What British people mean when they say 'sorry'

https://www.bbc.com/travel/article/20260506-what-british-people-really-mean-when-they-say-sorry

by BiraIgnacio • 3 months ago

121 107 3 months ago

stavros• 3 months ago

This is 100% accurate. I've seen someone apologizing for being stepped on (accidentally, of course). It really does mean "we have, unfortunately and inadvertently, crossed paths and must now ward off the evil spirits by acknowledging this".

toast0• 3 months ago

I've seen someone apologizing for being stepped on

It is really rude to step underneath other people. Or to lay underneath other people. No wonder they appologized.

ButlerianJihad• 3 months ago

I was working on my front door and needed to get prone for a few minutes, when of course someone came along and commanded me to move, so I apologized that I couldn't immediately comply, and he fulminated for a while until stepping over my legs, and it wasn't the first time

I had always considered myself considerate and not blocking people and following posted etiquette rules and staying out of the way and being courteous in traffic but it seems the way now is to just follow commands by strangers and accept their abuse because I’m racist/sexist/privileged/trash

benj1112• 3 months ago

I think it's just acknowledging that the thing has happened, and you aren't pissed because you know it wasn't intended so they don't need to feel bad.

Of course this being Britain, the tone used could make this mean the opposite.

analog312• 3 months ago

Oddly enough "sorry" is also quite common in the upper Midwest US. If I bump into someone else by accident, and it's my fault, they will reflexively say "sorry."

AngryData• 3 months ago

Yeah, this would read just as well for the upper midwest. Although "Ope!" is also interchangeable with sorry in a lot of situations.

thrownthatway4• 3 months ago

This is use in Australia and is short for ”oops, sorry about that”.

brg• 3 months ago

From Green Bay to Dickinson, the complete utterance is “Op Sorry.” If one is not in a hurry it is sometimes “Oops, Sorry.”

analog312• 3 months ago

That's quite a ways.

RajT882• 3 months ago

I say "ope, sorry". Never realized it until I saw the midwest memes.

milleramp• 3 months ago

In Los Angeles, its the same in person, in a car it's the finger. (Unfortunately)

DonHopkins4• 3 months ago

A hippie driving a VW Microbus leaned out the window and flashed me a peace sign, so I gave him half a peace sign in response.

zjp• 3 months ago

Yeah I'm from Kansas and none of these meanings were new to me.

thehoff• 3 months ago

I’m in the US and definitely have heard these in similar situations.

Another I don’t think was listed is a way to blunt an aggressive statement just in case there may be a misunderstanding.

“WTF did you just say to me?”

Might be “Sorry, but WTF did you just say to me?” would imply some anger that could lead to a fight but hey, sorry maybe I misheard you?

Which could funny enough lead to more sorries “oh, sorry I thought you said something else”.

stvltvs• 3 months ago

"Sorry, I thought I heard you say _____, but that's all an unfortunate misunderstanding because otherwise you're in deep shit, right?"

Fnoord• 3 months ago

I suppose it is a variant on 'could you repeat that please?' which is a fun question to ask my kids when they were rude cause they'll repeat it (no filter / literally).

I used to always put my bag next to me cause I don't want to sit next to someone (when I was a kid, it'd hurt me when I was solo sitting alone in whole bus, but I learned to embrace that instead). Nowadays, people just point at the bag, and during primetime it is just annoying having to ask (esp someone pretending to sleep, on phone, or lookibg outside) because yes we all don't like the bus is full, we all wanna get to work/home. So I learned to just start with my bag between my legs or on my lap instead. And, since the bag doesn't pay for a ticket, it has no right to a seat.

So in Borderlands 4, one of the voice lines by the Siren called Vex after a kill is 'sorry not sorry'. But given the CEO of that company is Texan, I couldn't pinpoint how rude (if any) that was. Not like they can hear you after a frag anyway.

Some British slang is just lovely. Such as smoking a fag. In that regard, too bad I don't smoke anymore.

But in the instance of sorry, I assumed it was American, since Brits would say 'excuse me'. Brits are, after all, very polite (I'm Dutch...)

enochthered2• 3 months ago

I’m a Brit. It was only after living overseas that I realised just how mad our use of “sorry” can be.

An example. One day I was on the tube. My bag was on the seat next to me. A bloke gets on, points at my bag and says “sorry”.

What he actually meant, was “move your bag”.

The thing is, if he had said something so direct, I would have said “sorry, what did you say to me?”

And on and on…

dieselgate• 3 months ago

I grew up in the states with a close friend whose parents are both from the UK and she's the only person I've known to say "I beg your pardon" with regularity. Is that a British/UK English thing too? I never hear/read it used otherwise but it seems more succinct and "proper" to me.

Mentioning it because I'm actually slightly surprised to see the "sorry, what did you say" usage here and in the article because it seems so pedestrian

thrownthatway4• 3 months ago

The usage of "I beg your pardon" is not uncommon in Australia, but more ironic.

roarcher4• 3 months ago

I'm American and I've heard Americans say "I beg your pardon", but like you I've always thought of it as a slightly proper (maybe WASP-y) idiom. People frequently say "excuse me", "sorry?", or "say again?". At least I do. Maybe I should get my ears checked.

swarnie2• 3 months ago

"I beg your pardon" like "Sorry" can have multiple meanings based on the situation and inflection.

It can be used to excuse not hearing something, to get someone to repeat something preposterous or to generally reply to something shocking without actually expecting the other person to reiterate.

I hear it most days in corporate tech.....

enochthered2• 3 months ago

“I beg your pardon” can be translated as “what the fuck did you just say to me?”

It’s getting quite serious if you have to whip that one out

mock-possum2• 3 months ago

The proper response to ‘I beg your pardon’ (and ‘I beg to differ’) is always, “alright then, beg!”

protocolture• 3 months ago

Eh its sorry for "sorry would you mind terribly moving your bag" nothing so direct as move your bag alone.

thrownthatway4• 3 months ago

Reminds me of that Hale and Pace skit on the street.

https://youtu.be/VRmjbvChV_M

swarnie2• 3 months ago

One day I was on the tube. My bag was on the seat next to me

Presumably you also said sorry in return?

whackernews• 3 months ago

Was on a London bus early one morning, not many people on the bus. One bloke got up from his seat to get off, he had a big bag and knocked it against one of the poles on his way out. He said sorry to the pole, there was no one else around. One of the most British things I’ve seen.

jleyank• 3 months ago

Canada/Canadians too. They apologize to furniture as well...

allthetime2• 3 months ago

What’s mad about that? The sorry was for interrupting and engaging you and having a favour to ask. The sorry itself wasn’t a command, it was an apology for the implied command.

BugsJustFindMe• 3 months ago

The sorry was for interrupting and engaging you and having a favour to ask.

Sorry (heh), but it could easily be a sarcastic use (#4), not apologetic (#3) and not softening (#5). Not even tone can always differentiate between the apologetic "I'm sorry to bother you" and the non-apologetic "I'm sorry that your parents failed in raising you". They could be asking you for a favour, but they could just as easily be calling you inconsiderate of others because seats are for people not bags.

paulddraper• 3 months ago

Yes, he said "Sorry [to trouble you, but would you move your bag so I could sit there?]"

Highly abbreviated exchange combined with a gesture.

psadri• 3 months ago

Separately, I love the word “bloke”. I wish it would take off here in the US.

fennecbutt• 3 months ago

Bloke is definitely not as common in the UK as it is in NZ and Australia.

Just like togs, which I've never heard anybody say here though I've read that parts of Ireland still use it.

gofreddygo• 3 months ago

Worked a job taking calls from brits for insurance. The first thing we were made aware of was the brit use of polite sarcasm.

E.g. when someone calls in on behalf of her spouse saying he's gone digging potatoes.

phibz• 3 months ago

If someone said Sorry and just sat there expectantly in front of my bag, I would strongly have the urge to look and say "use your words..."

maest• 2 months ago

You need more hints that it's rude to take up a seat with your bag?

nutjob2• 3 months ago

'Sorry' serves the same purpose as 'excuse me', 'yeah' or 'okay' in that it has a multitude of meanings depending on tone, intonation and context.

For instance 'yeah' can mean 'yes, continue', agreement, skepticism, (sarcastic) disagreement, enthusiasm, etc.

The cultural difference is what word is most commonly used.

ghostpepper• 3 months ago

This is how it's used in Canada too

beefsack• 3 months ago

I think it would be the case in many of the commonwealth countries. You hear "sorry" being used a lot like this in Australia too.

soopypoos• 3 months ago

  sorry that you're a cunt, now 

  1) get out of my way
  2) speak up
  3) get out of my fucking way
  4) stop being a cunt for a bit (and get out of my way)
  5) shut up
  6) fuck off

marcus_holmes• 3 months ago

Australia entered the chat

Izkata• 3 months ago

Isn't this just... normal? Maybe they use it more often, but (also in the Midwest as other comments mention) these uses are all more common than an actual apology.

But for a more distant example of the "I'm about to inconvenience you" usage being normal - isn't the Japanese "sumimasen" used almost exactly the same as these?

roarcher4• 3 months ago

Isn't this just... normal?

In the anglosphere maybe, but outside of that it seems to not be. My girlfriend is from SE Asia and her language's equivalent is evidently used exclusively to apologize for having wronged someone. I've had to explain my usage of "I'm sorry that [bad thing happened]" or "Sorry, but can I just [very minorly inconvenience you]" because she didn't understand what I was admitting fault for.

In her language I believe they use different politeness markers for these situations (they have an "excuse me" equivalent), but I'm not proficient enough to know them well.

ccppurcell• 3 months ago

The I'm sorry (that someone died) is easy to explain as it's obviously connected to the word sorrow. The hardest is "sorry?" (I didn't understand or hear you)

tdeck2• 3 months ago

As a learner it feels like Japanese is full of this kind of formalized, preemptory apologizing in all kinds of situations. You go to the supermarket and ask if they sell stamps (the answer is no) and they say the formal apology "申し訳ありません" (literally: I have no excuse).

There's also ごめん下さい "gomen kudasai" (literally "please forgive me") which is used as a greeting when visiting someone's house unexpectedly. And どうもすみません "domo sumimasen" (literally "thanks excuse me/I'm sorry") when accepting someone's offer to help with something.

None of these necessarily imply the speaker has actually done something wrong or wouldn't do the same again.

getoj• 3 months ago

None of these necessarily imply the speaker has actually done something wrong

You’d be surprised. The culture of kidzukai has two core tenets: (1) You must anticipate and cater to the other person’s every need and whim. If you fail you must apologize. (2) You must not allow the other person to do (1) for you instead of you doing it for them. If you fail you must apologize.

This means that every interaction between people who are even slightly close to each other in the social hierarchy is 3D chess which always ends in one or both of you apologizing to the other.

p.s. Gomen kudasai is “please permit me” to enter your house, not really an apology like gomen nasai.

RajT882• 3 months ago

The British have a similarly strange relationship with the word "Brilliant".

unfunco• 3 months ago

Aren't holidays brilliant? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgMgkl-gRxk

porker• 3 months ago

We like our sarcasm and disappointment.

DonHopkins4• 3 months ago

Scottish culture is pure dead brilliant!

Tracy Ullman doing Nicola Sturgeon and Mhari Black .... pure dead brilliant!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9eV5TbEydy0

Glasgow! Pure Dead Brilliant!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FwomQzigGuc

PdB C to PostScript compiler:

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=29964903

tim-projects2• 3 months ago

Similar to Amazon reviews, British people like to either give a 1 or a 5.

Not similar to Amazon reviews Brits default to 1. So when it's a 5 it's particularly meaningful.

jakub_g2• 3 months ago

There's a famous table with what Brits say vs mean:

https://www.reddit.com/r/unitedkingdom/comments/ha0rz/britis...

e.g. "very interesting" -> "clearly nonsense"

nly2• 3 months ago

"Fucking brilliant" = I'm so sick of this shit, fuck my life

"absolutely fantastic" also works

mettamage• 3 months ago

As a Dutchie the way I used sorry is along the lines of “I am sorry, I won’t do that again.”

Then I had a long relationship with an ethnically Dutch person but culturally a Londoner (she grew up there) and also learned there is “I am sorry for your pain and wish I could take it away” (this implies though they probably would do it again because they are not sorry for their actions).

It was maddening at first but now I am used to it. I only do this in English though. In Dutch it’s almost like I physically can’t. It feels wrong to use it that way, almost unethical even.

But maybe that’s a me thing.

instalabsai• 3 months ago

“Sorry” is used almost always passive aggressively in Dutch: “Sorry maar”, “Sorry hoor”, “Sorry zeg”

mxmilkiib• 3 months ago

"I am sorrowful that.."

Scottish n ASD here, I've come to use the above (or just "I'm sad that..", maybe "conflicted" sometimes)

to those who use "sorry" to me, the ambiguity of the overloaded meaning leads me usually to say "no need to apologise, though I do appreciate the sentiment!"

fellowniusmonk• 3 months ago

Mi dispiace.

cromka2• 3 months ago

Di niente

DonHopkins4• 3 months ago

Meanwhile in America:

Can The Family Have a Good Time Playing Sorry? | The Carol Burnett Show Clip

https://youtu.be/_uBib8TatmA?t=397

You should also wink after ringing the little bell.

dwb• 3 months ago

I think it would illustrate more to expand the abbreviations. In almost all these uses, it’s just a short version of the “obvious” dictionary-definition apology. For example, point two’s “sorry?” is short for “I’m sorry I didn’t hear you, can you please repeat that?”. It puts the blame for the conversational stumble on the listener - whether or not that’s correct - to smooth it over. Point three is short for “I’m sorry to interrupt you or mildly inconvenience you, but could you do this small thing for me, a stranger that you have no obligation to?”. And so on.

anal_reactor• 3 months ago

TBH I'm way less polite than I used to be. I literally never use "sorry" except "I want to apologize for something wrong I've done and it's a big deal". When I bump into someone I usually just move on without acknowledging the situation. But I also butt in with help without a word - there's a surprising number of children I saved by randomly approaching the parent and offering band-aids without uttering a word.

I think I kind of accepted that I don't have hardware acceleration for pleasantries and I only use them when there's something very clear I can gain from that, like at work. Otherwise I default to "Pass me the salt." like saying a command to a subordinate. "Can you pass me the salt?" is peak politeness for me.

BTW there's a fun story. Back at the university I had some shit course with another faculty, and one of exercises was spotting things on a recording. I mentioned a scene where women in a third-world country were receiving education and said "... because those chicks were getting educated" and one girl got upset "WHAT DID YOU SAY?!" while the other one got sad "nobody has ever called ME a chick!". Of course the interaction wasn't in English so that wasn't the exact word I used, but yeah.

smusamashah• 3 months ago

Now I want to know if "Thank You" also carries as many meanings. I came here from Pakistan for work 6 years ago. Article is about sorry the Thank you was a bigger cultural shock perhaps. Number of Thanks I got in first few months already surpassed all thankses I ever heard in Pakistan. This does not mean we are thankless but you won't get a Thanks for moving aside a step on a footpath, or holding a door if you ever did.

mamonster• 3 months ago

This is like when I went to Paris for a business trip and learned that a specific set of French bourgeois take "bon appetit" before a meal to mean "have fun eating this shitty food" (and that you shouldn't say it in a classy restaurant someone picked to take you to).

I thought I was being pranked at first but then I learned that the exact same rule applies in certain "high establishments" in Geneva.

a_e_k• 3 months ago

I'm reminded of The Hobbit with the phrase "Good morning" in the first chapter:

"Good Morning!" said Bilbo, and he meant it. The sun was shining, and the grass was very green. But Gandalf looked at him from under long bushy eyebrows that stuck out further than the brim of his shady hat.
"What do you mean?" he said. "Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?"
"All of them at once," said Bilbo. "And a very fine morning for a pipe of tobacco out of doors, into the bargain.

oliwarner• 3 months ago

Excuse me.

That's all it means. Excuse my impertinence, presence, gaul, mere existence; I need your attention. Many languages have this overloaded phrase and use it just as a Brit would "sorry". It's formal deference. It's polite.

And it's not like we don't also shout "Oi!" when we need to determine whether or not some brigand possesses a licence for whatever it is they're doing.

dfawcus• 3 months ago

The flaw with that article, it being the Beeb showing their bias, is that it mainly applies to the English Home Counties.

So it is a southern English habit, not a British one. The other parts of England are more direct, and will use more obvious phrasing. Similarly the other parts of Britain will be more direct.

chris_j• 3 months ago

Indeed. I've lived in the UK my entire life, and I've only ever heard "sorry" used to mean "excuse me, can I get past please?" in and around London. It still sounds weird to me. Where I come from (further from London), you'd just say "excuse me".

benj1112• 3 months ago

Not quite. If you had to get off a packed bus with a large rucksack I'd certainly be saying sorry and I'm from Yorkshire.

peterpost2• 3 months ago

Glaswegian here, I would use sorry as an "can I get past" also.

BrandoElFollito• 3 months ago

This is exactly like in French and the other languages I speak.

I am not sure BE is a spacial case.

throw696688• 3 months ago

“Thank you” seems to be similarly versatile in London. You can’t go 30 minutes without hearing it. Once when I was in a bookshop and approached the counter with a couple books to buy, the shopkeeper opened with “thank you”. To this day I don’t understand what that was about.

nly2• 3 months ago

Thank you for buying their books

implements• 3 months ago

Part of the transaction is the performance of a service role - they’re thanking you for allowing them to help you. But also it might be a habit if they’re used to serving a queue of customers (“Thank you for waiting”) or just a polite verbal cue that the transaction has started or again the habit of saying thank you on being passed something hand to hand (often shortened to “ta”).

ndsipa_pomu• 3 months ago

There was a whole sitcom called "Sorry!" starring Ronnie Corbett (famous from The Two Ronnies)

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0081937/

wesleyd• 3 months ago

Ontario, an apology is not an admission of liability: https://www.ontario.ca/laws/statute/09a03

So very Canada. Sorry!

plumbees3• 3 months ago

Oh I'm sorry, but this makes total sense. I say sorry so much that I have seen people take it as admission of responsibility. And it's not good. Glad there are laws that understand the nuance of language.

tim-projects2• 3 months ago

They missed "Sorry not sorry." :)

plumbees3• 3 months ago

I came here to say sorry.

Actually interesting I remember saying sorry in the sense of, "Can you repeat what you said?" and it annoyed one of my friends so much that she essentially trained me to say pardon instead because it was annoying her. Didn't realize it was part of my Canadian heritage.

plumbees3• 3 months ago

Sub question if anyone is interested. I often have to ask people to repeat themselves but when I go get hearing tests they say I'm perfect. It's a little annoying. I've copped it out to this framework: the hearing tests only tests the range of the human voice, but it doesn't test say, understanding through other systems. For example, I cannot for the life of me understand anything my nieces or nephews say over the phone. Speech practice aside I believe that given that their voices are high pitched, I'm assuming the phone lines (and online meeting rooms) collapse the human voice to a smaller wavespace for efficiency, hense forth clipping the highs and the lows making it harder to distinguish the nuances of the sound. I can understand them just fine in person, but over the phone is such a nightmare. I've developed a bit of an ear as you when when you are around a group of people for long enough. (I.E. parents not able to understand customer service folks when they resort to short form, "slang" English, vs standard pronunciation.) Wonder if anybody else has gone down this rabbithole a bit deeper and can share their insights. (All this because I wanted to qualify the "actually interesting" statement....

jakub_g2• 3 months ago

I have the same observation, when I need to ask someone to repeat, it's usually not because I didn't hear the sound, it's that my brain CPU struggled to process and decode the sound fast enough. Sometimes I ask to repeat and while saying it, the background brain CPU thread figures out what was said.

This usually happens in my non-native languages (but not only), and especially for speakers with accents I'm not used to.

eloeffler• 3 months ago

Literally all of these meanings are used in the same way in German. And actually, the word "Sorry" itself, too.

Not all Germans do it, but I'd say a fair share. I think, because the German "Entschuldigung" is four syllables long :D But that would work the same way and for example in the pub situations you can shout it much better: "Ent-shool-dee-goong?"

I wasn't aware this is something that doesn't work in all English-speaking countries. I may have overused the equivalent of the word in other languages, too. Scusi about that.

stuaxo• 3 months ago

My German friend lived in the UK for a whole and went back for a bit.

In a lift in Germany a lady tried on friends foot - friend said "sorry".

The other lady said "Well, you shouldn't have been standing there".

mock-possum2• 3 months ago

It’s a signal that you’re asserting yourself.

makingstuffs• 3 months ago

They forgot “I’m sorry?” meaning “You can’t have said what I though you said, can you repeat that?”.

khelavastr• 3 months ago

The fundamental difference between deteriorating British culture and successful American culture: British feel "indignity of open confrontation". Honestly shocking. The indignity in America is usually in NOT eventually openly confronting wrongdoers.

It's embarrassing and cringe-inducing to read that even one person--much less an entire culture -- feels more dignity getting beaten down and bullied by strangers or peers than confronting them openly or berating them publicl.

KempyKolibri• 3 months ago

“feels more dignity getting beaten down and bullied by strangers or peers than confronting them openly or berating them publicl” is rather hyperbolic and (in my opinion) doesn’t capture what’s going on here.

I think this speaks more to a culture of thinking of other peoples’ experiences/rights/feelings as well as their own.

Whenever I drive in the US I’m always staggered by just how selfish people are on the roads, for example. Is another car very clearly merging onto a highway where it would be easy to make enough room for them to merge? In the UK, 90% of the time the cars on the highway will make room. In the US I’ve literally never seen it happen.

burnt-resistor• 3 months ago

Canadian: "Sorry, hold my beer."

novaleaf• 3 months ago

I must have read too many british books as a kid, because that's the way I use it.

Though, they don't mention the "I am sympathetic to your plight" version of sorry that seems to confound ppl a lot (which I also do)

LennyHenrysNuts• 3 months ago

Please, stop using the word British for the English. Welshmen are not English, the English are not Scottish.

English politeness is not necessarily a feature of our Celtic brother and sister's national character.

What British people mean when they say 'sorry'

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