Don't Spy on Your Kids' Phones

https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2023/09/parents-spy-kid-iphone-text-email-surveillance-digital-age/675286/

by aarghh • 3 years ago

32 31 3 years ago

tornato7• 3 years ago

My entire family has been geo-tracking each other since the early 2000's when my Dad got his hands on some early tech through his work.

Never once has it been used in a toxic or controlling way. It's great for peace of mind or figuring out when someone's getting home.

Controlling parents will be controlling with or without technology.

mattpallissard• 3 years ago

I agree. I have 5 kids. So did my parents (alhough tracking wasn't a thing then). Your family tracking you usually isn't the problem, it's social media and big brother. Hence why my teen/pre-teen kids don't have smartphones.

If I'm honest it's more a matter of me pushing my tinfoil-hat based agenda than anything.

catchnear4321• 3 years ago

but how do your kids get two day shipping with prime without asking for help if they don’t have personally identifying phone numbers?

how do they watch youtube in the car?

there are several gaps in your story.

Simulacra• 3 years ago

I understand the need to build trust with your children by respecting their privacy, but this is poorly confusing monitoring and supervision with spying.

akomtu• 3 years ago

Once neuralink gets its tech working, theatlantic will write "don't spy on your kids' thoughts".

dmitrygr• 3 years ago

Once neuralink gets its tech working

Once neuralink gets its tech working, the Atlantic journal will have not existed for nearly 1000 years already.

anon3738393• 3 years ago

And Truly Full Self-Driving (TM) will be coming next quarter.

NoZebra120vClip• 3 years ago

You shall manage your children's devices with the methods approved by Apple and Google. Any other software is malware, and will be flagged and revoked.

Natsu• 3 years ago

Personally I'm more worried about corporations spying on the kids than the parents knowing where they are and what they're doing.

7_hours_ago• 3 years ago

https://archive.ph/Krbkr

Brajeshwar• 3 years ago

https://archive.ph/Krbkr

pipeline_peak• 3 years ago

One look at the dirty dancing on TikTok and I can understand parents concern for what their kids consume.

refreeze6542• 3 years ago

Sharing location seems very different from the other things discussed in this article. Day-to-day it's convenient to have bi-directional location sharing amongst close family. It's also fairly simple to circumvent in the name of privacy (e.g. 'accidentally' leaving a phone somewhere or having two phones)

Reading texts? That's borderline abusive.

janosdebugs3• 3 years ago

The texts part depends on your perspective. We share most accounts with my wife because we literally have no secrets and it makes life so much easier. We don't really text, but we also grab each other's phone quite often when it's closer than our own. Then again, we don't really use our phones a whole lot either, a battery charge lasts 4-5 days.

154573452342• 3 years ago

'We?'

That all sounds very odd.

share most accounts with my wife because we literally have no secrets

I mean, I don't have secrets either, but if one of my friends from work wants to invite me bowling any scenario that doesn't involve us directly messaging each other seems just convoluted and weird.

tetromino_• 3 years ago

Reading texts? That's borderline abusive.

Would you mind explaining why you think so? To me, reading someone's texts is impolite, but I cannot comprehend why it would be in the same category of misdeeds as physical beatings or sexual abuse.

afiori• 3 years ago

Abuse is a very broad category, for example neglect and emotional abuse are still abuse.

anon3738393• 3 years ago

Reading texts? That's borderline abusive.

I’ve noticed a trend of people using increasingly dramatic language. Words like “abuse” and “harm” are being tossed around to describe conduct that really deserves blander words.

I’ve also noticed a kind of social feedback loop happening, where people hear these exaggerations and then come to believe they are victims of “abuse” when, really, someone was just rude.

Anyway, I don’t think reading your kid’s texts qualifies as borderline abuse. I’d reach for a word like “strict” or perhaps “overbearing”.

refreeze6542• 3 years ago

This is kind of meta, but you're taking issue with the descriptive term I've used and implicitly dismissing the possibility that we simply disagree on the severity of the transgression.

If I said a 63 degree room was freezing. That would be an exaggeration and misuse of the term and you'd be objectively correct in pointing that out. But in the case of how severe the transgression is - we can only use descriptive terms as it's not quantifiable.

I think it's far worse than rude and is controlling in an abusive manner. Reasonable people can disagree on that and we likely do. But, declaring that on I must be misusing the word seems like a distraction from that.

paradox242• 3 years ago

I'll definitely be monitoring my son's use of electronic devices when he's a child, but a 19 year old is not a child...

Am4TIfIsER0ppos• 3 years ago

That's the government's job!

nytesky• 3 years ago

My teen shares her location with all her friends, so I feel it’s fine for parents.

Sure makes pickup from games easier, it’s a River Run school not River Bend school, etc!

giantg23• 3 years ago

I'm sorry, but you're still tracking your 19 year old and calling them if they don't seem to be in class? They're an adult. If they haven't learned how to be responsible by now, then it's time you let them learn, possibly the hard way.

Having tracking capability in an emergency could be good. But my God, when do you expect them to be a fully functioning human if not by 19?

casefields• 3 years ago

You’re right, but I bet there’s a sorta defensible position by the parent—they’re footing a massive college education bill so their kid doesn’t go into debt.

giantg23• 3 years ago

Nope, still not a reason. The way you handle it, is you have the kid take out the loan. Then you pay off the amount if the semester was successfully completed. This provides them freedom and autonomy to learn and be responsible. It also provides them with credit history.

Don't Spy on Your Kids' Phones

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