I've always been depressive and pessimistic person as far as I can remember.
I've been looking at other people only to see how happy they are and how content they with their life. They feel motivated, want something from life and in generally think that being alive is alright, which I just couldn't internalize no matter how hard I tried.
Essentially, I've come to the conclusion that there _must_ be something wrong with my neurotransmitters that I just can't be happy as fellow friends around me.
Many doctor appointments, many different prescriptions.
Antidepressants did their job and I started to care less about what's going on, but they didn't make me any happier. They just made me less miserable. On the other side, I've started to see the world through some kind of fog, which blocked most of my previous perception. My long-term memory started to degradate.
Now, after many years of taking various SSRIs I'm beginning to realize, that there's nothing wrong with my brain.
That's perhaps who I am, maybe either percepting more than many people around or just more sensetive and therefore reacting stronger even on slightest stimulus in a much stronger ways. I have opinions and thougts on a topics that many do not even care about.
So instead of supressing thoughts and emotions I must accept them as they are.