frozenstorm

These are great insights.

TL:DR; of this and other posts seems to be:

Managing is primarily about people, not technology

I'm surprised the feedback here has been primarily negative. It sounds like your heart is in the right place, and that's a good start for being a good manager in my eyes (I've never been a manager personally).

One of the best attributes I've found in good managers is facilitating success, rather than participating in it. In one-on-one meetings with your team, listen closely to them. Ask them what they'd like out of you, what their goals are at the company, and how you can help them achieve those goals. You are no longer writing the code, and while you should have final say on high-level technical debates, let your team work out organically what the best architecture / pattern / technologies are for the project at hand.

If learning is something you want to encourage (bravo for that, all teams should be actively learning), use whatever power or influence you have to make resources available to them. Paid time to read books, paid time to attend conferences (and budgets to pay for conference entrance / travel), etc. And instead of you dictating the points of learning, ask them what they think they need to focus on learning for their own improvement.

Lastly, do everything you can to limit their distractions. Instruct coworkers in non-technical disciplines to direct all questions to you, be the development team's "shield" against pesky interruptions. Managers who have done this for me have won my respect much quicker than those who have not.

Ultimately it needs to sit well with YOU, right?

Negotiate for more equity and weigh

- the final offer vs. what you think you could get in the rest of the market

- how much happier you'd be at the new gig vs. waiting around for another gig

I know nothing of how much equity is 'fair' for early hires but ultimately it's about where you'll be happiest, money / equity aside. Do what makes you happy and you won't have regrets.

This has to be a joke...

If not, its completely disgusting

Indeed. As well as perhaps an poll selection for options you've exercised but do not know yet what you'll get for them (company still running but haven't had opportunity to sell shares).