Ask HN: How can a person be more playful?

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=25511147

by Ozzie_osman • 6 years ago

29 18 6 years ago

news.ycombinator.com

I have a 2 year old, and he's always playing. It made me self-reflect and I feel like I've become, well, boring. Not that I need to be as playful as a toddler, but as I've aged (mid-thirties now), I feel like my sense of humor, my willingness to explore, make random jokes, etc have all decayed away (even compared to late twenties / early thirties).

Has anyone else felt this way?

kleer0012• 6 years ago

How can a person be more playful?

Increase your personality trait Openness-to-experience. Increase it responsibly. Here's an article about one possible course of action to take:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/unique-everybody-els...

My personal opinion would be to add: "Reduce your disgust impulse."

Has anyone else felt this way?

Sorry, not me. Mine's off the charts. So playful it's sometimes hard to fully adult. But I think I've got a good balance going.

giantg2• 6 years ago

I feel this way.

I think it's probably that I've become more disillusioned and have to deal with more stress and responsibility.

kleer0012• 6 years ago

Sounds like two different tiers of Maslow's hierarchy of needs

pedalpete• 6 years ago

It may seem a strange way to go, but I'd start with meditation. The more "present" you are, and the less your caught up thinking about past and future, the more opportunity to be responsive and playful.

I'd say there is an arc to this process (though I'm not an expert, so you'll have to do your research). I think it starts with just noticing calm, then bring in gratitude. The more you appreciate things, the more you'll recognize things to appreciate, and when you find anger or try to understand deeply why you have anger (or other emotion you don't want), and then figure out how you can replace it with a feeling you do want.

Also, when meditating, I'll also sometimes meditate on a feeling like playfulness or joy, and just "feel" what that is like. Not thinking about what brings the feeling, just really trying to remember what the feeling was like and get my body to feel that way physically, not mentally.

I think it's great that you've recognized this in your child, and that you are conscious enough to appreciate it. It could be an interesting teacher -> student cycle where you're learning to be playful from him, and at the same time, you're likely to tech him to continue to be playful.

timoth3y• 6 years ago

I highly recommend Play, by Stuart Brown

https://www.amazon.com/Play-Shapes-Brain-Imagination-Invigor...

It walks though why and how play is important to both individuals and societies and gives some good advice on cultivating playfulness.

P.S. From my experience, it's not that our ability to explore or make random jokes has decayed as we get older, but that we choose to put ourselves in fewer situations where we can use those abilities.

eyelidlessness• 6 years ago

I’ve felt this way intensely, in a way that became socially crippling. In my case it was caused by a combination of burnout, untreated mental illness, alcoholism and social isolation (each of which compounded the others). I’m not saying all or even any of those are contributing factors for you, but if you feel like they may be it’s definitely worth looking into.

For me, while I wouldn’t say I have the playfulness I did in my youth, it’s a lot closer to where I’d think it should be for my age and personality. Here are some of the things I did:

- accept that I had a drinking problem, detox and take a break, reintroduced with the awareness that I may have to remove it again[1]

- start therapy[2]

- get an ADHD diagnosis and start medication[3]

- make/accept more social plans than I would normally feel comfortable with[4]

- get a new haircut, wardrobe, glasses[5]

- Got a puppy; no footnote here. Honestly this was the best thing that ever happened to me. We walk a lot, which is great for my energy. When I don’t feel like playing, I remember that she needs me to feel up to it. I can’t say whether this is analogous to having a human child. But I can say that having a smol furry who expects me to not just be active but at least kinda fun is very motivating for me. Even in these winter months when all I want is to lay down and binge netflix all the time.

[1]: The jury’s still deliberating. But it’s a lot healthier than it was two years ago.

[2]: I firmly believe everyone would benefit from counseling. Life is hard, a more objective ear is invaluable.

[3]: This utterly changed my life, and I think it’s safe to say it saved my life too.

[4]: I’m still socially anxious and awkward but it made me a lot more comfortable. I even moved away to pursue a romantic relationship. That would have paralyzed me before. Obviously there’s a lot of social restrictions now, but I make due with phone and occasional distanced porch visits.

[5]: It turns out dressing semi-hobo doesn’t just look bad, it makes me feel bad. Nice looking, good fitting clothes and a clean haircut make me feel more comfortable in my own skin.

teherin• 6 years ago

100% commiserate and applaud you noticing, not everyone does. I've had the same demise, overcoming takes practice. As adults I feel like societal pressures cause us to feel like we need to be more 'dignified' (read less fun).

Something that helps me is to just do something small that's fun and pretend like nobody's watching. It's particularly uncomfortable at first but in the end why should someone care if I hopscotch across a crosswalk? It exercises your game-y-ness and gets easier over time. Best of luck in your quest.

Cagrosso• 6 years ago

Unrelated question: Why is your name green? I've been seeing others with green names more and more through HN and have wondered why.

noobly• 6 years ago

I think it indicates a new account.

glouwbug• 6 years ago

Have you tried playing with your 2 year old

dawidw• 6 years ago

Exactly this! You're watching your kid playing instead of taking part of it. You're missing so much fun. Do simple things - moving and talking teddy bear, making small object disappear in your palm etc. and you'll see how impressive it is for kid and you'll get involved and enjoyed. Try it!

muzani• 6 years ago

It looks like some recommend meditation. But you have a kid, and this could be more fun: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LX4SYxdJxko

The system was designed and supported by pediatricians and psychologists.

The short of it is to put yourself in a room with a child, bring a few toys, and sit there for 10-20 minutes. If you have other children, put them elsewhere. Let the child lead you. Don't guide them how to play. Just watch and wait, and resist not helping them.

DrOctagon• 6 years ago

Not a deep answer like the others but watch the kids TV show ‘Bluey’. I won’t spoil it by trying to explain, but the mum and dad (dogs) do an amazing job of picking up on and embracing their kids games. It’s impossible not to have some of it rub off on you after watching a few episodes.

Try the episodes ‘Fairies’ and ‘Stumpfest’.

davidn20• 6 years ago

Once in a while I like to take walks with the intention of looking at the world with wonder. If I'm hiking I look around at all the trees and leaves as if I'm seeing it for the first time. If I'm in the city I look at all the big buildings and pretty lights. The goal is to recapture some of that magic of being a kid.

I'm a little younger than you, but I feel the same way. I think it's an easy thing to fall into when you live a pragmatic life. Part of it is societal pressure and part of it is we stop exploring. Luckily, there are examples like Richard Feynman, who are smart, hardworking, and still know how to have a good time.

AtomicOrbital• 6 years ago

step one shut off the tv its a vacuous waste of precious time ... dig out those primary school play things like blank sheets of paper and crayons, drawing is fun for everyone ... talk to your neighbors, invite them over for dinner or just a chat, bake bread and share with neighbors it instills good will and its fun to bake ... get creative when cooking its easy, fun and an endless source of play ... find some water color paint or make your own paint from household items and futz about with water color painting ... get into writing long hand using pen and paper its super stimulating, writing is a great way to reward the creative forces within ... talk to strangers are the grocery shop or better yet frequent farmers markets and support your local producers ... teach yourself some idea you have been mulling about for years but never found time to pursue ... sing to your kids when you are not reading out loud with them

echoradio• 6 years ago

Thank you for sharing this.

I hit 40 this year and soon understood a quote by Allison (Ally Sheedy) in “The Breakfast Club:”

“When you grow up, your heart dies.”

I’m desperately trying to find a certain... soul that existed in my younger days. I want to explore, yet my mind tells me I’m supposed to know these things already as an adult.

delilah22• 6 years ago

Well, I think that the sense of humor comes from the urge of enjoying every moment as it goes by. If you are fine by being the present version of yourself, then I think it is perfectly fine, noone is asking you to always be chirpy I guess.

But yes, if you do want to be a little more full of life then I guess you just have to push yourself a bit a day.

Moreover, I would like to share something from my personal experience. How you talk and watch and your reflexes, and generally the way you deal with life, it also depends on what you watch.

I would recomend watching shows which are really humorous like Friends, obviously! All the rom-coms and sitcoms which are funny, a bit childish would also work, but they must include a lot of sarcastic comments and laughter!

I hope it helps. :)

Also, you can read about it. I am deep into web comedy shows and sitcoms in general. I am a psychology student and I also like to study humor.

There are a lot of humor types and you can choose what kind of humor could possibly bring out the best of your spirit. https://humornama.com/featured/education/types-of-humor/

I would like for myself to have some positive sense of humor but I don't know how I master Self-depreciating humor. Lol.

nischay123• 6 years ago

Thanks for the help. Appreciate it.

Ask HN: How can a person be more playful?

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