perpetualBurnt

We are of the same mind. I do have a side project, and it even earns me money.

Your comment: "It is not a lifestyle I would recommend and I hate that it is a necessity in this world without taking on tremendous risk" basically sums up my thoughts... My original question was asking if life has to be like this. I don't know anyone directly who grew up rich or went to an elite school (I did neither), and I just sort of wonder if that segment of society doesn't have to struggle as much.

I do exercise, every day. I am in good shape, and stay that way.

I do not have hobbies, because I don't really like anything. Trust me, I've tried quite a lot of things... but nothing seems enjoyable enough to stick with it. And I could force myself to stick with it, but, at that point its just work.

I want to write a book, and work on 3 medium to large scale software projects (not all at once, of course). 'A couple hours in the evenings' hasn't proven enough time to focus on this. In fact, getting up at 3 AM and working on these before work has also not proven to be sustainable.

I don't regret foolish decisions I made before I knew it was foolish - I think thats being too hard on one's self. However, I would have a tough time knowingly making a foolish decision. Which category do your foolish decisions fall in to?

I've noticed I feel better when I create opportunity for myself. For example, I'd probably feel very bad if I spent money on short-term enjoyment because that money would be gone forever. However, if I can consistently put in hours towards a project, I can reflect on those hours with pride.

I'm a software engineer. I can move to a different company, and I have done this in the past, but I don't think that I'll be content. I can't remember the last time I got excited about something, or, was so interested in something that it kept me up late at night (and not just work: anything). I'm assuming that my general lack of enjoyment of everything stems from burnout.

I've lost a lot of friends during the course of this, and when I think back to the time I've lost from only half-heartedly being involved in my code, I get frustrated.

Thanks for your reply! Yes, the delay of gratification thing is what I've been practicing. Thinking "It will get better" has been keeping me going. However, after repeating that for a couple years one starts thinking "Well, when is it going to get better?"

Meditation seems like flossing to me: something that everyone says you should do more of, but, hardly anyone does it. It seems like a good idea that I will try again. I wonder: do you practice regularly, and, does it work for you?