Raccoons are actually closer to weasels and ferrets than to bears. Procyonidae, the family that includes raccoons, is a member of the superfamily Musteloidea, which also includes weasels and ferrets. Bears are members of another superfamily, Ursoidea.
Here's the family tree (scroll down for the diagram):
Some context: The Point/Counterpoint debate between Curtin and Ackroyd was a recurring feature on SNL, and was a parody of the Point/Counterpoint segment on CBS's "60 Minutes":
The Guidelines say that the Trump assassination is off-topic in several ways:
"Off-Topic: Most stories about politics, or crime, or sports, or celebrities, unless they're evidence of some interesting new phenomenon."
This story is about politics, crime and a celebrity. And it is not a new phenomenon in the US, where there have already been several assassination attempts (a few successful) on politicians, including presidents. [1]
The Guidelines also say:
"If they'd cover it on TV news, it's probably off-topic."