HN user
I had a similar experience as yours and was changed by the following simple thought. Here is a sentence out of the book Peony by Pearl S Buck, pg 170. " It is within a man's power to choose happiness and reject sorrow." Just a few words but when deeply understood more powerful than any monolith of philosophy.
The man is innocent until proven guilty. Even if he started the fight he may have felt threatened. I would say nothing at this point. I would hire another talented programmer and go for the seed money to grow your business. With your growing business you'll be able to rehire the fellow if he in fact does have to do time. You did say he was stellar.
You've done fine. A post that might have become dry and academic has morphed into something that is eclectic and beautiful.
I would have to select French. It's a very musical and sensuous language. Years ago after walking into a convenience store I was asked by a beautiful French girl to help her with a confusing copy machine. Here we are talking about paper feed and an errant machine and I am mesmerized by the sound of her voice and expressive hand gestures. She was speaking in broken English and mixing French words when necessary but the lyrical tone was undiminished. My heart beats a little faster just thinking about it again.
As far as talking to a machine I would select Ruby. A deciding factor in recognizing the presence of beauty is the alluring attraction to interact. Ruby's language makes the odds of scoring on your first date with her a real possibility.
Been there, done that. 1st off you have a chemistry problem in your brain. Not your mind your brain. This is a chemical imbalance that can be readjusted. A good 1st move is to printout a copy of your post here and hand it to a doctor. They have the antidepressants that will reset the brain's balance. You haven't done anything wrong and there are many people that are in your situation. We over-pressure ourselves creating a continuous stress that wears the brain down. When it happened to me the world actually turned grey. Amazing. You'll come out of this and then one day you'll be making a post that will help someone else. Oh,one other thing. About quitting that job, good for you. You have courage to speak your mind, that's a rare thing nowadays. You still have your skill-set and something better is just ahead.
You don't mention the trigger that brought on the panic attack but just in case you overlooked the obvious I'll mention coffee. Excessive coffee especially on an empty stomach brings on anxiety attacks in many people myself included. If your in a stressful situation or environment the effect may be magnified. Here is a short article you could read on coffee's effect that mirrors the conditions you described. http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=50... I wish you the best.