"When you're done talking, stop"

http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2009/03/-quot-when-you-apos-re-done-talking-stop-quot/9827/

by jseliger • 15 years ago

139 13 15 years ago

5teev• 15 years ago

I'd extend this concept to meetings: if you block out 30 minutes but finish in 10, don't keep talking for 20 more. The excess discussion is at best simply wasted time, or worse, leads to feature creep.

itrackmine• 15 years ago

imo this is key: "Basically we were told, when you're done talking, stop, and don't let that pause goad you into say something stupid." And, unfortunately, something I'm still working on.

maren• 15 years ago

I've found this particularly beneficial when having meetings with people who are more successful than you or have wisdom to impart. I try to say very little except things that will goad them on (to talk more) since within each conversation w/ a smart person there is a little nugget of gold that could change your business or life forever - it's just a matter of being quiet enough to hear it.

llambda• 15 years ago

Here's the same article, formatted for print (I find these easier on the eyes): http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/print/2009/03/-quot-wh...

andrewflnr• 15 years ago

I thought it was going to be about people who can't neatly conclude their sentences and so end up with something like "blah blah blah, so..." or "so, yeah...". That's annoying, especially when I do it myself.

mathattack• 15 years ago

It's also about listening. It's impossible to listen when you're talking. This can be counterintuitive as we are hard wired to not like the blank space.

Think of it in reverse... How much do we hate sales people who won't let us get a word in? How often do we really buy from them? If you have a consultant pitching you, would you rather listen to a 30 slide powerpoint presentation, or have a 2-way discussion on your issues?

willidiots• 15 years ago

I had this revelation a year ago. It's helped me massively.

sramam• 15 years ago

Reminded me of a quote from a long time ago (for me!):

   "Don't disturb the silence if you can't improve it!"

Can't seem to find attribution now. An excellent maxim to live by nevertheless.

alttag• 15 years ago

Great quote, thank you.

A buddhist blog [1] attributes it to Shirdi Sai Baba, and notes the phrase is also attributed to the Quakers. [also, 2] ("Before you speak, ask yourself: Is it kind, is it true, is it necessary, does it improve upon the silence?") [3] cites it as a Spanish proverb.

1: http://thebuddhistblog.blogspot.com/2009/01/does-it-improve-... 2: http://www.peterme.com/archives/000047.html 3: http://quotes.prolix.nu/Proverbs/

lchengify• 15 years ago

Couple of things I keep in mind while speaking:

1. If you've lost your audience, get them back or stop talking. Be on the lookout for subtle indicators that your audience has gotten distracted or bored.

2. If you can, think beforehand on what you want to communicate, and how to do it in the shortest time possible that still gets the message across. Kind of like debate team, except friendlier.

3. Remember, you have 2 eyes, 2 ears and one mouth: use them in that ratio.

4. Don't "filibuster". Sometimes I have a habit of talking to fill the void or just to hold on to control until I can think of what to say next. It's a bad habit, and I cut myself off if I catch myself doing it.

dkokelley• 15 years ago

Regarding 3, I've always thought that was a weak justification for listening more and speaking less. I agree with the moral, but the same logic can be applied to arrive at a number of ridiculous conclusions.

Regarding 4, Yes. Absolutely. The art of conversation is a delicate one, and I've witnessed the 'hold the reigns' phenomenon often. (I'm one of the worst offenders.) What's helped me is to imagine what my point and the supporting statements are before opening my mouth. If I know what I need to say before I start speaking, I'm less likely to ramble until I'm satisfied my point is made.

erikb• 15 years ago

I did this indirectly, when i applied for my today's job. After hearing my hourly rate I was really pissed but just didn't say anything because I didn't want to spoil the deal just because one overconfident offer. So I sat there, silently. And in the end my new boss himself made me a better offer, without hearing any counter argument/offer from me. I think it is really a powerful tool, especially when you know how and when to use it.

rufibarbatus• 15 years ago

From the book How to Negotiate Like a Child [1]:

  once someone has offered something extra, it's hard to take that back.

Further:

  often when confronted by silence, the blabber will say something that
  she didn't plan on saying.

And further:

  if you observe children, as I did while researching this book, you'll
  notice that kids are content to sit with their friends and not say
  anything at all for periods of time that would drive an adult to
  reveal all manner of personal information.

[1] isbn:081447294X

"When you're done talking, stop"

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