Is it rude to leave an interview early if you have already made your decision?

http://workplace.stackexchange.com/q/3492/2624

by damian2000 • 14 years ago

69 51 14 years ago

workplace.stackexchange.com

dfxm12• 14 years ago

The only thing to keep in mind is that somehow, somewhere, you might run into these people later on in your career. For that reason, maybe seeing the interview through is a good idea. Remember, people and cultures can change.

That said, I think it is perfectly acceptable to leave; however, do your best to explain why & don't just duck out when no one is looking.

danielweber2• 14 years ago

I once interviewed at a company that I thought was pretty cool. During the interview the guy who would be my manager started insulting me, in retrospect to get me to just leave. At one point he asked me "are you just here wasting our time?"

I watched with glee as their stock symbol got de-listed. I still have that manager's name on a do-not-hire-whatsoever list.

JoeAltmaier• 14 years ago

Explain first: "I don't think this is going to be a fit. I wish you well in your search." Repeat as necessary until you're out the door.

ctdonath2• 14 years ago

And that's as far as the explanation can go. Most people advocating a thorough explanation fail to address what that would sound like, and while perhaps true would be even less well received. It's the same reason prospective employers don't provide "here's why we didn't hire you" explanations: seems desirable in theory, but is really socially unacceptable in practice. A detailed list of "here are the honest reasons I wish to not associate with you" doesn't go over well.

danielweber2• 14 years ago

Honest reasons may also expose the company to lawsuits. I think we'd be better off if companies could just say why, but we've settled on a poor local maximum.

jonny_eh• 14 years ago

It's just like dumping a girlfriend. Just say it's not working out, you don't have to point out all her flaws.

protomyth• 14 years ago

I tried that at an interview and it still took another 30 minutes to get out of the door.

In my younger days, I had an interview at a casino. One of the job requirements they sprung on me was "unless you take vacation, you need to be within 15 miles of the casino". The casino was located in rural ND.

nikunjk• 14 years ago

Duplicate: http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=4448500

jack-r-abbit• 14 years ago

Technically, this one was first. So there is that. :)

ChuckMcM• 14 years ago

Interesting discussion on SA on this. I don't think it is rude but I do think the OP could have executed it better. There is always someone who is 'co-ordinating' the interview and they are ready to step in if it is going poorly. That person would be the person to talk to about cutting it short.

That said, you should talk with folks about your discomfort as well (you are interviewing them as well). So asking them if you could use your business skills would be appropriate too.

emp_• 14 years ago

I find the "nobody could possibly dislike our culture" groupthink the actual brilliant bit of information in this, it happens way more than it should.

anamax• 14 years ago

You occasionally do need a way to cut interviews short.

I was once chastised by a manager because I didn't boot a candidate after I was done, aborting the schedule. (He came to me while I was writing a negative review of said candidate.)

It turns out that the candidate offered to fight a later interviewer. I thought that the candidate was a jerk but that was a bit surprising. (The interviewer in question was a rather mild person.)

rondon1• 14 years ago

This is a grey area. It IS rude to setup an interview then cancel at the last minute. It is NOT rude to send a thank you note the next day and say that you will be perusing other opportunities. Anywhere in-between these 2 conditions is going to offend someone.

It may feel good to explain why you have no interest in working in a place where egos are based on coding standards adherence, it is better to maintain professionalism.

ctdonath2• 14 years ago

In a business environment where people's time is measured in dollars per minute, spending hours just to "not be rude" IS rude.

Evbn2• 14 years ago

I would be annoyed if you interviewed with me knowing there was no chance you would take my job.

csense• 14 years ago

Any competent manager would agree with you; a candidate who knows they're not going to take the job, but comes in for an hours-long interview with several people anyway, is wasting your resources.

But that's not quite what happened here. As I understand the situation, the prospective employee thought he wanted the job when he went into the interview; but, during the interview he learned things about the place he'd be working in, and the people he'd be working with, that made him change his mind.

This is one of the main reasons that interviews are part of the hiring process: So the company and the individual can learn more about each other before a firm commitment is made, and cancel the impending hiring at minimal cost before it's final, if it becomes clear that that would be the better course.

alan_cx• 14 years ago

This has nothing to do with with leaving early, which is totally fine as long as you do so politely and decently as what you are actually doing is saving the interviewer from wasting time and effort.

No, this is to do with embarrassing and humiliating the interviewers in front of the other candidates. The example guy stood up and walked up in front of every other candidate and sent a clear message to them all. Having stuck his neck out he slightly undermines himself by showing he was not aware of how he got in to the room in the first place!!!!

Like I say, if done right you are doing the interviewers a favour by leaving as soon as you are clear you don't want the job. How you do that is every thing.

loup-vaillant2• 14 years ago

No matter what, leaving early has to be done in front of the other candidates. They're bound to notice your absence anyway. Know a way to do this right?

ender7• 14 years ago

It all comes down to the way you disengage. You can do so cordially or gruffly, and that tends to make all the difference. If you make it clear that you like them, but see no reason to waste any more of their time, then you will fare well in most situations. If they're still upset, then, well, that probably explains why you didn't want to work there.

aplusbi• 14 years ago

I always find it interesting how we (as humans) are not expected to act the same way as companies.

A company can end an interview early and it's not rude.

A company can terminate an employee without notice and it's not rude.

A company can change dress code and it's not rude.

That's not to say that people won't complain, just that these things are perfectly normal.

jiggy2011• 14 years ago

I think it would be considered a bit rude for an employer to terminate an interview early without a good reason. Unless it was obvious that the interview would just be a waste of everyones time, in which case I might be grateful, I've grinded through hour long phone interviews where it's been clear in the first 5 minutes that I'm not what they are looking for.

wccrawford2• 14 years ago

At a previous job, we had a question that we'd use to signal that we thought the interview was over so that the boss could wrap it up. The interviewee only knew that they were hit with an odd question. They didn't know it signaled the end.

There were other times that the boss ended it early without consulting us. Only once was I unsure he should have done so. And again, the interviewee didn't know the difference. We did, because we do the same things every interview, and if some are left out, it's obviously short.

But we could get away with it because the interviewee had no expectations. The guy in the article, however, was there for a full day of interviews. If they cut it short, he'd know. And yes, it would have been rude, just like he was rude to leave.

But in the end, does that matter? If he stayed, knowing he wouldn't fit, he'd be wasting their time and his. Leaving saved them all time and money, and they should be thankful instead of upset. Their feelings were hurt because they thought they had an awesome place to work, and he didn't think so.

loup-vaillant2• 14 years ago

This boils down to expected status differentials. Most of the time, the candidate is supposed to have lower status than the company hiring him. Leaving early challenges the perception that the candidate has lower status, and implicitly lowers the status of the company (in other words, it humiliates it). And the standard defence to humiliation is taking offence.

Freestyler_3• 14 years ago

I don't think all applicants need to be bowing down for the o so great company that is granting them this interview. Business equality. There are 2 sides of the coin. Company can say no to applicant because they see no future in it so canceling saves money. Applicant can't say no to company because it humiliates them.

You can turn company and applicant around, what stays is that the money is saved on company side and time for applicant. The company or the applicant gets humiliated, who has to go home and tell someone (family/friends) that they didn't get the job. The company staff just continuous their routine, because that is company ritual.

borplk• 14 years ago

It is one of the reasons that the idea of 'corporation' was created in the first place. An 'entity' to hide behind.

adjwilli• 14 years ago

It's because the company has the leverage. If they terminate an interview early, they leave one person with a bad impression. If you terminate the interview early, you leave however many people are participating in the interview with a bad impression.

Relatedly, the 2003 documentary "The Corporation" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Corporation_(film)) makes the case that if corporations are "people", they fit the psychopath personality type. Non-psychopathic people have a sense of empathy, a personality trait that corporations lack.

jseliger3• 14 years ago

The movie was silly: it painted corporations as evil while completely ignoring the problems that the corporation as a legal form was invented to solve. A grad seminar actually assigned it, and when I pointed out some of its flaws—like saying all corporations just have to make money, when many kinds of corporations need to do what their shareholders want them to—everyone was stumped. Had anyone read Coase? No. Sigh.

See http://blakemasters.tumblr.com/post/20400301508/cs183class1 and Coase's essay "The Nature of the Firm" for more on why they exist.

antidoh2• 14 years ago

If a company terminates an interview early it might leave a bad impression with the employees who participated in the interview. And you have to work with those people tomorrow.

bsphil• 14 years ago

I would've said yes until I read that it was an all-day interview.

JohnHaugeland• 14 years ago

I disengaged hard, once, in the middle of the code test. I still don't know how I feel about it.

The situation was that the company, right before the code test, had told me a bunch of really weird stuff that wasn't part of the discussion right up until the last minute - it wasn't actually a job, but rather contract to hire; they needed to be ready if the next round of financing didn't come in, but they still expected me to move; I would legally be a consultant and therefore not have proper insurance; et cetera.

They wanted me to do this in exchange for admittedly fairly decent money and equity. However, the sudden, last-minute nature of the reveal really left a bitter taste in my mouth.

Then we got into the code interview, and the programmers started asking questions that made it pretty clear they only sort of barely understood what they were asking. One of them tried to "catch me on an error," and when I showed him the standard saying something else, he complained that I should just accept his viewpoint.

And at that point, I said "well you know what? This is a problem."

And so I just put the brakes on, hard. I turned over a far better solution to what they were asking than the question was structured to generate, said that I was sorry that I had consumed their time, but I was uncomfortable with the way that things had been done, especially that they had not been up front about the structure of the job, and I thought the interview was probably finished, and I appreciated the opportunity.

The guy who complained asked me to explain what I had handed over.

I disconnected, and decided I was happy I hadn't flown in.

There are a lot of people who, I suspect, will feel that this is me being unacceptably rude. I could have gone out in a more gracious fashion, et cetera. I've burnt bridges.

I look at it differently than that. I think those people need to know just how strongly their choices changed how I looked at them. I had been extremely bullish; I was super excited. They knew that. We'd been on the phone a lot, and I'd given them some help over the phone (small startup, lead engineer of dubious ability.)

And, they could hear the change in my voice when they pulled back the curtain on what they were offering.

They need to know that dirty pool like that is going to cost them, hard.

I believe I informed them of that in a fairly clear way. Your mileage may vary.

jseliger3• 14 years ago

I wrote about this here: http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=4449194 , but again, imagine what they did in a date context: things are going well, you like the girl, you reach down. . . and find that "she" is a pre-op transexual. Now: there's nothing wrong with that. But there is something wrong with not making this clear in advance.

Or, from an alternate gender perspective, you're a woman and you've been dating a guy. The first night you stay over at his house, he gives you $1000 the next morning. You're probably going to be miffed because of the expectation violation.

blindhippo• 14 years ago

Burnt bridges? Those bridges are only burnt if you insulted the people interviewing and in your description I see no hint of that.

You disengaged in a mature fashion and asserted your rights as a participant in the discussion. This isn't "being rude". Anyone who thinks it is likely has a very immature view of the world.

A job interview is a business negotiation. Emphasis on "negotiation". They changed the terms on you (or rather your expectation) - it's hardly surprising to expect a change of attitude on your end.

Frankly, if I ever have someone react like you did to me in an interview I would chase them out the door and take them for coffee. Interviewees that have the fortitude to walk out in a polite fashion are worth chasing.

brown9-2• 14 years ago

Sounds like you made the right decision for you.

richardjordan2• 14 years ago

I like the sound of how you did that. If someone tries to pull a surprise reveal on you they're hardly treating you with the respect you deserve in an interviewing context. Making it clear to them this is not acceptable behavior by disengaging is the only real signal you could send.

I have been in many situations where someone wants to talk about a gig but tries to squirm it around to more of a favor on the promise of some future funding event paying me. I usually have more experience than the other party, in such situations, with the funding process and likelihood of their success in it. What annoys me isn't the over-reach, it's the deception. It's being treated like an idiot who cannot handle the truth by someone who fears the rejection that might come with being up front. Truth is I do freebies and favors all the time, when I have spare cycles, as I really want people who have ideas to be successful - and if I can help I love to do so. But they need to be honest with me up front.

Sounds like you were dealing with inexperienced folks (though I'm extrapolating from insufficient data so I might be wrong there). If so you have done them a favor by sending them market signals about what they're offering and what they can likely get in return. I think you're right about dirty pool.

think-large• 14 years ago

Re-post anyone??

astrojams• 14 years ago

Rejection is painful, but if done right it shouldn't be rude.

jseliger3• 14 years ago

Reframe this question in terms of a date: Is it rude to leave a date early? Most people would say no, provided that one uses some kind of plausible excuse. Hence all the mysterious phone calls / texts an hour into a first or second date.

I think the "time wasting" aspect is the important part: most people don't want their time wasted and, ideally don't want to waste the time of others—or to raise their expectations.

Evbn2• 14 years ago

No one posting on HN or SO can claim they don't have enough time to do a full evakuation of an interviewex.

wyclif• 14 years ago

Why is this story on the front page of HN twice, and nobody's removed the dupe?

mattbeck• 14 years ago

I have done something very similar. Walked out of an interview (politely) due to how it was being conducted.

Employers forget that interviews are two-way, and that a talented potential employee is scoping you out to make a decision as well.

They are too often used to having all of the power in the negotiation, they completely don't get it when the time comes to interview someone who isn't desperate.

The ego blow is hard for them to take when you turn them down.

IanDrake• 14 years ago

This is why I like being a consultant. Have work and money to pay for it? Then we're on. I don't want a marriage.

God, now that I think of it, I'm a prostitute.

wccrawford2• 14 years ago

Only if you let them call the shots. If you're calling the shots, you're an escort. ;)

masterponomo• 14 years ago

Depends on how the interviewer(s) have treated you. I walked out mid-interview one time, after the 2nd time the manager was called away to fix a production problem. I could see the room he went into, full of programmers just sitting around waiting for the boss to fix it. I decided this was a sick department and just walked out w/o saying "Bye" as I didn't want to interrupt the debugging session. Another time, in a tag team interview situation, each person kept showing me photos of the calf the team was raising for eventual slaughter for a team cookout. I love meat, but their glee at the prospect of killing this particular cute beast made me not want to work with them. I allowed for the slight chance they were flesh-eating ghouls, and just scampered away during a break.

eru• 14 years ago

Which country was that calf raising done in?

stevewilhelm• 14 years ago

If you have decided on another offer, it's not rude to be honest and explain why you have chosen another position. Focus on how the other offer is a better fit for you.

If you have decided you just don't like the company or the position, continue with the interview just to hone your interview skills and to be professional. But keep your answers succinct and don't fain enthusiasm.

A seasoned manager will get the message and will cut the interview short.

mratzloff• 14 years ago

I've never walked out of an interview, but I wish I had.

If it's not going to work, it's not going to work. I've gone into in-person interviews with reservations, because sometimes my impressions are wrong and it's good to keep an open mind. But if it's beyond all doubt that it won't work, end it.

Even if you've received a personal recommendation from a current employee and don't want to make him look bad, it doesn't matter. You're wasting everyone's time by continuing.

I had this happen to me five years ago with a terrible interview process--embarrassingly unprepared interviewers, clueless HR, arrogant VP of engineering. They offered me the job and told me to go by HR, but I just walked out because I was so angered by the entire experience.

There was no reason to let it get to that point, though.

Codhisattva• 14 years ago

If you feel the need to leave an interview early it's best to do it in the least rude manner possible. Unfortunately, someone is bound to see whatever you do as rude to some degree, so be kind, and courteous, honest and polite.

Explain to the most senior participant possible (such as the hiring manager) or barring that someone from HR why you are calling it off early. Don't get huffy and spew on the staff as that's needless.

Culture mismatches may not be obvious to young inexperienced staff, but to management it's an obvious red flag for team work. And it's management's job to keep the team highly functional so they will thank you for your honesty.

Zenst• 14 years ago

People in general don't like there time wasted and if you had mad a descision then yes you could say "Sorry but I'm going to agree we would not be a good fit and lets finish up early as I have taken enough of your time". The smart thing is to remember interviews work both ways and if you have concerns then ask them directly in a way that its a show breaker and put the onus upon them. There might be a situation were you dont like something and by telling them then they may very well change it and as such your saving alot of time and potentual mistake. They may very well say it wont happen or give a vauge promise and from that you also know were you stand with clarity and are also in a better position to say sorry for taking up your time and end there. Both can end on a good note, the later is the smarter play though.

Mordor• 14 years ago

Walked out of an interview once saying I had a meeting to attend and was offered the job a few days later.

Is it rude to leave an interview early if you have already made your decision?

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