I Know What You Think of Me

http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/06/15/i-know-what-you-think-of-me/

by jejune06 • 13 years ago

294 109 13 years ago

opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com

This is a great article. Not good, great. It's a simple and objective look at a very difficult truth: It's so very easy (and, in the author's assessment -- which I agree with -- so very normal) to look at yourself as the exception, and to ignore or simply be ignorant of your own flaws, while eagerly pointing out those of others.

I keep learning more about myself (not the pleasant things, of course) because of this sort of introspection. I had absolutely none of it as a kid. I think few people do, but the more you manage -- and the later in life you manage it -- the harder it is to look back at yourself and not wince.

I'd say, and I think the author makes this point as well, at least in passing, one of the hardest things is forgiving yourself when you step back and realize how you've behaved (particularly after condemning others for the same actions). It's a lot easier to take someone else's actions and say "well, he/she didn't mean it" or "OK, that's just how people are" than to look at yourself, know that yes, you did mean it or intend to do it, and no, you don't really find it acceptable.

criswell• 13 years ago

We judge others by their actions, ourselves by our intentions.

bobwaycott• 13 years ago

Indeed. Fundamental attribution error.

earbitscom• 13 years ago

I tend not to do this, which is why I find myself at age 35 with practically no grudges held and very few people who I cannot tolerate or even appreciate. It also makes it easier to recognize whether something is reconcilable in business, with employees, etc. Accidents happen, people make mistakes. I often find that unless I truly believe something was done out of malice, I have very little problem getting over it quickly.

davorak3• 13 years ago

Perceived intentions and perceived actions often seem to fit the bill better then actual actions.

dasil0033• 13 years ago

I especially loved the closing paragraph about the audio staircase revealing all gossip about you in order of ascending quality. That is terrible and fascinating idea.

davorak3• 13 years ago

Once you get to the bottom you are surround by the highest praise any has ever given you. Given that what percentage of the population would get stuck at the bottom?

mateo4112• 13 years ago

Tim Kreider is an excellent writer and enjoyable to read. He is adept at weaving philosophy, humor, and personal anecdotes together into a great essay. If you like this, keep reading his work.

syncsynchalt• 13 years ago

Agreed, I read one of his books on a trip to Chicago a week ago (We Learn Nothing), well worth the read.

nollidge3• 13 years ago

I'm slowly realizing that being judgemental and expressing those judgements to sympathetic interlocutors often feels good in the moment, but it's toxic in the long run.

This is because those judgements you pass on others are almost always externalizations of judgements you pass on yourself, and usually unfair ones to boot. Realizing you're a hypocrite is painful in the immediate term, but leads to pretty sustained gratification when you notice the gap between the person you could've passively become and the person you actively chose to evolve into.

rheide• 13 years ago

I wonder if the author ever emails one of the two friends about the other. It's unfair if only one side of the private emails gets opened, but the other stays hidden. Also, given that presumably you're still friends after this incident, who cares? A single email is a ridiculously small facet of a person to base an opinion off of.

And if you weren't friends but just colleagues, who cares? You've just learned an important bit of information: your colleagues don't approve of your expenditures. This will help you plan your future. Take it and learn. More information is hardly ever bad.

bobz• 13 years ago

I'm pretty sure you didn't actually read most of this article.

michaelochurch2• 13 years ago

This brings to mind why people who are socially inept tend to fall behind further in interpersonal skill, unless they make concerted efforts to improve themselves. When you start developing the ability to read people, it's painful because you realize that most people passively dislike you.

It gets a little better when you realize that most of the low-level passive dislike is impersonal. Passive dislike of others (perceived as intruders, a "crowd", etc.) is the norm, and taking offense to human traits that evolved in times of scarcity and fear makes no sense. When you're socially inept and perceive others as unfairly exaggerating your faults, it feels like persecution. Reality is that people just exaggerate everyone's faults because it's how humans are.

Learning what people really are is painful and demoralizing if you're socially average or above, but it's devastating for people who are socially inept.

eru• 13 years ago

This brings to mind why people who are socially inept tend to fall behind further in interpersonal skill, unless they make concerted efforts to improve themselves. When you start developing the ability to read people, it's painful because you realize that most people passively dislike you.

Really? I never got that impression.

nollidge3• 13 years ago

Passively dislike you, or just don't have any particular interest in you whatsoever? (Or is that exactly what you mean by "passive dislike"?)

michaelochurch2• 13 years ago

Mostly "no particular interest", but passive dislike comes from an (understandable) fear of congestion.

All else being equal, you'd rather fewer people be where you are than many. You'd rather ride a half-empty plane than a full one. You'd rather your favorite restaurant be quiet and spacious than crowded and loud. Of course, everyone has specific people they'd prefer to be around... but we're mostly irritated by crowds and be around people we didn't select. That's just how we are. We're animals, and every animal exhibits heightened cognitive load when animals of the same species (conspecific individuals) are in range.

This is not worth getting angry about. It's just how the world seems to work. Even if the world isn't congested, it almost always feels that way... and to most people, you and I are part of the problem. When you drive, you're part of "traffic".

nmcfarl2• 13 years ago

bradenb• 13 years ago

I am painfully aware of how much energy I expend trying to prop myself up above others. Whether I am delicately explaining how I would have done it differently or just fidgeting with my clothes to make myself look better in that place's light, I end up feeling like I'm acting fake. Maybe I am.

Regardless, I think there's little we can do about it. Anytime I overcome the urge to make myself look better to the strangers around me, it is done through no small amount of conscious effort. It is so much easier to just give in to my genetic encoding and try to appear more fit than to make my existence easier.

r00fus• 13 years ago

Or in my case, I spend a lot of time in denial about how much I intend not do... do exactly what you're describing, but finding out after the fact (re-playing conversations with others, or listening to complaints from my family) that I, unbeknownst to my conscious mind, do exactly that.

wwweston• 13 years ago

"I’ve often thought that the single most devastating cyberattack a diabolical and anarchic mind could design would not be on the military or financial sector but simply to simultaneously make every e-mail and text ever sent universally public... the fabric of society would instantly evaporate, every marriage, friendship and business partnership dissolved. Civilization ... is held together by a fragile web of tactful phrasing, polite omissions and white lies"

Dr. Doofenshmirtz agrees:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qvELB_lHsXQ#t=4m19s

saraid2162• 13 years ago

Hail to the whistleblowers, then?

nostromo• 13 years ago

I had a talk with a friend recently who is newly single, and it was clear to me that Facebook was making her crazy. She kept asking me questions about what people that were friends with her and her ex thought of her, or were saying behind her back, or were posting about her in a way that she couldn't see.

It was an uphill battle, but I finally convinced her of the truth: nobody really talked about her or her ex that much at all. And what was said was trite and banal, "Oh, I'm sad they broke up..."

This was a bit of revelation for her.

I think people that obsess over what is said about them behind their backs should take that to heart. The truth is you probably spend a lot less time in people's thoughts than you think you do.

bitops• 13 years ago

I heard a good joke about this: when you're 20, you're obsessed with what others think about you. When you're 40, you don't give a damn what others think about you. When you're 60, you realize others were never thinking about you at all.

stephengillie2• 13 years ago

I hesitate to quote Ayn Rand, but it's fitting:

"Mr. Roark, we’re alone here. Why don’t you tell me what you think of me? In any words you wish. No one will hear us."

"But I don’t think of you."

-Ellsworth Toohey and Howard Roark, The Fountainhead, Ayn Rand

cinquemb2• 13 years ago

Does that empower the "Move fast, break things" mentality since others were never really thinking about you (or other people for that matter) and just mostly themselves?

damontal• 13 years ago

Ran into a coworker on the elevator. We worked together on the same floor in the same department for a few years then I changed departments and floors and now we hardly see each other. When she saw me on the elevator she said "I forgot you exist!"

rayiner2• 13 years ago

The truth is you probably spend a lot less time in people's thoughts than you think you do.

There is a clinical term for this phenomenon.

emiliobumachar• 13 years ago

rmrfrmrf• 13 years ago

Egocentrism.

Udo5• 13 years ago

Just for fun, I'd like to throw in my opposite experience. A few years ago I was quite active on FB, you know, posting random thoughts and music videos and stuff like that. The stuff I posted was indeed random, just things I liked and wanted to share based on mood and ...well randomness. But unbeknownst to be, an acquaintance of mine, who was at the time engaged in a horribly soapy love triangle, got it into her head that I was speaking in code about her - more specifically that I was totally in love with her and wanted to make her nicely constructed love triangle into a quad-shape.

It didn't help that I really had been unlucky in love for months at that time, and I once confided to said threesome girl my situation over a coffee. I did express to her quite clearly who my "problem" person was, but for some reason (and I learned that only much later from a meetup with her boyfriend) she actually thought I was again speaking about her, in code. I was not. However, she convinced a lot of people.

Only after noticing that quite a few friends and acquaintances were turning their backs on me lately, and a few people coming out and saying strange things like "hey, what's up with you and X, you gotta let her go, man" or even "dude, I heard what you did and it's not seriously not cool" I gradually learned that this person was waging an epic info war around and about me, who supposedly couldn't stop hitting on her. Upon learning this, I broke off contact immediately, but to my amazement the damage was still unfolding.

I simply could not believe the amount of gossip and straight-up fantasy people engaged in with me playing some kind of role in what had become a huge reality soap opera. Honestly, I never thought I was that interesting. But that didn't matter, because the made-up stuff just kept coming. It was as if I had a very active doppelgänger walking and talking around somewhere. It was absolutely stunning, and more than a bit horrifying. There are a lot of things I still can't wrap my head around. What was she getting out of this? And all the time, we had a "hey, let's grab a beer and cheer you up"-kind of relationship that I thought was pretty good. Why would anyone do this? And why was everyone willing to not only listen but also willing to add to this story?

Now, years later, my circle of friends has shrunken immensely. There are a lot of people who won't talk to me anymore, and I never got to find out why exactly. I only know that the moment I start asking questions, the whole affair seems to get reactivated. One friend told me only recently (unprompted) that there are so many conflicting stories about me in circulation, it's hard to keep track of them all. And none of them is good.

Why me? I'm neither rich, nor good-looking, nor in any imaginable way socially interesting. Seriously, it's stunningly stupid, and I can't for the life of me understand what powers this process. But it happened. A home-made conspiracy story. Sometimes, people really do talk behind your back - a lot.

jarrett• 13 years ago

This article was on the HN front page some time ago:

http://chronicle.com/article/I-Will-Ruin-Him/136693/

It sounds like your situation is similar, though perhaps less extreme.

tunesmith2• 13 years ago

You should point to this comment on your facebook feed. That'd be a fun comment thread.

Isamu• 13 years ago

Having seen a similar case up close myself, it is amazingly hard to wrap your head around some kinds of socially manipulative behavior. And I think that is why some people will fundamentally never come over your side - it's too hard to understand.

I've learned a few things from this (my) experience:

- Most people really are not interested in getting to the bottom of anything. Even if it is pretty serious and damaging. Sad but true. They can't be bothered to doubt their first instincts.

- Most people think they are such a rock-solid judge of character.

- If something doesn't add up, people may notice but then sweep it under the rug.

- Personality disorders are probably too hard a concept for people to consider. One thinks of a mental disorder as a person gibbering nonsense.

louthy• 13 years ago

I've been through a similar, although not quite so extreme situation (post-breakups) a couple of times. One thing I have realised is that the people that stick with you and don't believe the bullsh*t are those that will be your friends for life.

There seems to be no shortage of people who will happily listen to one side of an argument and disseminate it. I've even met people for the first time, and when they found out my name say something along the lines of: "Oh, I've heard all about you."

It really is childish behaviour, anyone with a modicum of decency would confront you about it, and let you have your say. If they don't, they're not worth knowing (IMHO).

gonehome• 13 years ago

It's like you suffered the worst parts of an affair without any of the benefit.

digitalengineer• 13 years ago

I have seen something like this before. Your case looks similar (it's impossible to know for sure, but I'll tell you what this looks like). She was in a self produced (shit)storm and you were chosen and used as the lightning rod. She actively engaged you in the equation without your knowledge. You were left in he dark, but she made sure all her and your friends got to know everything about you. She was "just the victim". She directed the talks (and the anger accompanying them) towards your person and got away with her own behavior. The fact that people still don't know what to believe makes me think she was quite successful. Of course this would not have worked if the target (you, a.k.a. the lightning rod) was -as you put it- "socially interesting". This strategy works especially well inside large companies. If you fucked up, you will most likely know it in advance and (if you have the power to) you select a person without a lot of good colleagues and blow up a small problem and make it huge. Get everyone to talk about his project and his mistakes and make sure your failure 'hides' behind the attention the other problem receives. In case your wondering, I've been a lightning rod as well. But I found out why in time...

6ren• 13 years ago

Isn't it the same cause from a different perspective? She thought people (you) were talking about her.

We've a natural tendency to be egocentric because whenever we look around... we are at the centre. Happens at all scales e.g. geocentricism, anthropomorphism.

cgio• 13 years ago

While you do not connect the dots, you have them all in your description. People were willing to believe her, because they wanted to be the fourth angle. By being in a triangle she was sending the message that a fourth angle is possible. By creating this story about you she was actually reinforcing that signal, making this possibility a discussion subject. Men are notoriously keen to have sex, especially on the age implied, and her behaviour was very promising. On the other hand, keep in mind that there is no randomness in thoughts or feelings you express. What you felt random could instead be serendipitous and she might even be right, but not in presenting that as something intentional.

dangero• 13 years ago

"You'll worry less about what people think about you when you realize how seldom they do." -David Foster Wallace

sliverstorm• 13 years ago

I'm kind of coming the other way. I don't think about what other people think of me much, but I do start to worry a bit when I notice a particular person constantly talks smack about other people to me- if you'll say that about person X, who knows what you say about me to person Y?

I wouldn't worry, except sometimes the people prone to talking a lot of smack are the sort to wildly exaggerate or fabricate.

pdevr• 13 years ago

This is true. However, in some cases, the short amount of time people think and talk about you is enough to cause permanent damage to your reputation/career/job/life.

jgeerts• 13 years ago

This can be true, but Facebook is also used as a tool for people to measure how good they are doing in life to one another. Last weekend a friend of mine started talking about how ugly a specific kid was, then went on Facebook to look up a picture of the ugly ginger kid. Then when scrolling through 'the wall' he went on and on and gave his shallow judgement about people who all were doing worse than him in some way. Probably to reassure to himself that his kid is better on the scale he invented and that his life wasn't that bad after all. Sadly it's not the first conversation like this I overheard. It is one of the reasons I left Facebook, maybe private life should remain what it is, private.

His quote about society is absolutely beautiful.

"It would be like suddenly subtracting the strong nuclear force from the universe; the fabric of society would instantly evaporate, every marriage, friendship and business partnership dissolved. Civilization, which is held together by a fragile web of tactful phrasing, polite omissions and white lies, would collapse in an apocalypse of bitter recriminations and weeping, breakups and fistfights, divorces and bankruptcies, scandals and resignations, blood feuds, litigation, wholesale slaughter in the streets and lingering ill will."

robg• 13 years ago

I often struggle with the most basic question of them all: Who am I?

To me, how I live my life is the only way to answer that attempt at self-reflection. Yet, we are not what we do. That's the dodge that plagues me.

zaptheimpaler• 13 years ago

Each of us is two very different people - the one we know, and the one others know.

I've found that self-reflection only takes me so far because of how charitable we tend to be to ourselves. I'm trying to get to know the me that others know - the me composed of my actions and their perceived motives and outcomes. It's deeply discomforting how different that me is from the one I know.

Try this - record a few of your phone conversations (with the other persons permission) over a week and listen to them. I found that the person on the phone is pretty far from who I thought I am.

saraid2162• 13 years ago

I'd actually suggest Montaigne, if you haven't touched him already; this is a good intro:

http://www.amazon.com/How-Live-Montaigne-Question-Attempts/d...

hawkharris• 13 years ago

The sensation that the author describes -- that uncomfortable feeling of realizing that you're being viewed as just as another person, not always in a positively light -- is similar to what I feel when I think about unlawful surveillance, including programs like PRISM.

snorkel• 13 years ago

If you work at a company that enforces 360 peer reviews you'll get to find out what everyone thinks of you whether you want to or not.

siavosh• 13 years ago

When I worked at a financial firm, we were regularly reminded not to write any emails that we wouldn't mind being printed on the front page of a newspaper. It's a tough habit to keep in mind, especially for non-work emails, but it's a good litmus test and it's helped me edit some emails before pressing 'send'.

srl• 13 years ago

Although it's clear what you meant, as you wrote the sentence, it has a somewhat more entertaining. You meant, "that we would mind being printed...". As written, it meshes nicely with my opinion of the financial sector. (/tongue-in-cheek)

atourgates• 13 years ago

I think the important question no-one seems to be asking is: what's up with the goats? No seriously, for what reason does a NYT contributor/essayist/cartoonist need goats on demand?

Also: I'm calling it now, "Uber for Goats" is the next big startup idea.

paganel• 13 years ago

I'm a programmer, not a NYT contributor, but even so my back-up plan for when I'll no longer be able to earn money from writing code is to start raising goats. It helps that my (living in the countryside) parents used to have a goat until not that long ago, and I could use their place for, well, starting the new endeavor.

Back to the article, I'm bummed that the photo of said goats wasn't presented to us.

mjt0229• 13 years ago

In Seattle, you can rent goats to help take care of pesky invasive vegetation like blackberry bushes. Blackberries sound like a good idea until they take over, and they're very difficult to remove. Goats will eat them, though, so you can rent a small herd of goats and in a few days, the brambles will be eaten back to a level where they can be dug up by the roots.

I have no idea whether this was the case in this particular situation.

homosaur• 13 years ago

This is actually very common. You can make an nice chunk of change in the area between KY and SC renting out your goats to destroy kudzu.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jIoRJG2yDoI

UK prof points out the obvious proposition, you keep a proper goat/kudzu ratio and it's MONEY TREE

ratsbane• 13 years ago

That was my first thought too. And second, that if it's possible to rent a herd of goats I would like to do exactly that. I'll figure out a reason after the fact.

danabramov• 13 years ago

My first thought was Aberforth.

nmcfarl2• 13 years ago

Having read this yesterday I was sure it was the reason:

In Utah, a 100-Mile Trek With a 4-Year-Old Boy http://travel.nytimes.com/2013/06/16/travel/in-utah-a-100-mi...

But instead it’s another NY Times author renting goats. There’s an epidemic!

Dove2• 13 years ago

    I’ve often thought that the single most devastating  
    cyberattack [would be] simply to simultaneously make 
    every e-mail and text ever sent universally public. 
    . . . . the fabric of society would instantly evaporate,
    every marriage, friendship and business partnership 
    dissolved.

I don't think it would be quite that bad. There are some people who lie to everyone, but there are also some people who are decent and honest. Some relationships would weather that kind of storm just fine.

In fact, maybe this is the optimist in me, or maybe I'm projecting, but I think most relationships would be just fine.

mpyne• 13 years ago

I would indeed be concerned if everyone around me really lived in a bed of lies that deep.

I don't have many friends, but I have no reason at all to suspect that I wouldn't still have those friends should such a thing occur.

moens• 13 years ago

It would be a wonderful political hack though. Just thinking of a zero day email dump hack makes me smile. The political fallout alone... just imagine. Wow, I felt like I was channeling John Lennon there for a moment.

robryan2• 13 years ago

As someone who doesn't engage in much personal gossip I would focus on the business relationships aspect. There is often a lot of nuance in these relationships and talking to them in one way and internally in another. That is not to say you are screwing them over but read out of context by the other party could damage the relationship.

mateo4112• 13 years ago

In this passage the author is using satire. Of course it wouldn't be that bad, but describing literally how it would be, wouldn't be that funny.

Dove2• 13 years ago

I don't think it would be satire, exactly. He'd have to be making fun of something specific that someone else said. Hyperbole, maybe?

At any rate, that would be encouraging if it were true. I must admit, I do not have a threshold of cynicism beyond which I assume a sentiment is a joke. There seem to be arbitrarily depressing people out there.

cm2012• 13 years ago

I started a reddit thread once, "who here has absolutely no secrets with their SO?" While there were a number who couldnt imagine that kind of trust, a multitude said that living that was is incredibly freeing. I know I agree with that.

lwhi• 13 years ago

Earlier this evening I received a text message from a someone I felt I was starting to have feelings for. Probably just infatuation, but possibly something more.

Another text soon followed; one that was very affectionate.

In the 3 minutes between replying and receiving the apologetic '... I'm sorry that wasn't meant for you...' reply, I experienced a full range of emotions from elation to embarrassment — disappointment to denial.

It's a funny old life. I found this article at the top of hacker news 5 minutes later. Definitely struck a chord.

robryan2• 13 years ago

Or it was and they are backtracking, although maybe not best to think too much about that.

3minus1• 13 years ago

or maybe be honest! why not.

sockgrant• 13 years ago

What's interesting is that it seems like the less you care what people think about you, the more people like you. You become more genuinely you. This makes you unique and interesting.

Besides, people can see through someone trying too hard.

WalterBright• 13 years ago

If you want to have some fun, take a dance class, and then have someone videotape you dancing.

It's usually pretty horrifying.

TeMPOraL• 13 years ago

I went once with a friend to a club and he said that I really stand out of the crowd as a geek. I said: impossible, prove it. He took out his phone and recorded 30 seconds of me dancing. It took me watching just two seconds from this movie to realize he was right.

I don't frequent dance floors much since then. Still haven't got over it.

david927• 13 years ago

A variation is to try run as normally as you can. Be honest; no goofing about. Try to run as normally as anyone can. Then have someone watching you run (again, honestly) exactly as you just ran.

It's both hysterical and horrifying, because what you think of as normal is anything but. And it's true for everyone.

incision• 13 years ago

I like to think I became pretty adept and being unconcerned about other's opinions and honest yet selective about voicing my own relatively early on.

Though I was quite happy internally and I do believe it was a net win socially, living that way isn't without its own problems.

As a result, I've had to learn to feign back the other way to some degree.

Deejahll• 13 years ago

The author of this article, Tim Kreider, may be better known by some of us Internet folk as purveyor of the fine web-comic "The Pain": http://thepaincomics.com/

6d0debc071• 13 years ago

When I was younger my mother used to tell me that the family that plays together stays together, and that's a pattern I've found repeated more generally in life: I tend to look at my friendship in terms of what people do with me. What activities we engage in together.

Interpretation is all well and good, but if you don't really do anything together what are they interpreting? It's a relationship built on dreams and imagination. And what do they really stand to lose in thinking poorly of you?

I'm actually constantly amazed by how strong friendships are, and how much people seem to respect each other. It seems like most people are only weakly friends, and that more by necessity than anything else. What interests do you really share with people? It's hard to think of having a really serious disagreement with someone from the office - you sympathise with them even if they'd be bores were you to meet them under other conditions.

From my perspective the world seems full of friendships and relationships that people invest heavily in emotionally and yet seem terrifyingly fragile. (Pretty amazing that they don't fall apart more regularly.) Maybe people would be happier and more secure if they paid more attention to the things they enjoy and the people they enjoy them with than being bothered about what just... other people... think of them - I don't know.

For myself, I know that I'd be very worried if it turned out that someone, even someone close to me, regularly spent a significant amount of their time just thinking about me. I have my own life and interests, and expect others to have theirs too - being elevated to some ideal of perfection in someone's world is a little creepy.

mustafakidd• 13 years ago

Ahh - I love Tim Kreider. Find him hilarious, poignant, extremely witty, and intelligent. Mentioned elsewhere, but if it helps drive more people to his site, here it is: http://thepaincomics.com/

Garoof• 13 years ago

Never heard of him,

"The context is that I had rented a herd of goats for reasons that aren’t relevant here and had sent out a mass e-mail with photographs of the goats attached to illustrate that a) I had goats, and b) it was good."

but he seems like an awesome guy :D

Thanks for the link.

joelhooks• 13 years ago

I worked at a high end law firm for a couple of years and there was a paralegal that was routinely abused by her boss. She got fed up after seeing an email thread and took it to the managing partner. The managing partner was a really great guy, and his solution was to let her print all of the offending attorney relevant email threads and distribute them to the entire office. It was righteous. It surprised the attorney, as she had her emails published and she was fired on the same day.

lucb1e• 13 years ago

Just wanted to remark

the dreadful consequence of hitting "reply all" instead of "reply" or "forward."

This is why I never write things down that I wouldn't want to end up being read by the subject. Ever. Regardless I'll always go over the To-, CC- and BCC-list three times, but negative (unconstructive) things should be said only by mediums that you can expect to be entirely private. E-mail might be read by others when the colleague would leave the company or something, the sysadmins may snoop it, or he might just be standing by when the recipient receives the message. Or the colleague might make a mistake in sending it.

Not that I talk about others that much behind their backs, or at least I hope I don't unconsciously do it too much, but still.

Edit:

a staircase you could descend deep underground, in which you heard recordings of all the things anyone had ever said about you, both good and bad. The catch was, you had to pass through all the worst things people had said before you could get to the highest compliments at the very bottom.

That sounds incredibly awesome. I'd force myself to descend all the way, and I think it'd be good. Make me realize how bad some things have been and what I can improve, but also make it a rewarding experience in the end that motivates to continue doing the good things and do more good things.

charleslmunger• 13 years ago

This is basically what happened in the diplomacy world when the State Department cables were leaked.

I Know What You Think of Me

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