A mentalist’s guide to being happy

http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20190605-a-mentalists-guide-to-being-happy

by jcroll • 7 years ago

122 46 7 years ago

mindcrime4• 7 years ago

I'm sure it can be. But right now, I DGAF. I'm tired of all the negativity and pessimism, and would welcome a big ole healthy dose of optimism from somewhere. Here lately it seems like everywhere you turn it's just somebody screaming about how bad things are and complaining about something.

And yeah, the world we live in is pretty fucked up in plenty of regards. But not in every regard. And while I don't advocate going full-on nihilist, there's something to be said for striving for a little balance, and embracing a little bit of that "screw it, let's just dance, drink, listen to music, fuck, do drugs, and have some FUN while we're here" mindset.

I'm reminded of a line from the Motley Crue movie, where Vince Neil says "I'm sick and tired of not having any fun!"

Life is for the living... let's have some optimism, and have some fun. We can save the manatees, fix the environment, etc., without being a bunch of miserable sodding wankers in the process.

beauzero• 7 years ago

We bought some property 3 years ago and there were no fireflies (Southern United States). We don't spray and have only mowed pastures, fence lines, etc. 3 years in and the fireflies are everywhere...you look out into the fields at night and see the yellow winking on and off. It is encouraging and comforting to see nature return. :)

autokad• 7 years ago

I agree, I think our culture has a far bigger problem with relentless cynicism, pessimism, and negativity than it does relentless optimism.

Swizec• 7 years ago

Have you tried instagram? It seems like rule numero uno for instagram influencers is relentless positivity

lawtalkinghuman• 7 years ago

...and saccharine fakeness, mixed in with paid promotion of utter nonsense.

That said, Instagram with just friends and no influencers is pretty good.

mindcrime4• 7 years ago

Have you tried instagram?

I have the app installed, but I never use it. I think I only installed it because this one woman I was talking to was on there and wanted to connect with me on there.

Maybe I should start using it more though, if what you say is true. Or maybe I just need to curate my "friends" lists on Facebook, Twitter, etc. and cull some of the people who are posting more negative oriented stuff...

danielscrubs• 7 years ago

My rule is: -If you come to me with negativity, you better have solutions even if the solution means pivoting. No one are here to make a perfect product, they are here to provide value.

lmm2• 7 years ago

You don't seem to be engaging with the point of the article. Optimism sets us up for disappointment. Accepting that bad things will inevitably happen, and being able to find joy in the good things even so, is exactly what Brown is advocating.

mindcrime4• 7 years ago

You don't seem to be engaging with the point of the article.

Nope. I didn't even read the article.

Accepting that bad things will inevitably happen, and being able to find joy in the good things even so, is exactly what Brown is advocating.

Good. That reminds me a bit of the message from Victor Frankl's Man's Search For Meaning. I endorse that viewpoint.

beatgammit• 7 years ago

Well sure, if you're blindly optimistic, you'll have problems.

The thing about optimism is that if you believe there is a solution, you'll keep working until you find it. If you're pessimistic, you're more likely to give up if there solution isn't obvious. Successful people are often optimistic because it's useful.

Don't assume that everything will work out, assume that there are solutions to every problem you face. Even when there aren't solutions, searching gives far more meaning to life than complacency.

There's certainly value in stoicism, but I think optimism results in the best quality of life. Which you choose should be based on your personality and what brings you satisfaction (contentedness vs achievement).

dfeojm-zlib• 7 years ago

Yep. Some call the affliction "being a fool," but there is nuance in whether the cognitive dissonance is dishonest about things one can reasonably attempt to change or not seeing things far beyond anyone's power.

xwdv• 7 years ago

The thing about optimism is that if you believe there is a solution, you'll keep working until you find it. If you're pessimistic, you're more likely to give up if there solution isn't obvious. Successful people are often optimistic because it's useful.

By now many in the HN crowd have likely spotted the survivorship bias here. Sometimes optimistic people will keep working toward a solution to a problem until they find it, even if no actual solution can ever exist. Those are the optimistic failures you never hear about.

Likewise, sometimes pessimists are rightfully pessimistic about something that has no solution, and end up moving on much sooner to something better. You rarely hear about that either.

It doesn’t matter whether you are optimistic or pessimistic, what’s important is to be optimistic or pessimistic for the correct reasons.

adventured• 7 years ago

Those are the optimistic failures you never hear about.

To be fair, you hear about that exact scenario constantly on HN. It's a common topic here. I've been reading stories about it here for the better part of a decade now. Pretty much every thread that touches on success, failure and survivor bias end up with discussions covering the issue of entrepreneurial blindness due to eg over-confidence or over-optimism.

You also frequently see entire threads dedicated to the subject, spawned from articles posted by entrepreneurs that put themselves through blind optimism scenarios and then go on to warn against it. Knowing when to throw in the towel, when to stop trying to pivot, and so on, are common themes with founders. You'll run across some really good discussions on the subject here over time.

robocat• 7 years ago

It's a balance.

How many stories have we seen of failed startups after years of optimism? Sometimes the cost of that optimism for the founder was disturbingly high.

I have wasted multiple years trying to find solutions to software problems (e.g. when working with third party systems like browsers) that either were not solvable or that I lacked the skills to solve. I have had some wins too, but often I should have given up far earlier...

c3534l• 7 years ago

Giving up is better than people give it credit for. You can waste a lot of time on hopeless solutions. Knowing when to give up and try something else, something that's a better use of your time, is valuable. There's nothing wrong with giving up when something's hard so long as you don't stop working entirely. There's a healthy way to be pessimistic and an unhealthy way to be optimistic.

pbreit2• 7 years ago

I don’t think being realistic is incompatible with being optimistic.

Townley• 7 years ago

Optimism is absolutely a double-edged sword. It can keep you motivated during difficult tasks, make you a better/more positive teammate, and encourage you to look for the better ways of doing things that optimists, by definition, believe to exist.

On the other hand, it's also the reason behind most of my missed deadlines ("Oh yeah I can do that in a week, no problem"), burnout ("I've got nights and weekends, I can take on this project"), and disappointing/unrealistic projections ("I don't want to slow myself down with research, I KNOW people are going to love this product").

In my previous role, I was paired up with a developer whose natural tendencies were to pessimistically look upon each new feature request like a minefield. Having someone to negate the negative aspects of my optimism was a godsend, and we had one of the most productive working relationships I've ever had. I would unfairly get a lot of the credit for my positive, can-do attitude, but I've never forgotten the benefits of having a healthy dose of skepticism on a team, nor the absolute havoc that an unchecked optimist (like myself) can cause.

a13n• 7 years ago

Nice. It's a good co-founder relationship too. I'm super optimistic and my co-founder is pretty skeptical, which is definitely a beautiful balance.

0xFACEFEED• 7 years ago

we had one of the most productive working relationships I've ever had

Finding a dynamic like this is a treasure.

My version of it was working with someone who had an inclination to solve all problems on the "algorithmic level" so to speak. Every time we worked on a feature, no matter how big, he would start with the hard CS problems and never really leave that head space. I thought of it as a "bottom up" approach. I on the other hand always took the "top down" approach and focused most of my efforts on APIs and architecture.

In his view, if you don't correctly solve the "real problem" (the hard CS problem) then everything else will fall part. If you base your architecture on the wrong solution then your layers of abstraction won't make any sense.

In my view, you should take the naive approach with the CS problem and focus mostly on the interface and system level architecture. If the interface and architecture are a mess, your application is going to be a buggy mess everywhere else too (death by a thousand cuts).

At first working together was so painful! We argued about everything. Worse, we'd be arguing about completely different things because our points of view were so different!

As soon as we recognized our differences we became a well oiled machine. A new project came in, he focused in on the CS problem, I focused on the architecture, and we'd (usually painlessly) merge our solutions.

The balance was even useful when we worked on separate projects. I knew that if I had a very narrow complex problem then I could come to him for a brilliant solution. He knew that if he got stuck trying to design a system with lots of moving parts that I'd offer a solid robust and fault tolerant systems level solution.

Ah, I miss it.

mkagenius• 7 years ago

Industry rarely requires solving hard CS problems, can you share what kind did you guys encounter?Most of the times its APIs and database calls, iirc.

BigJono• 7 years ago

Another side effect of optimism that you didn't mention is that it makes it far easier to fall for bad tooling, libraries and patterns. I find most devs default approach to new stuff is wildly optimistic ("X will solve our problem perfectly", "X is popular so it must be good") and only positive outcomes are really considered ("We need to use X, Y and Z to avoid falling behind").

There's a lack of skepticism in general when it comes to tooling. Every one of those points is void of information without context because they each have a pessimistic counterpart that could be equally true. "X will introduce more technical debt than the problem it solves would", "X solves too broad of a problem and will bog us down with a huge API surface area we don't need", "X, Y and Z will provide negative value and we will miss an opportunity to outskill our competition", etc.

A lot of people, even senior staff, seem to forget that their job is about weighing pros and cons, or costs and benefits. In a lot of work places, mentioning the costs is seen as pessimistic or defeatist. You can see the imbalance by looking at the kind of language that's in vogue. I have a fair sort of a repertoire for accusing someone of being too skeptical of tooling ("reinventing the wheel", "why don't we just build it in assembly?", "10,000 people starred it on GitHub for a reason"), but I find it much harder to come up with opposing examples. The ones that are used aren't as widespread, and are more used as attributes of a codebase rather than as an assessment of someone's approach ("overengineered", "npm salad", "wrong abstractions" etc).

oceanghost• 7 years ago

Love your post. On a guttural level-- At my last employer, I was known for rigorously exploring failure scenarios of our products and demanding they be mitigated.

After years someone asked why I was "so negative" and I said, I'm not negative, I'm, "planning for success."

>mind blown<<

helloindia• 7 years ago

The Nokia CEO, Risto Siilasmaa describes "Paranoid Optimism" as being prepare mentally for the most negative outcomes, and at the same time, be enthusiastic about the most positive outcomes.

syspro• 7 years ago

My father use to always use this sentence:

"Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst."

AlwaysRock• 7 years ago

I'm a fairly optimistic person and I run into the missed deadlines issue with anything non-work related with some regularity. I underestimate the amount of time something will take me or overestimate my ability to start the task.

At work, basically, if there is a monetary value attached to the task, I have no issue. I've tried to analyze this but it seems to come down to things that I don't really HAVE to do will get pushed because I'm optimistic they will work out, as they have in the past, and if they don't then there is no real consequence. Those that are work-related have a direct consequence, less income, so they feel more critical. I'm not a developer so it's easier for me to draw a line from my work to monetary value but this may be a perspective to bring up if you are working with a similar personality type in the future.

typenil• 7 years ago

Stoic ideas have completely changed how I look at the world. Anxiety has plummeted. Interesting to see someone I admire espousing such thinking. I seriously doubt it'll get any traction in the current climate.

unmole• 7 years ago

Wait, I thought stoicism was all the rage these days. Especially in the Valley.

asfgjkladmxvn• 7 years ago

I seriously doubt it'll get any traction in the current climate.

We shall see.

victor106• 7 years ago

I heard this a while ago:- An eternal optimist is someone who while falling from a 50 floor building, when he reaches the 30th floor thinks I still have 29 more floors to go.

Optimism combined with incorporating feedback from brutally honest people works for me.

murat124• 7 years ago

If you want to really dive into hope/optimism you should read Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy's entry about Hope[1].

https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/hope/

formatkaka2• 7 years ago

Frankl in Man's search for meaning writes that in Nazi concentration camps "Some men lost all hope, but it was the incorrigible optimists who were the most irritating companions."

Seems like acc to Dr. Frankl incorrigible pessimists are better companions than incorrigible optimists.

fwip• 7 years ago

It probably depends on your situation. Most of life isn't the literal Holocaust.

alexpetralia• 7 years ago

It's literally in the exact same book that he writes that those who lost hope died first. Hope is what keeps us going.

formatkaka2• 7 years ago

The quote I mentioned was written from a different perspective.

He is talking about his companions. If we try to understand the author's perspective, he was somewhere between the spectrum of men who lost all hope and incorrigible optimists.

For someone like that, I believe the incorrigible optimists would be much more irritating. It's like, there are so many problems and instead of fighting them, the optimists don't want to acknowledge they are there.

pbreit2• 7 years ago

There is never anything wrong with being relentlessly optimistic/positive because not reaching your optimistic/positive objectives never matters!

Note: I did not read the article.

raven512• 7 years ago

This is succinctly mentioned in Vedic Philosophy - Do your actions as a offering, be detached from results of your action, live a life of purpose. The battlefield discourse of Bhagavad Gita by Stephen Mitchell is a good intro. Stoicists will find many good nuggets in the Yoga of Action discourse.

maxxxxx• 7 years ago

Agreed. One translation I have read is "You are entitled to your actions but not the results". I find that a great philosophy.

fastball• 7 years ago

radical new approach
Stoicism

Uhm.

skrebbel• 7 years ago

Most self-help books would suggest that you can fight life’s currents with determination and positive thinking.

What the..‽ Show me one. Just one.

itronitron• 7 years ago

Creative Visualization by Shakti Gawain >> As introduced by Shakti Gawain to more than seven million readers worldwide, creative visualization is the art of using mental imagery and affirmation to produce positive changes in your life.

acqq• 7 years ago

In fact there is even a relation to the current president:

http://inthesetimes.com/article/20736/Trump-White-House-Self...

"In the president’s biography and business career, the role of positive thinking is hiding in plain sight. From childhood on, Trump worshipped in the temple of the movement’s prophet, Norman Vincent Peale: Manhattan’s Marble Collegiate Church. Indeed, Peale presided over Trump’s first wedding in 1977. Trump’s father was a die-hard adherent of Peale’s preachments, as is his daughter Ivanka, who wrote in her 2009 self-help tract, The Trump Card, that “perception is more important than reality” and you shouldn’t “go out of your way to correct a false assumption if it plays to your advantage.”"

"Peale’s midcentury self-help bible, The Power of Positive Thinking, is, at its core, a distillation of the message of the Christian faith into a series of achievement-minded axioms. “Picturize, prayerize, actualize” was Peale’s mantra, and he applied this simple formula to every facet of the believer’s life—but most especially to the sphere of material advancement, which was the surest sign of divine favor in the hermetic social world of Pealeism."

"The Power of Positive Thinking remained on the New York Times bestseller list for 186 consecutive weeks and helped launch the modern self-help industry; more than five million copies remain in print today. Peale’s gospel became the success creed for a newly corporatized and prosperous American social order. "

tim333• 7 years ago

It does help explain many of the unusual aspects of the president.

lmm2• 7 years ago

The article explicitly calls out The Secret specifically.

A mentalist’s guide to being happy

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