Ask HN: Could someone, please, review the copy of my website?

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=9011090

by soneca • 11 years ago

2 6 11 years ago

news.ycombinator.com

I am launching a product in the international market, but I am brazilian and not fluent in English.

Some people already gave me feedback that my copy doesn't sound professional due to some "subtle grammar mistakes". It is a relative small splash page, could someone be kind enough to voluntary to do a quick review of my copy?

Thank you, very much.

the website is: www.companynote.net (clickable on the comments)

PS: Feel free to give any feedback you want (related or not to the copy).

EDIT: All changes sugested by creyes123 and specially pzxc are already published! Thanks a lot, guys!

soneca3• 11 years ago

http://www.companynote.net/

creyes123• 11 years ago

I spent five minutes looking at the page. That is all I can spare for free. I have written books and hundreds of blog posts. Unfortunately, it is going to take a lot more than five minutes to thoroughly evaluate and rework the page. Have you considered using http://www.fiverr.com/?

Right away, I noticed some layout issues. I assume you already know about those. Overall, I like the layout and use of color. Here is a rewrite of the main tagline:

"Send offers to your customers through Facebook. Quick and easy. Much better than sending emails."

soneca3• 11 years ago

wow! Thanks, great sugestion about the tagline! I will use it right now.

I will take a look at fiverr. The thing is that I assumed is not that far off a good enough page, so an "amateur" native english speaker could spot a few mistakes on a quick look.

(and I wasn't wrong, I got a great copy sugestion and a lot of good corrections by pzxc below! :) )

pzxc2• 11 years ago

Your company (or competition) never tried this before. -> Your company (or competition) has never tried this before.

We are the first in market. -> We are the first to market.

But people spend less time on e-mail and more on Facebook each day. -> But people spend less time on e-mail and more on Facebook every day.

Notifications are spam free -> Notifications are spam-free

Facebook notifications don't have spam, as Facebook take good care with user experience on its platform. -> Facebook notifications are not considered spam, as Facebook takes good care of the user experience on its platform.

only the customers that want will receive your offers -> only the customers that want your offers will receive them

Users spend more time on Facebook than on e-mail and let less notifications unread than emails. -> Users spend more time on Facebook than on e-mail and leave less notifications unread than e-mails.

CompanyNote lets you customize all parts of your message: the notification text; the image of your offer content and the link where the offer will redirect. -> CompanyNote lets you customize all parts of your message: the notification text, the image of your offer content, and the link where the offer will redirect.

This is the app your customers will signup, authorizing you to send notifications to them. -> This is the app your customers will use to sign up, authorizing you to send notifications to them.

In order to access the console your company must provide a valid Facebook account. -> In order to access the console, your company must provide a valid Facebook account.

We will send a weekly report with the analytics of you app and notifications. -> We will send a weekly report with the analytics of your app and notifications.

This report will inform: -> This report will inform you about:

Contact to more product and price details -> Contact us to get more product and price details

If you are still a small business with limited budget, ask for details of our less customized low-price option -> If you are still a small business with a limited budget, ask about our less customized, low-price option

CompanyNote is the product of the Brazil based company -> CompanyNote is the product of the Brazil-based company

We enable companies and business to communicate with their clients through Facebook native notifications feature. -> We enable companies and businesses to communicate with their clients through Facebook's native notifications feature.

-----

Those are the spelling and grammatical errors I could find on your homepage. FYI, I am a native English speaker who always got straight A's in English class. It only took me 5 minutes because you only asked me to review your copy, not your layout/design. You're welcome! :D

soneca3• 11 years ago

Thank you a lot! :) If there is any favor I can retribute, email me (on my profile) You basically just saved my company! :) (just kind of an exageration). Thank you very much for your time...

I am indeed more worried about copy. A good product can get away with not ideal design and layout; but no one trusts a poor copy, with grammar and spelling mistakes.

pzxc2• 11 years ago

No recompense necessary except to pay it forward -- sometime in the future, when you can help someone easily, do so and tell them to pay it forward also :)

Ask HN: Could someone, please, review the copy of my website?

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