HN user
Why are you in a romantic relationship at all then? Non-marriage romantic relationships have a -MUCH- higher failure rate. At least be ideologically consistent.
You should probably just break up with your girlfriend now because you have some very serious commitment issues.
I actually wouldn't mind it if it was an op-ed with a title such as "how I learned effective relationship communication." But with that title I am expecting something of substance.
Also saying they were drinking beers while doing it has the implication that they needed alcohol to be able to have such important conversations. Not saying that's the case, I'm saying it gives the impression.
I'm not sure what the history of marriage has to do with civil marriage today, it's irrelevant.
You can say the same thing about relationships in general, why date someone if there's a very good you'd break up (most relationships are unsuccessful)? Why be friends with anyone when everyone will eventually die? Why get a dog when there's a 99.9% they will die before you? Why start a business when most fail? See how stupid that sounds? If we don't take risks we never get rewards.
What makes you think divorce requires lawyers? It doesn't unless the two parties can't agree. Seriously, my husband didn't have a lawyer for his divorce and neither did his ex wife. His divorce was a fill-in-the-blanks piece of paper. It was just as simple as can be, the only difference was the 7 Month waiting period. Literally, fill out a 2 page paper, judge signs off on it.
If "domestic partner" and you don't agree on your separation lawyers will have to be involved anyways. Happened to a friend of mine. Not being married didn't keep him out of court when him and his ex girlfriend didn't agree on child support and division of property. Buy a house with your girlfriend and you break up and can't agree on what to do with the house? Court. Have kids together and can't agree on custody? Court.
Medical coverage is irrelevant because employees and plan organizers decide on who their plan covers. Medical decisions can be accomplished with a living will and medical directive. Your "domestic partnership" isn't going to work outside of your city and you could get injured while travelling so you're going to need those anyways. You still need a will for inheritance... So I don't see a single benefit.
After gay marriage was legalized in all states there's exactly a -ZERO- percentage probability that the military is going to start enrolling non spouses. Guaranteed. The military is not in the business of providing benefits to people who are not even trustworthy enough to make their relationship legal.
I totally understand why someone would not want to get married. I can't understand why someone would want a fake "marriage."... but whatever.
Windsor vs the United States was based on inheritance taxes
Not even are they not married they seem to have a commitment phobia.
Read the second paragraph
"That's for the general population. As mentioned above certain populations (college educated, older, high income) are much less likely to get divorced." Like by a lot! I assume if you are on hacker news you are at least two of the three.
But, yes, people who eschew marriage specifically to make breaking up easy are bad candidates for a successful marriage, almost by definition.
(I married someone who previously went through a divorce)
Exactly.
The spike in divorces starting in the 1970s can be largely attributed to the woman's liberation movement and is most likely a historic anomaly in the long term view.
https://www.nytimes.com/2014/12/02/upshot/the-divorce-surge-...
“Two-thirds of divorces are initiated by women,” said William Doherty, a marriage therapist and professor of family social science at University of Minnesota, “so when you’re talking about changes in divorce rates, in many ways you’re talking about changes in women’s expectations.”
In the 1950s and 1960s, marriage was about a breadwinner husband and a homemaker wife, who both needed the other’s contributions to the household but didn’t necessarily spend much time together. In the 1970s, all that changed.
Ultimately, a long view is likely to show that the rapid rise in divorce during the 1970s and early 1980s was an anomaly. It occurred at the same time as a new feminist movement, which caused social and economic upheaval. Today, society has adapted, and the divorce rate has declined again.
If current trends continue, nearly two-thirds of marriages will never involve a divorce, according to data from Justin Wolfers, a University of Michigan economist (who also contributes to The Upshot).
That's for the general population. As mentioned above certain populations (college educated, older, high income) are much less likely to get divorced.
Furthermore, people like the GP act like marriage and divorce is just a diceroll. However, you can do many, many things to decrease your likelihood of divorcing. Openly communicating about expectations before marriage is one of them.
That won't work very well. You register for multiple classes at once, not just one. Which class(es) you register for are dependent on when the other classes you registered for are scheduled. It's hard to get a schedule with classes that don't overlap if you are uncertain if you'd get a seat in a couple classes.
In what jurisdiction is this? How do you enter such a relationship? How does dissolution work in such a relationship? What sort of "cruft" does marriage have that a "domestic partnership" lack? Also does this "legal arrangement" carry over to other jurisdictions? And assuming we are talking about the US isn't "mutual health coverage" decided by the employer or plan administrator? I know Tricare does not allow sponsors to enroll non-married partners, for example.
What?
BTW, being into your mid 30s unmarried and without children is a very liberal lifestyle.
Why is that?
I don't get it.
The title of the article is "To Stay in Love, Sign on the Dotted Line," but there's absolutely nothing in it that supports the title. All it is is about an unmarried woman whose been in a relationship for only 3 years saying a scheduled conversations and paper an pen (or keyboard in this case) helps her have relationship communication.
The title should really be "communication is helpful for my new relationship."
It's misguided at best to conclude every couple should create this sort of formal contract. Every couple communicates differently.
What's a "domestic partnership?" Is it a legal term?
Witches? Nazis?
Seriously!?!
So you are saying it someone says "I work at Uber, it's not much different than any other tech company" they will be burned at the steak?
Your rank-and-file employees are not even going to get much more than a "oh really?" when they say "I work at Uber." I used to work for a company that is pretty shady that the majority of people has a very negative opinion on, much more so than Uber. When I said I worked there to others nobody said much of note and certainly nothing like "you're a Nazi." Actually, I take that back, one person said "I could never work there" and I replied with "I can understand why you'd feel that way." That was it!
Even if someone says something, receiving some very mild criticism for holding an unpopular opinion is not the end of the world, it's called life. It's not a witch hunt and you're not some sort of victim.
Chinese trash is $$$$$.
It's hard to resist a stream of very easy money (in the short term at least).
"Best" review I ever saw (on a book):
3 stars
"I haven't read it yet but looks interesting. I'll try to get to it this summer."
This was the worst review of the book.
Amazon does it too.
It's standard practice.
Good point, I understand what you mean now.
The other thing is if you put all your bill money in a separate account automatically you don't even really feel like you're paying bills psychologically, you just get used to the money in your spending account being the only money you have. This is especially good with larger less frequent bills, just amortized them per paycheck. For example, I usually use around three tanks of oil a year. The oil bill comes frequently in the winter but only once in the summer (my water is heated with oil). the oil is amortized to ~$60 a paycheck. That $60 goes directly from my paycheck into the "bills account" every pay and I never worry about the oil bill, when it comes I pay it from the already allocated bills account.
It's also impossible to go over budget without noticing, you'd have to take the difference out of the savings account. If your budget is wrong you'll notice immediately.
That's just my approach though, and it works for me. Other people may have different methods that work for them.
I tip the same even if they don't keep my water glass full. I don't believe such a minor "annoyance" as asking for more water (which its not an annoyance) requires a dock in pay. Also, in California they are required by law to wait until you ask for water due to the drought!
You are getting into someone's car and they are taking your pittance, minus their service broker's fee, to bring you where you need to go. That is a business transaction, and it's in the class of transactions that I would expect to involve a tip.
My transaction is between Uber and I and should not be between Uber's employees and I. Do you tip your bus driver? Do you tip the train conductor?
Do you also tip your mechanic if they get your car fixed before schedule? How about the pulmonologist when you get blood drawn? Or is it only if they don't leave a bruise? How about the person who stocked the shelves so the thing you want to buy is in stock? What if an employee goes in the stockroom for you? Do you pull out a $5? What about the person who makes your sandwich at a deli, I mean, making custom sandwiches are labor intensive.
That's just how I was raised
Sure but...
You can (and should) acknowledge that it is completely arbitrary and cultural. If I go to the bar and order a soda I tip. If I go to McDs and order a soda I don't. That's silly. The thing that really kills me is, I've been to a few wineries. When I pay there's never a line to put my tip on the credit card receipt, so I don't tip. I guess you don't tip in wineries even though they provide you basically the same service as a restaurant or bar and you tip there. The best part though is I also go to breweries and breweries always have a tip line on the receipt! Serving beer where you make it = tip, serving wine where you make it = no tip. MADNESS!
I tend to assume the service was also poor, and they earned exactly the tip they got!
99.9% of the time poor service is not personally the customer service employee's fault.
I actually really enjoyed my job in fast food. The pay sucked but the work was fine, my coworkers were pleasant, and the restaurant was very well run. The customers were pleasant too because we provided good service. We provided good service because the management gave us the tools to provide good service and expected us to provide good service.
I can only assume that you have never worked in any industry in a customer service capacity
Lol wut? Yes, I certainly have. I've worked no less than 4 customer service jobs.
Tipping is a totally normal thing, that you are free to engage in or abstain from.
Only in the strictly legal sense, not the social sense.
If you are especially pleased with a service on a particular occasion, then you should tip.
First off, tips for many service employees in the US are not "for exception service," they are "expected for any service."
I'd prefer to live in a society where employees give a pleasing service without expecting a bribe. I would prefer to live in a society where some customers are not snubbed because of the assumption they won't leave a tip, or will leave a small one. I also don't care to turn every single interaction I have throughout the day into a business transaction.
Not only that but you start with "you are free to engage in or abstain from [tips]" then say "you should tip." Which was is it? Completely optional or expected? You claim it's both.
If you are the type of person who is never pleased with anything
Wow, way to project. I am pleased by pretty much any service as long as the job gets done semi-competently . I don't need anything "extra," or small talk, or even smiles. I have a massive amount of empathy for service employees who aren't property trained and if I have a bad experience I usually blame poor management, not the customer service employee personally. If the place is crowded I understand I'm going to have to wait, through nobody's fault, crowds can't always be anticipated.
Disliking tips is hardly the same thing as being a miserable person who is always unhappy. That's quite the stretch.
you should certainly feel no obligation to tip, ever.
I am not such an asshole to believe that someone who doesn't smile or is working short staffed deserves to have their pay docked. That's cruel.
The thing about introducing tips is they become "mandatory," because employees and management come to expect tips. This brings down salaries then everyone is guilted into leaving tips. It's no secret that Uber is ruthlessly cutting fairs and now they are basically saying "we expect customers to make up the difference."
Anyways, my comments were not about tipping in general, they were about tip jars, specially. Tip jars are begging and are no different than panhandling. It's a form of guilt tipping(1) and are always distasteful. A business is no place for employees to beg - save that for the streets.
https://www.usatoday.com/story/travel/advice/2016/05/01/tipp...
"If you don't pay up, you're shamed for your lack of generosity, at best — or at worst, for stealing someone's salary."
And, of course,
"He started rattling about how far the cab ride was and how he needed more," she says. "It turned me off. I use Uber now."
You're the one who started with unjustly accusing a completely unrelated group of bullying, of all things; you deserve to be called out for it.
People (hopefully) won't get practice on reporting and handling harassment claims. It's good to have a refresher training to both remind employees of the process as well as a gesture to show they are still taking the issue seriously.
Sexual harassment in all it's forms should be taken seriously.
I think teens are allowed to have debit cards in the US now (it wasn't that way when I was a teenager). They also can be added as an authorized user to an adult's credit card account, which gives them their own card in their name.
Because I don't want "good service," I just want a ride to where I'm going.
I actually think it was the attract customers.
I have never left a tip with an Uber driver, I've taken around 30 rides, 5 star rating.
Cute little narrative you got going there but I don't see any evidence from the article to support it.
Since tipping is not actually "politically correct," it's racist, sexist, and classist (1), it's a big lose for the advocates you blame.
It seemed they were under pressure from regulators, not social justice activates. I think this is the money quote
Conigliaro said the guild forced the introduction of tipping by putting pressure on regulators. New York’s Taxi and Limousine Commission is weighing a proposal that would require in-app tipping, and is expected to hear reaction from riders and drivers at a public hearing on July 13.
They also introduced some sort of surcharge for teens as part of this change, so you believe thats also the fault of "social justice" too?
(1) https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2016/02/18/i-dar...
http://scholarship.sha.cornell.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?artic...
http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/minimum-wage-activists-cal...
Tips are free money and widely acceptable in the US, so who wouldn't want that.
Tips are not "free money," they drive down salary thus they move compensation from the employer's responsibility to the responsibility of the customer. The more tips you get the less you get paid.