Help HN : Why I think about people, what they think about me?

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=3416571

by geek_silk • 15 years ago

7 2 15 years ago

news.ycombinator.com

Whatever I do in my day to day activity I always thinks what people think about me. I am too much worried about other people's though about me for every activity.

Certain time I do day dreaming for the same like I am doing public speaking and people/friends appreciating me.

Due to this I feel less confidence because I hate to make any mistakes and that's why I try less. I also waste lots of time in thinking about things which doesn't matter much.

It also reduce my focus point.

Am I normal or need some kind of treatment.

Please help...

gruseom• 15 years ago

I guarantee that you are not the only person on this site agonizing over this.

Humans are hard-wired to be obsessed with other humans. What we think and do is determined by what others think and do to a vastly higher extent than we like to admit. It's probably the dominant factor. But most people who have the belief that we are (or ought to be) autonomous individuals tend to project a picture of independence, giving you the misleading impression that you're the abnormal one.

Here's what I have found to help:

1. Realize you're probably not that different from everybody else.

2. Be nice to the part of you that's worried about what other people think and let it have its place. When you notice it doing its thing, just chuckle and say, "There you go again."

3. Focus on what truly interests you.

4. Get older.

And remember what Hugh Macleod brilliantly said: Never compare your inside with somebody else's outside.

jiggity• 15 years ago

Hi Geek_silk,

You have the rare gift of having deep empathetic sensibilities. Having the capacity to think about what someone else is thinking and to get a read on what he/she is feeling is an invaluable skillset. You usually read about this "issue" in a negative light. Countless number of "self-improvement" advocates try to push you towards ignoring what other people think and do what you want to do.

Your issue isn't the fact that you are seeing these effects in other people. It's more what you decide to do with this additional information. It's tough when dealing with constant feedback as you go through your presentation, but it's a gold mine like no other. Push yourself to take advantage of this by performing a number of micro calibrations by reading body language / facial expressions.

Embrace your empathy. It's what makes you an incredible startup founder who has an uncanny understanding of his users.

It's a hard skillset to master, but boy, when you do, you feel like you have a superpower.

Help HN : Why I think about people, what they think about me?

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