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edelwiess

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I know there are comments here ridiculing the OP about posting this. Some asking OP to be stronger. All I want to say is posting something like this takes way more strength than what those commenters will ever allow themselves to experience. Expressing is a way of healing and no the internet is not a cold dry space. It is a place of feeling humans who could all use encouragement to show vulnerability like this. I don’t know if OP got some healing from this but a lot of similarly lost readers felt a little less alone.

We may all come from different cultures and generations but this loss hits deep in the same way for everyone. When I was a kid, I remember thinking my grandparents were very odd. They’d wake up everyday at 4 am. Grandpa would walk barefoot to the temple in their neighborhood and spend the next 2 hours singing to the deities there, gently waking each one up, washing and dressing them for the day. Grandma would send hand made goodies (food) as an offering with him.

They both spoke very little through their life. Mostly smiled, never heard them say anything bad about anyone, indulge in any material pleasures. Though I got affection from them, there was also always a sense of detachment from both.

As I grew up I learnt that they had lost their youngest son when he was 5 to a snake bite. They carried the burden of not protecting him for a decade while spiraling into depression and only these rituals slowly started giving them some stability back. This was a full 40-50 year time span. As a 40 year old myself I marvel at their strength to live out their lives, also during times where you couldn’t even reach out to internet for support.