Ask YC: How to Hack & Have a Social Life

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=208804

by aitoehigie • 18 years ago

3 4 18 years ago

news.ycombinator.com

I am a startup founder and i have come to a recent conclusion that my social life is now next to zero. The only people i "socialize" with, are fellow hackers and programmers like myself. This is beginning to bother me, because I have more of an online life than a real life and i am becoming somewhat awkward in real life social interactions. I will like to ask fellow hackers here, how can you hack and still have a "Real Social Life"?

jonuts• 18 years ago

I'm not sure why you are defining a 'real social life' as socializing with non-hackers. A 'Real Social Life' consists of hanging out with like-minded individuals. I would imagine that most people spend their down time with co-workers and school friends - people they see on a regular basis and build relationships with. It would follow then that if you are a programmer, you will be spending most of your time with other programmers.

Unless you mean that you are only talking with them online and stuff. In that case, you should probably just go out and get drunk or something.

kevTheDev• 18 years ago

I think that a 'Real Social Life' should consist of more than hanging out with like minded individuals.

It's important to get different perspectives on life non?

raju• 18 years ago

Disclaimer - I am not working on a startup right now, rather have a regular 9-5 job with a few projects on the side. I guess what I am saying is take my advice with a grain of salt.

Having said that, my simple advice is - Get Outside. Like a lot of other hackers, trivial social talk bored me. I love intellectual conversations and topics, and reached a point where the only "real" conversations I was having were online. But lately, I have been pushing myself to go outside and meet other people. Try taking a genuine interest in them, and you will come to realize that not only are other people as interesting and passionate as you, but a lot of them have the same issue as you, in that they find it hard to meet interesting people.

Over the weekends, I have been getting out of my apartment and heading out to a local coffee shop. Familiarity helps, going to the same place a few times means you get to know the staff and some of the regulars. Strike up a conversation with the person on the next table.

Throw a party. Ask your friends to call their friends. Its easier that way because you have overcome the first hurdle, and that is - "What do I say?". Start by asking someone knew how they came to know of the party!

Join some social groups - book clubs, dancing classes, martial arts or a meditation group (whatever interests you). These are great places to meet new people with similar interests (and no, the Local Linux groups does not count :D)

At the end of the day, social interactions take practice, much like anything else. You need to pursue it and treat it like any other task ("Deliberate Practice"). Over time you will come to realize that its not that hard. Yes, sometimes you fall flat on your face, but would you rather not try?

There are several books that can help, if you like to read up on it, two come to mind -

1. How to Win Friends & Influence People 2. Never Eat Alone 3. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships

Good luck!

noodle• 18 years ago

great advice here, i was going to say most of it myself.

here are a few other nuggets i was going to drop:

* set aside some time to work in public places with free wifi (coffee shops, restaurants, bars, etc.). the point is to work some, and talk to people if you get the chance. some places won't mind you sitting around all day, but some will, so you might need to rotate.

* in addendum to the social group part, i'd suggest you pick a sport that interests you and join/learn that, whether it be martial arts or soccer or whatever (i personally suggest sport fencing). in addition, join a gym and go regularly. physical fitness directly affects mental fitness, which is important for a hacker. plus, you interact with peoples.

* SET A SCHEDULE AND KEEP IT. the only reasons to break it would be to meet some important deadlines. if you set yourself a 9-6 schedule, don't break it and skip your cool social thing at 6:30 just to get the next feature finished today. it can wait.

Ask YC: How to Hack & Have a Social Life

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