vlladin

Exact same thing happened to me. Also a developer, also struggled in Germany, always wanted more and needed a challenge.

Let me tell you how things progressed for me going downhill from where you are now. The boredom transformed into depression. The depression into anxiety. The anxiety into constant panic attacks. I was not able to leave the house and go to the office. I was under the constant impression death was around the corner, I was having pain all over my body. I struggled like that for 2 years.

I ended up in a hospital twice, they were constantly telling me nothing's wrong with me. And then I knew something has to change.

I packed my stuff and left. Started seeing a professional and after maybe two months I was back on my feet. She helped me get rid of the panic and anxiety.

Still afraid to get back to work, I took another year and just did whatever the hell I wanted. Traveled a lot, slept like crazy, spent time with friends. Even did a bit of work, but only on my projects, and always being careful of how hard I push myself.

Fast forward 3 years. I am back on track with my life and career. I am freelancig now, working on my own stuff, and consulting.

What I learned in the last years:

A job is not something worth killing yourself over. Yes, some people do a 9-5 mediocre job, but I can't change them.

Divide the work/personal life with a thick line. Find a good balance between the two.

Stop trying to make millions with my next big startup, and just have fun going forward. Things will happen on their own.

Connect with people like me.

Be really really pragmatic when it comes to my job. Avoid bringing in emotions and avoid pushing too hard.

That being said, take care of yourself. Don't let it go downhill, the sooner you fix it the better. There's a fix for you, no worries, just have to find it

Remember one thing: You can't do the same thing over and over again and expect different results.

I was in the same boat recently and this is what helped for me. I quit my job, and took a few years off. I have to admit, I was really burned out. Took as much time as I needed to rest, take walks, talk to people, and in general just change the perspective. Just like you, I had this huge dilemma. While programming was my biggest passion, I was sick of all the bitching and BS that revolved around it. After taking the rest I needed, I started learning new technologies. Without preconceptions. Just like I used to do when I first started coding. So far it keeps the flame burning. I am working again, and I am happy doing it. I am aware that one day I will get bored of it again, and I will repeat the process. I think the more you dwell in a technology, the more knowledge you get, the deeper down the rabbit hole you go. And the darker things get.

Take a break. Learn something new, and apply the cross technology knowledge you acquire to new fresh projects. Always keep an open mind, and by all means avoid pointless topics that try to establish the best language, the best IDE and so on.

It's an interesting question, and maybe a wrong question altogether. From my current experience I've noticed that it does not really matter what you learn as long as you learn something. To go event further, choose something unrelated to your current skill set. When you learn something new, the way you perceive the world, the way you think in general changes because you have more variables to work with. You will start observing things that were always there, but the subconscious part of your brain was filtering it out because it was considered "useless". You will understand more, and at some point will be able to make connections between apparently unconnected topics, get new ideas, innovate. But if you want to learn a new skill just to monetize it (get a good payed job quickly), things are a bit different. Then you must stay in your area of expertise, and choose something close to that, something that either has potential in the near-future, of it can be monetized now. You will have to make a bit of research on that one depending on the area you live in and the number of open jobs available.

I completely agree with this. I understand how you believe that by owning the code you must work extra hours and make things happen. First you have to take a detached look at things and understand how much of that is self pressure and how much is actually required from you (by the management). A manager's job is to push developers and "make things happen" faster, better and cheaper. They really only care about tangible results. Understand that it's their job, and it is never personal. I would suggest you take a step back, evaluate the expectations you REALLY have to meet and decide on two of these variables: Time, Quality and Cost. Usually there are really small things you can do that have a huge splash result-wise. Start by doing that, and it will give you more time to understand the codebase and plan/execute big changes in the future.