Dirty Little Secret of Success

http://www.zeldman.com/2009/10/22/dirty-little-secret-of-success/

by adamhowell • 17 years ago

154 69 17 years ago

zeldman.com

mpk• 17 years ago

Someone's having a bad day.

bd• 17 years ago

Somebody in the comments of the original article mentioned the author is going through a divorce.

jrwoodruff• 17 years ago

I don't think it's really about having a bad day or even a 'tough life' - just a feeling of something missing.

Check out the top few graphs of this page: http://technology.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/tech_and_web/ar...

The theory there is a weak father figure in Steve Jobs' life (he was adopted) caused him to "form a unique view of things and be driven to find followers."

Sounds a little hocus-pocus maybe, but I think there's something to it.

jgrahamc• 17 years ago

Sounds like there's truth in that, and it's absolutely necessary to be relentless about marketing your product. It's a sad fact that no one cares about your application, book, etc. until you start telling people about it.

I wrote about my own experience of marketing in a blog post entitled: If you build it, they will ignore it.

http://www.jgc.org/blog/2009/06/if-you-build-it-they-will-ig...

Alnoor• 17 years ago

I must say that your book "The Geek Atlas", uses a unique and quite interesting style. Perhaps you might know of a book that is similar in style but based on literature?

Something like: The booklover's Atlas

brlewis2• 17 years ago

It is tough for geeks to be relentless about marketing. We're already outside our comfort zone even just beginning to market. Got any tips? I've been following Chris Brogan and get the idea of marketing being about empowering people, but I'm still in the market for advice.

pchristensen2• 17 years ago

I think you've won half the battle by having a product whose story matches a big need. I'd do two things:

- Read everything patio11 has ever written about Adwords and A/B testing. Contact him with specific questions if necessary. He has the clearest, most detailed info out there for marketing a part time software project into a business - Consider changing your home page to show, rather than describe, how the use case for your product matches people's lives. Something like Step 1: Upload photos -> Step 2: Mix a drink while your photos are automatically categorized -> Step 3: Go play with your kids while we automatically email your pics to your loved ones.

Your home page doesn't convey just how ideal your product is. Adjectives and testimonials are ignorable because people can lie about them. Take a look at the home pages for Dropbox or the 37s projects - brief statements, demo video, tour pages. You want people to know how to use OurDoings in less than 30 seconds.

I know about OurDoings b/c I've followed you on HN and the OurDoings, and I think the above-the-fold part of your homepage doesn't tell the right story convincingly. But like I said, you're halfway there because your product is perfectly amenable to this kind of demo/tour/story treatment.

Email me at peter at pchristensen dot com if you want to discuss it more.

wglb• 17 years ago

There is some merit here, but I personally don't think life is that hard. There are other sources of drive, don't you think? Like achieving something that nobody else did before? Like getting into the flow of building something?

TrevorJ• 17 years ago

An interesting take on it, though I would not go so far as to say that you must crave attention and affection in order to be a success.

There are other motivations to work hard and succeed that don't spring from inherent flaws in our person and oftentimes these convictions prove to be more selfless and enduring than any narcissistic need for recognition.

You don't have to feel unloved in order to be discontented with the state of the world. You don't have to crave the love of others in order to be brokenhearted over the suffering that people go through.

In short: a deep and lasting desire to make the world a better place does not first require an unfulfilled need for love. The passion can be fueled by a desire to better the world and the lives of those around us.

wouterinho• 17 years ago

I think it all boils down to a certain "I'll show them" personality trait that acts as a catalyst when confronted with agony, ridicule, betrayal, lack of recognition, etc.

petewarden• 17 years ago

I really like Mark Solon's post on being motivated by that sort of drive, "Don't let the bastards grind you down": http://www.highway12ventures.com/2009/10/15/dont-let-the-bas...

dabent• 17 years ago

I think I caught a similar theme stated differently Thomas J. Stanley's "The Millionaire Mind." He noted that the entrepreneurs weren't the "beautiful people" who had backing, schooling and the right background to be accepted into mainstream, high wage jobs. Not to say that many of those beautiful folks didn't gain wealth, but they often did it as doctors or executives rather than business owners.

I think there is a definite need to prove oneself to society, a parent, or a lover that drives those who start businesses, technical or not.

gbookman• 17 years ago

How does that explain Bill Gates, the world's greatest entrepreneur who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth?

jasonlbaptiste• 17 years ago

Emopreneur is emo.

Joking aside there is truth to the post. Brick walls are there to show us how much we want something.

jjs• 17 years ago

Careful, that's a load-bearing wall...

antidaily• 17 years ago

His twitter updates have been reflective/borderline depressing lately as well. A lot of mentions of divorce. Clearly the guy's going through some stuff.

Mongoose2• 17 years ago

That's for sure. He recently divorced his wife and lost custody of his child. It's a lot of painful stuff to deal with and it's very much bleeding into his web presence.

waldrews• 17 years ago

"Emopreneur" - great coinage; if you're not going to take the domain name, could I?

sh1mmer• 17 years ago

http://www.flickr.com/photos/sh1mmer/4035024371/

qaexl• 17 years ago

"Talent Code", Daniel Coyle.

http://www.amazon.com/Talent-Code-Greatness-Born-Grown/dp/05...

The book suggests that great talent -- specifically "success" in the athletic / superstar world -- also has environmental factors. There are environment cues that activate subconscious fears. For example, training facilities that train world-class athletes tend to be in the dumps, sending the subconscious cue, "You have to get out of here". Another environmental cue is seeing graduated successes. For example, a soccer talent hub has little kids running around playing soccer, older kids playing pick-up games, amateurs who are trying to make it into the pros, and pros who are both friends and rivals.

In regards to financial success, one environmental fear might be having a deep-seated financial insecurity. For example, Tony Robbins was a successful NLP trainer since he was in his early 20s; he made it big briefly than splurge all of his paper wealth. He didn't actually acquire lasting assets until his first child was born. However, it could be argued that since he grew up poor, seeing his newborn child tied into that insecurity he grew up with.

I have a book recommended by Tim Ferris called "Leap" (Rick Smith, http://www.amazon.com/Leap-Simple-Changes-Propel-Career/dp/1...). I have not yet finished the book. However, Ferris's review (http://www.fourhourworkweek.com/blog/2009/09/13/bill-gates-r...) was essentially about how some of the biggest successes actually hedged their risks.

I've been setting up a new business right now in real estate. It is very different from what I was used to -- technologies. It is much more people-intensive, and most of the people I am dealing with don't really do emails. (That is changing, but not yet). The fears I usually come up against are the same kind of fears I have the first time I signed LLC paperwork about five years ago. That time, I was physically shaking when I spent three days putting together the operating agreement. The next two business entities I formed were as boring as "going down to the post office and opening up a PO box". My point is, if I try motivating myself with a craving for attention, that's too much of a struggle. That creates paralysis in me. Your mileage may vary.

The hack I'm trying now uses a definition of "courage" that wipes away fear going forward.

amix• 17 years ago

A part of the human nature is to keep pushing ourselves, keep improving, never becoming fully satisfied - this has resulted in great achievements for our ancestors. This urge to keep improving is a lot stronger for some people than others and I think it's very strong for entrepreneurs.

The bottom line is that I don't think the urge for success is driven by a longing for love and approval, but an urge to keep improving and keep getting better. That's at least my drive :-)

mattchew• 17 years ago

When I'm working just-for-myself, I am not nearly as focused as when I'm working on someone else's project. I waste a lot of time basically goofing off (like now).

I've tried to figure this out, and what Zeldman is talking about is a big part of it. Approval from others is a lot more important to me than I wanted to admit.

"Emopreneur". Pretty funny. Is that your own, Jason?

thaumaturgy• 17 years ago

Pfft.

Yeah, or maybe I just want to get some things done because I'm frustrated with the things around me. People can take their recognition and hang it on a wall.

wsprague3• 17 years ago

The existentialists (well, at least the one that matters, Heidegger) would say that to be human means that one never forgets a deep "uncanniness" or an emptiness, and that part of the drive to succeed (or do drugs or find god or stay busy driving the kids to soccer practice) is a desire to fill up this fundamental emptiness.

This emptiness stems from the fact that you consciously wonder who you are ("consciously" meaning with words in your head), and, in the long term, no final answer seems to be forthcoming, even though you may tell yourself otherwise, or go to church to hear someone else tell you, etc. The emptiness is part of the human condition and can't actually be fixed or filled. We all feel it very deeply, and there is a huge industry around making us feel sure of ourselves, and/ or keeping us so busy in the world that we don't have time to contemplate the ever-present internal void.

The only "authentic" (Heidegger's term) way forward is to just embrace the "uncanniness", and quit wasting time worrying about how you can't "just enjoy life" or "live always in the moment". I think of this as the way of life that is "un-selfconsciously selfconscious" (tm). Look for my new book in the Self Help section soon!

Or, one could also say that Nietszche, Heidegger, and Kierkegaard just had A LOT of bad days and wrote some books about it...

wsprague3• 17 years ago

Why would anyone downvote this entry? Not that I care, just curious...

access_denied2• 17 years ago

Putting the dumbheads who upvote to express agreement aside leaves us with the real reason to upvote: you want to highlight worth-to-read stuff.

I've read your text and frankly it didn't give me much. I thought the Heidegger == 'The existentialist datapoint interesting for my internal map of everything.

Sthorpe2• 17 years ago

I can't believe how many people agree with this guy.

Seriously, why would anyone "break" themselves? I thought we were just learning from our mistakes...

I am very productive these days. I think when you truly love what you do, being an entrepreneur is just something you can tell people so they understand _why_ you don't work for someone.

I've worked at 9 - 6 before. I will never go back. Mostly because of the reward for not breaking myself and forgetting about what I love.

I mean how many people just like the joy of creating something for themselves and no one else. I do.

fnid3• 17 years ago

I think the point is that if you create something for yourself and no one else, then you won't be a successful entrepreneur, because to succeed at that, you have to create something other people love and secretly, you want them to love you, not what you create.

Sthorpe2• 17 years ago

And you agree with this point? I just like building things. I will always do this. However, the sheer joy of something i've built and someone likes using is a journey I am loving. I have this theory that if you build something that you can personally use, then you've built something worth while. Now, as far as wanting someone to love you, who doesn't want that? I certainly don't want to be hated. But I also don't want to compromise myself either.

jessep• 17 years ago

Personally, I like both (a) making things and (b) making other people happy. It's why I cook dinner for friends. It's why I develop products. I think, as humans, we all have some broken parts in us, and hopefully adding value to other people's lives can help us with them. For some of us adding value to other people's lives includes building products and organizations.

forkqueue• 17 years ago

Funny, I saw an interview with Stelios (of EasyJet, Easy*) and he was saying his motivation was always to prove himself to his father, even after his father died.

andyf• 17 years ago

A new startup idea - ridicule other startups until they feel they have hit rock bottom then they can succeed.

astine• 17 years ago

Wow, I should be a millionaire.

c00p3r2• 17 years ago

It's a common knowledge - why, for example, most of world's religions claims that fasting are good - fulfilled body is deaf and dumb.

Think about sublimation as a greatest source of power and will.

You need to be starved and in need to get maximum of your brain capacity. Or think about visiting an unfamiliar place (city, country) how you became sharp and alerted.

So, nothing special. Just pathetic.

dualogy• 17 years ago

"You need to be starved and in need to get maximum of your brain capacity."

Are you serious? It's when I haven't eaten enough in hours that my "brain capacity" gets to an all-time low. Observe how nothing ever really gets Done in societies with extended periods (ie. days or weeks) of fasting during that period. Go to those impoverished areas of the world where people still suffer from hunger and ask them about how their brain capacity is at a maximum. Human beings need food, news at eleven.

c00p3r2• 17 years ago

It is a very big subject. Fasting is a way of training self-will and conquering yourself. It is long and difficult process.

And it is not just about energy or calories. There is also spiritual part.

donniefitz2• 17 years ago

Be careful not to become too uplifted by his words or you'll get all happy about yourself and loose your drive.

unalone• 17 years ago

You can joke about that, but it happens. I've had a particularly good few months, and as a result I find myself getting less done than last year, when I was frequently miserable. In that last two months, I've done maybe one really neat piece of work, and that was immediately after a bad weekend.

I'm not exactly complaining about it, but a part of me wants to throw myself into an upsetting situation just so I'll get back to obsessing over my work.

izaidi• 17 years ago

I'm the same way. My best work has been happened on some of the worst days of my life. I think it's an "Everything sucks so I have to make something that doesn't" sort of thing.

borism• 17 years ago

Another oversimplification and bad at that.

jasonmcalacanis7• 17 years ago

What a load of horse sh@#$%.

Zeldman is basically trying to explains why he doesn't have any drive and hasn't had a breakout success: because he's so well balanced and normal and all the successful people in the world have some sort of a mental defect.

Really?

It's not possible to be driven and well-balanced? Everyone who is successful didn't get enough love from daddy?

Even if he is right who cares... we're all adults now and have free will. My life kicks ass and I'm driven like a mofo.... and it has nothing to do with money or fame... it has to do with solving problems, building a great team and having fun!

Jeff: save the dime store BS and get back to coding some dope shit. Keep trying... as some point you'll get that big exit! Don't give up!

tptacek2• 17 years ago

What the fuck are you talking about? Zeldman is talking about creative entrepreneurs. Zeldman is a creative entrepreneur[1]. I'm pretty sure you weren't on his mind at all, unless you know something we don't.

[1] man 5 happy\ cog

adamhowell2• 17 years ago

> "doesn't have any drive and hasn't had a breakout success"

He pretty much single-handidly started the web standards movement with DWWS (http://www.zeldman.com/dwws/)

A List Apart is one of, if not the, longest running and most influential web magazines around.

An Event Apart sells out every session.

Happy Cog is an extremely successful design shop.

Zeldman.com has been around forever and he has the respect of just about everyone in the industry.

He's a craftsman, Jason, not a suit. He doesn't need a breakout success, just to enjoy and improve at his craft.

And lastly, he's a human being who seems to be going through some stuff and he wrote a blog post around it. Ease up.

jasonmcalacanis7• 17 years ago

blah blah blah... yes I know he's done a cool blog for a long time, but he's got MASSIVE entrepreneur/big win envy.

Everyone wants to hit a home run, and it has nothing to do with being a craftsman or a suit... he's hating on people who have won big because he hasn't.

I have the inside line on this, trust me.

zackattack• 17 years ago

sorry jason, your life kicks ass now because you were a miserable nerd at some point. after denial comes acceptance.

jasonmcalacanis7• 17 years ago

oh, you've figured me out.... I was nerd and got beat up in school. That made me want to start companies and work until the break of day..... I've never felt any true love.... booooo hooooo for me....

whatever.

There is no "one theory" of personality when it comes to success and motivation. Motivation is very layered and complicated. People are motivated by competition, by the love of the actual act, by pride and by a higher calling--and some can experience these things to various level simultaneously.

While I do think many successful entrepreneurs are more focused/less "balanced" (whatever that word means), it is absurd to say you can't be happy, productive, driven and competitive and still be a cool, happy and content person.

Anyway, Z obviously hit a nerve.... let's all go to two therapy sessions this week and get back to work. Right now I've got to get Mahalo in to the top 100 sites on Quantcast or I'm going to jump off Santa MOnica pier and end it.

jcal

JCThoughtscream• 17 years ago

Ah, the mantra of the mad scientist: "I'LL SHOW THEM! I'LL SHOW THEM ALL!"

haseman• 17 years ago

The mixed metaphor per sentence ratio of that article was off the bird in the hand charts.

Andi• 17 years ago

Great post, it's about trying the impossible. There must be a black hole in your mind that you have to fill.

fauigerzigerk• 17 years ago

Looking at the deluge of success related postings on HN, I wonder if the dirtiest secret of them all may be that success is 95% chance and 5% things that are too heterogenous to classify, even for those who experienced them.

fnid3• 17 years ago

Sounds like the TED talk from Alain de Botton where he talks about the old days when we saw a homeless person on the street and considered them among the "less fortunate."

http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/alain_de_botton_a_kinder_g...

Dirty Little Secret of Success

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