My Quadriplegic Husband and Me

https://catapult.co/stories/what-the-world-gets-wrong-about-my-quadriplegic-husband-and-me

by mooreds • 9 years ago

168 83 9 years ago

smoyer2• 9 years ago

I have a physically and mentally handicapped son and I have to agree with the author ... he leads a great life but it's different. The reality is that everyone's life is different to some degree (more or less).

jasonlotito• 9 years ago

Two autistic sons. Both are happy. I've gotten questions before about their future. I tell people that if they are as happy as they are now in the future, what does it matter what they do? I know people that apparently have a good job and good education and all that, and they aren't happy.

Your perspective shifts.

arethuza• 9 years ago

I'm the youngest of four and two of my siblings are disabled - being by far the youngest I was kind of oblivious at the time what this meant for them and my parents. One thing I do remember from my parents was that my mother always asked me "are you happy?" - not was I successful, or how much money I was making but how happy I was.

Now that I am the parent of a 18 year old (and the stresses that come with that) I am repeatedly stuck by what an incredible amount of stress my parents must have been under and frankly, how well they coped. Now my own concern for my own son is very much "are you happy?".

ademup• 9 years ago

Great read. Is there anyone out there with suggestions on how to go about 'just' building ramps? I would do this all over the place, giving time and labor: but I don't want to also give the time needed for all of the back-and-forth.

DoreenMichele3• 9 years ago

First thing I found with a search:

http://www.ramps.org/free-ramps.htm

Perhaps it can help you get hooked up with a local organization.

wisemang• 9 years ago

Just recently I learned about StopGap[0] after my neighbour attended a fundraiser. The ramps.org mentioned in sibling comment looks pretty US-centric but StopGap is based out of Toronto.

[0] http://stopgap.ca/who-we-are/our-vision/

KozmoNau72• 9 years ago

That's awesome. In many cases it's just a little thing, but it makes such a huge difference.

lancebeet• 9 years ago

Slightly related personal experience: A guy who went to my university was disabled (required a motorized wheelchair), but wanted to live in the university dormitories with others instead of having to live alone in a special apartment that would have been arranged for him. There were elevators and he was able to do most tasks by himself, but unfortunately to get out onto the balcony there was a drop of ~10cm which meant he couldn't get out there on his own. Turns out he made the right choice, because for his birthday his neighbors built him a small wood ramp so he could visit the balcony as he pleased.

KozmoNau72• 9 years ago

Damn straight. We should by all means avoid putting people with disabilities in "special housing", which just ends up feeling like isolation from everyday life.

Of course, some disabilities are serious enough (or present danger to the person or their surroundings) that special housing and resources are needed. But for someone in a wheelchair or something similar? Just make the damn changes so they can live closer to their friends.

adam-seeliger2• 9 years ago

I’m sorry the author feels this way. I can’t help to feel that she’s trying to draw sympathy to herself. That is very sad, that is stress she doesn’t need.

My father was a paraplegic due to a military injury. Growing up he was a great role model because it never slowed him down. He has never expected, nor demanded anyone accommodate him. I always wondered why. I finally asked him. He explained that it’s morally wrong to demand or require someone to change their way of doing business/practice for him — something very rare. He further explained those who want to go out of their way to accommodate him out of true appreciation for his business are people with true high moral standards and those are the people he would rather do business with.

sudosteph• 9 years ago

Did you actually read the link?

Seems like she very specifically wants to draw LESS sympathy for herself, at least over this. From her description, her husband doesn't seem keen on letting his disability slow him down or prevent him from living life either.

As far as the demanding accommodations go, I think ramped entrances and handicapped parking spots are pretty reasonable standards, ones which have been legally mandated for many years now. While I commend your father for finding folks who respect him to do business with, I cannot agree that it is morally wrong to demand equal access. The American Civil Rights Act of 1964, and the 1990 Americans with Disabilities Act both exist because it was determined that equal access to public businesses and accommodations is a moral imperative, and a right even. I don't think the author is out of line for being frustrated that in 2017 it's still difficult to do something as benign as go out to eat with someone who uses a wheelchair.

passw0rd2• 9 years ago

adam-seeliger deleted a comment it appears, but I'll respond to what was there anyway.

No, I'm not embarrassed that my wife wrote this -- it's brilliant writing. No, I'm not embarrassed that she "aired our private lives in public." She didn't. Why would I be embarrassed that my wife writes about my spinal cord injury? Sounds like maybe your father was ashamed of his paraplegia, in which case I'm sorry he felt that way. That is why we need articles like this and more ramps, so people like your father don't feel ashamed of their disabilities.

writer6182• 9 years ago

He would rather keep his full-time job with its handicapped parking. thankfully required by law, than wait around for someone to "go out of their way" to accommodate him out of the goodness of their heart. Also, I shudder to think what would happen if everyone waited around for grocery stores, gas stations, etc., to "go out of their way" to accommodate people. That would just keep people in their homes and on state support, which we thankfully don't need at all because of the laws about accommodation.

passw0rd2• 9 years ago

"Sorry she feels that way." What way? That we don't need your pity or sympathy, just a ramp? That's the only point she makes. I really don't understand your comment; it seems like you commented without reading the article.

DoreenMichele3• 9 years ago

TLDR: "Hell is other people."

I wish I had more to add. I don't. No one in my family is quadriplegic, but we all three have special needs.

Special is the new retard. As the author so eloquently describes, so many people see that and only that and erase everything else about you.

adam-seeliger2• 9 years ago

People do, but you will never change people.

emodendroket• 9 years ago

Easy to say that, but mores can in fact change quite substantially even in one person's lifetime.

zaptheimpaler5• 9 years ago

People used to think murder and theft were OK before religion came along. Society is a tool to change people. People most certainly can be changed... maybe difficult for individuals but across generations a lot can happen.

zaptheimpaler5• 9 years ago

It reminds me of privileged people who dont care about safety nets, rich people who dont care about high taxes, innocent people who couldnt care less about throwing weed dealers in jail for 10 years, healthy people who have no concern for healthcare costs...

People lack the imagination to really put themselves in others shoes. They are shitty and cruel when they cant empathize. And they have little incentive to try.

urahara2• 9 years ago

Exactly. This is a problem of lack of imagination and empathy. How do you think it can be fixed in mass? I think we need mechanisms that make people understand experiences of disadvantaged groups. Like maybe some VR app showing their reality + some laws that those who deny other groups problems must use it.

evincarofautumn• 9 years ago

I see this phenomenon prominently around addiction, as well.

I wonder if the opioid addiction & overdose epidemic is finally kicking people in the ass a bit and waking them up to the fact that their lack of empathy for addicts (not to mention people with chronic pain) is a major factor in the tens of thousands of deaths each year. When your attitude is “the only good addict is a dead addict” and you feel like addiction can never happen to you, it’s not as if you’re going to vote for spending on harm-reduction strategies—rehab, naloxone, keeping kratom legal, decriminalisation, whatever—even if they would actually work.

gebeeson2• 9 years ago

From my point of view

They are shitty and cruel and don't want to empathize. And there is no incentive to try.

I could make this a Wall of Text just with observations alone. People; still a good time.

ianai• 9 years ago

My mom has psoriasis. It’s no disability and I’m not making any indication toward that here. I grew up with strangers treating my mom like a lepper. We would be asked if she was contagious. Simple interactions like paying for goods at the grocery store became awful confrontations. There’s exactly one correct way to treat everyone in the world and prejudicially is not it.

taneq• 9 years ago

Special is the new retard.

And so shall it ever be. While you hold disdain for the thing itself, no word that you use for it will ever be acceptable for long.

See 'euphemism treadmill' at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Euphemism#Evolution

gebeeson2• 9 years ago

'Special is the new retard.' Still to this very day, I refer to myself as a retard. It is truly what I grew up with and for me, over time, it has become a badge of honor of sorts. As a humorous aside, I also tell people that 'I used to be a card carrying retard.' After the looks of shock and dismay wear off, someone asks - 'No card anymore? Did you get 'better'?' - my reply is always - 'Nope, I ate it with some paste in kindergarten. It was delicious.' Never gets old for me.

DoreenMichele3• 9 years ago

So, educate me here. Was that just for kids deemed to have low IQs or for any kind of learning disability or special needs?

I never heard of there being a card. I am taking you literally here, but maybe that is the wrong thing to do.

feistypharit• 9 years ago

Reminds me of some great graffiti I saw once: "get out and face your world". It was doing to me, breached it's a one word change from the normal "get out and face the world". But that one word change makes you realize it's one world, but it's very different for each of us.

Abishek_Muthian7• 9 years ago

The prejudices which a disabled person faces or their partner in this case are humongous.

I'm a dwarf with limb deformities, as CEO of a startup I perform the role of at-least dozen able-bodied people of my age each day. Still, since people who I haven't met personally don't know I'm a dwarf expect a 6ft Suite clad man at the business meeting; at the meeting I can see the sense of disappointment when they see me initially and then overwhelming realization of "This guy did all these?". But I've learnt to cope with these situations.

Always remember, a disabled person see's themselves as disabled only in the eyes of the people with prejudices.

scarface74• 9 years ago

Always remember, a disabled person see's themselves as disabled only in the eyes of the people with prejudices.

I really hate these aphorisms. I have a mild disability - I have cerebral palsy that affects mostly my left hand and to minor degree my left foot. While I've done a lot of things that most people haven't done - run half marathons, was a part time fitness instructor for over a decade, etc., I know I'm inconvenienced by my disability every time I have to ask other people to do things for me that requires the use of both hands.

Almost any disability comes with certain inconveniences that remind you everyday of what you either can't do or that takes you longer.

Abishek_Muthian7• 9 years ago

Sorry, if you found my statement an aphorism it's by no means intended to undermine the difficulties.

Iam glad that you've been able to do many things which people without disabilities find difficult to do; my statement is many disabled people get denied an opportunity to do it because of prejudices & cognitive biases.

noir_lord2• 9 years ago

Agreed I have syringomyelia which causes intense pain and on a bad day I limp (imagine walking with your leg encased in water close to boiling point).

On a good day you can't tell.

I still cycle and swim and am in better than average physical shape for 37 but as soon as I tell someone it all becomes about my (mild) disability.

The drugs work and I live a normal life but they come with significant side effects.

Some of them are funny (they use gabapentin off label to treat premature ejaculation - so I had to explain that one to my GF early on), they also make me wooly mentally, it's not a bad feeling but I'm a bit of a space cadet for a while after they kick in.

sevenfive2• 9 years ago

Not to mention, they fucked up the grammar and it doesn't even make sense. Unless they mean seeing your reflection in someone's cornea, which only happens in movies.

putlake• 9 years ago

I don't want to minimize the level of prejudice that you face but know that every deviation from a heterosexual cis-gendered neurotypical able-bodied white American male is a trigger for discrimination.

Colored woman? 2 levels of prejudice. Immigrant with an accent? Prejudice. Autistic? prejudice. Transgender? you guessed it - prejudice.

jacquesm• 9 years ago

My hat is off to you. I have a friend who is wheelchair bound due to an accident he had as a teenager. He runs his own business and in general is very good at making you forget that his legs are useless. In fact, he's so good at this that I tend to forget it too. One day this came out rather painfully when I asked him if he wanted to go for a beach walk. His answer?: "I'd love to...".

Abishek_Muthian7• 9 years ago

Good to know about your friend. I'm sure he understands what I meant as well. The reason he's been able to make you forget his limitations, is because you had been a great friend as well.

simonh2• 9 years ago

My first boss was a dwarf. She was a force of nature, one of the most powerful personalities I've ever come across. We didn't always see eye to eye, but she ended up running the department and deservedly so.

midgetjones• 9 years ago

We didn't always see eye to eye

Maybe not the best choice of words

k__• 9 years ago

I think it's really hard to find out how people want you to react.

I often try to take it as if someone told me they have an exotic animal.

csomar• 9 years ago

Let's get real: You are not a disabled person. You just don't look like the average person which makes people think you are disabled. But people think wrong all the time; and this should never be an issue.

A disabled person is that, by definition. He can't do the task because of his disability. So he can't get things done unlike you. If you are in the digital space, can move reasonably well, can type and use the mouse, and your brain functions are not altered; I don't see why you won't be able to compete with the average person.

In fact, I'd say it is the opposite. The average person is disabled by everyday life distractions. Like dating for example. Or traveling around. I can see someone in a chair performing better than them. You can get a lot done via internet. Like emails, paying invoices, setting up stuff, etc... You don't need to move much if you are building a SaaS.

The disabled guy will be sticked to the chair with no access to the rest of the world "entertainment". Their best entertainment is to carry on work.

PS: Please bear in mind that I'm generalizing this and not targeting you. I don't know your lifestyle neither it is the issue of this comment.

msla• 9 years ago

Always remember, a disabled person see's themselves as disabled only in the eyes of the people with prejudices.

No. I stutter, and I'm somewhat disabled due to that in my own eyes, in that I have to spend more mental effort to speak clearly than a normal person would or else my vocal apparatus collapses into a mess of bad feedback loops and I'm completely incomprehensible (and, sometimes, in a certain amount of pain).

Your platitude is a bit beyond the "You can do anything!" fluff, which I understand and agree with in that stutterers have gone on to have very productive careers in public-facing roles (James Earl Jones stuttered, as did the disgraced Nazi-sympathizing British king, etc.), and veers into the simply incorrect. My ability to express myself verbally is, by default, less than it should be. I can compensate for it, and I do, but I will not pretend nothing is wrong here.

Abishek_Muthian7• 9 years ago

Thanks for sharing your opinion, let me reason my platitude.

Yes, my disability is not without difficulties -

I have a BMI of a child, with it I have to perform duties of several adults every day. I'm constantly in pain, much of my childhood were spent in hospitals for surgeries on my limb deformities (I underwent ilizarov ring fixation for 4 times, with 2 years completely immobile at different times); perhaps of which physical pain doesn't bother me anymore.

Coming back to my statement, yes I face constant physical difficulties. But every moment I spend thinking about it, I get closer to sitting in a corner of my house for rest of my life like thousands of other disabled persons in my country. It might be called a farce, that "I put up a display of nothing is wrong with me"; then again it might inspire a few to come out of a closet and put up a brave fight against prejudices.

sgentle• 9 years ago

I feel like there's this weird preciousness fetish that comes up around hardship. "Oh, you poor thing! Life must be so difficult and interesting for you. Please, tell me about your struggles, preferably in 15-20 minutes while alternating personal anecdotes with general observations about society."

I see this in how we think about disability, but also poorer countries, where the gold standard is the noble African tribeswoman, carrying water for her family, living in a hut, eating soup made of sticks or whatever. Shame she has a cellphone and wears a t-shirt. It kinda ruins the magic.

And I think deep down we want that magic, the idea that things could be so different for us that we try to amplify differences beyond understanding and into caricature. It's hard to believe that if we were in a wheelchair, or carrying water every day past all the World Vision cameras, it would just be mundane for us. How's things, N'gatu? Oh, y'know, carrying water again. Same old grind.

It would be harmless enough, except that you really want to be firing on all cylinders against hardship and deprivation. These aren't problems that need wide-eyed mysticism or hand-wringing sympathy. They need pragmatism.

Why is someone in a wheelchair disabled? It's not because they can't walk, it's because they can't walk in a world that expects them to walk. If they went through a portal to nobody-has-working-legs-Earth, they'd fit right in. But of course, on that Earth stairs would never have been invented. The nobody-has-working-legs-Earth scientists would have been hard at it on wheels and ramps from day one.

Which isn't to say someone with legs would be just as disabled in that world or some nonsense like that. Legs are better than no legs. But also being able to fly or see infrared is better than being stuck here on the ground with nothing but the boring visible spectrum to watch. Without society as a reference, there's no disability, just degrees of ability. And more is still better.

So finally we come to enhancement. Technology enhances a paraplegic into a person with wheels for legs, the same way it enhances N'gatu into a person with a detachable water stomach, and the same way it enhances you into a person whose hydration comes through a vast external network of water arteries. There's nothing mystical about any of these examples; it's just ability being enhanced by technology.

So I think we could do a lot worse than just taking disability to mean "has the most to gain from technology". I mean, I'd gain a lot from a jetpack and infrared contact lenses, but if my quality of life could be significantly improved by an inclined plane, well, that sounds like the definition of an easy win.

carlmr• 9 years ago

poorer countries, where the gold standard is the noble African tribeswoman, carrying water for her family, living in a hut, eating soup made of sticks or whatever. Shame she has a cellphone and wears a t-shirt. It kinda ruins the magic.

I've traveled quite a bit in recent years, and there are quite a lot of fellow travelers who express something like this. Oh it's so sad that we can't see the REAL China anymore. Or something of the sort. Like other people are just their for your entertainment.

Don't get me wrong, I'd like to have a time machine and visit ancient China, but there's a severe disconnect if you think people should continue living a certain way to fulfill your stereotypes.

johnsonjo2• 9 years ago

I was going to comment on that statement as well.

I see this in how we think about disability, but also poorer countries, where the gold standard is the noble African tribeswoman, carrying water for her family, living in a hut, eating soup made of sticks or whatever. Shame she has a cellphone and wears a t-shirt. It kinda ruins the magic.

I lived in the Philippines for over a year and my first sixth months I lived in a pretty rural area where most people had dirt floors and bamboo/cinder-block houses. I believe some of them had cell phones but not all of them.

The interesting thing about the above quote to me is that though people live in such humble circumstances that doesn’t necessarily make life more miserable for them then for you and I. Some of those people I met in those circumstances were very happy people. They may not have the same things, but the things they have like family they hold dear.

On a tangent, I think the principle behind the article’s solution (basically that we should not pity and should help by building ramps) is the difference between empathy and sympathy. Like it was stated earlier in the comments we need to put ourselves in other people’s shoes and see if they have any problems with their situation. Once you know and they know you know there is a problem then you can go about expressing your concern for them or providing a solution. The problem with just giving pity outright is shown in the article.

aklemm• 9 years ago

I've met a lot of people who with seemingly good intentions, are way too quick to give pity.

hycaria5• 9 years ago

I am rather disappointed that she chose not to describe anything and just whine over prejudices she's visibly not in the mood to take down.

I understand not wanting to draw any sympathy over this and not to be pitied, not to be seen as a caretaker or whatever, but she also needs to understand that it's NOT most people daily lives and we can't imagine what it looks like.

So yeah, this whole dishes thing. Is he really picking them up and putting them in the dishwasher, without use of any limbs ? I mean maybe their home is designed in such a way and it's the case but I don't see how ? He's up with the baby, great. Can he pick it up, change diapers and feed it ? Or will she have to come ?

I really don't know all these things and how it works, I'm not acquainted with anyone with disabilities, how do you want me to see further than all these limitations if you don't offer any insight of how they are absolutely "non factors" in your relationship and daily life.

salvar2• 9 years ago

I think her point is you can ask for information and be curious without assuming that pity and "Oh I'm so sorry for your lot in life" are appropriate. How curious are you really if you've already assumed all that?

hycaria5• 9 years ago

Fair point. I have absolutely no hesitation to ask questions about people's conditions actually (although I try not to force any answers, yet I really have a strong aversion for "private" people, this is a trait that annoys me to no end), so that would probably be my first reaction, but I get that most people consider it impolite.

QAPereo• 9 years ago

Based on statements such as "depressive episodes" and such, it seems in this case more like people with complementary disabilities. His body struggles, her mind struggles, they can each support the others' "weakness" as it were. Maybe that's the key really, because they're both caretakers of the other.

writer6182• 9 years ago

Hi! I am the writer of this piece. To answer your questions: Your use of the phrase "without use of any limbs" is the problem here. That is not what quadriplegic means. It means that all limbs are affected and at least partially paralyzed by a spinal cord injury, or other injury/illness. My husband's injury level is C 5/6, which is a fairly mid-level injury- higher in the spinal cord than many and lower than others. So every quad is going to do different things than others. My husband, for example, has full sensation all over his body. Many do not. However, he has no use of his fingers, while some do. He can, however, use his upper arms, and adaptive tools, which he has used to do everything you mention: changing diapers, feeding, picking her up and putting her down, and yes, the dishwasher, cooking meals, etc. I have left the baby with him overnight while I was away for work/at the hospital. It takes him a lot longer to change diapers, but about the same amount of time to put a bottle together. He drives (with special controls in a wheelchair van), etc. Many quads do.

There are already many resources--books, videos, myriad articles, etc.--that cover quadriplegia/how spinal cord injuries affect the body/quads and parenting, etc. This was a personal essay. I hope, if you're truly interested, you make use of some of those existing materials.

DennisP• 9 years ago

It sounds like this is the misconception that makes people respond the way they do. If you haven't tried this yet, maybe you'll find that your life improves if you take a moment to describe to your friends what quadriplegic really means. I personally have always assumed it meant "completely paralyzed and helpless."

You could even jumpstart it by saying he's "partially quadriplegic," which of course isn't technically correct but would give uninformed people like myself a better picture of your true situation, and an opening to ask what you mean by that.

agarden• 9 years ago

That makes everything make so much more sense. I was a paraplegic for a short period. In my case, I had virtually zero feeling below my chest (T5) and no ability to move any of it. I, too, thought quadriplegic meant no function in any limbs. There is a huge difference between no motor control and reduced motor control, and between no sensation and some.

If a woman told me her husband was quadriplegic and I still thought that meant zero sensation and no motor control, I could not help feeling pity. I know what that's like. It's awful. And while I know that doesn't mean the marriage is comfortless, I do know that it makes things very, very hard. But once you say that he has motor control and sensation - well, that's a completely different ball game. Pity is no longer my reflexive response. Now you are just a person with a different set of challenges in your life than most, and a different set of joys to complement them.

Great to hear that you and your husband are doing well. Glad I learned today that quadriplegia doesn't mean what I thought it does. Best of luck!

hycaria5• 9 years ago

Thanks for the clarifications.

As you're not gonna change the way people and society understand quadriplegic, why not do yourself a favor and describe just a little bit more precisely the extend of his disabilities (or the definition of the word if you obviously see that the person takes it that you chose to marry someone with no use of any of his limbs), rather than just toss out such "scary" words and then take outrage when people assume the worst things out the vague terms you used.

mkzh• 9 years ago

She makes some great points. As a quadriplegic, I can definitely relate to

1. People expressing pity. This doesn't always need to be verbal, the look people give me is sometimes all it takes to remind me that I'm not "normal".

2. Being called "strong" or "brave". This is frustrating not because I think it's not a genuine compliment, but because it genuinely isn't true. I certainly don't consider myself an exceptionally inspirational person: I just try to live a normal life like any average schmuck in the upper-middle class in a first world country. I may have had the misfortune of being born with a disability, but in many ways I've been exceptionally lucky: born in a moderately wealthy family, academically nurtured by good teachers, granted an Ivy-league education as a result of good teachers, and given a comfortable career in BigSoftware as a result of said education. Nothing in my life is exceptionally off course from that of a pampered son -- aside from my lack of arm or leg function.

3. Restaurants and stores lying about their accessibility. This is a huge problem with review sites and often is a stark reminder that the world fundamentally wasn't designed for people like me from a UX perspective.

This article also captured a lot of my concerns with dating as a disabled person. I realize that any woman I get into a relationship with has to, in a way, endure my pains as a disabled person. That the pity, genuine-but-wrong compliments and the wrenching realization that the world is for the ambulatory easily spreads like a disease from me to the people that I love.

It's definitely frustrating. I am glad that she seems happy with her marriage for now though. As a quadriplegic, I know that we don't have a good track record for happy relationships, which has always been something that keeps me up at night. Steven Hawking [1] and Christy Brown [2] are two examples of quads I can think of who have been known to have less-than-fulfilling marriages.

I hope that I can do better, but for now I'll just focus on being a better software engineer so people have something else to look at besides my disability :)

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephen_Hawking

[2] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christy_Brown

fb03• 9 years ago

While I wholeheartedly agree to your points, and I feel it really is bad to focus on someone's disability when there's so much more there to inquiry about (a whole human with skills, stories, wisdom, successes, failures, interesting and differing points of view), I must offer a counterpoint:

In most humans, the different is intriguing, and while a disabled person has all of the same (and good and interesting) attributes I've listed above as all other people, they also have this extra bit of experience which is their disability and which most people don't have.

I am with you that you should be genuinely bummed at watered down compliments and empty shit like 'warrior', 'brave' and all that awkward stuff that just makes you the center of attention for no reason. In essence, We are ALL warriors and each day we win at making money, getting fed, and breathing is a victory and a blessing (another chance to do it again tomorrow, possibly better!).

But, please notice that some people are just specifically curious about how do you go about your day, how different it is to tackle the same challenges they have but with your perspective (people normally like to compare, so it's not gonna be different with you and it shouldn't if you wanna be level). So if you recognize an honest and genuinely curious person among those other in the crowd that are just bringing up your stuff because they have ran out of subjects to talk, well, telling them those tiny details of your life is a sure fire way to get past that awkwardness and condescending membrane and will bring you together in a deeper way than most watercooler conversations you've been caught up.

Have a good one, man!

siddharthdeswal• 9 years ago

Did anyone else feel that this post was very difficult to read? I'm not being insensitive. I haven't really understood what the author was saying in this post.

All I got was that some colleague (or her husband was it?) was feeling bad for the author. After that it was a lot of words & sentences, broken up into paragraphs. Couldn't get anything more than that.

My Quadriplegic Husband and Me

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