Ask HN: Confidence, how does one go about getting it?

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1462812

by HiroshiSan • 16 years ago

9 13 16 years ago

news.ycombinator.com

After reading some articles such as: http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/article1084093.ece it seems that a recurring theme in becoming successful and rich is confidence, among other things. I would like to get my confidence to the level described in the article. How can I do this? How have you guys done it?

aymeric2• 16 years ago

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/article1084093.ece

brk• 16 years ago

A long time ago something clicked for me and I realized other people have only as much power over you as you grant them, and the main thing standing in the way of your own success is yourself.

IMO/IME confidence comes mostly from realizing that almost all failure modes are, in the grand scheme of things, impermanent and insignificant.

Worry less about what others think, worry less about most consequences, and just attempt whatever interests you. Pay attention to your mistakes and incorporate some learning from them in to your next attempt.

nostrademons• 16 years ago

Become successful and rich. Or at least more successful and richer than you were before.

This is unfortunately recursive, but that's the way it works. You try something at the edge of your ability and accomplish it. Because you were successful at that, your confidence goes up. Then you try something harder, accomplish it, and your confidence goes up again. If you happen to fail at something, lick your wounds and try again.

Eventually, you don't need to play mindgames with yourself, you just realize that you're completely capable of doing what you set out to do.

aymeric2• 16 years ago

Achieve things, even small things.

Achievements incrementally build confidence.

mkramlich2• 16 years ago

It's for sale on the Internet somewhere, I'm sure.

mkramlich2• 16 years ago

One hack I've heard of is to fake it.

Fake it, at least at first. It's a way of bootstrapping yourself into truly being confident. Act like someone that is confident, and do it enough, and pretty soon you my find that gosh you've actually become pretty confident!

harnhua• 16 years ago

Always challenge yourself and make little, concrete steps towards achieving bigger goals.

I think it also depends on whether your confidence comes from within or without. For example, does one need external praise for something one has done in order to gain confidence? Or is it enough to just personally feel that a goal set has been well-accomplished?

Becoming successful and rich inspires confidence in a spiral, like what other posters have said. Faking it but always have something real--be it facts, good estimates, faith etc. behind to back it up also helps, I think.

Can't say I'm successful and rich, but I am confident and that probably came from doing things and getting positve feedback about them, and from inspiring quotes along the lines of, "Confidence, or the lack of it, is entirely up to you yourself."

exline• 16 years ago

Make something and get someone to buy it. I worked for quite a while on a side project but always had doubt until the first sale. People giving you money for something you made is a big confidence boost.

Teach. I've taught a college course for a semester and was the main trainer/teacher on a product/api we developed. Teaching others something you know will make you aware of how much you do know and how well you know it. And it is enjoyable if you don't mind the public speaking part.

OwlHuntr• 16 years ago

Do something you are good at. For instance programming. If you're a decent programmer, practice and experiment with that until you're really good at that. Read about Flow. To become a better programmer, I try to take some absurd idea I have floating around, like an automated Growl notification every time HN puts up a new tweet, and make it. I use languages like Ruby to get it done fast and to remove any stupid obstacles like linking errors and missing includes and yada-yada-yada.

In essence: get better at what you love to do.

sockpuppet98• 16 years ago

I recently experienced a dramatic increase in my confidence level by realizing one fundamental fact:

I don't need other people's approval to make me happy. I derive my happiness from things that are very personal to me.

This leads to knowing exactly what I want, not caring about other people's approval and generally not needing other people or some particular thing to happen to get what I want out of life.

I now look people directly in the eye and its funny because you would have sworn I had aspergers before this.

adn37• 16 years ago

At the office: realize that if you don't have confidence, you are unlikely to get actively anywhere further (promotion, enhanced responsibilities).

In a word, cross the door, then people will hold it open for you. The opposite doesn't work.

For everything else: as said by others, plan, iterate, think, correct, repeat.

pasbesoin• 16 years ago

One quick step (if not the only one): Exercise. It won't solve all you're problems, but it will make you feel better including about yourself. You don't have to go to extremes -- just "get in shape" and make it a regular (I'd suggest daily) routine.

View it as a first step. It may make you comfortable enough to take some of the subsequent actions you seek.

fezzl• 16 years ago

Be really good at something that people care about.

Ask HN: Confidence, how does one go about getting it?

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