Ask HN: Anyone has a spouse/partner who doesn't work a full-time job?

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=33060293

by kcindric • 4 years ago

7 7 4 years ago

news.ycombinator.com

Me and my partner are looking to move to a remote area. Thanks to the wonders of Starlink for me it would be business as usual but for my spouse it would mean quiting her job in academia (she's a biologist) and being jobless in the traditional 9-5 sense.

Does anyone have an arrangement where one of you works and the other doesn't? How does that look like for you, especially if you don't have kids?

uberman• 4 years ago

Does your spouse want to give up their job?

dylanhassinger• 4 years ago

She could start now trying to find a remote role - technical writing, software engineering, project management. There is lots of opportunity in tech for a biologist with background in academia

that being said, y'all should probably get married and split income (and decisions) equally

strikelaserclaw• 4 years ago

i wouldn't care if my wife didn't work as long as she took care of the house hold duties.

nullandvoid• 4 years ago

Currently I work 3 days per week, and pay all the bills for both my girlfriend and I.

We previously (a few months ago) lived in UK, where she had a job alongside me. An opportunity has arose where we now both work in a different country (however only I kept my remote job).

My money arrangement is to have a shared account where all of my wages go.

Do the budgeting together and give your parner free reign over, spending seems the only fair way.

I'm hoping freelance will take off within 6 months or so for her, so she will also earn some income (albeit perhaps inconsistent), but either way I can sustain us both for a while like this (and was always the plan, if worst case and she cannot make any money).

Would highly recommend if financially possible. We're putting (much) in savings, but on the other side, we're using our prime years to build our passion projects.

mod• 4 years ago

I had that arrangement, in an identical (rural, remote work) circumstance.

She could have worked, but it would have meant a commute. She didn't earn much anyway, we had very disparate incomes. I didn't have any expectations for her in either direction, I just wanted her to do whatever she thought would be best for herself.

FWIW, she chose not to work, watched a lot of netflix, gained weight, rarely went outside, and wound up leaving. She blamed the location.

I think it's hard for many people to find purpose when they are their own boss in each moment. Many need outside direction, and we all need a purpose.

bad_username• 4 years ago

I work full time. I earn enough, and the cost of living here is low enough, so my wife doesn't have to work. "Doesn't have to work" != "has to not work", so she does the things that she loves to do, and gets paid, but not full time, and is under no actual pressure to bring income. On the other hand he took over the larger share of the household chores and the children-related responsibilities.

This works well for us, but it takes some personal traits for it to work. Neither of us is career-driven and we value our work-life balance (and work-rest balance generally). Plus I trust my wife with the money more than I would trust myself. So while this arrangement works for us, it may not be for every couple.

gardenfelder• 4 years ago

Let me toss a question back at you:

How certain are both of you that your academic biologist spouse is ready for such a prodigious change in lifestyle?

Ask HN: Anyone has a spouse/partner who doesn't work a full-time job?

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