Dream, but don't forget to live

http://peternixey.com/post/42836784573/dont-forget-to-live

by robheaton • 13 years ago

52 21 13 years ago

muan• 13 years ago

Imagine the joy of getting 2 marshmallows instead of 1, the struggle is definitely worthwhile; especially when it's not about marshmallows but about expectations on oneself, I believe she's merely trying not to disappoint herself, as the alternative is simply unbearable.

vidarh• 13 years ago

> Imagine the joy of getting 2 marshmallows instead of 1, the struggle is definitely worthwhile

Is it? Maybe. Maybe not. Our desire is largely disconnected from our reward mechanism. Dopamine will cause an intense drive to reach a goal, but once the goal is met, the faucet is switched off, and unless you derive a reward from the goal in itself, you're not guaranteed a feeling of wellbeing at all.

In other words, often we will agonize over cravings for a long time, only to find no joy when they're fulfilled.

Maybe that second marshmallow really would provide enough of a reward to be worth 15 minutes of potentially agonising wait. Or maybe not.

Some persistence is clearly worth it, and in this case the experiment did predict material success later in life. It's then down to what you consider "success" to what extent this is a good thing.

I don't believe they measured happiness for example, and happiness is notably not tied to a great extent to material success (people who don't have shelter and food are substantially less happy than average, but people who are wealthy are only slightly happier on average than the rest of the population - happiness is largely tied to other factors).

Looking at material success it is no wonder that those who are able to resist cravings does better in life. But they are also able to resist pleasures that might very well not be compensated for in any way by whatever goals they are chasing. It is not a given that this tradeoff is good for them. I'm sure some managed to strike a good balance, in both groups, and I'm sure some of the kids who did not have good impulse control ended up doing quite badly because of it. But I'm equally sure some of the kids with good enough impulse control ended up miserable because of that.

Maybe a 15 minute wait for two marshmallows was better for these children than one right away and no agonising for 15 minutes, but I doubt I'd see it that way for my part: I'd see it as a single free marshmallow and get out of there. A second one would be welcome, but it provides far less pleasure than the first one. And 15 minutes to enjoy life rather than trying to keep my mind of something I crave would certainly provide far more pleasure.

prawks2• 13 years ago

I never liked eating uncooked marshmallows like that. What makes something "worthwhile" is pretty dependent on the person.

jere• 13 years ago

Ditto for vegans and Hindus.

dworrad• 13 years ago

And I bet a large percentage of the 2 marshmallow group also found it easy to loss weight

prawks2• 13 years ago

Isn't this inability to recognize the level of your own ability a known psychological phenomenon? The name escapes me.

EDIT: Yes, "Imposter syndrome"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome

mistermann• 13 years ago

Is there a term for the opposite, other than Dunning Kruger Effect?

I'm thinking along the lines of existential awareness of humans, and the occasional tendency of some people when they become skilled in a field to somewhat lose it. Two examples I've frequently encountered:

Doctors - on medical matters, their opinion on a subject trumps the opinions of all non-formally-educated people

Developers - developers who are admittedly "smarter" than others thinking their argument is always correct

Is there a term for the phenomenon of someone losing the (formerly present) ability to conceive of their own fallibility? Hubris would be a good example, but I'm wondering if there's a more scientific description for this phenomenon.

JonnieCache• 13 years ago

"She doesn’t even believe the fact does work is a result of her own discipline"

I cannot parse this sentence. Is this my fault?

petenixey• 13 years ago

Not your fault, just bad English and now corrected, thank you

zupa-hu• 13 years ago

Wow, thank you for this post. It made me completely disagree. (but that's okay) I think it can be rewarding itself to feel that you are getting better. And maybe oneself is the best competitor one can find. It always keeps up with your pace.

She is the type of person I admire. The type of person I want to become. Maybe at some time in the future.

Oh, and your quote. It jumped to be my nr.1.

Again, thx for the inspiration.

api• 13 years ago

Related advice: don't destroy balance in your life to spend every waking hour working on the theory that once you get your big break you can then have balance. It doesn't work. You burn out.

(Speaking from experience.)

MechaJDI• 13 years ago

I wish I took this advice in highschool and college but I'm still young (23). I was completely focused on getting my Bachelor's degree and eventually getting a good job (succeeded btw) over having much of a social life so the cons that come with that is a bit obvious...But yeah, maintain balance.

joedev• 13 years ago

I have little fear that people are deferring life's enjoyment. Ask a professor today and they'll likely present an opinion opposite of how the author sees people. Many of today's youth expect an "A" grade just for showing up, easily accept praise, and comfortably feel they are the best at what they do.

rohansingh• 13 years ago

> "The world is passing through troublous times. The young people of today think of nothing but themselves. They have no reverence for parents or old age. They are impatient of all restraint. They talk as if they knew everything, and what passes for wisdom with us is foolishness with them."

verisimilitude• 13 years ago

I believe rohansingh is saying that youth, as a group, are always castigated by the generation preceding them.

sliverstorm• 13 years ago

-- Peter the Hermit, A.D. 1274

dcolgan• 13 years ago

Having grown up as a Christian in the Midwestern US, we were always taught that heaven lasts forever, and therefore I never felt any time pressure. This life can be spent building character and struggling with self improvement and you can enjoy yourself in the next life. As I've come to consider the possibility that life ends when it is over, that mindset no longer makes nearly as much sense to me. Yes I want to improve myself, since self improvement and achievement brings increased opportunities, but why am I striving to find more and more opportunities and achievement? Is there some mystical end point after which I can finally relax and be happy? Why not just decide to relax and be happy now? And so I've tried to do so and I think I'm enjoying life more because of it.

I really liked this video by Alan Watts called "Life and Music:" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERbvKrH-GC4

PaulHoule• 13 years ago

Given the obesity epidemic, you're probably better off eating just one marshmallow.

fallous• 13 years ago

This is what I often refer to as "the curse of the competent." Future me will always have more complete information than current me with regards to what current me is doing at this time, and that will always cause me to evaluate past performance in a more critical light. Also, as you continue gaining knowledge in a particular field you become aware of how much more there is to learn. It's constantly resetting your opinion of "how much you know" which can lead to statements that from an external observer appear to be unrealistic.

xijuan• 13 years ago

I can really relate myself to this article. I don't think I am as great as the girl in the article. But my mindset is exactly like hers. My friends and teachers keep telling me how smart I am and how much achieved . While I really really appreciate their kind compliment, I found it hard to accept what they say about me. I feel that they may not understand me completely. They don't know all my weaknesses and have not seen how dumb I am at times. I am rarely satisfied with myself because I constantly think about all these people who have achieved more than me. People told me to lower my standards and look at the people who didn't achieve what I have. But lowering my standards make me feel weak and sad, feeling that I can no longer be the person I aspire to be.. So I persist to try harder despite the uncomfortable feelings of not being satisfied. I also start to realize there is no end to this. My goals of past years have been reached but new goals and higher standards have been set along the way. I actually don't like to be this because I can get very frustrated with myself at times. But one again, lowering my standards make feel weak..

genwin• 13 years ago

Best not to compare yourself to others, as hard as that may be. Many people's achievements seem to be at odds with what they say they want to accomplish, like travel or hobbies. Have goals true to yourself and ignore what others think.

Dream, but don't forget to live

Related Stories