I have suffered through debilitating anxiety and depression attacks (I call them attacks because they are finite) for most of my adult life. And my treatment, frankly, has been spotty, although clinical mental issues run in my family.
I can remember the first time I had one at the age of 22. I was traveling home from an internship in Silicon Valley. I'm now 40 and have been going through a significant episode. Most of my attacks occur around major life changes, or events I feel that I have no control over. I suspect many of us go into technology because the machine is an environment we can control, and many of us don't like (or can't cope with) being out of control of our environments.
My anxiety attacks have centered around:
- Fear of economic collapse
- Fear of personal financial collapse
- Fear of terminal health problem
- Fear of being alone
- Fear of not being able to provide for family (which prevented me from having one)
To name a few.
Wall Street maybe driven by fear and greed, but I am driven primarily by fear, and occasionally greed. But fear in many ways has treated me well, and has forced me to take action.
There are many situations in life where you are faced with a major decision for which there is no right or wrong answer (marriage, moving, changing jobs, buying a house, starting a company, etc.). Personally, and I suspect many of us are like this, I want to know what the right answer is. I'm frustrated that I cannot see the future. This frustration leads to a mental infinite loop which prevents me from functioning.
I don't think I have been treated properly for my problems. There are folks who I think have far less anxiety who get far more treatment. This might be because I have a fear of treatment.
So yeah, you aren't alone. It definitely sucks. But also doesn't have to prevent you from being successful, but I wish there was less stigma around it.