Ask HN: How to Live Alone

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=29433737

by mesaframe • 5 years ago

7 19 5 years ago

news.ycombinator.com

I have tried to live alone on many instances ranging from 1 to 4 months. But each time anxiety have grappled me from the neck.

It's simply not possible for me to live without constant human interaction.

Now, I want to know if that's possible at all in a healthy way? If so please share your wisdom.

poetically2• 5 years ago

Most people aren't cut out for solitude but if you want to get better at it then meditation is a good way to get better at it.

mesaframe3• 5 years ago

I have tried that but I had to be meditative whole day and time. That gets tiring... Is there an easier way?

poetically2• 5 years ago

Not really.

freemint• 5 years ago

It is possible at all but it is not possible for everyone (or most). It's a question of upbringing, mental health and personality as well as which activities are available.

fivelessminutes• 5 years ago

Consider getting a cat? They can be another 'person' sharing your life and a physical comfort.

leff_f• 5 years ago

It really depends on on why would you do it in the first place.

pkrotich• 5 years ago

I would say get a dog but you mention human interactions.

Perhaps move close to family? Live with parents?

I’m the opposite- I love being alone a little too much for comfort.

necovek2• 5 years ago

First up, everyone is different. Some people can be alone for days without fuss, others feel like you.

I can easily do days without other people, but I would keep myself very busy (hobbies, sports, projects, books...).

If you are unused to it, avoid just passing time doing nothing or watching TV, find a purpose to your alone time.

If you can't, don't sweat it and find a roommate or a partner :)

mesaframe3• 5 years ago

The problem is sooner or later I lose the motivation to do anything. It's a feeling of deep dullness.

necovek2• 5 years ago

I think this is the worst time to try to learn how to be alone: pandemic is messing up everyone with lack of social interaction.

At the same time, it might be most critical if you've got no other option, when I suggest you look up some professional help.

the_only_law• 5 years ago

First up, everyone is different. Some people can be alone for days without fuss, others feel like you.

This is why I generally hate online advice.

1) Not everyone is exactly the same and can copy your mindset/routine/etc. and be fine.

2) Very rarely do internet strangers understand you and your situation intimately enough to give proper advice leading to repeated cliches and other things that end up pissing off a lot of people.

brudgers• 5 years ago

This is the kind of goal a competent licensed clinical therapist can sometimes help with. I mean there's a lot of detail about why and how and what that isn't in the few words you've written...and well there are also months and years there too.

Anxiety is a mental health condition. Addressing it as such can be a good idea sometimes. Good luck.

htstgrgear• 5 years ago

I really enjoyed living alone after college. I really love solitude and freedom when you are alone.

I think, for me the key was that I had enough friends who I can visit anytime without any advance notice. Also back then I worked from office, so I had plenty of in person interactions during the week.

Another thing, I used to hangout in coffeeshops and bars, if feeling lonely.

readonthegoapp• 5 years ago

Constant human interaction? def seems like some counseling might be in order.

that said, i suspect living alone is _not_ normal -- meaning, humans prob evolved to live together in at least small+ groups.

most people that live alone, they haven't _really_ lived alone, imo -- b/c pre-covid, we used to be able to interact, date, etc.

not anymore. bigpharma owns us.

prirun• 5 years ago

It's simply not possible for me to live without constant human interaction.

It is possible, because many people do it. But if you have already made up your mind that you cannot do it, then you cannot.

My suggestion would be to change your mind and decide that you can live without constant human interaction and want to figure out how to do that. Then put in some effort to figure out things that make you feel good while being alone.

Others have posted about pets. I agree, they are great companions. Spend some time volunteering in a local pet shelter to see if you might like a pet. Having something else alive in the house makes it feel less like you are living in a box.

Learning how to be happy and make the best of your life is a lifelong project. It requires effort every day. If you are lazy about your life, you'll likely be unhappy with it too.

crate_barre• 5 years ago

I usually have a few Discord channels open to a few different interests if I need to shoot the shit. Look for subreddits with Discord channels. I usually have wallstreefbets, a few game channels that I play, maybe some general news channels. I don’t mind banter, the peanut gallery is always amusing.

And HN of course, this place moves fast so you can always strike up a convo about anything usually.

I’d urge you to come terms about your loneliness. Solitude is not the same as loneliness, as there are many ways to find interaction via the web.

Most of all debilitating loneliness usually comes from a lack of a companionship, usually romantic in nature. Don’t confuse that with other things, as there are plenty of high-energy, ready to talk 24/7 people online all over the place.

Some Discord channels have the same talkers at certain hours, and people become acquainted with the usual crowd pretty quick. I’d like it if HN had one to be honest.

I don’t remember what it was like in the IRC days, but I’d like to imagine it was similar to something like this.

8b16380d• 5 years ago

Have a kid

drakonka• 5 years ago

What are you anxious about when living alone? Just being alone, or the thought that something might happen to you and no one would know?

I love living alone, but sometimes at night I do get a pang of anxiety: what if I choke on something and there's no one around to help?!

Other than that, I love having my own space with no one but my cats around. I think my ideal living situation with a partner would be either us having two separate apartments nearby or at _least_ one larger house where we each have our own dedicated space to retreat to (for days, if desired). The thought of being around someone else 24/7 just sounds stressful and no matter how comfortable I feel with the person I'm never _fully_ relaxed until I am alone.

mesaframe3• 5 years ago

The anxiety is pretty random or I would say it's an amplified worry. Worry that's shouldn't be a deal but it becomes.

Ask HN: How to Live Alone

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