Sad as Hell

by wundie • 16 years ago

121 64 16 years ago

An intresting book review of 'Super Sad True Love Story'.

umtrey• 16 years ago

Gone are the tacit alliances with fellow subway riders, the brief evolution of sympathy with pedestrians. That predictable progress of unspoken affinity is now interrupted by an impulse to either refresh a page or to take a website-worthy photo.

It's sentences like this that I would imagine to be under a dictionary definition of "nostalgia." I read this, immediately look off into the distance in an oh-so-subtle way, and then wonder quickly how this type of thing could be changed... and if it would be changed.

Think of the last time the bus or the subway car stopped more suddenly than anyone expected. Most everyone will look up, look around, and make brief eye contact with another person to make sure that someone else felt it too. There's that initial panic that sets over a number of people, then, seeing how others have this same, shared experience, everyone is immediately partially comforted. Why wouldn't we be? Someone else is here, they know what's going on, we'll get through this together.

The instant connectivity means that this period of worry before we make the most fleeting of eye contact is even shorter - we're getting rid of that terrifying low in order to have a constant sense of stability. When we do this, we don't feel that euphoric positive delta of connection and of community. The internet, the tubes, the twitters, the facebooks, the pictures, everything is just a numbing agent so we don't have to fret for that initial period of time.

We've advanced as a society to avoid the great pains of life as much as possible - fighting to remove hunger, distance ourselves from war, medicine to cure the sick. Why do we think it unreasonable or unexpected for society to also inadvertently make progress towards avoiding the emotional pains of life?

protomyth• 16 years ago

"You know the good ole days weren't always good and tomorrow ain't as bad as it seems" - Billy Joel - Keeping the Faith

to add, a lot of people used to read books or magazines on the subway, now they can read off a device, plus for a lot of users our physical location no longer dictates who we can make contact with.

It maybe shallow, but at least technology reminds us that there is someone out there when we might not be the type to connect casually with those in front of us.

cparedes• 16 years ago

I'm reminded of Marshall McLuhan when I read your thoughts on the subject, and when I read the article.

The "amputation of our limbs" with devices that seem to enhance our senses is quite a striking metaphor from McLuhan's books.

tobtoh• 16 years ago

It’s like being demoted from the category of thinking, caring human to a sort of rat that doesn’t know why he needs to tap that button, just that he does.

I can't think of a better explanation for the rise and rise of Farmville. The author mentioned Twitter, Tumblr as examples, but I think Farmville is a far better example.

bobf3• 16 years ago

Days seem over before they even begin, and I have nothing to show for myself other than the anxious feeling that I now know just enough to engage in conversations I don’t care about.

To me, this was the most striking sentence in the article. It seems to be something that has increased from the time pop culture began to the present. Each of us probably hears more about Justin Bieber than we would ever truly care to, for example.

Semiapies2• 16 years ago

This is entirely voluntary.

For instance, I know that Bieber exists, and I can probably count on my fingers how many times I've seen pictures of him. I found the one or two songs of his I've heard innocuous and utterly forgettable - I probably couldn't identify him if I heard those very same songs again. I'm not even aware precisely why he's the go-to example of annoying celebrity, lately.

I'm not utterly isolated from the world or media, though. I just actually choose what media I consume.

bobf3• 16 years ago

And how many times would you care to have seen pictures of him, or heard anything about him? Probably zero. So it isn't exactly entirely voluntary, right?

lionhearted3• 16 years ago

> This is entirely voluntary.

Indeed, and I've pretty much done it. But it takes effort. You need credible replacements for the mindless time, and then you need to actively push yourself towards the new stuff as opposed to the old stuff.

The credible replacements is everything. If you commute by car, you need either:

-Some audiotapes/audiobooks/podcasts

-Someone to carpool with

-Some way of not driving any more (car service if you're wealthy enough, taking the train or bus otherwise)

...otherwise you're going to listen to the radio. What else is there to do while driving?

So it takes some effort. Totally doable though. I just calculated out how much time I spent on pop culture this year - Only one movie (Robin Hood, meh - I would've seen Inception except I was in the back provinces of China when it was released, and then it was gone from theaters when I was back in civilization), less than ten hours of TV (mostly tennis), no pop music except what was on when I was wandering through stores playing music or at a bar, no newspapers, and a few hours of trashy magazines while sitting in an aeronautical engineer friend's bathroom (why he reads them is beyond me, but it wasn't a terrible use of time while in his bathroom).

But this is only possible because I've got a list of stuff to do - a Kindle loaded with good books, an mp3 player loaded with audiobooks/podcasts, Hacker News/LessWrong/Google Reader loaded with good blogs, Lichess.org for when I want to play a game of Chess, and a list of temples/mosques/ruins/parks/beaches to go to.

It's not enough to just "opt out" - you need to "opt in" to some comparable activity to fill your time.

arethuza• 16 years ago

The only reason I know Bieber exists is the South Park episode where Cartman gets Cthulhu to kill him.

loewenskind• 16 years ago

I spend a fair amount on ITunes every month and I only recently found out that Bieber is a singer (I thought he was some internet guy). I don't know if I've heard a song of his or not.

rcavezza• 16 years ago

Definitely true (referring to the quote). My girlfriend is in graduate school. Whens she comes home, she tells me about everything that happened to her during the day. I code and write blogposts. When she asks what I did, I say "went to the coffee shop and worked. That was about it."

jdminhbg• 16 years ago

I think this is just that people are wired differently. My gf and I are the same way, but it's just a matter of her feeling the need to recap her day to keep me apprised vs my desire to not waste time talking about things that just happened a couple hours ago. I don't see anything deeper to it.

jacquesm2• 16 years ago

Justin who ?

roel_v5• 16 years ago

I like (or rather, dislike, but find strange enjoyment in spotting yet another instance) how ignorance of popular culture is a status symbol in some circles, to be flashed as often as possible. It's exactly what is so greatly parodied in http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-man-constantly-mention..., down to the picture with the goatee of the typical person exhibiting this behavior.

Justin Bieber, just so you know, is a Canadian teenage singer who has over the last few year build a large mass of rather devoted fans. He makes very 'poppy' music ('mierzoet' as we'd say in Dutch, I'm not aware of an English term capturing the essence of that word) and is therefore widely reviled by those who consider their own musical interests more refined or otherwise better.

It's all described on http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Justin_Bieber, and no it's not just a US thing (although he has been popular there for longer, but he's also well known here in Europe, including here in the Netherlands; see http://nl.wikipedia.org/wiki/Justin_Bieber ).

SourPatch• 16 years ago

"It is my firm belief, and I say this as a dictum, that all these tools now at our disposal, these things part of this explosive evolution of means of communication, mean we are now heading for an era of solitude. Along with this rapid growth of forms of communication at our disposal — be it fax, phone, email, internet or whatever — human solitude will increase in direct proportion." -Werner Herzog

long2• 16 years ago

That's an apt quotation... that you posted to the Internet to be seen by anonymous others who don't know you.

taphangum• 16 years ago

meta.

gordonc• 16 years ago

Reading this book The Possibility of an Island which postulates the same, though through a more socio-religious angle rather than technological.

long2• 16 years ago

What do you think of it?

I've read a few books by Houellebecq; they seem to get more and more depressing.

jamii3• 16 years ago

Thanks to the internet I can work anywhere in the world. Thanks to HN, Reddit and my RSS reader I can keep up with the cutting edge of my profession whereever I go. Thanks to email, jabber, skype and facebook I can travel the world without losing touch with my friends and family. Thanks to couchsurfing.org I've made friends all over the world and experienced dozens of different cultures. If the internet is making you lonely, you're doing it wrong.

Psyonic4• 16 years ago

I don't understand the obsession with working anywhere in the world. Yes, you can... and? Do you really want to be traveling all the time? If so, that's a good thing to have... but I just can't sympathize. I like to travel, but it's also nice to feel home.

Mz• 16 years ago

Solitude and loneliness are not the same thing. Some people like their solitude and are probably happy that alternate means to communicate empower them to enjoy more of it.

(My attitude seems to be evolving into: "Don't friggin' call me and expect me to drop everything to chat with you. Shoot me an email and I will get back to you within a reasonable period of time without dropping everything like it's some crisis." And I'm a former phone-junkie.)

PakG1• 16 years ago

We're only catching up to Japan, that's all. ;) For better or worse....

"It used to be you would get on the train with junior-high-school girls and it would be noisy as hell with all their chatting,” Yumiko Sugiura, a journalist who writes about Japanese youth culture, told me. “Now it’s very quiet—just the little tapping of thumbs.”

http://www.roughtype.com/archives/2009/03/realtime_kills.php

throwaway99• 16 years ago

I sympathize with this:

Opening Safari is an actively destructive decision. I am asking that consciousness be taken away from me. Like the lost time between leaving a party drunk and materializing somehow at your front door, the internet robs you of a day you can visit recursively or even remember.

I struggle with internet addiction. On my bad days, I feel like a walking corpse. I breathe, I eat, and nothing memorable or valuable happens. I wonder what made me think I could handle a career in technology. I admire engineers and wanted to be one. But I need to flee from technology to take a piece of my life back, to reawaken to autonomy. I envy you who can ignore the internet and manage to be productive.

peng• 16 years ago

To someone who recently bought and then gave up an iPhone, this essay really strikes a chord. I actually have time to think again.

derefr• 16 years ago

> “Maybe you keep the wrong company,” my mother suggests. Maybe. But I like my friends! We can sympathize with each other and feel reassured that we’re not alone in our overeager consumption, denigrated self-control, and anxiety masked as ambition.

This is Gametalk[1], and you are a Loser (a term from [1]: basically one who is not Playing to Win[2] in the game of life.) You are finding no meaning in what you see around you because the things you are likely surrounded with are not real, raw art with messages to communicate, but rather tranquilizers and peptics to calm mutual nerves.

Do not do for what will happen if you do not—acting in fear to return the dial from its painful drift back to the sacred reference point[3]; instead, simply do for what will happen if you do, moving the dial to a new place and observing the change.

[1] http://www.ribbonfarm.com/2009/10/07/the-gervais-principle-o...

[2] http://www.sirlin.net/ptw

[3] http://lesswrong.com/lw/dj/what_is_control_theory_and_why_do...

Ixiaus2• 16 years ago

This is a great comment.

All of the tools, gadgetry, and connectivity referenced by the author as the harbinger of his decline from individuality (loss of personality) do indeed usher forth his dystopia because he is using them to fill the hole that was created by his leaving the stimulating environment of college. A place where learning is efficient and discovery nil (this is what college is good for, but it isn't the whole equation - I'm obviously leaving research an exception).

College is an intellectually artificial environment whose culture is curated by those who decide what should be taught about what. The ability to cultivate a stimulating life, a life rich in thought and contemplation, rich in actionable accomplishments (finishing that basement, building that open source project, etc...) is not something that can be taught! It is often a quiet and solitary road too - my mind, my books, my notes, and my Self are all I need to have a fulfilling and deep life. Friends make it better. But as the author noted, there are few "self aware" people in the world. That hole is filled by deliberately choosing your thoughts, by being firm with what you choose to believe, by transmuting information (lead) into knowledge (gold).

I hope to see another essay detailing his journey from the state conveyed in this piece to a state chosen of his free will (we all have free will but he's using technology as a scape goat); because, he is an excellent writer.

jholman2• 16 years ago

> his

her

If you can't check your sexist assumptions, then you could check the byline.

madair2• 16 years ago

When N+1 is good, they are really good.

When N+1 hosts writers just out of college, this is what we get. It happens.

This is your typical "we're special because of xyz" conceit.

We all know what that is. We've all been there, and fortunately many of of have noticed and the next time is less severe.

The "we're special because humans never before did x" has been around since the beginning of time, and it's always right on some vapid level. The exciting thing is, we all still have blood, and thin skins, and bacteria who want to live in us but also want to eat us, and viruses who just want to subvert us. That doesn't change that much. Sure, lifespan doubles, hurrah.

This conceit is a cousin of ludditism, a 1st cousin that is, just with a different twist.

Enjoy your college writers. They are great entertainment. Nothing more.

astrofinch2• 16 years ago

You realize that your post only discusses the fashions in writing that the essay may or may not be part of and not its actual thesis, no?

Personally I prefer to discuss actual reality as opposed to social reality.

madair2• 16 years ago

my post discusses exceptionalism, a conceit which blinds us from reality by convincing us that we are different, a notion frequently addressed:

-- everything is new again just like before

-- there is nothing new under the sun ~ all is vanity

-- the only thing we learn from history is that we never learn

for a more culturally correct critique, though less direct, i.e. more metaphorical: this article is a micro-benchmark with a sample size of 1 and not having adequate controls when measuring in a noisy environment.

this is more or less a cousin of what you're saying to me. although it's humorous that you're making it as a critique of me and not of the article when in fact it and i are both painted with that brush.

and while i can just as easily make the same critique, i dispute it as a another conceit: the physical sciences' over-reliance on rationality in a universe that is not fully understood. an old philosophical problem, and one at the core of feynman's overestimated notions of superiority, brilliant as he was, he'll gladly cut down the social sciences and simultaneously provide us with high-quality tools for mass devastation.

ah, the fraternal sciences, one of whom is convinced it is no sibling, but rather the ubermensch already come.

but, yeah, that sort of micro-benchmark metaphor can be popular when misapplied to the humanities. and what do we get out of that?: economics. woohoo! i'm on fire! now, peeps, hurry with the down votes.

so, explain to me reality again, social what? ;)

neilk• 16 years ago

I constantly see my peers lamenting how technology has "taken" their time and space for reflection away and have no idea what they're talking about.

It may be uncool to admit but I have no trouble at all keeping my inbox to zero unread items. And I do have a social life -- less active than many, but more active than a lot of people. I even read books, actual physical things made of paper, in my spare time.

How do I do this? I think maybe I instinctively understand that my personal information processing abilities are limited. I know I'm not a computer; I don't try to be like one. First of all, I subscribe or commit to relatively little, and of what I do follow, I don't feel any obligation to read everything. Mailing lists are aggressively filtered, even when I read them I'm culling entire threads left and right. Facebook I avoid unless I want to keep up with invitations and so on. Quora was starting to become a bit addicting, so I've curtailed that.

Am I abnormal? Do the rest of you just... let the machine take from you what it will? Why? Is there some ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: I READ THE INTERNET that I'm unaware of?

P.S. I'll admit that I failed rather badly a company where everyone was expected to read hundreds if not thousands of mail items daily. But I still blame that not on the fact that I didn't read EVERYTHING, but that I didn't prioritize effectively.

P.P.S. It even grinds my gears that this person laments random connections with people on the subway have now, in the Facebook era, somehow become an impossibility. It's not! I've done it! It's really not that hard. And yes I live in San Francisco, not Iowa.

khafra• 16 years ago

Re.P.P.S: I've found it possible, enjoyable, and even personally enriching to strike up conversations with random people on NYC subways. I'd imagine San Francisco would be similar. Here in Tampa Bay, however, striking up a conversation on public transportation is only interesting for a mental health professional practicing his diagnostic skills. A certain concentration of interesting people is required before one can have a chance at finding one who isn't busy updating his facebook status from his phone.

zephyrfalcon• 16 years ago

I don't know if you're abnormal, but for me personally, the problem is more that there are so many things online that are interesting. It's so easy to get caught up, click another link, open another tab, or two, or ten, then spend another hour reading, or two, or the whole morning. Then at some point you realize, oops, hours have passed, I haven't done a damn thing, and yet for some reason I'm drained and exhausted.

Maybe this effect is stronger in those who remember when information was scarce, especially information on subjects that used to be obscure, like, say, programming languages. :) You instinctively try to eat up as much as possible. Except that strategy is actually harmful nowadays, because there simply is too much information on just about anything, for one person to process. That concept is easy to grasp, but it's not so easy to actually change our habits.

jyoti00• 16 years ago

Glad to know that someone else is being human, not allowing machine to take over or Facebook to replace real friends:) Like your attitude, fully endorse it.

astrofinch2• 16 years ago

As I was reading, I was having a hard time empathizing with the author. Then I realized that I had assumed the author was male, and checked. Sure enough the author was female. I feel like maybe men experience this stuff differently. For example, take this passage.

>Same with all-or-nothing friends: they’re only compelling if you talk to them all the time; when the chatty, daily interactions end so does the prospect of an interesting expository conversation. Without consistency, a long phone call seems not only daunting but also profoundly dull.

I have friends I meet with rarely and have great conversations with. We don't talk about each others' lives quite so much though. We talk about stuff :)

Psyonic4• 16 years ago

I'm male and I empathized quite strongly with the article. I have friends that I only speak to on the phone rarely, and I have that exact feeling... that we need to catch up, but since we're so out of synch, catching up is kindof boring.

Sad as Hell

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