waythrowa

I want to apologize, I'm very sorry. Reread over the messages today and i sounded awful, nothing actually made sense in the tone I had intended. Between half paranoid suspicion I was talking to someone else, and just some self-loathing need to crash and burn, I'm not sure how to explain myself.

I think at the end you thought I was trolling you somehow, nope, just grown adult woman saying all the wrong things in some weird unrelenting negative vibe.

I'm just embarrassed and feel guilty that I began this in a wholesome tone and ended in a immature obnoxious way. No need to respond to this, I don't even mean to bother you again, like how annoying is that???

it just felt dishonest to the universe and to readers to leave only the good side showing :( take care bye

I think a lot of black sheep personalities feel like this, pretty safe and smug in calling all the patterns we see in others that make them not right for us. And we know too much of ourselves will try their patience too, which makes us resent their love as a thin weak thing.

lots of reasons but I'm the constant

Sad face. I don’t know if admitting this helps or hurts, but a long while ago when I kept seeing your username on so many of my favorite comments i thought about emailing you to flirt, but the more I kept reading thru to look for hints (to confirm that ur straight, not married, etc ) the more I psyched myself out… In sober assessment, I likely wouldn’t meet your standards of, like… spiritual vigor, agency, having ones adult shit together, strength of character in a flailing sham society, etc. You already seemed too complete an image on your own. It creates admiration for sure, but in a way that challenges me to get to your level rather than come closer…

Resonating with someone’s deep judgements of the world also means I can’t fall short or claim ignorance later, there’s less room to play. “I agree with everything this guy finds virtuous yet i lack these qualities even after all this time… sigh, better just go work on becoming my best self…“

Catch22, if I already was my ideal self would I still be attracted to philosophical types on hn? (I kinda hate this place ngl)

Not sure if any of us with these dispositions really want another human up close or if that ‘trying’ is just part of the aesthetic if I’m honest with myself.

Anyway, if u want to talk to a misanthropic fangirl, my username is LimeOregano on Telegram, and when you’re in the woods and very lonely, you can feel free to send me ponderous voice notes without overthinking this polite distance that you’re obliged to maintain with real friends. We can ghost each other if the long tail of negative interaction proves too much!

(Afterall, if you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the results of getting your hopes up 100 times lol)

Regardless, i hope youre flattered to know that some strangers like you based on the quality of your thoughts alone