Half of US adults say dating has gotten harder in the last 10 years

https://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2020/08/20/nearly-half-of-u-s-adults-say-dating-has-gotten-harder-for-most-people-in-the-last-10-years/

by bezmenov • 6 years ago

50 22 6 years ago

pewsocialtrends.org

dkdk8283• 6 years ago

Side rant

Reducing sexual encounters to normalizing consent forms is pretty ridiculous. A few creeps ruined it for all of us

I am a man and if a woman asked me to sign something prior to sex I would leave

ck425• 6 years ago

Sure signing forms might kill the vibe but the move towards enthusiastic consent and actually asking 'What do you want to do?' is great imo.

rdtwo• 6 years ago

Lol is it like ordering a sandwich - avacado Cheese and bacon are extra cost but mayo and mustard are complimentary

thhhhrowaway443• 6 years ago

This is pretty much coincidental with the rise of online dating. Who could have guessed that trusting the adtech industry with your love life was a bad idea?

jmeister• 6 years ago

Yet another instance of blaming societal ills on tech, instead of the supposedly freedom/agency loving users.

Read Houellebecq or any dating advice forum, for arguments on how excess choice enabled by apps makes dating less egalitarian and ruins it for the “weaker” section.

thhhhrowaway443• 6 years ago

I am not blaming tech - I doubt dating has become harder when everyone got mobile phones -, I am blaming the adtech industry which is well-known for shady practices, dark patterns, and other UX/algorithmic shenanigans designed to maximize engagement on their apps, regardless of whether the app users derive personal happiness from it. It's not controversial, even on HN where half the demographics is on adtech jobs, to remind people that the goal of dating apps is to keep you on them, and if you find a fulfilling relationship, you won't stay on the apps, so they are incentivized to make sure you don't find a fulfilling relationship. Hence the headline: dating has become harder.

As for Houellebecq, his books are mostly about how gen X dudes feel empty inside - the crude prose and extremely plain writing style make for an interesting couple of books but there's very little beyond it. He also somehow makes the argument that men would be somehow less frustrated in places where people have less agency in their dating choices, which is an interesting, if unproved assertion - it would be nice if any citizens of the Islamic Republic of Iran, or Algeria, or Pakistan on HN could chime in and say if they agree with it.

aahortwwy2• 6 years ago

Blame the users?

Do you think users are more interested in ARPDAU or love/sex?

Tinder-style profile-based match dating (which is basically all dating apps at this point) is bad at getting users love/sex but great at maximizing ARPDAU.

Dating apps which are good at getting users love/sex but have bad ARPDAU struggle to attract investment and either shut down or pivot to user-hostile design to save the business.

Blame the users, sure.

It's not just the "weaker" section who hate the online dating experience, either.

imtringued2• 6 years ago

Why would online dating make offline dating harder? Unless you're young and in the LGB group most people find their partners offline.

I think the truth is that dating is considered optional nowadays, which makes it more competitive both offline and online. People have minimum standards and if they can't find someone that matches these standards they can always stay single.

I personally don't believe in online dating, because the business model just doesn't work for me. Most dating apps are built for singles and once you find a long term relationship you cease using the app. An online dating company can only make money off of casual dating and perpetual singles. A "real" dating app should still provide value years into a relationship, otherwise there will always be a conflict of interest.

aahortwwy2• 6 years ago

Why would online dating make offline dating harder?

By de-normalizing offline dating and removing participants from the offline dating pool.

Unless you're young and in the LGB group most people find their partners offline.

In Australia, online dating is the single most common way that people meet their partners and it's not close (35% online, 21% through friends, 13% at work).[0] I would be surprised if this is dramatically different from other Anglosphere countries.

I don't like online dating because of how completely inefficient it is, but it's hard not to believe in it when it's becoming the de-facto way people pair up.

[0] https://www.abc.net.au/news/2019-11-26/australia-talks-natio...

burfog3• 6 years ago

Half of US adults are women.

Men, after aging for the last 10 years: "No, it hasn't gotten harder."

Women, after aging for the last 10 years: "Yes, it has gotten harder."

tthrowaway4009• 6 years ago

This is a well-spread stereotype but is it backed up by reality? At the bare minimum I'd like to know about HN's personal experiences during their twenties and thirties.

burfog3• 6 years ago

Back when OkCupid used to publish interesting statistics, they showed exactly that. It was dramatic and unmistakable. Male value starts low, gradually rises until about age 30, doesn't change much until about age 50, and then very slowly declines. Female value looks almost like a 1/age plot, starting very high and in a downward plunge. No data was available for females under age 18, but the graph slope suggests that value is higher.

the_jeremy• 6 years ago

single-and-looking men and women report equal levels of dissatisfaction with their dating lives and the ease of finding people to date

The article is not long. Please don't make unfounded claims that are directly refuted by the article we're supposed to be discussing.

burfog3• 6 years ago

I carefully read it, determining that my claim was not directly refuted. The text you quoted is suggestive of that, but look at the actual numbers.

TheBillyMania• 6 years ago

Some men are joining the MGTOW movement. I’m sure that has some effect.

anotheryou• 6 years ago

Could they have all aged by 10 years?

jokz• 6 years ago

Online dating give the illusion of endless choice

chrisseaton2• 6 years ago

Have half of US adults got experience dating now and ten years ago? Seems doubtful?

ta17711771• 6 years ago

Why?

chrisseaton2• 6 years ago

For a start, half of US adults are married, so aren't dating anyone at the moment. So that by itself seems to prove it right off the bat.

But beyond that, half of US adults are over 38, so likely many of these aren't dating even if they aren't married.

So seems obvious that fewer than half of US adults are dating at all, and obviously the only a proportion of that group will have also been dating ten years ago, as they won't be that old, or will have been previously married.

So how can half of all adults have an informed opinion on this?

Half of US adults say dating has gotten harder in the last 10 years

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