Ask HN: How do “introverted” entrepreneurs build a network?

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=9980848

by nonkool • 11 years ago

24 22 11 years ago

news.ycombinator.com

The virtues of having a "network" for entrepreneurs are well documented. It's easy enough for people who like going out to events and striking conversations up. How do introverted entrepreneurs who do not like initiating conversations manage to build good networks?

KhalPanda• 11 years ago

Something I've been trying to tackle for myself recently.

I've been browsing some meets on meetup.com and intend on going to a few. Many people have reassured me that whilst I'm the introverted type and events like this make me somewhat anxious... a lot of people are the same. I'd say that in the tech/dev world, more people have some kind of social awkwardness than not. The people that immeditately gel and befriend everyone aren't common. Maybe I'm wrong. shrug

I've been making friends on interpals.net - I originally signed up looking to do a bit of a language exchange, but ended up talking to a bunch of people.

After that, I feel like I'm on a bit of a roll and it's just a case of continuing. It's quite refreshing to know I can make friends, it's almost becoming enjoyable. :)

- What's the worst that could happen?

- Take an interest in other people, ask them what they're working on, etc.

- You won't be the most introverted person at x event.

Good luck. :)

nonkool9• 11 years ago

Thanks. I asked because I find myself at the cusp of I/E personality - which one dominates depends on the context of where I am and in what mindset I am.

That said, I've noticed something interesting which was re-affirmed by your comment as well - that many an introverted person find easier to "reach out" to strangers and enjoy conversing when it comes to "online talking". And for most of them/us, it's more the initiation of conversation that's the issue and not the continuing of it (assuming it's not just small-talk).

My main issue is that as an entrepreneur, one is expected to be at these events and form networks - which requires initiation of conversation, especially with people like investors who aren't the most respectful at times. This further messes up the already fragile n doubtful self-esteem of an introverted founder.

I suspect several founders out there "suffer" in silence with these issues which exacerbate the mental well-being problems.

kom1072• 11 years ago

I think that an introverted network would actually be more of an asset than an extrovert's network (and FTR, I'm a total extrovert...which took years of work to get to). Hear me out:

When you're an introvert, you tend to be much more cautious about the connections that you make with people and to cultivate them more. Sure, I have a bajillion people to reach out to and socialize with, but if shit hit the fan, it's a much smaller number. I would think that as an introvert, almost everyone in that network would be willing to jump for you.

Don't think of it as networking. You're just attending an event where everyone wants to talk with you. Go up to any random stranger, and ask them what they're working on that they're excited about, or if they've done something interesting lately. Just try to get to know people. When I socialize, I just think about getting to know someone, versus that I'm socializing, or networking. I just want to know about them. Also, don't be dismissive--even if someone is not in your space, you never know who they know, and you might have just met your new best friend. Be kind to everyone. I have Starbucks barista's and Fortune 500 execs on my LinkedIn--and I'm happy to help all of them.

TL;DR: look at it as meeting a bunch of new friends who already want to meet you, stay connected, and help them when you can.

Have fun!

nonkool9• 11 years ago

Thanks, some good pieces of insight there. I noticed you mentioned that it took years of work to get you to being a total extrovert - How did you start out as? What things did you do?

kom1072• 11 years ago

Oh, I was so shy when I was younger. Socially awkward (and I was just smart enough to know it), nervous, didn't want to talk with others at all, really. Now, I love it.

I started very small and very simply: I started reading etiquette books (this was as a teenager). No joke. If you think about it, they're just really 'how to' books that cover a lot of social situations (I still have a copy of Debrett's). Anyway, so I started there and began to add what I read into my everyday social interactions. Things got a bit easier. From there, I actually joined greek life in college. Sure, it gets a bad rap, but I very quickly learned how to become very comfortable in social situations because I FORCED myself into a setting that was, by nature, incredibly social. As an adult, I'd suggest getting involved in some activity that you enjoy that has a heavy social aspect...and also NOT with people who are JUST LIKE YOU (i.e. don't go to meetups for just coders or engineers). I also held two sales jobs and volunteered at a phone bank to call people and ask for donations for a good cause. Cold-calling people and sales were really helpful because it gets you incredibly comfortable with rejection--which, if you really think about it, is, IMO, the reason those of us who are naturally shy are shy--there's a small worry about rejection, or at least nervousness around 'maybe this person won't like me'. If you get rejected enough, you literally don't even notice anymore.

Those were the things that I did that I believe had the biggest impact. Hopefully you can take some of my experiences and make them work for you. Have fun.

err4nt• 11 years ago

Reach out to people in writing first if it makes speaking to them in person easier when you see them!

As an introvert I bask in the comfort of non-realtime communication and the chance to compose and edit my thoughts. I suspect there are others like me too!

nonkool9• 11 years ago

Absolutely - breaking the ice that way makes total sense for an introvert.

introv-preneur• 11 years ago

I wrote this blog post about Networking for Introverts a few months back: http://introverted-entrepreneur.com/networking-for-introvert.... I hope it is useful to you.

nonkool9• 11 years ago

Thanks - very nice! :)

ruraljuror• 11 years ago

At risk of being pedantic I would clarify that being an introvert has nothing to do with your skills at being social. The reason I bring this up is because once you put the proper name on something (i.e. identify it) then it is easier to work on.

Going out to events and striking up conversations probably have more to do with problems of finding the right kinds of events, overcoming shyness, anxiety, public speaking, etc.

There is a podcast I learned about from HN called the Art of Charm. They handle some basic things like how to strike up conversations and such. Might be worth a listen.

nonkool9• 11 years ago

Agree that being an introvert doesn't have to do with social "skills", but it does have everything to do with social "interest".

So yes, even though the problems you mentioned might cause one to incorrectly classify themselves as an introvert, it shouldn't take away from the actual problems introverts face when being pulled strongly in opposite directions by their disinterest in striking up conversations and by a real necessity to network in order to be successful as entrepreneurs.

Thanks for the podcast mention though - will check it out.

intuitiondg• 11 years ago

This is an interesting conversation. As an introvert myself I sometimes get really uncomfortable in social gatherings with lots of unfamiliar faces. But to your point about introversion having nothing to do with being social, I could not disagree more. It is very stressful for some introverts to conjure up a conversation with total strangers, event with people they know. Unlike extraverts, introverts are not often good starting simple conversation, and even when they do, they sometimes struggle internally thinking about what to say. Moreover, while an extravert will talk right of the top their mind, the introvert tend to think about what to say,and a host of other things depending on their assessment of the conversation. With that said, that sense of anxiety introvert feels in social settings often come with a great deal of analysis paralysis.

I think the trick for introverts going to networking events is to have a game plan about what they hope to accomplish from the event. The goal should be to try an make a least 2-3 meaningful connections. They should not feel burden with the need to be extroverted, or be something other than oneself.

This mentality, which personifies American corporate culture, about extroversion being good and introversion being bad, started with Cale Carnegie in the early part of the nineteenth century.

I think what every introvert and business should understand is that introverts bring some of the best ideas to table. However, most often employers want that extroverted employee, who always seems happy and smiling and talks a lot. That might might be good for corporate image, but not always the bottom line.

ashleyp• 11 years ago

I think you may be mixing up introverts with shy.

Introversion is how an individual replenishes energy. Alone or with others.

alain94040• 11 years ago

Maybe there are apps for that. Seriously, colunchers.com sets up lunches with 4 people for a reason: so that introverted get a chance too.

nonkool9• 11 years ago

Looks interesting. Thanks!

meeper162• 11 years ago

Create, build, innovate, invent something spectacular that does not exists or that no one has really come close to perfecting.

To create, in part, requires an extreme level of introspection, going dark or time in the Lab, something that introverts are quite good at.

Let your works speak for themselves. This is what I have found to be the most powerful networking move an introvert can make.

This is also something that sales, marketing, branding and some investor types will never understand.

This is also something that the Google guys understood very well and they seem to be fairly well networked these days.

nonkool9• 11 years ago

Well said. Building something is easy enough; but to figure out if people want what is being built - that requires a lot of interaction which sometimes is beyond introverts. Of course, it's a different thing if one happens to build something which is then wanted by people.

meeper162• 11 years ago

I completely agree. The exceptions, however, would be if it has enough utility as water for example, similar to Search. All things considered, it certainly must be useful to the masses.

wiseleo• 11 years ago

By email on relevant mailing lists and forums.

nonkool9• 11 years ago

Any suggestions for an entrepreneur?

ErikRogneby• 11 years ago

Github is a network. Network through shared engineering interests, mutual admiration and meritocracy. Pull requests can be surprisingly social.

Are you looking for a geographically relevant network? Or will distributed and virtual suffice?

nonkool9• 11 years ago

Thanks. I think it is more to do with the varied nature / expertise of the people in the network - especially if one is an entrepreneur. In terms of location, a distributed and virtual network should suffice too.

Ask HN: How do “introverted” entrepreneurs build a network?

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