My conspiracy theory is that the EU is actively trying to create their own cloud through regulation after seeing the economic success from china's internet companies after the great firewall.
It also has a db! macro that lets you write sql and it maps it to rust structs and fns, I've made some improvements to the macro here https://github.com/swlkr/static_sqlite
SSHing into a new linux VPS can be intimidating but there a few good digital ocean tutorials that'll take you from new VPS to dokku and once you're there it's very much a PaaS