vinbreau

I started a new job this year. The employer and our manager have made it clear, IF you feel safe coming into an office once the company declares it safe you can. If you are never comfortable ever again with coming in to the office, you won't have to. They have dedicated themselves to what works best for each employee, zero pressure. Nobody on my team is going in it's been decided.

I am way more productive at home. I have ADHD and the distraction of an office environment is too much and makes it hard for me to concentrate. My productivity has never been higher. I don't dread going to work, I get paid enough that I do not need to find a better place. And I have been a remote worker since 2011 and never, ever want to go back to work in an office.

Reminds me of an old adage I heard in high school: If you take the frogs out of the environment, you don't have the same environment minus frogs, you have an entirely new ecosystem.

I reconnected with an old friend from childhood a few years ago. I knew he was politically opposite from me so I kept politics out of our conversations... do you know how hard that is? It's hard enough that it requires effort, effort that he noted. He accused me of being closed off and never saying what I really wanted to. I made it clear we should not go there.

He told me that several years ago watching the news made him physically ill and his GP told him to avoid news. His health improved. In 2016 he admitted to me he does not watch any news, read any news, but he believes in voting. I asked him how he could vote if he hasn't educated himself on the candidates. How a person like me who thinks you either eat politics or it eats you, sees an uninformed voter, proudly ignorant of the candidates, but voting with his gut, what am I supposed to say? This deeply offended him. He then accused me of living in a bubble despite the fact I read news from all over and he reads none.

I asked him how should educated voters feel about gut-feeling voters with uneducated opinions? I think his response was "Fuck off". We do not talk anymore because any subject he brought up that had any hint of politics to it was an empty conversation. I would bring up things related to the subject and he would default to making jokes. Serious conversation was beyond him.

Tone deaf, dumb, and blind. He eventually said he found all women of my wife's race "unattractive" and then could not understand why I was upset at him. Ex-Navy man, ex-Nuclear Engineer, ex-friend.

I worked in a bookstore in the '90s and there was a fantastic series of books, for authors, about how poisons worked, how it is like to die in certain situations, all kinds of dark stuff that was designed to help Crime Fiction writers help in areas they normally would not know enough about. Now imagine looking that stuff up on the internet for writing a book.

My daughter started Kindergarten and we're doing remote learning. She' almost 5 years old and can work a computer for the things she needs. But she can't work a zoom meeting. So I am a teacher's asst. from 8am until 2:30 pm. It's exhausting and sometimes I take a 2 hour nap afterward. It's hard on her because until a few weeks ago she would wake up, come into my office with me and watch shows on a laptop, maybe play some Minecraft. Now I wake her up instead, and prep her for school, which is in the same office she used to have fun in. She has been adjusting slowly, but it has not been without breakdowns on all our parts.

I work from home and have a disabled wife plus a 5 year old doing remote learning. I never leave the house except for needed things. Losing social media would isolate me even more.

This skit from Amazon Women on the Moon turned out to be prescient. It's not so funny anymore.

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/05/technology/clearview-inve...

Just last week I received an email from a manager saying "Never do (this), especially with US customers."

Three days after that email I ran into (this) situation and emailed him asking what I am to do. He said frustratingly that I should do (this) since it wasn't a US customer.

I emailed him both his quotes, the ones that said never do (this) and the one that said, of course, you should do (this). I pointed out that was confusing. He said it was my fault for being confused and to email him when I am.

Middle management is often desperately trying to justify their job by creating purposeful confusion. I swear he's trying to trip me up looking for reasons to put marks on my record.

Or they were conditioned to this as the normal state. I grew up in a home with three TVs: living room, parent's bedroom, my bedroom. The TV in the living room was on 24 hours a day. It only went off if we left the house. My father was an insomniac and so it stayed on all night too.

The one in their bedroom was on most of the time. It usually only went off at night when my father moved to the couch in the living room to let my mother sleep.

For years after I moved out I had to have a TV on at all times or else the place I was in felt empty and too quiet. When I realized this about myself I cut cable out of my life and can barely stand the TV now. When we visit my mom, it's always on, and it's always on FOX. My father sat in front of it every day until he died of dementia. My mother can't break the habit now. Even when we visit she keeps it on and occasionally watches it instead of engaging with us and is making it very hard to visit.

You must not own capital then. If you had they would have worked hard to help you. If you had been a big box store showing the footage to the police they would have helped. But as an individual, they are not there for you.

It's been about 20 years now. No idea what ever happened to him sadly.

I've lost three friends over the years to psychotic episodes or schizophrenic breakdowns so I've seen several examples of what happens to people and it all comes down to financial means. The friend born to a wealthy family had a safety net to fall back on. Same for the friend born to a very religious family.

As for the friend from a poor family, it was horrible to watch what everyone involved had to go through. He was a happily married man in his mid 20's. Decided to go off his meds and not tell anyone. It didn't help that he had never told us about his mental illness, but that was his choice. He snapped, left his wife and vanished for a while. When he was brought home his parents could not keep him in their house as he was prone to threaten violence. He even threatened me once during this period. Since they had no insurance they could not house him at a facility. The only thing they could do was pay for him to live in a motel, one within their abilities which meant the cheapest motel they could find, one known for drug users. My friend had previously had a problem with drugs, had to go to court mandated Narcotics Anonymous, even had a mentor to help him. Despite having cleaned up for over 10 years, here he was in a motel full of drug dealers and users while in the midst of a psychotic breakdown.

The last time I ever saw him he was having a fit in a field near a mall. I stopped to help him, he was in a fugue state thinking he was in World War 3. he smelled of urine and his clothes were a mess. I drove him to a local YMCA because I had no idea what else to do. They told me there was nothing they could do, but agreed to take him in for the day and see if they could clean him up. Knowing he was prone to violent behavior I figured that wouldn't work out.

I never saw him again. A friend of five years just evaporated. But what I saw is that if you are poor and have a mental breakdown, and your family has no means to help you, you are screwed and have no choice but to live on the street.

This is why I left work in advertising. I could see the levels of psychological manipulation 30 years ago and knew with the future of data mining it was only going to get worse. There is nothing ethical about advertising. It's all about what you can get away with. Look at the history of subliminal advertising, though it never got so bad as to have laws enacted when the public became interested in it they realized the game was up and abandoned it.

The industry is full of tiny little battering rams like subliminal advertising. Each attempt yields success or failure, rinse and repeat. The refinement at this point is unfathomable.

I dated a vegetarian many years ago. It was my first exposure to that lifestyle. She was not against me eating meat even in front of her. She didn't politicize her choice, it was for her health and nothing more. Luckily some fast food places serve salads and so on trips across country we could stop at those places where I could eat a burger and she could eat a salad. Alternately I would go with her to a local Austin burger joint that had a vegetarian night on Wednesdays. I would eat and enjoy a veggie burger with her. We both were willing to meet each other half way.

options like a veggie burger at Burger King give options to people like her. Not every vegetarian is a vegan who makes all meals political. Burger King serving a veggie burger doesn't have to be political. Not every vegetarian surrounds themselves with only other vegetarians.

I do this. I learned a long time ago that past-me could be quite an asshole even to future-me. Thinking in this context allows me to assess the now and try to be a better past-me while in the present. I consider how future-me will react and adjust my actions accordingly.

Same here. I was fast-tracked from Cubs to Boy Scouts because I was picked on and teased endlessly by many of the scouts. Later in my early teens even the scout master gave me hell because he was the father of the worst bully in the troop. I eventually had to leave what I saw as an organization of bully-enablers. This was in a small country town in SE Texas, more like redneck-scouts.

My wife put her foot down eventually and told me she wasn't going to be able to live with me any more after too many verbal angry outbursts. I received an ADHD diagnosis as a child but was never treated. I lived with the extreme anger all my life and only recently sought treatment as an adult. Doing that was really hard after a lifetime of people telling me it was simply a matter of adjusting my attitude and that I brought all my troubles on myself.

I'm finally on treatment after 45 years of that unending anger. It is definitely depression mixed with ADHD and anxiety. I'll have to see a therapist about potential PTSD issues. Adult depression can be a nasty mix of various issues and treating only one pillar can leave the rest to continue.

Seeking the help from a doctor was almost impossible. It took me years to get up the nerve to mention it. Why? Because it was all my fault, I had been told this so for long that I was embarrassed. What if he tells me it's just a matter of eating right and that I'm just a regular guy? I was mortified of being rejected for treatment. Thankfully that didn't happen.

It can be very hard for people to seek treatment, the stigma of not being able to perform like everybody else around you, all the while being told to just cheer up, think positive, be happy, you can do it! It's crushing.

I use it, but it fails in several areas. It has no filter to limit searches to a year, their options stop after 1 month. Their image search results also lack the depth of Google's. These are features I actually use heavily. So even though I have my browser defaulted to DDG, I find myself having to go to Google several times a day. I really hope they improve this.

Running requires a safe neighborhood. I've lived in enough bad neighborhoods where my wife would never feel safe running in. When we did move to a better neighborhood and saw runners, my wife was surprised. Many poor people do not live in places conducive to running.

My mother taught me to be autodidact. She would never answer my questions and instead told me to go get an encyclopedia (It was the 70's) and find out myself. When I spouted ignorance she would correct me.

Now she's widowed. As my father declined with Alzheimer's he tuned into FOX news all day long. Oddly, he became less racist despite this because my wife is black. The more he fell in love with her as his daughter, the better person he became.

My mom still watches FOX news all day long. I know this because my son is living with her right now to help her out and he tells me outrageous stuff she does with her ideas and money. She's a devout Republican now. She hated the Obamas but could never tell me why. She loves Trump, but again she can't tell me why other than she "Likes the way he talks."

Any evidence of truth given to her elicits an "OK" and then she walks away. I have no idea how she went from "always look up the answer for yourself" to believing anything that fits her current worldview as shaped by the television she watches.

Don't forget ageism. Older people love memes with "back in my day" in the headline that shows some perceived difference between when they were young and the youth of today. I have friends who sometimes share that stuff on their social media. When I jokingly called out a friend recently about his "back in my day" jokes, he didn't even realize he was indulging in ageism. I imagine most don't.

I've been remote for almost 8 years now. I love it and dread ever having to go back into an office. Faking productivity for show when the workload is low was the worst feeling, as if I was wasting my time and life. Plus I have social anxiety and the pressure to 'fit in' was overwhelming.

Now I work from home where my wife and toddler are. Being home to educate her is worth more than just about anything. I don't have to drive 2 hours every day just to be an ass in a seat. Two hours where all I do is sit in a car and wish to be home.

My productivity has remained high. I take on additional duties happily. I can chat with friends online if lonely. For me there are no cons to working remote. If I did go into an office I would be the only person from my division there, my next closest team mate is a state away, which would make socializing even more awkward for me.

My goal is to never have to go into an office ever again.

This works unless your anxiety is being triggered by the vagus nerve in which case deep breathing only makes it worse. Had one related to an illness recently, the vagus nerve makes you feel like you are having terrible anxiety that is made worse at the apex of every in/out breath. Then when you can't breathe deeply you start having even worse anxiety. This is the problem I am dealing with atm.

Grew up in a rural area. 45 minute drive to nearest recycling center. My father would collect an entire truck load of bagged recyclables and bring it there. He would walk away with maybe 5$ if he was lucky.

5$ to bring 15 bags 45 minutes away... I don't see an incentive here for people who live in rural areas, which is quite a lot of people.

My wife has called over 10 therapists in the last few months. All of them have had no openings for new patients unless you agree to see them off the insurance. The rejection from so many therapists is taking it's toll. It's even more depressing to get up the motivation to research a new batch of therapists, get up the nerve to call, only to be rejected again. The act of finding a therapist is more depressing than just having depression.

This is me as well. My brain is useless until close to lunch time. After lunch I start feeling productive and this feeling begins to steamroll into the evening. When I am allowed to structure my day I don't even plan to start work until 6pm and can maintain great focus from then until 1am. Admittedly I imagine my ADHD has much to do with that and the habits I formed to cope with it as a child.

As a kid I began to map my CYA books in a similar fashion. I wanted to write my own and so would mimic the structure of the books I had. Twelve year old me would have loved nice clean maps like these. I'm sure mine were nowhere as neat.

It makes me miserable because I see people spouting ignorant nonsense as if from authority. It shows me the effect media has on my aging family members. It shows me bigotry in friends I had thought better of. And it appears to be accelerating.

Thanks. I have a few friends, all on the conservative end of the spectrum, that claim I brought it upon myself by not trying to fit in. I was the weird kid in my town, not bad, just not a cowboy like the majority of the people in the deep south. As if that was excuse enough to warrant police abuse.

Same here. I was once assaulted by a police officer on the property where my father worked. The cop was employed as security and did not wear his badge openly. He was dressed in civilian clothes with his badge on his belt, behind his back. He verbally accosted me on a visit to my dad's place of work. Not knowing he was a cop I let him know where to go. He grabbed me, bent my arm behind my back and shoved me face first through hard metal doors. My father was livid and got in on the argument, on my side. I had bruises all over my face, neck and arms. I filed a complaint against him, but a week later he was part of the largest cocaine bust in my town's history. As a result he was beyond reproach. I've got a few other encounters like this, though not as bad. Not all cops I've run in with were bad, some were more than reasonable, but the bad encounters outweigh the good at least 3 to 1. Give a power tripping person a badge and a gun, hide them behind the blue code and the average civilian has little to no recourse.