Attention Is a Proof of Love

https://papanotes.com/attention-is-a-proof-of-love

by pmzy • 2 years ago

59 22 2 years ago

jmcqk6• 2 years ago

This is very true. Both giving and receiving attention to another human being is really important for the development of emotionally healthy connections. It is the foundation of authentic connection. This is why we've seen an epidemic of loneliness rise in step with our greater distractedness.

Giving and receiving attention is also a skill. You can get better at it.

pmzy6• 2 years ago

It is a skill, for sure. I still feel like I suck at it in many ways. But recognizing it is the first step to doing better. And pausing what you're doing when someone talks to you is a relatively easy thing to do.

noxer• 2 years ago

The "epidemic of loneliness" (in the western world) is a made up thing by the media. There is no actual data to support it, there is some data that shows the opposite.

There is some data that suggest very old people are more lonely but that might just be became on average they are much longer alive and independent after their partner dies compare to past generations.

Here is a short ~5min video about the topic https://youtu.be/rVsKWQp-sq4

pimlottc• 2 years ago

For people, in person, this is true. But don't make this mistake for apps and websites. Just because you've managed to hook users with skinner box dopamine hits doesn't mean they love you.

pmzy6• 2 years ago

Goes without saying, yet worth pointing out.

JohnFen2• 2 years ago

Love and be loved by people, not by machines (or corporations, which are just machines). Machines can never love you.

moffkalast2• 2 years ago

People are machines though. And dogs aren't people.

moffkalast2• 2 years ago

Attention is all you need?

revx• 2 years ago

All You Need Is Love :)

octobereleven• 2 years ago

Love is an action. And attention is one of those actions.

pmzy6• 2 years ago

Attention is fuel to/the source of action :)

tamimio• 2 years ago

Proof of love or proof of manipulation. Some twisted people pay attention to the details about you to know how to manipulate you, giving you an illusion of love or “love bombing” to get their way with you. Differentiating between the two isn’t easy, but the latter usually doesn’t last long, and sooner or later, you start picking up on other toxic signs. So don’t fall in love quickly!

campak• 2 years ago

Amen. Been trying to slow down, put my phone down, and look directly at my baby and be present with him as he plays and wants to share toys with dada

mistermann• 2 years ago

Seize the opportunity buddy, a decade can vanish just like that.

pmzy6• 2 years ago

Awesome to hear. I remember reading something a while back, saying that toddlers were developing language much slower when people use their phones around them. Because toddlers need a lot of interactions.

OutOfHere• 2 years ago

It is a very powerful observation. Extending from it, when you find mutual positive attention with someone, don't take it for granted. Conversely, if someone doesn't give you positive attention, unless they are just shy, drop them from your consideration. If they are shy, slow down the pace with them, but keep the interaction channel open, and see if they come back to you.

onehair• 2 years ago

On the messenger type apps, on feed type apps, on most apps, I disable sound for notifications. The only sound my phone makes is the phone's ringtone when someone is calling.

I also put my phone face down when I'm in a conversation or when I'm in an activity when a child. In the latter I usually leave the phone away from me.

I find it helps a lot in keeping my attention where it's worth putting.

busmark_w_nika• 2 years ago

I read your newsletter. I will repeat it again: The world needs more people like you. :-)

pmzy6• 2 years ago

You’re too kind! Thank you for saying so, it means a lot.

jlundberg• 2 years ago

In this world full of smartphones, this feels especially true: towards your kids or loved one.

The best tricks I know of are:

- Place your phone some place other than your pocket.

- And use it exclusively there: at a place where it is more directly obvious to tour sourroundings that you are occupied. Such as in a separate room or a specific corner less within sight from where the kids are playing.

- Get an Apple Watch or other device that only steal your attention for a brief moment. This will give you the comfort of knowing what’s going on, such as a colleague in need of assistance, without the lure or acting upon it at the cost of losing attention on what’s in front of you.

Attention Is a Proof of Love

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