Just relocated, hating it

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=2362188

by ropeadope • 15 years ago

13 10 15 years ago

news.ycombinator.com

Well, I tool the plunge and moved to CA. I thought it was what I wanted and that it would be border-line magical. I've only been out here for about 2 months, but every day I basically force myself to not pack up my stuff and drive 1500 miles back home.

I've got a neat programming job out here, and I live in a pretty cool area, but I feel like my perceptions of what it was like to be out here were wrong. I feel like I was better off back home. I was definitely more productive in terms of creating my own projects, etc. I think I'm just severely homesick and now pretty depressed.

Anyone else go through this that moved out here to pursue your dreams? Do you think 2 months is enough time for me to be like "ok I hate it I'm movig back"?

Mz• 15 years ago

I got married at age 19 to a guy who only wanted to be career military. I had lived in the same house from the age of three and couldn't go anywhere in town without running into someone I knew. I graduated high school with folks I went to kindergarten with. The first duty station was very, very hard for me. We were there 18 months and I probably hated every minute of it. The second duty station was also difficult, especially at first. It took me some time to adapt. Eventually, I was more hot to trot to see what our next duty station would be than he was. But I was quite slow to adapt.

These days, my life is pretty portable. I don't own much stuff, my adult sons still live with me and none of us have plans to part ways any time soon, and a lot of my social activity and hobbies and such are online/on a computer. When I go someplace new, one of my biggest concerns is what is the food like and where can I get what I need in that regard? Some special items I order online. My ex husband was a gamer and when we first hit a new town one of the first things he did was try to find a gaming group in order to have a social outlet.

While I was still a military wife, when we moved, we would start making our "to see and do" list before we got to the new duty station and every long weekend was spent seeing local tourist stuff. I've read (and noticed) that a lot of folks don't go see local museums and the like but will travel elsewhere to go see stuff like that. I don't get that mentality.

You might try to figure out what you are "homesick" for. You might make a list of personal needs and what is being met and what isn't. You might try writing down what you expected of Cali and why you feel it isn't living up to those expectations. You might try setting a target date and decide that you will make a decision at that time and will just stay put until then and not decide before then (this last one is an approach that has stood me in good stead on many occasions).

I liked Cali when I was out there. But I had already made a few moves by then. We were in Cali the last two duty stations of our marriage and divorced out there. I was there about 7 years, part of it in Southern Cali and part in The Bay Area. But, again, our first duty station bombed with me and it took me several years to realize it wasn't Texas' fault that I was so miserable there and to finally "forgive" the state of Texas.

Good luck with this.

romanbea• 15 years ago

An Australian roommate once told me you need 9 months to really feel like you have lived in whatever location you have found yourself.

You need to give it time if you want to give it a fair shot. Two months is not adequate.

Eddk• 15 years ago

Some of us moved from entirely different continents, leaving friends and family behind...hang in there, that is how you grow as a person... 2 months a definitely too short a time to make that determination..it seems you are just homesick which is not a valid reason to want to go back home, if there are other problems then maybe, but homesickness by itself would be a childish reason to run back home... Join a meetup group, join okcupid and look for dates (saying you're new to the area is an easy way to get dates)...definitely don't lock yourself in the house programming, it wont help, get out and meet people.

andymoe• 15 years ago

What city did you move to specifically? And no, two months is not enough time.

cydonian_monk• 15 years ago

Sometimes learning to enjoy (or endure) a new place is as simple as finding like-minded people to hang out with. Find some other ex-pats like yourself and meetup every now and then. Just being around people that think like you and have similar experiences will soften the culture shock.

I went through similar thoughts and feelings when I moved to Houston from semi-rural Appalachia. (Except I've had no desire to ever move back, just further away.) Most of the early friends I made here weren't from Houston, or even from the United States. That wasn't by accident.

CyberFonic• 15 years ago

Could you tell use what exactly you hate about CA and where you are?

I have made a couple of big moves, including to another country and each time there were "I'm so homesick, maybe I should just pack up and go home." times, just like yours. And reality often panned out very differently to the dreams but for the better in the long run.

olegious• 15 years ago

Completely agree with your question- we can't help you until you tell us what exactly you're hating about CA and where are you living...

rrhoover• 15 years ago

Do you play any sports? Consider looking for a team on craiglist. Hell, join a dodgeball team if you're into it (and who doesn't love dodgeball!?): http://www.meetup.com/dodgeball-250/

killbot5000• 15 years ago

I did this exact same thing as well and am in a similar situation.

petervandijck• 15 years ago

Give it 2 years.

Just relocated, hating it

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