Startups say the darndest things

http://agevik.se/post/12932930667/startups-say-the-darndest-things-a-translation-cheat

by niklas_a • 15 years ago

175 38 15 years ago

Geekette• 15 years ago

Funneh. Particularly enjoyed “We’ve got great backing" as = "We managed to convince VCs to give us money but we haven’t convinced any actual customers to do so".

billpatrianakos• 15 years ago

Definitely funny, entertaining, and there's a case to be made that its true a lot of times.

I don't know how to feel about it though. On the one hand I'm hoping it was a joke and nothing more as there are some good apples out there but then I also remember that there are a bazillion little startups that are just either clueless, incompetent, or decent but overhyped and overfunded.

gridspy• 15 years ago

Don't forget decent but obscure.

jsavimbi2• 15 years ago

They'd be better off prefacing each statement with "We wish ..." as it would sound a lot more sincere.

To be honest, the descriptions that stand out most to me are "we have X problem within Y context and we need a solution that will solve Z for us. Can you focus on it exclusively for six months?" Those usually turn out to be the most interesting problems to work on and will probably not attract people who are just interested because of the company is in a particular industry segment or focusing on a certain technology.

Work hard, play hard? You're probably doing neither and your holiday parties suck.

edited: "not attract"

glimcat• 15 years ago

A job post needs to tell me what problem you're trying to solve by hiring and why I should care about your problem. The overwhelming majority of job posts completely fail to outline a clear value proposition.

jsavimbi2• 15 years ago

I'm trying to solve my voodoo value problem and by hiring you I can massage my pre-money numbers and get a tax break for R&D. Want the job?

caw• 15 years ago

I agree with this. I already had a few of these buzzwords on my list for job postings to avoid.

"Work hard play hard" - Yep, the author's right

"Significant Equity" - I guess I've read too much HN to know that that's nothing

"Pre-revenue" - Entirely too much risk to leave your current job to go to; maybe if you were between jobs.

The last thing I avoid is the list of perks that make it seem like your life is work. Sure, perks are nice, but not so I can all my time there. I got a tour of Palantir, and I'm like "This is really sweet." Then I got to their nap time room, where you can sleep for a bit when you're pulling an all nighter. I drew the line there because the way it was positioned was too strongly implying you must spend all your waking hours at work, and then some.

localhost3000• 15 years ago

This seems to be the new trend on HN job posts: "we're xyz ycomb company. we're solving extremely difficult technical problems! [end]" ...yes, routing all those lunch orders must be a real pain...

anrope• 15 years ago

Yeah this is driving me nuts. It feels like a lot of companies are throwing around the same catchphrases, when instead they should be describing what they actually do or need done.

felipemnoa• 15 years ago

One catch phrase that seems to be on decline is rock star.

keiferski• 15 years ago

"Pre-revenue" seems like such a ridiculous term. It should only be used post-revenue to describe the period of time...pre-revenue.

Unless, of course, that every startup founder is a pre-billionaire. ;P

jpwagner• 15 years ago

...looking for a pre-fired software engineer

pagekalisedown• 15 years ago

That's just standard corporate-speak. Take anything negative and give it a positive spin. We don't lose money, we're pre-profitable. ;)

rokhayakebe• 15 years ago

The "You will get a chance to shape the product" translation is way too funny. Definitely gives a different perspective.

CPlatypus• 15 years ago

"All-star technical team" = "Each developer will tell you the others are stars. Perspectives from outside the circle might differ."

beagledude• 15 years ago

this is sadly extremely accurate the disruptive part especially

d_r• 15 years ago

While not mentioned in the article, one annoying phrase that has emerged recently is "X for Y". "An AirBnB for music." "A Yelp for wedding dresses."

To me this speaks: "We aren't able to clearly explain what we do, but here's this other well-known company that solves a similar problem in a different market. We'll piggy-back from the recognition of their name. Look at us, look at them, and try to make a connection."

niklas_a• 15 years ago

Haha, I agree. I've never understood why defining your company in relation to another company makes sense. If you have a good business idea your company should be able to stand by itself.

run4yourlives4• 15 years ago

You answered your own question.

If you don't have a good business idea (or if yours is underdeveloped) you try to create a connection with something a person might already feel positive about.

tycho772• 15 years ago

Cheap shot. You can't win with this one. You know what would happen if they described the product in a vacuum? The top comment on the HN thread would be "Basically, it's like an X for Y."

andrewflnr• 15 years ago

I guess, but ideally, you can describe yourself with actual verbs, and leave the pat generalizations to HN commenters.

run4yourlives4• 15 years ago

If somebody correctly makes a connection from your explanation to something they are familiar with, you have done your job.

If you need to make a connection with something you hope someone is familiar with in order to explain your product, you don't understand your product well enough.

amalcon• 15 years ago

More like re-emerged. Remember "Napster for X"?

nandemo• 15 years ago

I disagree. The formula "We're X for Y" is a very succinct way to start painting a picture of what your company does. It's supposed to be a "hook" for an investor or a tech news writer (or reader) to keep listening to you. So I wouldn't assume they aren't able to clearly explain what they do.

Still, your complaint might be that, even if works for investors or tech news writers, it shouldn't necessarily be used for prospective employees. In that case, I agree. But I'm sure that, if you happened to be interested in a particular startup that used that formula to describe themselves, they'd be happy to provide you with more details on what they do.

nethsix• 15 years ago

Perhaps, startups have been reading Hacker News/Y-combinator too much? ;-) (http://ycombinator.com/howtoapply.html). Y-combinator applicants are encouraged to make such associations to enable the evaluators to quickly grasp what they are doing.

dj_axl• 15 years ago

"We've got early traction" = Our investors has made sure their other portfolio companies use our product.

Would you rather work for a company where the investors can't even convince their portfolio companies to use the product? Sure I get the humor. Maybe a solution would be to actually name one of the (hopefully big/famous) companies that use the product, instead of being vague. "Some great places have employed our solution! But we can't reveal any of their names!" Um. Yeah.

run4yourlives4• 15 years ago

I think the point is that the hardest, yet most important sell is a paying customer.

There are a number of ways to convince an investor to use a freebee. They aren't losing anything they haven't already lost when they gave you money.

A customer will not (well, most at least) pay for a product that offers nothing in return.

lell• 15 years ago

Since when are such cynical attempts at humour posted on hn? Best not to read something like this if you want to stay motivated enough to do the work required to get "post-revenue" whatever that means.

mcmc• 15 years ago

There is so much noise out there that mediocre companies manage to position themselves as the best of the best, or at least manage to make the best companies look foolish at this point.

The problem is that it's a lot easier to imitate the talking points of successful startup than it is to actually imitate the success.

ernestipark• 15 years ago

http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6507690/hardly-working-sta...

rabidonrails• 15 years ago

I wish I could up-vote this multiple times.

eogas3• 15 years ago

I love this sketch. I'll never get over Devil's Deuce Interactive. On a related note, I just found this:

http://www.angeldump.com/

Stratego• 15 years ago

See Mule's http://unsuck-it.com/ for more.

mozartbu• 15 years ago

ROFL "You will NEED to shape the product since we don't know what we are doing."

Startups say the darndest things

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