Ask HN: Maybe not the best place to seek life advice but I trust you guys

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=5378269

by ElongatedTowel • 13 years ago

13 23 13 years ago

news.ycombinator.com

"My name is Christian, I'm unemployed and I live with my parents.". I probably don't deserve anyones attention, but please, bare with me for a moment. I should add that I'm nearing my 24th birthday, live in Europe and my real name is Failure.

Programming is about the only thing I can do that doesn't turn me crazy. I realized that too late. I was sitting on a high horse for too long, yet nothing but an unpaid internship was necessary to attend college.

With nearly no friends, terrible grades, disappointed parents, never having felt the embrace of a women not just giving a rats ass about me and terrible anxiety I never got that internship, or done anything else with my life. I jumped from pastime to pastime, never really mastering anything. I learned to love the computer. Python and all the web development stuff stuck with me.

All I used my knowledge for was downloading porn in more and more efficient ways. Now I love webscraping.

My friend said that he has never met anyone who was as good at soaking up knowledge as I was, as good a programmer I am. I fell too low to know whether he's right. I only know one thing. Change is in order.

My sadness has turned into desire. If I had the money to travel, I would have the energy to climb Everest and die. I sprung up, shaved, did 50 push-ups, nearly died thinking about a girl that probably hates me for sleeping with her because who wants to remember that guy living at his parents. I browsed trough the paper looking for a job. Too many requiring a car, an education and a lot of flaky stuff. Even thought about working part time as a courier, which would barely be enough to pay my debt in about a year and for health insurance. I have no fricking idea how "working" even works. But I know that I have a lot of stuff to catch up to.

Getting a domain that doesn't scream idiot, a github account filled with projects, an identity. I don't know where to begin and what needs to be done. What would you guys do with this amount of free time?

1123581321• 13 years ago

If you can program, then you can probably get paid to program. Make a list of every person you know: friends/acquaintances, family, old coworkers, Internet connections, etc. Ask each one if they have any programming/web development work you could do or if they know someone who might. You are concerned you won't be able to work, and I bet you will have some difficulty learning how to sustainably apply yourself to someone else's problem for days or weeks at a time. You're just going to have to stick to it. I recommend finding a client or a job that has you working at their office if possible, or finding a new cafe/restaurant/coworking space from which to work when you do get work.

What I'm suggesting isn't easy to do, but it is possible and requires nothing that you currently lack.

404error3• 13 years ago

Have you tried freelancing? Or maybe a remote position? What about working on a side project porn related that will generate some income for you?

I am 28 with a job (not a career) and I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up. I taught myself HTML, CSS, PHP, I am now TRYING to teach myself Python.

You sound like you just want to give up. You have to keep going man. Best of luck.

ElongatedTowel5• 13 years ago

I know what freelancing means, but I have no idea what steps are there between me and the freelancing job.

Side projects would be great. I thought about apps, no good idea came up. Making money with porn and advertising, doubt there is still a niche.

Already gave up years ago. I feel like I'm staring at the Game Over screen trying to get my character up to the playing field again.

404error3• 13 years ago

I believe it might be as easy as setting up an account on a freelancing website and searching for projects you feel you are capable of doing. Maybe you can also set up a PayPal account so you can receive payment.

I think there is still money to be made in porn.

gesman2• 13 years ago

Python is not a bad place to start expanding your knowledge wider. Google uses it for a reason. It's a good time to wake up and inject your life with new purpose. Emotional pain is a wake up call to begin a new life.

ElongatedTowel5• 13 years ago

What direction do you think I should go? I played around with some Django, rewrote some of my stuff in Flask with SQLAlchemy. Bit JavaScript, bit CoffeeScript (gave up on that one, don't like it). Used SASS. A bit backbone.js (thought about writing apps, never came up with a good idea). Handlebar.js and Jinja2 in the mix.

gesman2• 13 years ago

I'd suggest to find someone who needs to solve a problem (like simple webapp, or ecommerce store or represent their business with nice looking portal - whatever). Then, when you'll have a task at hand - start looking for tools to accomplish that. Not before that - otherwise you'll learn tools that are useless to you. Django is not a bad choice to learn python and actually create something useful.

zeeed• 13 years ago

you're at an important point: you realize where you stand. from my experience, that's good. accept that, remember who you are.

now go do something. ask for a job. don't get too focussed on github, domains or social media. find someone that needs something you could do and start there. don't be picky. try it for at least three weeks and if it sucks balls, find something new. don't quit before you've found something you believe is better. rinse and repeat.

good luck!

snyff2• 13 years ago

Stop complaining. Go to some local dev/tech meetups. Do some freelance work and/or hack on opensource projects. Work on your self esteem. Be more confident.

Maybe, despite living at your parents, you were the best time she had... who cares anyway, YOU are focusing on the bad stuff, look at what you have not what you don't have.

ElongatedTowel5• 13 years ago

The only thing on your list I know how to do would be to hack on opensource projects. Github account, pull some stuff, fix bugs.

Do employers value such work?

snyff2• 13 years ago

A LOT!

justlearning• 13 years ago

Christian, I am going to be blunt with you. All of us giving advise is not going to help you. You are going to feel good about for a day or two - you asked for advice and that's the first step to solve problems. But you won't be taking any action. You are there thinking I am trying to solve my problems, but you aren't. (been there, done that)

The only way you can change is to change yourself - discipline yourself. Change your routine. Change your diet.

1) Why don't you have more friends? 2) Why don't you have an idea about 'working'? Have you never worked before? Why? 3) Why think about a girl who judges you based on your current situation rather than the person you are?

I am not sure if I should apologize, but if I were beside you, I would ask you something similar to 'shake' your current thought process.

Fellow HNers: I am genuinely curious to know - what's the relation between living between parents and failure? Why are people living with their parents associated with failure? What if I work a decent job and earn well, but live with my parents?

In the 'east' - mostly asia, it's not looked down upon if you live with your parents. From what I hear from friends, it's similar in Russia and parts of eastern Europe too.

404error3• 13 years ago

I don't understand the connection either. For some people it's a choice. I don't know if any here are Football(Soccer) fans but, one of the top midfielders in the world Xavi who place for Barcelona lives with his parents. Xavi has won everything there is to win in his line of work, Club Trophies, World Cup, Champions League... is he considered a failure?

ElongatedTowel5• 13 years ago

Maybe I won't take action. But talking to my friends about what I can do and what he thinks of me taking a job as a courier is more than I did before. Even going out of the house several days in a row is something I usually don't do. Even if it doesn't work, it's the longest streak of clarity I've ever had.

> What if I work a decent job and earn well, but live with my parents?

Independence is a great trait. That's the only reason I could think of.

1. Fear of rejection. Hard to meet someone if you're home all day. 2. Yes, never did. Alway required social interaction. Some days I was too anxious to even leave the house. 3. Love me for who I am sounds great, but relationships require a certain base

yen2232• 13 years ago

Malaysian here. I would say 80% of my peers (25-30 year olds) still live with their parents. Although that's more a result of our grossly inflated property prices than anything else. It's not really looked down upon.

Comkid• 13 years ago

I've heard from friends, that in India, that it is part of culture to live with your parents until you are married.

yen2232• 13 years ago

Wow. I used to be like you. I probably still am. Only that I don't have the luxury of living in Europe.

I can only offer one piece of really generic advice, because that generic advice actually worked out for me: Go out and network! User groups, meetups, forums, whatever. Just put yourself out there, online and offline, and try and score that first project.

tagabek• 13 years ago

This. A million times this. I was surprised by the effect that going to ONE meetup group had on me. I was more motivated, intrigued, and I was even able to make a few valuable connections. If you go to a few AND you can already program, you should seriously find work in no time.

xordon• 13 years ago

Sounds like you may have a underactive thyroid (Hypothyroidism), do you have any of the following symptoms, have they persisted for more than 2 weeks ?

fatigue, exhaustion, feeling run down and sluggish, depression, difficulty concentrating, brain fog, unexplained or excessive weight gain, dry, coarse and/or itchy skin, dry, coarse and/or thinning hair, feeling cold, especially in the extremities, constipation, muscle cramps,

Your doctor can give you a very simple blood test to see if your thyroid is underactive. I would suggest seeing a doctor.

---- http://thyroid.about.com/cs/basics_starthere/a/symptoms.htm

ElongatedTowel5• 13 years ago

Indeed I have, but subclinical which is why I never got any medication.

orangethirty• 13 years ago

I participate in a weekly (online) startup founders meeting. Everyone there talks about business and networks. If you want, you can drop by and talk to industry people. You might get a job out of it. Who knows...

If you are interested, just shoot me an email.

argonz• 13 years ago

Porn can create/maintain different thinking patterns, underhabituate you for normal real-life cues. By withdrawing and resensitizing your dopamine circuits you might jumpstart your motivation, getting more fun and getting out of the rut. Shouldn't expect a miracle but may worth a try.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82AwSDiU

good luck!

viach• 13 years ago

Oh, man. You live in EU, can visit Rome or London on weekends, and only 24, and already know some Python, whooa... I really envy you.

Ask HN: Maybe not the best place to seek life advice but I trust you guys

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