Help: Suicide note on blog

https://dennisforbes.ca/index.php/2017/01/25/four-children-lose-their-father-a-wife-loses-a-husband/

by pragmatic • 9 years ago

94 91 9 years ago

dennisforbes.ca

pragmatic7• 9 years ago

This is bad. I emailed this to what I believe is the local police department, Halton Regional.

jonny_storm2• 9 years ago

In the name of whatever is good, I sincerely hope your intercession proves fruitful.

pragmatic7• 9 years ago

Is it appropriate to call the local police in this situation?

pragmatic7• 9 years ago

I just tried calling and my cell plan doesn't have international calling.

https://www.haltonpolice.ca/ 905-825-4777

nstott2• 9 years ago

I just phoned, the police are aware, and are responding

464192002d7fe1c5• 9 years ago

Yes, absolutely, and I've done it before (and been thanked for it), but if you see my other post this was posted almost 24 hours ago.

valarauca1• 9 years ago

Never call the police to handle a psychological traumatic episode. Especially to prevent a suicide.

They are not trained to handle it at all.

czbond7• 9 years ago

Then whom, specifically?

pragmatic7• 9 years ago

I don't know what else to do. I don't know this guy. I don't know anyone who knows this guy. I live in another country.

What would be the right thing to do here?

OriginalPenguin• 9 years ago

If it's a friend or family member and you feel capable of handling it yourself, and are nearby this might be good advice.

But regarding a stranger thousands of miles away? When every second counts? The police seem like the best option.

grzm• 9 years ago

That's quite a sweeping generalization. Even if true, they may know who is better able to handle the situation.

464192002d7fe1c5• 9 years ago

While I understand your concern. You're wrong on a number of fronts.

Firstly, as others have mentioned, you don't really have better options besides (perhaps?) trying to find/call relatives. If you call EMTs they won't report without police (for good reason), if you call a local hospital (of any kind) they will just tell you to call the police.

Secondly, police absolutely do get training to handle mental health issues and get training to specifically handle this situation. (http://www.nami.org/Law-Enforcement-and-Mental-Health/What-I...)

Thirdly, this is Canada. While I'm sure the level of CIT training penetration in the USA is not ideal, I would imagine that Canadian police are far better and will show up with Canadian bacon and maple syrup and some tim hortons coffee and make it all better.

nathannecro2• 9 years ago

With great certainty, I can say that most all police and first responders in the US and Canada have been trained on how to handle a suicide.

Whether or not they recall and follow through on their training, that is another story.

Please, if you think a friend or family member is on the verge of suicide, do seek the assistance of the police. They considered to be on the edge of suicide if the answer to the questions below are "yes".

1. Do you have thoughts about killing yourself?

2. Do you have a plan to kill yourself?

3. Do you have a means to kill yourself? (Purchasing a knife or gun for example)

If the answer to all three questions are in the affirmative (or even if it's one or two out of three), seek help. Do not leave them alone unless your safety is threatened. Call a suicide prevention line, call the local authorities, call a family member; do all three.

Beggars4• 9 years ago

Sorry to call it like I see it, but your comment is so wrong on every possible level.

There is nobody else to call when someone is telling the world they're going to commit suicide, where is your compassion? I don't even know this guy, never read his blog and I live in another country, but reading that post and the "love" one he posted with photos of his children, that hits me right in the chest. I feel compelled to try and do something.

Police aren't just there for tending to crimes, they are there to serve and protect the community and in this case, protect someone in the community from themselves who is clearly suffering from immense mental stress and needs help.

The way society deals with people who clearly are suffering from mental illness needs to change. There are so many people out there just like him working in tech and non-tech alike feeling the same, sadly many don't get heard or the help they need. Remember Aaron Swartz?

It's easy for people to say, "he should tell someone, he should tell his wife" when they've never experienced mental illness before. It's easy to be uncompassionate when you're lucky to be a normal functioning human being.

oliwarner• 9 years ago

And the nominees for most harmful comment on HN are...

Seriously though, if even one person avoids calling trained professionals off the back of this, you might have cost somebody their life.

koenigdavidmj• 9 years ago

I've done so for an online acquaintance in Boise (not even in the same state as me) for a much vaguer report; his post didn't even say he was in danger. They sent a police officer out (about 10pm even) and called me back to confirm that he was unharmed and not alone.

orionblastar• 9 years ago

That is terrible. He should have told his wife about his problems so she could help him get professional help. He also could have done a crowdfunding campain.

This is why our IT industry needs to make better support for the mentally ill, rather than vilify us and cause people to hide their mental illnesses.

55555• 9 years ago

This guy doesn't seem unusually mentally ill to me. He seems well within the bounds of normal. Depression happens to everybody. (I'm not sure if we actually disagree or I'm just choosing different words.)

hackuser5• 9 years ago

It's one thing to speculate ignorantly about the latest app; it's quite another to do it about someone's mental illness.

mgkimsal3• 9 years ago

I had your view - I just read a number of his posts. You can define 'mental illness' to be almost anything, and it would encompass a lot of folks, but most of his writings were pretty balanced.

What I did see (and others did too) was a post about need $600k - needing a lump sum, then working on something and paying it all back from the 'riches' of the project. Now.. the 'riches' part may have been somewhat tongue in cheek, perhaps, but he was really going for some "go big go home" sort of project, and that didn't work out.

Now's probably not quite the time to criticize (and I'm not criticizing him), but when is there a good time? Dennis seemed to get caught up in the belief in "big payout tech projects". This isn't to say they don't happen, but Dennis' isn't the first story I've read of people "shooting big", then ending up in deep debt, deep despair, considering suicide. We don't read about these much - we generally read about the continuing waves of billion-dollar unicorns fronted by people continually younger than ourselves. It's gotta wear some people down.

I just bumped in to some folks a few days ago who are (independently) "buckling down" on their big "game changing" projects. While I only know these folks socially, if the projects fail, and one ends up taking his life (or even considering it), I will not be overly surprised (saddened, yes). But there's little I can do.

People chasing web/tech/app riches then falling in to debt/despair has got to be the unspoken plague of this industry.

EDIT: looks like his most recent project was Gallus: https://dennisforbes.ca/index.php/2017/01/24/gallus-lessons-... And while that looked like it was going to pay off in a sale, the buyer got acquired and everything got put on hold. The house eviction may have pushed him over the edge?

hackuser5• 9 years ago

He should have told his wife about his problems so she could help him get professional help. He also could have done a crowdfunding campain.

We don't know what his relationship with his wife is, or what his capacity is to ask for help or to organize and execute a crowdfunding campaign(!).

A very unfortunate irony of mental illness is that it interferes with the person's emotional and cognitive ability to solve their problems. It's like telling someone with a broken leg that they 'should' run and get help. But at least with a broken leg you have the capacity and will to figure out what you want to do and to try to do it.

mgkimsal3• 9 years ago

We don't know what his relationship with his wife is

Especially in the last few days, if he was arranging for a sale of the house, that would necessitate a move. Certainly wouldn't be unheard of to spring this last minute, but I suspect he'd prepped the family for a move, and likely would have needed his wife's signatures on some paperwork at minimum (canada may be different than the US states I've lived in).

czbond7• 9 years ago

Trying to find a number. http://datagovca.com/corporation.php?id=8370613

czbond7• 9 years ago

https://www.prelist.org/properties/4438-dream-home-in-the-lo...

905-220-1098

rkabir• 9 years ago

I tried calling, no answer

czbond7• 9 years ago

Same

NetOpWibby• 9 years ago

This is real?!

Beggars4• 9 years ago

This gives me knots in my stomach, I hope it's not too late to help this man and his family. I would contribute to a crowdfunding campaign, nobody should suffer like this. I don't have much either, but I could help with a little.

Someone in Canada here that can help out? The whois for the domain lists the following:

Name: Dennis Forbes Postal address: 2273 Britannia Rd Burlington ON L7P0E8 Canada Phone: +1.9053158373

464192002d7fe1c5• 9 years ago

This is terrible, the house/neighborhood looks very nice :(

464192002d7fe1c5• 9 years ago

datetime="2017-01-25T10:16:10+00:00"

which was a long time ago :( It is probably too late :(

glandium• 9 years ago

There is also https://dennisforbes.ca/index.php/2017/01/24/adieu/ which is datetime="2017-01-24T19:21:50+00:00", 13 hours earlier.

tory• 9 years ago

This breaks my heart. I came across this and called the Halton Police Department. They are sending someone to check it out.

pragmatic7• 9 years ago

Thank you!

TheTrueTDF• 9 years ago

Thank you ! Fingers crossed

Beggars4• 9 years ago

Thank you. It's such a horrible and powerless feeling knowing that there is very little I can do all the way here in Australia. I sent them a Facebook message, but I am glad someone was able to call.

464192002d7fe1c5• 9 years ago

Thanks for calling. AT&T AGAIN disabled my international calling and the group that can turn it back on only works 9-5.

bendoernberg• 9 years ago

I called the Halton police department and was told that they could not investigate until I contacted my local (US) police department and had the US police send them the information. They refused to just give me an email address where I could send the blog post or accept any information over the phone. Absurd.

iffycan• 9 years ago

I hope someone found him while they could help. His last two posts could have been clues :(

- https://dennisforbes.ca/index.php/2017/01/24/adieu/

- https://dennisforbes.ca/index.php/2017/01/24/love/

danso3• 9 years ago

https://dennisforbes.ca/index.php/seeking-a-well-capitalized...

(emphasis his)

EDIT 2016-01-24: Hello readers. This page is seeing dozens of uniques per day from non-bots. Whether it’s interested parties or just people casually entertained I don’t know, but I will say that if you’re thinking about this contact me now (dforbes@yafla.com). My window of options is incredibly tiny at this point.

pragmatic7• 9 years ago

I saw the Adieu post at the top of my feed yesterday. I had an empty body. I assumed it was a mispost or he had found an investor or like many of us just got tired of blogging.

Then tonight I read the Love post and thought it was rather touching until I got to this one. Then it fell into place.

I've followed his blog for years but otherwise don't know him personally. I'm sick to my stomach.

frankwiles• 9 years ago

This is is sad and avoidable. As stated in other comments we don't seem to do enough or talk enough about mental health and suicide in tech circles.

If you need help please get it. Here is one resource:

http://www.headquarterscounselingcenter.org/

Disclaimer, I'm on tbe Board of Directors. But if not this resource please get help from somewhere. There are people here for you.

ravishah• 9 years ago

Administrative contact: Name: Dennis Forbes Postal address: 2273 Britannia Rd Burlington ON L7P0E8 Canada Phone: +1.9053158373 Fax: Email:

http://whois.domaintools.com/dennisforbes.ca

Call ???

cyberferret4• 9 years ago

Hoping with every fibre of my being that someone can get to the OP in time.

I've been close to this sort of situation before, with a six figure tax debt that I thought I could never pay out. Several incredibly tough years later, I have paid out that debt and am well ahead. I often look back at that dark patch in my life and am glad I never took the option that I thought was my only recourse while in that particular mindset.

Things can get better. The worst of times will pass. I wish I could talk to this guy and tell him my story face to face.

Whatever deity or cosmic force you believe in - hope/wish/pray that it delays this man's decision so that someone can save him.

deathly_dev• 9 years ago

This is sad yet completely understandable. I attempted suicide last night. After being blocked from being able to put my kids to bed by my soon-to-be-ex-maybe-but-hopefully-I-can-fix-it wife, looking at not having much in the way of visitation. It's just too much. Add financial pressure, the only thing my wife seems to respond to, and I can't take it. Writing software requires creativity from the inside - emotional stress disables me. Not fair, perhaps I'm weak, but there it is.

The cry for help stuff is annoying, too. I didn't contact anyone last night because either I cause more emotional harm (they don't stop me) or I'm just an drama-causing guy that is so unstable of course his kids can't be around him.

I used to think this was a silly response until I was in the situation. Maybe things would have gotten for this guy, maybe not.

nstott2• 9 years ago

it's well worth it to seek help..

please reach out to family, friends, anyone and to talk through any problems

czbond7• 9 years ago

Can you focus on one problem at a time? First, just go buy an ice cream. Take you kids in a car ride, to the playground - and eat ice cream. Listen to them laugh. Play with them. See you in them. Take time off work, go to that place in town that makes your heart smile. For me, it's the mtn bike track - what is it for you? GO see a movie, talk to someone in line. Ask them about their day. Have pancakes. Now call someone - anyone - and just say "can we have lunch"? Small, controllable wins are your way out. Your kids are your way out. The "mind-fuck" will go away.

cyberferret4• 9 years ago

I am glad that you are still here with us, and I would strongly urge you to get help, in whatever way. Friends and family are of course, the first ones I would suggest, but if you feel that you do not want to burden them, then please contact a help line, or a priest, or a counselling service - whatever. A lot of them let you stay anonymous.

In my experience, when you are in that state of mind that suicide seems the only/easiest option, then there is NO WAY that you are thinking of the best outcomes for other people in your life.

You not ever being there for your kids ever again is NOT a better option that you being there broken, but still there for them to be able to actually tell you how they feel and listen to you. Not even close.

You will be far too enmeshed in your own feelings of hopelessness and loss to be able to think clearly. You NEED someone who can look at the 'helicopter view' objectively and bring a new perspective to your mental state. Even a complete stranger who is empathetic can do that. They don't even need to say much - just listen to YOU saying it. The act of talking it out can help on a massive level.

My kids were very young when I went through my patch about 15 years ago. I look at them now and think about all the incredibly wonderful things I would have missed if I was not here.

Go. Talk to someone. Now.

shams932• 9 years ago

You might be like me, having no access to healthcare to get counciling, I would recommend Alanon if you can't afford therapy, its free and sometimes sharing with other people is more healing than therapy with a "professional." I've been through many horrific things myself, you need to plug into a compassionate community of some kind, the isolation will kill you, you need people you can talk to in person, you need hugs and commiseration and compassion and some loving care from a genuine community.

koonsolo• 9 years ago

Hang in there man! Last year I was in your situation, being at the receiving end of a divorce with 3 young kids. You are currently in the darkest place, I know. Sometimes everything looks black. Your ego sank through the bottom. But it will get lighter soon, don't give up hope. Although it might seem that there is no future, there certainly is, and it is brighter than anything you can imagine right now.

More people will help you than you think. Friends, family, colleagues. Try to find a friend that went through more or less the same situation, getting dumped by the one he/she loved.

You can mail me at koen@koonsolo.com.

rootusrootus• 9 years ago

I hope he has not followed through. He may feel like a failure, but he is much more valuable alive to his family. His kids will be devastated. You can survive anything with your family there, but without a dad those kids are going to be far, far worse off than any financial damage you feel like you've caused.

throwaway999222• 9 years ago

Throwaway because of obvious reasons but let this be a lesson to the HN crowd:

NEVER ever risk so much that you're family will be left homeless. The minute you had kids and a wife is the minute you chose to never be able to risk everything for bigger gains.

Also, this post sobered me up from the dream of buying a $500K home. I'll be getting a $250k and paying off that sucker ASAP.

rootlocus• 9 years ago

I wouldn't have made a throwaway for this. It's perfectly reasonable advice. I never liked banks. My mom always warned me they're legal loan sharks who don't break your leg but take your home (or car, or whatever). Perhaps it's a good time to consider bitcoin.

sova• 9 years ago

May Love be with him all the way.

danso3• 9 years ago

Found this thread on Twitter of someone who called the police 12 hours ago. Context suggests that it was too late. https://twitter.com/TychoTithonus/status/824324158154645504

czbond7• 9 years ago

Sad find - but closure.

pragmatic7• 9 years ago

Damn.

ploggingdev3• 9 years ago

I am a little lost here, but who is dennis forbes?

This story seems to have gotten flagged. It's not showing up on the front page. [Edit]: yes [Flagged] is showing up on this story.

danso3• 9 years ago

He's the author of this blog post: https://dennisforbes.ca/index.php/2017/01/25/four-children-l...

tluyben26• 9 years ago

Really hope they reached him in time. This is no way or reason to go...

For all the interesting things the anglo countries offer, this is one of those things that concern me. Many people I know in the Netherlands and Spain were in the same situation. A very good friend of mine owes the bank E400k and has a house to sell at this moment. In Spain. The bank wanted to foreclose months ago but the judge blocked it giving her 2 years to get her affairs in order to start paying mortgage again (mortgage was not paid for over a year). It seems far more humane than what I read about anglo countries where you can end up living on the streets even without a drug habit. I know money money but as I get older I value humane far more than money. Then again, I am not sure if I think this way about uk/ca/us/au (esp US though) because of the many media hyped up posts. Maybe it is not that bad but reading things like this...

Edit: many foreclosures happen in Spain but that is mostly because people do not know that they can fight them or do not want the hassle

Edit2: post flagged? Is it fake? Does not matter for the responses here; actual people think about and do this every day. I had too many friends and family take their lives but none of them did it because of money. Broke here (correct me if I am wrong please!) is not the same as broke there.

shams932• 9 years ago

Even if its a fake post, its brings up some useful points. What you see in places where money and what you have are everything is a loss of community. For me, when I've talked stupid about hurting myself when I was having a bad time I was fortunate coming into technology via punk rock and alternative culture to have genuine friends around to talk to. Often work won't allow for therapy, the moment a manager finds out you suffer from depression you're out hard and fast. There's a huge stigma attached to depression, but ultimately each human has a certain level of stress they can take before they break.

tluyben26• 9 years ago

the moment a manager finds out you suffer from depression you're out hard and fast.

Humane again... You cannot be fired for that here. Which is how it should be IMHO.

alenkovic• 9 years ago

Halton Region local here - just called police department, they said that they are aware and on it. Appreciative of the call, no other info.

el_don_almighty• 9 years ago

It's so hard to realize that our self-worth isn't in the things that we owe. I've struggled with it myself many times. How can I be so good at so many things and yet be an absolute moron when it comes to money?

It seems so simple. Just don't spend it.

It's like my Mom's voice calling out to us as I ran out the door in high school.

"Don't sin!"

She had long given up trying to lay out a long list of things we shouldn't do and distilled everything into the most essential kernal.

"Sure mom, I'll get right on that"

For a month I can be really, really good. And then there's a closeout on new Canon lenses at B&H and it's all over.

What an idiot.

Soon enough, it all adds up and like Dennis, you have a couple of medical bills or a job go south and the ship just sinks around you.

Nobody cares and there's nothing you can do.

But it's obvious to me after reading this thread that our community DOES CARE and will reach out desperately to help.

Our self worth is far greater than some crappy shack.

The lives we touch and the memories we make mean so much more than the possessions we have.

The pain I feel inside for Dennis is touched only by the willingness of this team to reach out and help him.

I hope we can assist his family in some way.

jonny_storm2• 9 years ago

Flagged or no, can we all agree to do as OP did? A post and a call could mean everything.

tluyben26• 9 years ago

Offtopic; I think there should be a 'why flagged?' button on HN.

tomhoward• 9 years ago

The reason people flag stories/comments ultimately comes back to the same thing: they believe it doesn't belong on HN, as per the site guidelines:

https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

This is obviously a very sad and tragic story – no warm-blooded person could dispute that.

But it's a private matter to be dealt with by police and his loved ones.

No doubt people are generally well-intentioned in thinking that having this case discussed here may be beneficial, but for other people the interest is likely to be voyeuristic, and for it to be a topic of public discussion is insensitive and risks causing further distress to his family.

tluyben26• 9 years ago

I think it was beneficial, if it helped or not. I think it shows many of the 'money first' people on here what it can do to you and how you can make bad (as in ultimately, life threateningly bad) decisions with startups and investments. I think it does belong here.

memyselfandme3• 9 years ago

I called 911. The police reached him in time.

Beggars4• 9 years ago

So is he okay? This makes me feel relieved if he is okay.

memyselfandme3• 9 years ago

The police said they were with him and he was okay. I'm not entirely sure now if the "he was okay" bit is accurate.

memyselfandme3• 9 years ago

I live in halton and called the police. They said they reached him in time.

RawInfoSec• 9 years ago

Okay there's something not right here.

People are reporting that it was too late, however the block post is gone, and I've yet to see an obit posted in any of the locals around here.

There's more to this.

royce• 9 years ago

Twitter OP here. I know the thread's been flagged, but for anyone who finds the thread: he's OK.

https://dennisforbes.ca/index.php/2017/02/02/update/

duncans• 9 years ago

For the record: he's OK

I’m okay.
Months of incredible levels of stress, coupled with weeks of little sleep, yielded some deeply irrational, illogical thinking that I of course regret, but can’t erase from my timeline. And for any sort of intellectual exercise, like software development, no sleep+stress = a recursive loop of ineffectiveness that generates more stress and even less sleep.
I apologize to those I distressed, from family to remote individuals who I’ve never met but who cared. This is my first opportunity to post anything on this, and the lack of communications wasn’t an intentional act of dramatic exercise.

https://dennisforbes.ca/index.php/2017/02/02/update/

JustinAiken• 9 years ago

Wonderful news! Thanks for posting

Help: Suicide note on blog

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