leftside

A few notes:

- You don't get a programming job by applying at In 'n Out.

- Reframe your pitch. You need to signal to employers that you're worth hiring; "Hire me, I'm desperate and barely competent" doesn't really push that message.

- What's "real" job experience? Did you write code for 6 years, or not?

- I'm out of touch with what junior engineers get paid (hopefully it's less than $100k), but I'm guessing your friends have accumulated track records over the past few years and are in mid- to senior-level positions. I don't think you're likely to get one of those given your history (to say nothing of your self-presentation). If that's been your target, maybe aim a little lower, at junior-level jobs? Still difficult since there are so many junior engineers.

- What everyone else said.

When presenting yourself as someone of value, remember that it doesn't matter if you believe it. Just say it with authority. =)

Good luck!

I think Jeff Atwood has a good point, in that your essay does have this sort of lofty view of startup founders, and implied condescension to the poor sods who didn't do that. That may not have been what you meant, but that's certainly how it comes across to someone with a more neutral view of startup culture. Your addendum doesn't really change that, because you're still positing a dichotomy of what software engineers can be: EITHER we're go-getter startup founders, XOR we're caged animals suffering as our souls slowly die, depending on which environment we end up in. In drawing those lines, I think you're missing a pretty wide range of human experience.