Ask HN: Getting up after repeated failures?

This post probably won't be well accepted in the Hacker News community since it's come out as more of a rant, but I don't really care anymore.

So Hacker News, I'm 30. Not super old, but I've got a good decade in the software world under my belt to a large variety of all the garbage there is to see.

My first job was at a medium sized corp, and after about 3 years, I left to escape the typical pain points of corporate life (slow / no projects, lazy / unmotivated coworkers obviously there only for the paycheck, too much red tape and processes, etc., etc., etc....)

I then joined a small company, where we built what in my mind was a next gen e-commerce shop (real time product stock checks, multiple currency support, etc.) only to have the project (a 1.5 year project, mind you) not be payed for and then in the end scraped for a shittier one (MUCH shittier, the site they arrived at looks like 2001, and many features are missing, its amazing you can even get through the checkout process).

After leaving that company, I joined a startup which was initially marketed to me as very fast growing, with a $__M valuation, and well funded. They offered me a 3% stake, which I thought was a lot. I'd also be the full owner of the tech stack here. All factors combined (tech ownership and stake), I took the job. Fast forward another 1.5 years: I built dozens of new features for this app, a payment system (TWICE, because the founders didn't know what the hell they wanted), and much more.

Now today the engineers have to go on "pause" because there is not enough funding and funding opportunities are rapidly drying up. "But don't worry! We can hire you out to some other XYZ company for a few months while we get our act together because we are stupid!" I could hardly contain my rage when I heard this, I didn't sign up for this shit, if I wanted to be a consultant, I would have done it myself.

I'm sick of being lied to and cheated by clowns who have the tiniest sliver of the tech and app building experience (not to mention the wisdom / foresight / knowhow) I have, only to end up back where I started in approximately 2 year cycles. _Every single time_ I have held up on my end, putting in the hours, producing quality, shippable product, only to get a pile of shit in return.

What's the point of giving my good faith and hard work if it has NEVER once been returned to me? I was raised as a respectful and hardworking individual, and went on to university and learned how to be an ethical and responsible engineer, all of which I've taken to heart. But over and over again the world of idiotic, confused, and greedy business clowns beat my spirit down. I've even had notions to leave software entirely and find some other career path.

Indeed, I'll admit, it's partially my fault, I consistently buy into the dreamer mentality before fullying doing my research, but I think that is in a bit of all us hackers, and it's a hard feeling to ignore. (At least for me)

The one shining star for me in all this was a period of 5 months between the e-commerce and startup fiascos where I was working for myself - I created a ~$50-100 MRR SaaS product, published some courses, youtube videos, and blog posts. The problem is I didn't make enough money right away and I had to scramble back to find a job. (Though now the time spent from those short 5 months has led to approximately $400-600 MRR total)

Anyway, I've got half a mind to just go fully indy, I'm just worried I won't make enough money fast enough, and I'll be back where I started, working for some goon company with clueless C-levels and processes fettered with incompetence.

So HN, what do I do here? Is this just the reality of software life? Or am I just facing burnout? Should I expect repeated beat downs and failures like this forever? Really getting sick of the whole thing. I just feel stuck.