The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/08/23/opinion/international-world/the-bitter-regrets-of-a-useless-chinese-daughter.html

by bitcurious • 8 years ago

487 275 8 years ago

40acres2• 8 years ago

I've been struggling with dream fulfillment vs. pragmatism for weeks now. The dillema is this: I only have a finite amount of time on the weekends and after work -- should I work on this side project idea that I want to turn into a start up or dedicate the time to study for interviews and secure my future with a high salary.

Its been gnawing at me for weeks now and I think after reading this I've made my decision.. my parents are old and sick.. I'm the most successful child and have been covering medical bills for the past year.. it seems irresponsible to try to start a start up that will most likely fail instead of trying to secure a higher paying job so that I can cover their bills and live more comfortably. It may not be the glamorous thing to do but we all have responsibilities...

ssm0082• 8 years ago

Try this exercise: Write down what will happen if you were to die right now. For me, this answers most questions about what I should do.

sombremesa2• 8 years ago

Pretty much nothing will happen, unless you have dependents. Whatever will happen might have mattered for you, but you're dead.

Quite a lot of people have died already with not a lot of consequence.

barrkel• 8 years ago

Life insurance pays out. This doesn't answer much for me.

xaranke• 8 years ago

Does it have to be an either/or situation?

2 months of spare time is probably the upper end of how much you should spend preparing for coding interviews, once that is done you could start working on your side project?

AstralStorm• 8 years ago

It is generally better to use a spaced repetition schedule than cram in 2 months... So, taking say 4h each week or perhaps something even more adaptive would be better.

dleslie2• 8 years ago

I've made a career of chasing other people's dreams: I look for opportunities at well-funded or well-positioned small companies and insert myself into the opportunity to help others achieve their dreams. It's fun, and sometimes it's fortuitous, but most of the time it just pays the bills and keeps my life interesting.

The key is that it pays the bills and remains interesting. If I were to chase my own entrepreneurial ambitions I suspect that the latter _and_ the former would give way to stress and poverty. With kids, that's not particularly desirable.

pm904• 8 years ago

The people that made the most money in the California gold rush were the ones that sold equipment and clothing to the gold prospectors.

luddaite• 8 years ago

I am just entering the job market and I would like to try and make this my career as well. I'd like to go from early stage company to early stage company and help the founders build something cool. Any tips or advice?

mrb2• 8 years ago

Here is a practical thought experiment that might help you: picture yourself many years from now, on your deathbed; would you have more regrets of having gone down path A or B?

projektir• 8 years ago

My issue with this thought experiment is that I'm not convinced that one's thoughts at one's deathbed have a lot of value.

Being lucid at one's deathbed is already a positive situation that might simply not happen under some circumstances.

bigcity• 8 years ago

I had these thoughts before...but realized there is no point optimizing life for the last six months.

GarvielLoken• 8 years ago

The other answers to your question really seem to indicate that we live in the age of the last man.

adrianN• 8 years ago

That is not very practical, as you don't know how the future will turn out. If they start a startup and succeed they'll likely be happy about that decision. It's very hard to figure out expected outcomes for actions, and it's not very productive to think about worst-case (or best-case) outcomes.

sixstringbudha• 8 years ago

I only have a finite amount of time on the weekends and after work..

No mortal being have unlimited time at their disposal. Very few have the fortitude and discipline and above all, guts, to use it for realizing what ever "dream" that they have.

We all have responsibilities. But some does not hide behind them.

blauditore• 8 years ago

This may sound obvious, but have you considered part-time work? If you look out for it, there's a good chance you might find software companies supporting it. Compensation might not be as stellar though, but at least it's a guaranteed income and you still have some time for your side project.

laumars• 8 years ago

It's trendy to run your own start up but honestly I'd rather work for an established company on a decent wage and have my startup idea as side projects for fun. If they become profitable then I get a little extra pocket money. However more often than not it's just something to scratch a personal itch so I'd rather just give it away to the open source community since it has already been so generous to me and my career.

This seems a rather unpopular (at least if you read HN) philosophy these days but it keeps me financially secure, my skills sharp and my attention focused on the stuff that actually matters (family, personal health and happiness etc).

paulie_a• 8 years ago

I absolutely agree. Sure if someone is young, try running your own startup and when that fails you can get a normal job. Everyone wants to claim they are an entrepreneur but that means you are a sales person. Your technical abilities don't mean much.

pm904• 8 years ago

Startups and regular jobs are really different experiences; some people enjoy the thrill of being weeks away from running out of cash, or crunching hours after hours to get the product out to the market and potentially making a ton of money in a short period of time. Others like to have a more regular schedule which for them is more productive. So people kinda naturally gravitate towards either kind of job when they really follow their instincts. But many people often don’t and the mismatch does create frustration.

winrid• 8 years ago

Don't give up. Find a time slot - few hours a week maybe. If you're disciplined and can stick to it you'll accomplish a lot while still working full time.

marak830• 8 years ago

From a 35 yo, with a child, background dirt poor parents who has basically been struggling my entire life (to give you a point of view of my comment). Go for the higher paying job.

Something that is secure, and has a smaller chance of everything collapsing on you, is a main requisite. I have similar issues (family to support, more bills than income).

You don't want to be in this position. It's more difficult to claw your way from the bottom than it is to keep afloat.

Unless you are certain that you can find your idea and keep afloat enough to cover everything, I wouldn't risk your current position.

But take this with a bag of salt, but remember my warning - if there is no safety net, you are not the only one to suffer.

Edit.

Is it somethig. You are able to start in your free time (you're lucky to have any, so use it wisely!) If so I'd say keep working on it u til you get some sort of traction.

Second edit : it's what I'm doing. 70+ hours a week to support my family, and what time I can scrape together to work on my side project.

poof131• 8 years ago

Don’t view it as an either-or. Figure out the best step now for you, perhaps a higher paying job. But that job can lead to opportunities and you may have more cushion and connections to make a better jump into whatever else you want to do later. Think of it as risk management [1]. Too much stress and you won’t function. Manage risk and manage stress to a level that works best for you. Somewhere past perseverance lies adaptability & flexibility at number six on the life checklist. [2]

[1] https://www.public.navy.mil/NAVSAFECEN/PublishingImages/ORM/...

[2] https://slideplayer.com/slide/8751842/26/images/15/CRM+Situa...

fsloth• 8 years ago

If I may bluntly say: Go with the higher paying job, then continue with your dreams. You'll have much more energy to put into your idea if you don't need to worry about finances so much.

If you are unsure, read Adam Grant's "Originals". Many of the high achievers he documents there we not in fact risk takers, but extremely careful about many things.

You can take risks, but not all out risks. Have a solid basis, and then use that as a foundation to build something new. I.e. be totally conventional and security seeking in everything else except in your dream project. That way you have the capacity to fail and learn for a longer time while working on your idea, hence increasing the likelihood of eventual success.

eeZah7Ux• 8 years ago

weeks!? ...

40acres2• 8 years ago

Haha, actually now that I think about Ive been stuck in this rut for a year. But the past few weeks have been really intense.

ams6110• 8 years ago

Are you a "Type A", driven, aggressive, visionary, take-the-lead type of person? If not, you will not do well running a startup. Having a dream is not enough.

It's not for everyone, and it takes a strong leader to make a startup successful. No shame admitting that it isn't for you, the world needs leaders and the world needs people who get the work done.

brixon• 8 years ago

Go for the higher paying job, but do not raise your standard of living. Start building you ability to save. You can grow wealth in a salary job if you are smart about how you spend money.

j452• 8 years ago

Some wisdom that's not easy to imagine for ourselves, but statistically..

"Looking back on my high school years, all my relatives tried to talk me, a top-ranking student, into majoring in science or finance in college. But I was stubborn enough to stay with my favorite subject, literature.

Now I understand them. They knew very well that in life, things can easily fall apart, and that those degrees are a promise of a steady, good-paying job, and perhaps a ticket to freedom, too."

Feeling the shadow of how things can fall apart easily can be delayed until one's 30's or 40s for the privileged, but everyone will see it.

sizzle5• 8 years ago

What did you end up doing with your literature degree if you don't mind me asking. I hope you found your profitable niche, if not what is the barrier to success?

j452• 8 years ago

My point was the increased awareness of fragility as time goes on, regardless of a science or arts education.

I didn't take literature, I was in sciences. Today those who are read, and can write are able to write marketing, copy, communication and are valuable where techies struggle to growth hack.

In university, it seemed friends in sciences had less of a sense of themselves, but found a career easier. It was also noticeable that friends in arts may not have had a clear path to a career, but seemed to have a clearer sense of themselves, or at least an ability to explore and articulate it.

bxtt2• 8 years ago

As an Asian-American, I'm struggling through the same dilemma as well. I've been given a huge opportunity to move to Asia and to initiate a program at a Fortune 100 company, but recently my parents have gotten very ill. My dad was recently diagnosed with cancer, and has had multiple surgeries. My mom has a myriad of health issues, and I feel painfully selfish by not helping them. They would never burden me, and pushing me to go pursue my career dreams.

I think this is an experience that most people will face in their lifetime. I don't necessarily know if this is an Asian experience, and the discussion of family burdens because in our culture the parents would never say a thing about their illness. But, I don't think what they realize is that it puts even more pressure on the children on accepting the right path.

appleiigs4• 8 years ago

I'm asian. I'm not american. I think weighing career dreams (a stereotypical american thing) versus taking care my parents (a stereotypical asian thing) is not even a close decision. When I look back at my life, I'm not going to regret spending extra time in the office.

I'm in no way saying my opinion is correct, because everyone has different values. I'm just sharing my surprise of the dilemma in your post and the original article from my point of view.

In fact, my wife and I are a 1000 km apart because she has to take care of her parents and my parents and job are here. we've lived like this for 6 years.

nambit• 8 years ago

To what end?

bxtt2• 8 years ago

For me, it's about chasing after an opportunity that will potentially change my career and life. I grew up with nothing, so I chase after everything. My parents were illegals and watching the struggle was very impactful. Even if I decided to go back and take care of them, I would get an earful.

shady-lady• 8 years ago

When I look back at my life, I'm not going to regret spending extra time in the office.

Did you mean you're not going to regret not spending extra time in the office? i.e. family > work or did you mean work > family

fspeech4• 8 years ago

How big is the opportunity? If it raises your income significantly will you be able to hire help to take care of some of the needs of your parents? Make your parents proud of your achievement can be an important factor to consider, esp. in the context of Asian culture.

In terms of medicine I think it is important to educate yourself about the particular problems your parents are facing. Medical books and journals are not that inaccessible to a well-educated person and not that time consuming to get a decent understanding of if you focus on problems at hand. Helping them understand their diseases and the medical system and set the right expectations may alleviate some of their anxieties.

xenihn2• 8 years ago

Is bringing them with you an option and/or something you would consider at all? I will possibly be in a similar situation as yours soon.

RikNieu• 8 years ago

A common trend I've noticed with successful founders in my small circle - little responsibilities to dependents and a ridiculous abundance of just-in-case-it-fails funds.

onion2k• 8 years ago

Anecdotally, that's the opposite of my experience in startups.

The founders who had funds to fall back on (or a job they could easily return to, or parents who could help them through tough times, etc) mostly either failed outright or ran their startup for years without really getting anywhere. I think the reason is that they didn't need to succeed. They were 'playing' at startups. It didn't matter if they failed.

The fear of actual, real failure is a fantastic motivator. Failing should have consequences for it to matter and for it to drive you to succeed. That doesn't need to be financial ruin of course; it could be that you truly believe your startup is important and necessary, and that you're solving an actual pain. I believe that startups with that are more likely to succeed. It'd be interesting to study it.

achow• 8 years ago

That is true.

But what one of the two points of OP is while you are running a startup, which would fail if you take your attention away, your chance of making it a success would be orders of magnitude higher if you don't have to care about your aged parents medical bills, or home mortgage, etc.

willvarfar• 8 years ago

So healthcare in China is two-tier? Excellent care for those with money or connections, and bad care for everyone else?

The author works in America as a writer (and the prose is excellent! Hard to believe English is a second language!).

Would things be any different if the mother lived in the states with her daughter? Would healthcare be better for her, or would it only be better if they were richer than they are?

As someone living in a country with working universal healthcare, I can only feel exceedingly sorry for those living in countries such as China and USA.

whooshee• 8 years ago

Unlike U.S., Most good hospitals in China are public, but that doesn't change the fact that it's still expensive with the basic care if someone is in serious situation. More and more people are going towards buying some insurance nowadays.

Sometimes I wonder if universal healthcare works in big countries like U.S., China, India etc,.

cowmoo728• 8 years ago

Two tier healthcare in China is more like the doctors refuse to do anything for you, or the hospital refuses to admit you.

https://qz.com/1206738/the-death-of-a-chinese-flu-patient-re...

The new yorker has a much more in depth diagnosis of health care in China.

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2014/08/25/under-the-knif...

modells• 8 years ago

That sounds like Valley Medical here in Si Valley. Ostensibly, they have to "accept everyone" but realistically, they put people on buses and send them elsewhere. Also, there are many specialties with zero appointments available and no waiting list... they require calling up at a certain time like getting Yosemite campgrounds. So much for capitalism and the miracles of being "better" than socialism.

killjoywashere• 8 years ago

I trained in a major US West Coast city and had plenty of Chinese colleagues and friends in the neighborhood doing business with Chinese hospitals.

It's much worse than that. More like massively overworked doctors seeing patients in a room where the door is held open by the line of people outside, desparate family members pressing their life savings into doctors' hands, and, if the outcome is bad, hunting the doctors down to kill them.

Stories of clinic rooms separated only by mucus-covered meat-locker curtains. Bribes to get pathology cases read by US pathologists. Dual-appointed Chinese professors in the US, directing trials in China that would never happen in the US.

I never had a discussion with anyone encouraging me to go to China, no one told my about the miracles of Chinese medicine. Horror stories, every, single, time.

romanovcode• 8 years ago

So healthcare in China is two-tier? Excellent care for those with money or connections, and bad care for everyone else?
As someone living in a country with working universal healthcare

I don't know where you are living, but for example the praised German universal healthcare works exactly the same way - two-tier. Of course it's not bad on universal, but if you have money to go private the difference is obviously there.

geomark• 8 years ago

Isn't it the same everywhere in the world? My first hand experiences are the US and Thailand and I have also researched quite a bit the medical tourism industry. Although there are some differences, it seems universally the case that most locals have access to public healthcare which is generally bad while those with money (wealthy locals and foreign medical tourists) have access to excellent doctors and facilities.

I know there are people positive on nationalized healthcare in some countries. But then I read about how wait times for medical procedures have reached record highs at hospitals in the UK and that there is now wait-time insurance offered in Canada to pay for trip and treatment in cases where you will be dead before your appointment date arrives.

I don't know that it has ever been different. Or that it ever will be.

dangero• 8 years ago

This resonated with me as an introvert and I'm not Chinese. There have been many times that I've realized, I should have spent more time collecting connections and less time working in front of the screen.

I think this also relates to the values my parents gave me that I should work for everything I have and hard work pays off. They never asked anyone for a favor or special privileges, so I never put much value on networking. When I get in a tough spot my natural instinct is to put my head down and solve the problem on my own.

Calling in a favor requires future planning because you need to collect the right kind of friends who also understand the value of passing favors. My observation is that it's much more common for business types, not engineers to think this way.

fspeech4• 8 years ago

Not sure favors can really save someone in time of need. They tend to help when one's trajectory is up, not down. Like banks love to loan to people who don't need to borrow.

iamgopal2• 8 years ago

And they may solve this problem only emotional point of view.

kos_• 8 years ago

You don't need to collect the "right" kind of friends. This kind of thinking strips the humanity out of the process. It's an understandable conclusion but highly misleading.

The simplest heuristic to use that will get you to a better place - is to maintain/grow the connect with people you care about. What does that mean? Why do you care about certain ppl? How do they make you feel? What needs of yours are they meeting? How well do you understand/misunderstand their needs?And what is involved in maintaining and growing the connect through good and bad times?

The world can be divided into people who think about these questions all the time and those who don't. No guesses to who has more connections and is more comfortable calling in favours.

The good news is you too can spend time on those questions even if you currently don't. The more you do and deeper your answers get the more satisfying your life gets.

A large part of the human brain is devoted to social connection. But you have to learn and exercise it for the best results.

whorleater• 8 years ago

You don't need to collect the "right" kind of friends. This kind of thinking strips the humanity out of the process. It's an understandable conclusion but highly misleading.

I hate myself writing this, but I'm also going to say that you sometimes don't have the privilege of making friends for friend's sake. I'm Chinese, and in college I went out of my way to collect "useful" friends and curry favors because I knew that my parents (poor immigrants from Shangdong) couldn't support me if something happened, and I would rather die before asking them for more than they've already given me. It felt slimy and grotesque to work relationships in this way, but for me it felt like the only way to survive and build a safety net.

tvanantwerp2• 8 years ago

I feel the same way. As I think about my own network, I feel like it's dangerously small and can't bring much to bear in times of need. As a fellow introvert, I didn't work hard in the past to build more and stronger connections. Only now am I seeing the problems that arise from not doing so. If only I had known...but then, I still would've been an introvert.

obulpathi3• 8 years ago

I came to US about 10 years ago. Finished my PhD and spent about 4 years in Software Industry. Saved some money. US has taught me a lot about entrepreneurship and software. Now moving to India for good to work on my own startup, spend more time with my hobbies and to stay close with my parents who are in their 60's. It took me more than an year to convince my parents (hardest to convince was my Mom) and my Wife. Looking back, I feel that is one of the best, courageous and hardest decisions I have taken in my life.

Also thanks to YC for accepting my Startup in to their Startup School Advisor Track. Namaste!

User234• 8 years ago

It’s the right decision. You will be able to take what you learned home and create wealth for thousands, if not more. India is going to surpass China in the next century.

obulpathi3• 8 years ago

Thank you and I too hope so!

sombremesa2• 8 years ago

India is one of the hardest countries to do business in. On top of that, many businesspeople (not to mention the government) are dishonest and will happily run with your money. The "guanxi" situation outlined above very much applies in India.

I'd be curious to see how someone educated on American entrepreneurship performs.

contingencies• 8 years ago

India is going to surpass China in the next century.

Might need some anti-corruption startups to make that happen outside of cricket...

lovelearning• 8 years ago

India is going to surpass China in the next century.

Just curious, but this statement surprised me.

Surpass in what ways? GDP? Per capita income? Standard of living? Population? Level of honesty? Level of corruption? Level of transparency?

Any studies you can recommend that reach these conclusions?

godzilla82• 8 years ago

What is with this constant obsession with surpassing China. This is just so stupid.

pertymcpert• 8 years ago

Are your parents in the US or India?

obulpathi3• 8 years ago

My parents are in India.

tinktank4• 8 years ago

Good luck! You taking in any tiny amounts of seed funding? (10K or less?)

abhi152• 8 years ago

It has less to do with China but more to do with the Author being so far from the home. Tomorrow her Mom might need her more and the government can only help that much. These are all the choices people make in life..

cbhl• 8 years ago

One of the least useful pieces of start-up advice I received in college was, "if your startup fails, don't worry, you can go live in your parents' basement."

Well, fine, if your parents owned their home, the worst you have to deal with is the shame of failing. If I did a start-up and it failed, it's probable that my parents wouldn't even have a basement for me to return home to.

kaskavalci2• 8 years ago

Hence you don't have a safety net and can't be an entrepreneur. If you can take the chance of getting rich or becoming homeless, good luck with that. Otherwise, 9-5 jobs are the only option.

eiurafhlfie• 8 years ago

If you are middle class (~$30k-$70k per annum) you can be wealthy* by focusing your spending on freedom, aka capital investments. I did not understand this was an option before reading the blog of Mr. Money Mustache[0]. Reading that and the Living a FI blog[1] may hopefully be as life-changing to you reading this comment as it was for me.

* Wealthy in time to spend with those you love

[0] https://www.mrmoneymustache.com/

[1] https://livingafi.com/

fhood• 8 years ago

This is a really great point. "Following your dreams" tends to come at the expense of your parents and not yourself. Which is fine if your parents can afford it I guess, but the idea that following your dream is a noble and brave act is seriously flawed.

HillaryBriss2• 8 years ago

This also applies to taking a low or non paying internship at a big company: free labor, subsidized by the dream-seeking intern's parents.

In LA, very often the dream is a job in the entertainment industry.

walshemj5• 8 years ago

If its anything like the UK having family connections helps a lot.

Terr_• 8 years ago

Right: It's really annoying when some people peddle "rags to riches" stories where -- upon a bit more digging -- you realize that the protagonist was actually nowhere near "rags" status and that their family's affluence or connections were key factors in them being able to event attempt their lucky moon-shot.

fouc2• 8 years ago

This is a very bizarre story.

Not everyone has the inclination to develop connections, nor should they.

Not everyone is motivated by more "practical" careers.

The truth is if she had a chance to repeat her life, she'd probably still choose to pursue her literary dreams.

She made the decision multiple times in her life to focus on other things besides connections or going for some "practical" career. She knew there would be different opportunities/costs regardless of the direction she chose.

It doesn't make a whole lot of sense to suddenly feel bitter regret about this. That's just hypocritical.

mafro• 8 years ago

Have you never regretted decisions made?

fouc2• 8 years ago

All the time :)

DoreenMichele• 8 years ago

Her closing remarks indicate it doesn't matter what choice she makes, she will have regrets. The end of the piece indicates it is systemic, a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation that shouldn't exist. It also describes a situation where the system sets you up for failure, then blames you when you fail.

They disappear people in China for criticizing the government. This strikes me as a left-handed critique of China, hopefully one that won't come back to bite the author.

helloindia• 8 years ago

My thoughts went the same way. I hope this article doesn't cause problem for the Author's parents back home.

femto• 8 years ago

I read it as a commentary on corruption, contacts and money governing access to things that should otherwise be accessible. People are so bogged down in trying to survive the system, often for the sake of dependents, that they don't have the time to change it.

Edit: Added bit about dependents.

fspeech4• 8 years ago

If every patient demands the "best" doctor then indeed no system could satisfy everyone. If instead one settles for a competent doctor, esp. for a standard case I don't see why such care can't be routinely accessed in a place like Shanghai. Rural China is another story.

iamkp• 8 years ago

If I do a search and replace of China with India, this article would still be real and same.

spyckie26• 8 years ago

The harsh reality of 1st or 2nd generation Chinese is that while many of us went to the top universities and grew up with a modern, 1st world mindset, we can't escape the fact that our financial and family background is from the developing world, and we live in both worlds at once - our mindset is modern, but the issues and problems of the developing world are still very much things we have to deal with.

I first encountered this dichotomy at a young age, when I was invited to my friend's house. It was a mansion in Bel-aire. Then another friend - a beach house overlooking Santa Monica. I was too young to know at the time, but we lived with no savings in a small apartment, and eventually bought a modest house, but even then, our furniture was mix-mash, we did a lot of poor quality self repairs, and were extremely careful about spending. Our life was focused on frugality - I remember a lot of small things I found particular, like my mom would reuse the paper towels to clean the dishes, and our TV was older than me by 1 year - it was my mom's TV from college.

When I was in high school, I visited my grandparents back in Taiwan, and I vividly remember the experience, not in a good way. They used to be rich but gambled most of their wealth away, including most of their house. It left them with this pitiful structure, a corner skeleton of what was once a majestic courtyard house that had fallen into disrepair and was never modernized. The structure wasn't fully enclosed so you had to sleep in a mosquito net, and there was barely a modern kitchen and bathroom. Needless to say, I did not want to go back.

I eventually worked at a real estate company and got a chance to view many houses on the market in SoCal. One step into the house and you can immediately tell a lot about the family's background. I remember 2 houses distinctly - a rich Asian immigrant's house, and a rich Caucasian's house. The Caucasian's was filled with relics of community - pictures of their involvement on sports teams, pictures of grandparents leading town hall meetings - it felt like they were rooted into the city and were an integral part of the community there. In contrast, the Asian immigrant's house was filled with relics of achievement - the doctorate was posted on the wall, lots of trophies and awards for their kids. The imagery offers a lot of insight into family and community development lagging behind income development in immigrant families.

From developing world living conditions, to a small apartment, to a modest house, to seeing rich houses and mansions in Bel-aire - each of these provides me a snapshot of way more than just income. Beyond wealth, there is poverty of taste, standards, and expectations, family practices and emotional intelligence that define many Asian family backgrounds. Beating your kids is not the right way to raise them. Yelling louder is not the way to win an argument. Hiding your faults hurts your family more than it helps. Our parents came from humble, uneducated backgrounds, and modern society and the cultural values it instills - while a gift from them - is something they themselves lacked.

Interestingly enough, I have a lot of friends who feel a similar regret as this article implies. Our parents have done such a good job of creating a modern world environment for us that we don't see the developing world heritage until much later. What it means is that it is hard to understand the advice and mindset of our parents growing up, and only much later do we appreciate their perspective and effort - when it feels too late.

ak392• 8 years ago

"Beyond wealth, there is poverty of taste, standards, and expectations, family practices and emotional intelligence..."

This is beautifully written, thanks for sharing your experience.

sametmax• 8 years ago

Your testimony reminds me of a kid I met in Mali. The guy was our guide, and he spoke 6 languages, including 4 local dialects, french and english. He had a cellphone and knew how to drive a 4x4.

He drove us to the desert, in a place at the north of Bamako known as the Dogon's country. There, he asked us if we were ok to take a detour by his parents village, and we agreed.

His parents were living with no electricity, using water from a well, in a small mud-made house. They slept among the goats and chickens.

It made me realized he had to live between those 2 worlds, and it felt so unreal.

csomar• 8 years ago

Lots of people from North Africa are leading this life too. North Africa is richer but the inequality is sometimes is surreal.

The countries' bad infrastructure and the lack of options to move to better countries (visas restrictions) give them no choice.

spyckie26• 8 years ago

When Asian parents says, don't get a literature degree, become a doctor, they have a good reason to say it.

It's not necessarily this bad in terms of standard of living (the above description would be subsistence levels, maybe less than 200$ a year), but the median household income in China is about $12-15k US a year compared to $56k in the US. And it's not that in China everything is cheaper so 12-15k goes a long way - no, they just live with less. Things that we take for granted, like insurance, available hospitals, quality goods, good customer service, safety of food & goods (a big one we don't even notice) - these are the result of a developed economy, and we definitely pay for it - we (as an economic whole) have the additional income to allow for these things to exist.

Even with a 10% GDP increase per year, it would take China another 15 years to get to US level standard of living. With a 5% GDP growth, it would take 30 years. These are just numbers to me (12k vs 50k living, I can see one is 4 times better!), but my parents know firsthand what the difference feels like and it makes their urgency much stronger.

For reference, I think my grandparents would be living on an equivalent of around $2-3000 a year based on what I know my mom gives them (and maybe other family members).

strken• 8 years ago

Without being too much of a prick, my dad grew up in a first world western country in a house with a dirt floor, had no power until after 1970, ate a diet of mostly potatoes a few months before they were due to be planted and 10 months since they were picked, slept with the cows because it was more comfortable than sleeping in a bed with the other male children, and ended up a comparatively wealthy amateur entomologist only because he got a free studentship and became a teacher. They used to store meat in a Coolgardie safe before they bought a kerosene fridge.

Anyone in a developed country has an insane level of wealth even compared to our parents, for the most part. I'm reading High Output Management right now, and it's basically the opposite of every strike and industrial action my parents found themselves in. There's an inherent tension between a stable life and a rich life that I find hard to resolve.

I dunno.

taejo• 8 years ago

What do distinction do you make between "dialects" and other languages? I understand "dialect" to mean something like "one of several (usually regional) variants of a language", but that is only really meaningful when the language is referenced. Do you mean he spoke 4 local dialects of the same (unspecified) language, or of French or English? Both of these seem to be the wrong interpretation, since you count them as six languages in total.

BrandoElFollito• 8 years ago

I was brought up in a middle-class+ family in France. We read what we needed and my parents lived a simple life.

I am now much better than them, financially. I still live a simple but comfortable life and my children somehow get infused with it (they have everything they need to the point that I never know what to get them for xmas).

I was very surprised when the 12 yo one told me one day "rich people are rich because they live a life of less welthy ones, and the less wealthy want to live a life of rich". He was referring to his friend whose parents have a hard time making the month buying him the latest iphone because his friend insisted on having the latrst one (while my son has a mid level phone he is genuinly happy with)

B1FF_PSUVM3• 8 years ago

a modern, 1st world mindset,

Yours was a valuable testimony. Let me just comment on one aspect of the mindset bit. Class, as you noted, still very much exists, but modern day aristocrats don't expose themselves to snipers as they did two or three centuries ago. Instead we get celebrities and players and self-made rich critters out there to catch the limelight and flak. And family, the key base to aristocratic wealth and power, is played down as unnecessary, because a meritocratic system needs no more than individual prowess to succeed.

wozniacki2• 8 years ago

  Instead we get celebrities and players and self-made rich critters
  out there to catch the limelight and flak. And family, the key base
  to aristocratic wealth and power, is played down as unnecessary, 
  because a meritocratic system needs no more than individual prowess
  to succeed.

Terrific observation!

Although I think I get what you mean by this I'd love for you to expand on it. I'm sure you have dwelled as I have and arrived at some keen insights.

Also who or what did you mean by

  snipers as they did two or three centuries ago

Were aristocratic families the object of scorn back then? All the attention they received from society eventually led to bad stuff? Bad actors?

late2part2• 8 years ago

What an incredibly well written comment. Thank you!

k__2• 8 years ago

Same here in Germany.

My grandparents were born end of the 1930s. They grew up in the second world war and lived through the rebuild. The mother side in the west the father side in the east, so they even lived through socialism.

Their views on life were so removed from what I encountered in the world...

ptaipale9• 8 years ago

Even a smaller generational gap here: my father was born in 1920, my uncle in 1918, at time of civil war in my country (Finland). The family was not the poorest but getting food on the table was a concern. Boys went to work in the forest at the age of 12. Uncle went through prisoner of waonr camps in Russian in 1940, father spent 1941-1944 the front, looking for bread crumbs in the pockets of any Russian KIA he'd find.

I was born in 1960's and even though the world has changed hugely since that time (mostly for the better), I never worried about having enough food. I was frustrated by my parents' need for hoarding: no old piece of cloth or broken tool or piece of scrap metal was too worn out to throw away. But I notice I have mental trouble of throwing away scrap metal or old pieces of electronics myself.

nabla9• 8 years ago

What you both describe is large cultural division between survival values and self-expression values between two generations.

In quickly developing countries some people already live modern life but their parents come from very traditional valued society. What in the west is cultural division between grandparents and grandchildren can be division between parents and children.

Political scientist Ronald Inglehart (known for Inglehart-index and Inglehart–Welzel cultural map used in the World Values Survey) noticed the same difference between post-war generations and their parents. His book 'The Silent Revolution' (1977) was the first attempt to map these differences between generations and cultures.

I noticed similar cultural division after Soviet Union collapsed in 1992 and I made friends with Russians of my age who moved to Finland, I realized that they shared the same values as my parents (and I have old parents).

m_fayer4• 8 years ago

"Survival values" is just right, and key. I've lived this divide (1st gen Russian), and as a teenager could not comprehend why my parents constantly pressured me to study physics and maths, which did not come naturally to me, and why they did not see any value in my achievements in the humanities, or even recognise them as work at all.

As a young adult I understood that from their perspective, physics and maths was the most sure-fire way for Soviet Jews to gain a modicum of stability and security in a country whose industrial and military sectors were prestigious and financed above all else. But I still resented them for not truly internalising that they were raising their child in a different culture and a different economic reality.

As an adult, I eventually came to see how a life that started in Stalinist Russia had robbed my parents of the cultural and emotional intelligence that would have allowed them to empathise with a child growing up in such radically different circumstances. And how instead of those intelligences, there was an unsleeping instinct for survival and a permanent anxiety, knots that are just starting to show signs of loosening in what are probably the last years of their lives.

Markoff4• 8 years ago

this is very good point about generational differences based on how fast it's country developing

when I compare household of my Chinese parents in law with my parents households it really seem like we skipped generation, because their household it's closer to my deceased grandma's household with few exceptions and same can be applied also about opinions and thinking even when i compare my wife with them and even she has to admit the have really old school opinions closer to generation of my grandma than my parents and these are quite educated urbanites which are almost middle class (and didn't object their daughter marrying foreigner it expecting some money from me as happened to many of my colleagues in China), not some poor uneducated farmers where the difference must be even starker

ptaipale9• 8 years ago

That experience is not restricted to "3rd world". I think what you describe could be simply called "class differences".

Even what we now call 1st world countries had incredible poverty some 60 years back and it's not so long back, even if the face of poverty has recently changed from lack of opportunity to lack of achievement.

Up to 1980's, in the Finnish welfare state where I grew up, you would see men who slept in trash boxes through the -30°C winter nights. Men broken by war, alcohol and unemployment. Some women, too. With the minds, bodies and experiences they had, they did not have opportunity for anything better.

pavlov• 8 years ago

I’m Finnish too. My entirely anecdotal experience of both Finland and USA is that America is about 40 years behind in responding to poverty.

To see men sleeping in trash boxes in freezing weather, you only need to walk a few blocks around midtown Manhattan in the winter.

commandlinefan2• 8 years ago

could be simply called "class differences"

Yeah, seriously. My family has been American for at least four generations. I can tell by looking in the mirror that I'm at least 95% European, but I have no idea from where - before about my great-grandparents, there isn't much genealogy to follow, and for the most part that's because most of my ancestors were trying to keep a low profile and avoid having any records that the police could follow. I'm doing OK for myself now, but I grew up at the end of a dead-end dirt road that was connected by another dirt road to the actual paved roads. There's poor everywhere.

PurpleBoxDragon2• 8 years ago

I'm a Caucasian American whose family has no records of where we came from, not even where in the US my ancestors lived before they moved to the farm in middle of no where. My parents grew up on farms where the food they grew was the food they ate, and while my own childhood wasn't improvised (probably upper working class, if that's a thing), a lot of OP's post resonates with me.

For example the following feels like it was describing my own childhood.

Beating your kids is not the right way to raise them. Yelling louder is not the way to win an argument. Hiding your faults hurts your family more than it helps.

marnett2• 8 years ago

When one focuses all their efforts in and before college in the sciences, neglecting a rounded, liberal education in the process, I am not all surprised by the lack of class knowledge.

x775• 8 years ago

Thank you for providing your perspective.

faitswulff3• 8 years ago

You speak so eloquently of Chinese diasporic issues. Being Chinese American myself, I would literally sign up to read more, since you hit the nail on the head so well. Would it be possible to get your contact info? - if just to buy you a coffee if I'm ever in your area.

hangonhn• 8 years ago

Likewise here! It's rather comforting sometimes to have one's inner thoughts and worries laid bare in the public by someone else. One of the many benefits of the arts and writers -- especially those who shared a common experience with you.

spyckie26• 8 years ago

Really flattered by all the responses, did not expect it. I currently live in Hong Kong. You can reach me here - spencer @ terminal1.co

For blogging, I prefer interjecting my thoughts into existing conversations rather than starting them, so I don't write my own blog pieces that often. But I would be happy to receive emails with questions, encouragement, or further discussion.

If I do write something related to Asian American issues, I can add you to a simple mailing list - just let me know you'd like that, although don't expect to receive much content.

tvanantwerp2• 8 years ago

I don't think this story is particularly limited to immigrants. I remember that when my grandfather died, I didn't know about it for two months because I was studying abroad and my mother "didn't want to upset me". Our family has been living in the Americas since the 1600s.

Coming from a smaller Southern town that existed to produce textiles--none of which are produced in the US anymore--I grew up relatively poor and without guanxi or even any role models and mentors to advise me. Only in the past decade since leaving college and living in a large US city do I see the huge deficits in my understanding and network that such a background creates.

Markoff4• 8 years ago

pff, only two months, my wife (Chinese, if it matters) just learned her grandfather passed away last summer year ago, because they didn't want to upset her when she was like 5 months pregnant and this was almost 90yo guy with health issues, so not much surprise there to upset anyone

as I pointed to her if they lie about such big thing how can you trust them even with smaller things where they would not hesitate to lie at all

m_fayer4• 8 years ago

"Beyond wealth, there is poverty of taste, standards, and expectations, family practices and emotional intelligence..."

This insightful post really hit home. I'm first-generation Russian, my parents arrived in NYC in the late 80s. The cultural and mental gaps between us are vast, it feels like we're from different planets. It's only in my 30s, with some emotional maturity and pointed study of history, that I'm starting to understand it, and what I'm starting to understand is very similar to what you wrote. That probably explains why, growing up in 90s NYC, I felt an easy and immediate camaraderie with first generation Chinese kids.

IWeldMelons2• 8 years ago

"Russian" diaspora living in NYC is quite different from the Soviet people who settled in the other parts of the US. Living in Brooklyn actually had caused a significant amount harm to the immigrants, ended up living there, because it sheltered them from the normal, mainstream American culture.

msie• 8 years ago

I remember 2 houses distinctly - a rich Asian immigrant's house, and a rich Caucasian's house. The Caucasian's was filled with relics of community - pictures of their involvement on sports teams, pictures of grandparents leading town hall meetings - it felt like they were rooted into the city and were an integral part of the community there. In contrast, the Asian immigrant's house was filled with relics of achievement - the doctorate was posted on the wall, lots of trophies and awards for their kids. The imagery offers a lot of insight into family and community development lagging behind income development in immigrant families.

Nicely written but I somewhat cringe because it's just an anecdote feeding a narrative about immigrants and we always have to be aware of it.

analyst742• 8 years ago

I also feel this narrative has a strange tone about praising the caucasians of being "rooted into the city and were an integral part of the community", and softly blaming the immigrants for lagging behind in community development.

I mean, isn't it normal that the immigrants do not have influential grandparents running town-hall meetings in the city they immigrated to?

HillaryBriss2• 8 years ago

The harsh reality of 1st or 2nd generation Chinese is that while many of us went to the top universities and grew up with a modern, 1st world mindset, we can't escape the fact that our financial and family background is from the developing world

The harsh reality of a large number of people (1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th generation and beyond) living in Los Angeles is that they did not go to any universities, don't have any family or friends in Bel Air / Santa Monica, eke out an existence in a series of apartments (sometimes with their extended family, or in a car, or in some sort of civic transition shelter or on the street), and have a close relative with a chronic drug abuse problem or a chronic disease.

shoguning• 8 years ago

Interesting you would call Taiwan developing world, it is one of the most developed countries in the world--21st out of 188 according to the UN.

Source: http://focustaiwan.tw/news/asoc/201409180039.aspx

As others have said you are actually describing class and cultural differences which don't depend on country. I moved from the Midwest to LA and am still in shock and awe at the displays of wealth here. I grew up with a much more frugal mindset and in a place with much more modest homes. Keep in mind even in the US, the fraction of people living in Bel-Aire mansions, or anything even close to that wealth, is very, very small.

Also, I suspect that there are plenty of very wealthy people and luxurious residences in Taiwan that would be equally jarring to you. My point is it's not the country, it's class and culture.

hourislate• 8 years ago

I don't think your perspective is uniquely Chinese. I think it applies to every Immigrant Family.

Most grow up poor and parents typically sacrifice their lives so their children can go on to be successful.

The Chain of Poverty requires an Epic amount of sacrifice to set the next generation free. Unfortunately it leaves the next generation with a feeling of loss. It's tough to see a parent give his life so his children can live a better one.

xenihn2• 8 years ago

Especially when there's no guarantee that the next generation won't revert to poverty through no fault of their own. Or the generation after that one.

analyst742• 8 years ago

You are conflating cultural difference with class/mental health.

It sounds like your parents are raised by grandparents with addiction problems, and either in poverty or in unstable financial conditions. So they put an extremely high value on stability. This contrasted your experience and worldviews, because growing up financially secure gives you different take on life. On top of that, now you're peers with some ultra-rich, you see how different you are with your ultra-rich peers and somehow contributed the differences to being Asian.

If your grandparents are poor Americans with addiction problems, I don't think you will magically grow up with wealthy taste, standards and expectations, nor will you have pictures of them leading city town-halls in your house.

On the other hand, if you keep doing well, then in a couple generations, your grandchildren will grow up with those taste, standards, expectations and possibly with a picture of you leading some important events somewhere.

sizzle5• 8 years ago

"Beyond wealth, there is poverty of taste, standards, and expectations, family practices and emotional intelligence that define many Asian family backgrounds."

This is a great insight and I see it all the time in the Asian community. The comparing of children's credentials and achievements, the psychological terror of getting less than an A in class growing up, the the keeping up with the Joneses w.r.t. other Asian families. This stuff really messed with my head growing up and now as an adult, I appreciate the work ethic they instilled in me but I will never raise my kids like that and I appreciate the simple things in life and spend more on quality not quantity. I never faced the horrors and atrocities they faced in their respective countries growing up and I'm forever grateful for their sacrifices in dropping everything to immigrate here and being born and raised in America. I simply would not be the person I am today if I had to come here via H1-b visa so I'll take my odd childhood in the best light possible, my first generation parents made the best of their situation compared to the educated and stable parents of my peers.

Can anyone here first generation American relate? I may be younger than most, turning 30. Would love to hear your experiences and relationship with parents w.r.t. culture and practices growing up in America (or immigrating young) and how it effected how you raise(d) your children.

taysic2• 8 years ago

I can certainly relate to some of this stuff coming being a child of immigrants from the Balkan countries (not born in the US) but having grown up here most of my life. My father grew up on a farm with no electricity and a well for water. And my mother grew up in a tiny apartment in the city.

Oddly, I see a ton of advantages from my background. The focus and hard work ethic of my parents was easy to replicate and I didn't take anything for granted which I think makes successes sweeter. I found seeing their perspective helped me complain less and feel more confident in myself. Sure my parents weren't perfect but I super appreciate them.

alexashka• 8 years ago

That's a very well written piece. I don't know that it needs to be judged or debated.

eb482• 8 years ago

Woah..

spoilers ahead

The author discusses her lack of guanxi and her decision to major in literature as a detriment to her career path ... in the new york times. The postmodernism is striking!

netsharc2• 8 years ago

Detriment to her career path? Did you read the right article?

More like her lack of networking deterred her from getting the benefits of knowing people, benefits her peers can enjoy.

eb482• 8 years ago

No, you should re-read the article.

She states that if she lacks networking, then she'd need to get by with wealth -- which then she follows up in a significant part of the article with why she doesn't have wealth due to taking up a less privileged career path.

fspeech4• 8 years ago

"I tried to secure her a specialist appointment at Huashan Hospital, one of the best public hospitals in Shanghai, only to discover that they were full till the end of August. "

I am a little confused. Why is getting an appointment at the best hospital by the end of August not good? Take the appointment. See a competent doctor you can find now and then go to the best hospital for a second opinion.

faitswulff3• 8 years ago

If it relies on guanxi, your appointment probably would have been rescheduled whenever convenient to those with better connections to the hospital. You might schedule for August, but it's essentially meaningless if someone's always a higher priority than you.

ak392• 8 years ago

I am not familiar with nuances of Chinese culture, but I was so intrigued by the "guanxi" phenomenon that I immediately and gladly spent half an hour reading about it and watching Youtube videos of the "guanxi" culture in China.[1]

"Guanxi" is nothing other than socially institutionalised networks of non-monetary favours and counter-favours. It happens in every culture actually but the thing that makes "quanxi" uniquely Chinese, in my very recent opinion, is that the folks living there have removed it from their subconscious, their latent and dissonant reality and made it front and center of their everyday thinking and living philosophy. They gave it a name! It seems they've accepted it as part of a means of survival in a world of scarcity and in so doing have collectively abandoned the shame associated with relying on favours. They've removed the shame of accepting that it's not only merit or competency alone that gets you ahead - because there are many competent in a land of 1 billion citizens - but also who you know to get you to ply your skills.

Now it seems meritocracy, as it is explained in Jianan Qian's excellently written article, is about how _competent_ you are with your "guanxi". Next level shit, this.

[1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2GBL-IfY3Q

est• 8 years ago

I think the main difference of guanxi is that it's bilateral.

In order to survive good in China you need some kind of in brain CRM

Where as "institutionalised networks" more or less implies like-minded people sharing the some common value.

Just my two cents.

dnomad• 8 years ago

"Guanxi" is nothing other than socially institutionalised networks of non-monetary favours and counter-favours.

People like to focus on the favors part but Guanxi isn't really about exchanging favors and in fact you mostly never see any kind of explicit quid pro quo. Westerners tend to be "transactionally oriented" and never quite grasp that transactions are always a means to a greater end. In fact if you are seen to be "banking" favors people will quickly lose all confidence in you. There's two very simple ideas here: (1) if you want to succeed in your own endeavors you must make yourself useful and help others succeed in their endeavors and (2) non-monetary ("personal") obligations are much, much more important than monetary ("public") obligations. The "favors" aspect is kinda beside the point. Someone with really good guanxi will actually find others eager to help without even needing to ask!

dragonwriter2• 8 years ago

Everything you've tried to contrast a system of favors with in correcting the grandparent is exactly what a system of favors usually means.

TheRealDunkirk• 8 years ago

Though there's no word for it here, this is also how the poor in the US get things done. Where the middle class become insular, and simply buys someone's time to do things they don't want to do, the poor trade favors with a large network of contacts to do the things that they need to get done.

gaius• 8 years ago

poor trade favors with a large network of contacts to do the things that they need to get done

This happens in rural Ireland too. I was visiting friends there, we started in the morning with fenceposts and sardines and 4 or 5 trades later by the evening we had a turkey.

sangnoir• 8 years ago

In the UK it's known as the "Old-boy network" between former students of all-male elite schools (Eton being the most prominent). In the US, I'm guessing the closest is frat-bros?

TACIXAT• 8 years ago

My SO and I were discussing her former boss who was an amazing people person. She would flatter people and curry favor, but it totally worked. It was hard not to like her because she was so good at it. Bringing those skills of building connections and favor up into the business world seems highly effective.

sonnyblarney• 8 years ago

I'm not so sure. There can be very strong and specific, sometimes illegal favours done for people within one's network that one is obligated to repay and there seem to be specific rules.

We might have the term 'favours for favours' but I don't even like that.

I do favours because if it's easy for me to help someone, I do that. I don't expect anything in return. Maybe if one day I need something obviously it makes it easier to ask, but it's not what I'm thinking of.

I think most regular people are thinking in these terms, i.e. we're not constantly keeping track of sour social clout within a specific network. Frankly I don't even like the people that do.

gregw2• 8 years ago

The author's self deprecation is brilliant. She uses her "meager useless" writing skills to broadcast to the one of the world's largest wealthy educated (kind?) audiences, readers of the NYTimes (not to mention HN), also subtly shaming anyone responsible for her mother's poor care past or future to the broadest most influential audience she can reach. What more can a mother ask for? I'm proud of her. Guanxi is not the only form of human influence in the world... isn't the "pen mightier than the sword?" (Sometimes). I wish the best for her and her mother.

roadster1451• 8 years ago

The author is too pessimistic about the healthcare system in Shanghai or China. That's to say, the article is way too exaggerated and involve too much mood. I think one of factor she thinks so is she is too far away from her mother geographically. The lesson from her article: if you get sick, go to hospital as soon as possible, don't wait.

netsec_burn2• 8 years ago

Does anyone else think this reads almost like propaganda?

zbentley• 8 years ago

Not at all. Propaganda for what?

netsec_burn2• 8 years ago

The whole thing read like it was painting a picture of US society being utopia while Chinese society is restrictive where only a few make it.

I believe both to a limited extent, but it's hard not to get the feeling this article doesn't have a spin. I knew I would be outspoken on this but I felt I should mention it anyway.

shadofx• 8 years ago

Any legitimate grievance can sound like "propaganda placed by hostile foreign agents to undermine domestic morale" to the right ears.

m3mpp• 8 years ago

You have this same problem as non-chinese or as non-daughter (son). It's the issue of living far away from your parents and family, they get old, sick and will die at some point and you can't do much, besides feeling guilt and frustration. Whether your family is in China, Europe or wherever, same feeling.

ummonk• 8 years ago

The need for money and/or guanxi might be worse in China, but it's certainly not China-specific.

Every time I see an example of police and the justice system running roughshod over somebody I think "I need to be rich and well-connected so this won't happen to me". The ability to get top medical care in America is also dependent on having good connections, insurance, and/or deep pockets.

Of course, as an introvert, I'm relatively bad at creating and holding on to a wide net of connections, so I have to make up for it with more money.

justicezyx• 8 years ago

After every social tragedy, victims are subjected to disdain on social media, rather than sympathy: “this happened to you because you are a loser; because you don’t have the right connections; because you are not making enough money.

Not true. People's reaction is same as ordinary people, sympathy and pity.

ConfusedDog2• 8 years ago

I am experiencing similar problems with my parents in China right now... it is super stressful. Being a nerd throughout my life, I disdained people using each other for achieving anything - I didn't think it's real friendship. In a way, I was right, and in other ways, I couldn't be more wrong... I was just too stubborn and selfish to accept their social rules. Now I don't even know how to help my parents to do simple things like getting them a good doctor...

mnm1• 8 years ago

Why do we need to be rich or have guanxi merely to enjoy access to very basic public services?

I can't speak about China, butt this question was quite pertinent in communist Romania. The answer should be fairly obvious. Because it's communist and the government doesn't give a fuck about its people. That's likely why the daughter is in America. That most certainly is how I ended up here. When it's necessary to have connections in high places or a ton of money or both just to get the doctors to not let you die or to get any decent healthcare, that's the sign of a system that has failed most if not all of its people. We should learn from this here in America because we are only a little ahead of this type of situation with healthcare here. Instead of connections though, the privileged here have good health care and the money to pay for it.

The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

Related Stories