I’ve never enabled swap on a production system in ~25 years, so i have to say it’s not really my experience.
Shared memory can be a problem, sure, which is why I don’t generally use that either. Erlang, of course, generally does not use shared memory outside of some cases with ETS etc which must be used carefully but i’d rather solve those problems myself.
Concurrency systems in other languages i’ve written, for example Go, there are ways to architect to avoid it also. I’d rather go slightly slower and copy be value than have to solve mutex contention and trying to make everything atomic and so on. YMMV, I don’t work in HPC just large complex busy systems.