Study finds regular 'phubbing' could be damaging marriages

https://phys.org/news/2023-07-regular-phubbing-marriages.html

by el_duderino • 3 years ago

28 64 3 years ago

mydriasis8• 3 years ago

Yet more ammunition for my upcoming "phone divorce". I've had my eyes on a few different "dumb phones", and I plan to eliminate my smartphone entirely. I shit you not, it was easier to quit smoking than it has been to try to quit my phone.

It's just... a waste. The thing is a waste. It's a waste of time and focus that I could be spending on my relationships, on my hobbies, etc., instead.

So. I've penned up the "divorce papers" for my phone and I, to be signed next month. This article will be an exhibit before the judge.

Now to get a little pocket change together so I can switch carriers...

djcannabiz• 3 years ago

If there are any models you have in mind, please do share!

mydriasis8• 3 years ago

My real wife demands I have a GPS, so it's kind of limited me on what phone I can choose -- I need something dumb enough to be less of a distraction, but smart enough that I won't get lost in the wilderness.

For that reason, I'm really eyeing the Nokia 6300 4G. I'm in America and it's supported by lots of ( cheap! ) carriers. It has google maps and a couple of other applications built in, but it's otherwise a terrible phone all around, which makes me believe I won't be able to stand using it for long, so I'm excited to try it out. Or rather, buy it, and not try it out very much.

throwaway67342• 3 years ago

The cat s22 isn't exactly a dumb phone but it is a flip with a numpad and a very small touch screen which makes it much less addictive. You can still hotspot with it and have access to apps when needed. I love mine so far

sithadmin3• 3 years ago

I'm a fan of the Unihertz Jelly 2. It's great for 'detoxing' from smartphone usage because it is still able to provide useful everyday functions like Google Maps, but is so small that it's infuriating to use for mindless scrolling/entertainment purposes.

ASalazarMX2• 3 years ago

Divorcing a smartphone in this day and age is counterproductive, given all kinds of useful applications they run, like photo/video cloud backup, banking, home alarm/cameras, solar panel status, and a long etc.

I think it would be more productive to find out your time waster apps, and divorce specifically those. Social media, messaging, games, and news are the usual time devourers, they know hot to push our buttons.

mydriasis8• 3 years ago

Behind me, satan! :)

simonblack• 3 years ago

I tried going back to a dumb-phone some years back. But that didn't quite work out, either.

One policy I had for a while was to remove apps that (a) I didn't want to use, or (b) I would never use and that didn't want cluttering up the phone's screen.

I have since moved on to my current system: I don't bother removing apps, I just move them to other screen-pages that I don't look at. Consequently I have a 'first-screen' that has only about half-a-dozen apps showing. *

If I can be bothered and have some time to kill, I might actually remove some apps from the phone, but generally I can't be bothered.

* It's not a huge list.

On the bottom row: phone, texts, camera

On the main screen: Settings, clock (alarms,reminders), browser, photos, calendar, notes.

keen_poincare• 3 years ago

I went into this article thinking phubbing was something much different.

lolsal• 3 years ago

Study aside, do we really need a new word for this? It seems we have plenty of existing, commonly used words for this behavior. It distracted me from the main content of the article.

tennisflyi• 3 years ago

I don’t think phubbing is a new word?

canadiantim• 3 years ago

The word "phubbing" sounds like nails on a chalkboard to me

That aside, married people who spend time on their phone instead of with loved ones, it would make sense they would be more susceptible to damaging their marriage because of the lost high-quality time

kwhitefoot2• 3 years ago

Is the dissatisfaction caused by the phone use or the phone use by an existing dissatisfaction?

Or are both caused by another cause?

maerF0x05• 3 years ago

iirc we know that social media use leads to dissatisfaction due to seeing everyone's "perfect" lives. Perhaps these married people are observing "perfect" marriages and taking a negative perspective on their own?

kwhitefoot2• 3 years ago

Perhaps so, but why were they looking in the first place?

welshwelsh• 3 years ago

I agree to a point, but the way we talk about this seems very conservative. If someone develops a negative perspective towards their current situation, is that a bad thing?

My interpretation is that social media use leads to ambition and raises people's standards. Seeing other people doing better makes people think about how they can improve their own lives, which leads to less complacency and drives them towards positive change.

I am going to go out on a limb and say that most relationships are crappy. If the average person was to see what a good relationship looks like, they would leave or try to change their current one, which is a good thing. Same applies for careers.

maerF0x05• 3 years ago

IMO Surveys are the lowest form of science.

Another way to title it "More evidence that neuroticism leads to marital dissatisfaction and dissolution"

Think about the process:

1. You decide/agree to fill out a survey (this is a form of selection bias already)

2. The survey asks you *to recall* experiences (this is both a form of bias of memory and neuroticism which causes you to ruminate on events in the past or what they might mean)

3. Then we make association (often interpreted as causal outside of the actual papers) that the examined behavior is the reason for the outcomes we've cherry picked.

Perhaps people on the brink of divorce phub more?

Perhaps the people are just neurotic about their partner's behavior? (notice, ruminate on, and ascribe negative meaning to their partner being on a phone)

Perhaps phubbing is just a coping mechanism for *the real cause of damage* in the marriage?

taylodl2• 3 years ago

Besides which, according to the CDC, the divorce rate in the United States has been declining since the release of the iPhone. But that doesn't fit the narrative that smartphones are destroying all of society, does it?

asynchronous• 3 years ago

I would argue that metric is simply because less people are getting married now in the first place.

maerF0x05• 3 years ago

I've seen presumptions that is because marriage has been declining. People who were marginally less into marriage for whatever reason seem to be forgoing the "I guess we need to get married ... <1 to 7 yrs, maybe kids> ... I never was into this, why did we get married? Lets divorce" pattern.

senda• 3 years ago

isnt this why we all collectively shit on psychology? also the replication crisis.

adolph• 3 years ago

Ok, the term phub is not a shortened form of a well known adult website.

  phub | fəb |
  verb (phubs, phubbing, phubbed) [with object] informal
  ignore (one's companion or companions) in order to pay attention to one's phone or other mobile device: I'm not a huge phone fan so you won't catch me phubbing anyone | more than 46 percent of survey respondents said they had been phubbed by their partner.
  DERIVATIVES
  phubber noun
  ORIGIN
  early 21st century: from phubbing.

ASalazarMX2• 3 years ago

early 21st century: from phubbing

Love how this origin date would equally apply to "I just made it this morning".

ativzzz• 3 years ago

And now it seems that a new behavior has been identified—"phubbing," or "phone snubbing"—in which people cut off conversations with others in their vicinity as they talk or text on their phone.

I don't think we needed an article or a study for this - seems obvious to me lol if you prioritize communicating with your phone over the person next to you IRL that person won't like you as much. Or do people not realize this?

mrguyorama• 3 years ago

A reminder that these kinds of "studies" are more like market analysis and understanding "the lay of the land" to help figure out things that might need to be studied rather than a powerful conclusion in itself.

bell-cot• 3 years ago

... they [the researchers] created surveys to associate closeness in a marriage with phone use. They sent out hundreds of them ...
The researchers found a pattern—couples who reported more phubbing in their home also reported less satisfaction in their marriage. They note that their findings make sense logically. People tend not to respond well when ignored. They did not discuss the possibility that less-satisfied partners might be more inclined to phub their spouse. [emphasis mine]

So the research is blind to cause ==> effect, and amounts to "people unhappy with their marriage generally treat their spouse less well".

electrondood• 3 years ago

"Phubbing" isn't the cause, it's a symptom. If you don't want to spend time with your partner, you're going to use your phone as an avoidance mechanism instead.

wetmore• 3 years ago

I don't think this is true. I've noticed myself phubbing in front of my friends and partner sometimes and it feels more like a compulsion. If I resist or put my phone somewhere else the compulsion passes and I enjoy the time without using it.

63• 3 years ago

Sure, if you have self control. I've definitely met people who are addicted to their phones and don't mean to intentionally disrespect company by being on them, but definitely do anyway.

malfist• 3 years ago

I don't think a smartphone has anything to do with their results.

Ignoring your spouse tends to lead to dissatisfaction. Doesn't matter if you do it with a phone or a newspaper or a book

w0m• 3 years ago

This is dumb. Are people 'phubbing' and damaging the marriage or is a damaged marriage more apt to have 'phubbing'? No evidence either way. Much stupid.

frithsun• 3 years ago

Study finds cave painting could be damaging prehistoric marriages (fancy.edu)

professor thog find when cave partner do cave art instead of loving partner that partner more often run off to other tribe

is your prehistoric mate cavernsnubbing you??? be big scared

mcpackieh• 3 years ago

Wet streets cause rain.

thunderbong• 3 years ago

For those like me, who don't know what 'phubbing' is, from the article -

A pair of psychologists at Niğde Ömer Halisdemir University, has found evidence showing that married couples who regularly engage in phone snubbing (phubbing) have lower marriage satisfaction than couples who do not.
And now it seems that a new behavior has been identified—"phubbing," or "phone snubbing"—in which people cut off conversations with others in their vicinity as they talk or text on their phone. If two people are doing it to each other, it is double-phubbing.

I guess if people are having to cut off conversations with their partners, they already have problems in their relationship. Blaming a phone for it is just lame!

hprotagonist• 3 years ago

And you read your Emily Dickinson,

And I my Robert Frost,

And we note our place with bookmarkers

That measure what we've lost.

Like a poem poorly written

We are verses out of rhythm,

Couplets out of rhyme,

In syncopated time

And the dangling conversation

And the superficial sighs,

Are the borders of our lives.

https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/simongarfunkel/thedanglingco...

slowmovintarget• 3 years ago

This just in: Treating each other with contempt will damage your relationship.

Study finds regular 'phubbing' could be damaging marriages

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