" world.

https://soundcloud.com/user-925097294/simbi-ceo-11116-316-pm

amelius• 10 years ago

I guess these have a similar function as playgrounds in schools, but for the elderly.

Ayraa• 10 years ago

In a similar spirit, it could be cool if some coffeeshops and restaurants explicitly designated one of their communal table as a 'talk table'. Where if you sit at it, it means you are open to chatting with your neighbors.

I know that many places already have communal tables but I find that unless there's some explicit display a place is meant for a certain purpose, many people who want to chat / meet new people won't initiate because they can't be sure their neighbours are open to it. If they purposefully decide to sit at a 'talk table', then you can be sure they are.

maroonblazer3• 10 years ago

I like this idea but I can see the following challenges that would need to be overcome:

1) In the case of coffeeshops, many people go there to work. The noise of people gabbing could drive them away. This is a pet-peeve of mine; the local Starbucks seems to double as a daycare, making it really difficult to focus.

2) How likely is it that the people gathered share enough common interests that they want to talk to each other? E.g. in my case I'd want to be able to strike up a conversation about politics or philosophy or music-making or tech. If no one already-gathered shares any of those interests then I'm not staying very long.

These aren't insurmountable and there's probably others that haven't occurred to me. Again, I like the idea.

random_rr• 10 years ago

Neither of those are truly challenges.

1.) The coffeeshop isn't an office - people can talk. If it's too loud, that's on you (the person using it as an office) to find another place.

2.) You already have something in common - you want to talk!

I've seen this idea of the "talk table" work in retirement homes, not sure how well it would fare with a younger crowd.

onion2k• 10 years ago

If no one already-gathered shares any of those interests then I'm not staying very long.

A slightly ironic statement from someone whose blog apparently covers "frankly anything". :)

sliverstorm• 10 years ago

Yes, how dare other people socialize in a coffee shop, aka my personal office!

cylinder• 10 years ago

The history of coffeeshops goes back hundreds / thousands of years and they were almost always used as forums for public discussion, debate and socializing. This crosses across borders, present in both Middle East and England. Only recently have Americans turned them into quiet places to sit and (pretend) to work on a laptop. If it were up to me they'd all be banished.

paulddraper• 10 years ago

Well my pet peeve is the local Starbucks seems to double as an office, making it really difficult when I bring kids.

StavrosK• 10 years ago

Greece has been doing this for a long time now. There are "special" coffee shops that are geared towards older people (mainly men) and which are exclusively for the purpose of socializing with other patrons, usually in a small village or neighborhood.

There are many social differences to regular coffee shops, but people who go there watch sports, play cards and argue with each other over politics, usually. We call these places "καφενεία" (kafenea). The expectation there is that most people know most other people, everyone knows the owner and the setting is usually not lavishly furnished (just a few tables and cheap chairs).

turar• 10 years ago

McDonalds is already being used as such a place across the country. In Canada, Tim Hortons is used similarly as well.

https://www.theguardian.com/business/2016/jun/08/mcdonalds-c...

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/01/29/arts/design/lessons-from-m...

totalZero• 10 years ago

I always just talk to people. Sometimes it annoys them but sometimes it totally changes my day.

javiramos• 10 years ago

I wonder if VR could play a part on this? My grandfather had a terrible brain tumor that didn't allow him to walk, although he was mentally fine. I could imagine virtual 'living rooms' where my grandfather could've interacted with other people etc.

hehheh• 10 years ago

This sounds nice and all but how long will it take for these to turn in to a bar or cafe or whatever, designed exclusively to extract money from participants?

tgarma1234• 10 years ago

I liked the article and the overall concept. The main issue in my opinion is that the sort of people who would be attracted to such a place would also have had already a great many opportunities to connect with others throughout their life and they likely failed in all of those attempts to form positive, valuable relationships. So the likelihood that they will succeed in this venue is very small. In other words, the reason they are there is that they could not do what this place is asking them to do in any other setting that normal people find plenty of social opportunity to successfully make friends and build a support network. Such spaces would likely be undermined in the United States by the fact that it would end up being a magnet for homeless mentally ill people. If you live in Chicago, as I do, and you want to talk to such people then you can just go to the library downtown, which has ended up being basically a day program for the marginalized, who sit there all day using the free computers and taking bird baths in the bathroom sinks. They don't talk to each other a whole heck of a lot though.

But yeah the modern world is super alienating for most people. The loneliness problem is, in my opinion, sort of like the 21st century version of slums. In the past the existence of slums was a sign that economic progress was not working to include everyone. In our times the isolation and loneliness of vast swaths of our population signals that the system is not creating the opportunity to form effective personal relationships. I doubt there is much we can do about that. Nobody is a stakeholder in the success of the lonely other than the lonely person themselves, and they wouldn't be lonely if the knew how to build relationships. So it's a catch 22 that only gets worse over time.

ajeet_dhaliwal• 10 years ago

Not to diminish whats being done but it does feel like a band aid solution. This is such an important issue. I currently live in London, UK and loneliness is a big problem here. My parents were from India and it doesn't seem as bad there but may be I'm only seeing through my own lens and it is actually a problem there as well. I think the problems stem from a combination of culture, modern life style and tech.

Fighting Loneliness with Public Living Rooms

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