Nox

Talk to a professional. It's possible an anti-anxiety medication could have a profound effect, or simply talking through the underlying thought process that's keeping you isolated may be the ticket.

I have very similar thoughts and I can sympathize with how crappy it feels. I'm always worried that I'm doing or saying something stupid, and I can't really stop thinking that whoever I'm interacting with must think I'm an idiot. Knowing that there's a schism between reality and your perception of the situation is a good start though.

Something I'm starting to do is look for groups related to my interest that interact both online and in person. I'm really into iPhone photography, so I've been getting to know other local enthusiasts though Flickr and Instagram. Meeting in person is much more comfortable, since there's already some connection and common interest.

If you happen to be in the Toronto area, I'll take you out for a beer and we know at least 1 thing in common we can talk about. :)

I'm a girl, back in school to study comp sci, and I actually agree with you.

If I get hired, I want to know it's because my tech-fu is the best. I don't ever want it to be because I hit the right combo of nice rack and not totally incompetent.

I think there's a fundamental problem which is resulting in a lack of women in tech, but the useful discussion isn't about women in tech, it's about how we incorporate tech and business into the education system. By the time we're hiring or finding a partner, gender should be a non-issue. The fact that less women than men are going into the most interesting, lucrative and potentially challenging facet of society is an interesting conundrum though.

For what it's worth, I'm a beer-loving, bipolar, ADHD human with ladyparts and mathematically pleasing proportions. :P

Speaking as somebody with a Masters in digital anthropology and almost 5 years non-technical experience with startups, who is also a comp sci student now to round out my qualifications, gender does sometimes matter when it really shouldn't.

That said, I don't think focusing on it as a definitive characteristic is helpful at all. I bought codegoddess.com thinking I could make some awesome online hub for female coders, and then realized a chromosomal marker isn't a very good distinguishing feature.