What we're really afraid of

http://blog.amirkhella.com/2011/12/28/what-were-really-afraid-of/

by amirkhella • 15 years ago

92 18 15 years ago

blog.amirkhella.com

joshu2• 15 years ago

Velociraptors?

lupatus2• 15 years ago

I was thinking zombies. But, velociraptors are probably scarier. ... Maybe zombie velociraptors for the scariest? ... Also, what happens if a zombie bites a vampire?

joshu2• 15 years ago

The eternal question.

lupatus2• 15 years ago

So, sci-fi/horror/dinosaur themed jokes are no longer appropriate for HN?

crcsmnky• 15 years ago

Failed ideas or products do not make you a failed entrepreneur.

If you look back on every failure and can honestly say (a) I didn't repeat the mistakes of the last effort and (b) I am learning what to do for next time, then you are probably on the right track. Though this is the naive, altruistic view of things. But sometimes people need to be reminded.

The problem arises when people aren't being just absolutely brutally honest with themselves. It's not just execution that needs to be fixed, sometimes it's the people or it maybe the market doesn't truly exist.

amirkhella• 15 years ago

The challenge is that we live in a culture that defines us by what we do and have. I get asked about what I do a few times a day. I spent a couple of weeks in Paris last Fall, and not once did anyone ask me that question. It's actually impolite to ask such question in France :)

billpatrianakos• 15 years ago

He makes a really good point and a bad one. I know that I for one am definitely more afraid of rejection than failure. Whenever I comment around here I usually take great care not to reveal what I do for a living. I don't make it hard for people to find out but I usually don't admit what my business is and most of my side projects too. I'm in the suburbs of Chicago and out here I'm a big fish in a little pond. There's not too much rejection around here. People are easier to impress. Once I get out of that comfort zone and into the wider world I become a much smaller fish in a much bigger pond and I fear rejection a lot in such waters. It's funny that I'm fearless about failure but am far more fearful of being laughed at or considered some sort of amateur. So the fear of rejection part I ink he's right on about.

Now I don't agree that you should distance yourself from what you do. I think it's vital that you become your business. I think it's one way to ensure success. Distancing yourself from your business seems, well cowardly to me. Maybe cowardly ismt the right word but I don't feel that's right.

ktrgardiner• 15 years ago

Perhaps the word you're looking for is half-hearted? That's how I felt as well after reading this. I was nodding along in agreement until I reached the end. I live and breath what I do and love every minute of it. And my level of devotion doesn't make me fear failure nor link myself to it. Failure is a moment. You've only failed when you've stopped trying. Until then, you're just continuing on the winding road to success and experiencing every stop along the way.

rohit89• 15 years ago

I think what he's trying to say is that we shouldn't tie our self-worth to the product and not take it personally if it doesn't work out.

I'm not sure how to do it though. It does affect me personally a little bit if something I put a lot of effort into doesn't work out. I guess its a risk I've to take or perhaps try to do some mental gymnastics to convince myself that it doesn't matter.

moocow01• 15 years ago

One way I think to mitigate this mind game of fear of failure/rejection is work on what you're "passionate" about. The word "passionate" is abused a lot but in this context I mean work on something you know you want to work on and genuinely enjoy doing. As a result hopefully you won't give a flying F about what others think or whether you've achieved some artificial benchmark of success. Consequently, the lack of self doubt that passion affords you will likely give you a greater chance of achieving great things as a side-effect but again thats not the goal.

Its the living up to rubrics, expectations, and some mold that really can put a damper on life and make you susceptible to these mind games. If your doing it, give yourself a break and recenter - life is too short.

keeptrying• 15 years ago

I dont think being passionate about something helps in this context. You could be passionate about something but as soon as people eyes on your product, you'll still go back into fear-of-rejection mode.

bodegajed• 15 years ago

A great product will bring confidence. I will not spend much on marketing with a bad product. Especially if it looks shitty then I'll be really afraid because customers will always judge the book by its cover.

juanre• 15 years ago

It might be far-fetched in this context, but I find that meditation helps with this kind of tricks of the mind. Spend some time a day trying not to be lost in idle considerations about yourself, success and failure, and you end up having a feel of the difference between reality and your mind's works.

Humor and detachment also help, as they make much easier to have actual friends. And, after all, if you are around forty and not hungry you are a huge success by the standards of the specie.

mluiten• 15 years ago

Fears are a strange bunch. I have only recently really become aware of my own fears, and now that I see them for what they are (most of the time). Even being aware of your fears seems to be quite rare. Let alone be commited to facing them instead of making up alibis and creating their own state of limbo.

Recently, I have starting 'fighting' my fears by noticing them in the first place ("Why dont I call X/do Y/commit to Z"), then by asking myself: "Why am I fearing X?". Most of the times it is some irrational thought about rejection, failure, lack of money, even success ("If I do it, I'm commited and dont have time for all the other things I'm afraid to do"). It's all bullcrap. 9 out of 10 times, when you do the thing you fear, it does not pan out the way you imagined, and the other time it teaches you something invaluable. I'm starting to think that by framing every thought you have in the most positive way and by closing your mind from negative influences from others AND YOURSELF, you can conquer any fear. I think this is closely related to the authors point: your self-worth should have nothing to do with what other people think of you and/or how your enterprises turn out. You and you alone control your mind/thoughts, and therefor your happiness. If you fearlessly and with 'passion' do the things that you think are right, make and learn from mistakes, truly believe in and commit to your goal, then congratulate yourself. You're already doing more than almost all of the people I know.

skore2• 15 years ago

I have found that being afraid of failure or rejection can both be only a symptom of something else - fear of success.

Striving for any type of accomplishment may carry the dread of not getting there or being laughed at for getting there. It also, however, carries the dread of not being up to the challenges that follow said success. We are comfortable doing things that we are prepared for and accustomed to, but not so much being out in the open and certainly not investing a lot of energy into being out in the open.

Put differently, I think that we often are afraid of failing our challenges; But actual anxiety, the one that sits below the surface and sabotages you against your will, often stems from the dread of failing future challenges. A known and anticipated failure now is less painful than an unknown, but certainly bigger failure in the future.

xinjiang• 15 years ago

The fear of rejection isn't something to be studied or perplexed over as much as challenged head on.

I've done the Rejection Therapy 30 day challenge http://rejectiontherapy.com and it revealed some of the games my mind uses to disguise the truth about my fears and motives.

Some of my fears weren't really the fear of rejection as I thought but deeper issues. I had no idea until I started turning over some rocks and seeing what was underneath. I feel like now I understand what the real issues are. I know myself better.

theorique• 15 years ago

I'd like to unpack that concept of "fear of success".

No one is likely to fear the commonly visualized trappings of success - money and material wealth, adoring fans, love pouring in from everywhere.

If people fear some aspects of success, they are likely to be things associated with visibility. Like the responsibility to keep executing and following up, the scrutiny, the potential for being a one hit wonder, the detractors and "haters".

But generally, "fear of failure" can be explained simply by ... fear of failure.

skore2• 15 years ago

Then let me rephrase it as "fear of the merely postponed, but now possibly more destructive failure".

I think calling it "fear of success" is valuable because it helps shift your viewpoint on it - instead of fearing defeat, it opens up what you should actually care about - what happens after you either win or lose the thing you are anxious about.

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