Mltshp makes “substantial” offer to buy Twitter

https://twitter.com/mltshphq/status/1595503435943534592

by gumboshoes • 4 years ago

7 2 4 years ago

gumboshoes• 4 years ago

Actual text from the tweeted image: MLTSHP MAKES SUBSTANTIAL OFFER TO BUY TWITTER

VIA SLACK, November 23, 2022 FDPNewswire -- MLTSHP.com (DSNY:MLTYSHPPY), a loosely-organized collection of nerds who like posting pictures on the Internet, today has announced its interest in acquiring Twitter (formerly NYSE:TWTR), or the ruins of what was formerly understood to be Twitter, in a tender offer valued at least $10.00, but possibly more.

MLTSHP is widely known as a tremendous social media success, with a vibrant subscription product, millions of images, a committed community of picture-sharers, and the world’s greatest trove of pictures of Wonder Woman star Lynda Carter, which is normal. It is also one of the main sources of animations of people dancing on Friday, the leader in miscellaneous Batman stuff, with significant holdings in woodcuts of chickens, raccoon-related art, cat pics, people’s electricity bills, and occasional tasteful boobies (both nippled and feathered).

“In contrast to MLTSHP, Twitter is a burning pit of racist bots, populated by the worst and most exhausting people to have lived,” said Dr. Dick Butt, SVP of Animated GIFs for MLTSHP. “So $10 might seem like a lot after what the new Twitter leadership has done — but we believe it to be a fair price that acknowledges the $43,999,999,990.00 in lost value, while also offering significant upside to the investors. They can get out of this disaster without going to jail.”

The transaction will be contingent on the resignation of Elon Musk, the current CEO of Twitter. “Twitter is obviously a major distraction to Mr. Musk, who would prefer to focus his energy on getting his weird buttocks smooched by @BongEagle1776 and launching rockets,” said MLTSHP CEO Fipi Lele. “We have a proven record of taking websites that are annoying to their founders and relaunching them under the guidance of a robust steering committee. And no one on our steering council has ever asked for tugjobs on a private jet then tried to buy off the woman with a horse.”

“We’re ready to go. Our team have been moderators and site builders forever,” said the mod council, a shadowy group of librarians and XML markup types who meet on Slack. “The MLTSHP plan for Twitter consists of one large 12-MB animated GIF of a broccoli-eating hamster wearing a little hat, and it’s really great, and we can’t wait to share it. We swear to the gods we could do better. We may be smol but we are mighty.”

“I can think of no better outcome for Twitter than an immediate MLTSHP takeover,” said Dog, one of MLTSHP’s most significant community members, when he was reached via telephone. “This,” he concluded, “is Dog.”

mikkergp• 4 years ago

I know this is a joke, but given the debt and legal problems is there a forseeable World where this is a good deal (I.e. Twitter’s with is negative) I mean some valuations had Twitter as low as like 15 billion so with 13 billion in debt that’s pretty close

Mltshp makes “substantial” offer to buy Twitter

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