Empathy in open source: be gentle with each other

https://smallcultfollowing.com/babysteps/blog/2023/09/27/empathy-in-open-source/

by dbaupp • 3 years ago

47 10 3 years ago

biscuitech• 3 years ago

I absolutely loved this article. We could all learn from being more empathetic towards each other. I'm going to use the tools mentioned in the article to improve my relationships with my colleagues.

paulddraper• 3 years ago

Linus: Nah I'm good

nxrabl• 3 years ago

My flippant attacks in emails have been both unprofessional and uncalled for. Especially at times when I made it personal. In my quest for a better patch, this made sense to me. I know now this was not OK and I am truly sorry.

https://lkml.org/lkml/2018/9/16/167

jalapenos2• 3 years ago

And then he became the epitome of politeness and patience and everyone lived happily ever after.

toofy• 3 years ago

for those who aren’t aware what the commenter is referencing, linus has apologized for his abrasive ways very publicly and made very real genuine attempts to recognize there are humans on the other end of his words.

while he’s not perfect, just recognizing that and taking genuine efforts to fix it is absolutely laudable.

jstarfish2• 3 years ago

This doesn’t mean you have to silence your feelings – but just own them as your feelings. “Hey, I get that you are busy. Still, when I open a PR and nobody answers, it feels like this contribution is not wanted. If that’s true, just tell me, I can go elsewhere.”

Hahaha. When at first you don't get the validation you sought, follow up with a passive-aggressive narrative intended to evoke guilt.

FFS. Other people exist. People who pull this manipulative crap are the epitome of toxic. Notice the lack of empathy for the maintainer and what they might have going on.

It's all about how you feel when it comes to open-source communities. It selects for feeble minds you can push around through rhetoric.

jstarfish2• 3 years ago

Dead comment I'm vouching for:

Imagine being in a relation with the parent here and being told you’re manipulative just for employing a bog standard communication strategy of healthy relations.

Lovely. Other people exist. As a human actively engaging in this thread, you could address me directly. Instead you refer to me in third person like I'm some object, in defense of the emotionally-abusive rhetoric I called out. Using emotionally-abusive rhetoric to defend the same is pretty fucked.

Outside of abusive relationships, there is nothing "standard" about this form of discourse and you know it. You would never send a follow-up like that to a hiring manager reviewing your resume-- that shit does not fly.

But you get away with it when you do it to your spouse or volunteers-- people who labor out of love. It's sadistic, cruel, and inexcusable. "Respond to me or I'll leave (and take the kids)" is hostage-taking behavior.

There is nothing "healthy" about it either-- instilling fear, obligation and/or guilt in others is the textbook definition of emotional manipulation. Some reference to "FOG" is literally in every domestic violence pamphlet you'll find at any battered-women's shelter. The only thing that's changing is that this form of exploitation has become mainstream. It's still abusive behavior.

It’s like a masterclass in gaslighting.

Thanks for your vote of confidence in my domestic violence awareness efforts. It has taken me many years and multiple career paths to understand well enough to articulate.

jalapenos2• 3 years ago

The only way I've found to keep everyone playing nice is to have them keep having them (video) meet from time to time.

That awkwardness of people meeting after having talked to each other by text in the typical tech tantrum snarky speak that typifies the industry, is gold. Then you see them trying to walk all sorts back to try and clear that awkwardness.

They remember that feeling next time they consider texting like that.

Not really doable in open source though.

vbilopav• 3 years ago

I wonder how our ancestors ever managed to do anything let alone build a world we live in without having someone to teach them empathy.

It's ridiculous.

We have a pandemic of narcissism thanks to social media and when they see this they go, great I can use that thing called empathy to get what I want.

On other hand I know people who have too much empathy living in constant depression, because, you know, there's suffering in the world. Somewhere.

zen_1• 3 years ago

Our ancestors didn't need to feel empathy towards words on a screen, and usually had powerful motivators (e.g. god, the threat of violence, imminent starvation) to work past together.

Empathy in open source: be gentle with each other

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