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Dude. This comment of yours made me quite angry. I feel insulted, sort of like Dostoyevsky would feel getting writing advice from an average run-of-the-mill, unsuccessful chicklit writer. Also made me realize that I'm in a much better spot than you, and wouldn't trade with your position for all the money in the world.

Because it sounds like you're just clueless, or have the emotional intelligence of a teenager, or just lacking life experience. All of the things you mentioned are useless, some are harmful, to the point that I wonder what exactly was in your mind when you made this thread.

Was there a genuine desire to help? Then I should probably mail you a bank account. I'd use the money for people in need, not for myself. But I think it's more likely that you just felt some sort of a need for validation, that seems to be the main driving force behind it.

Appreciate the intention, but I don't feel I need either pity or encouragement. I don't feel like a victim at all. I see everything happening for a reason in some way.

Loneliness. Inability to break out of it. Feel the need of a partner, a woman to share life with (also feel the need for intimacy a lot), but simply can't find anyone. Can't even find friendship. Or when I do find friendship, it's not balanced, or doesn't feel right so I just get away. Spend most of my time in some sort of isolation.

Lots of problems that generate stress, but are not in themselves on the path to fulfillment or thriving. But they absolutely block me and have no choice but to deal with them. Things that could be solved by throwing money at them maybe, but even tho I'm safe and stable financially, that spending can easily get out of control in a HCOL area where I live. All my life I've tried to do everything myself (everything from home building, renovations, car/bike repairs, carpentry, electronic repairs etc) and have a significant aversion towards spending money in general.

Worries. Lots of worrying about scenarios that 98% never happen, but still give me sleepless nights.

Generally, lack of energy to solve all the issues, or fix things. I burn most of my energy in my physical job, having abandoned my tech career many years ago.

But I know that eventually it will all work out. I also have an intimate knowledge of what the causes of these circumstances are and what the solutions are. (hint: has to do with thoughts, and generally stem from childhood).

LE. And one other issue I have. The 2h deletion window is elapsing and I don't know if I want all this stuff associated with my username. Is it shame? Does it feel like I'm complaining about something? I know I can frame my circumstances in such a way that I would be in a very fortunate position. I have no material worries, I live in a place full of harmony in the Western world, I did have some very beautiful life experiences in the past, including a love story that absolutely changed me and my perspective on life. And above all, I have belief.

PPS. I just got reminded of one of the biggest sources of stress in my life. The freaking neighbor downstairs who slams the f'in door, even tho I asked as nicely as I could tens of time not to do that. And since it's a 120 y.o. building, and probably a majority of my net worth in it (and I'm concerned about the structural integrity over a long time period ...), it's making me so angry ... But I'll get this sorted eventually.